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The Raven


[06/28/08 07:17pdt]

For now, things are very slow. Damned slow, actually. I am in school. One interesting tidbit - I came home from work the other day to see my Norton displaying this:


I really hate when that happens. It seems just recently everything was fine. I had no idea such a vulgar error could throw a monkey in my wrench, as it were.

Anyway, since school began, I am on RCU a bit less. This is not a big deal, really, since the other staff are so sweet about keeping an eye on things to assist me while my brain is being swelled. That's nice.

The site has been on hiatus since April, and prior to that the content was stagnant for several months while my life was in flux. I moved out of the apartment and into a house over the winter months. I do miss some of the amenities of that community, but the pluses to living in a single home are rapidly multiplying and really helping me to settle in and find comfort. Now that things are relatively calm, I can get back to business here, so to speak.

The main endeavor with the site recently has been the crawler section. It has also remained unaltered for some time, and as I have put the build on the shelf (possibly permanently) that section will not change anytime soon. I will go in and streamline the pages that currently exist just to increase the flow and hopefully drop load times a bit. The website rule used to be twelve seconds, but alas due to connections becoming ever faster, that number has plummeted to eight. Eight seconds, and the visitor leaves your site for something more interesting. In this case, almost anything fits the bill.


I also added a link to the MySpace profile which seems to be heading into the blackness of obscurity.

"At long last (god willing and the river don't rise) I will toss NASA to the curb and venture into something virtual. How I have dreamt of becoming a packet of data! If I could, I would climb inside the CPU and drift among cyberspace with eyes wide. What a fixation to realize after all these years of whining and waiting."

[07-08-2008 18:40 pdt]

School rolls on and I roll with it. Still no connection is felt, but the future remains at its brightest in many years. Possibilities, pitfalls, perils and promise are littering the road ahead. Hopefully a few acceptable examples will wind themselves into my path and allow the almighty doom to be avoided once and for all. As I sit and drink, the darkness and its avenues of escape loom heavy and thick within eyesight. The mere mention of the promised land and I am whisked away in mind of the bosom of distraction and pleasure beyond the necessity of rational apprehension. One wrong move on the part of just one, and the spillway will carry me into that lush oblivion.

We shall wait - and melt within waiting. Let us make it happen.


"Another long weekend among the searing heat, frigid waters, and hopeless example of the future of mankind. It seems that no matter the occasion, the detritus will come forth to join the worthy. This is obviously unacceptable, but there is little to be done. The masses are like overgrown sheep that will not yield the path into a future of light. It was wonderful for some of us, to be sure.

So with a few weekends set aside for enjoyment beyond that of the smoky suburban plight, we forge ahead attempting clear vision. It is troublesome, but must be spat aside to make room for the magical Master Season. It cometh - and in its wake a sea of suffering souls yearning for warmth. Alas, it is not to be."

[07-23-2008 06:07 pdt]

A quick site-related note: the Crawler section has been updated to reflect work completed last fall. Despite recent news that I will cease that project, I have decided to push ahead with the shock build in order to keep the truck's look streamlined. It may sit on the shelf for years, or could very well end up in the hands of someone with more motivation than I. Either way, those blue monstrosities must go.

Also, I have dropped the 2002 Update Archive as it has become comical when held against the striking and vivid coloration of my later mindset. It would take a crapload of effort to clean it up and I am in nowhere near the mood. Perhaps by 2013 it will return.

A new title image is being constructed, too. It should prove lovely.

"It never ceases to amaze just how quickly the mood can turn. One moment everything is business, and the next it is planning an escape. The promised land creeps into my thoughts like a burglar bent upon stealing my realization. The need swells in my veins and takes possession as a drug paramount. The ebony-haired lover that is my saviour will draw me in beyond comprehension. Most would offer a defense against such a mind dweller, but we are content to sit and allow ourselves to be drawn, quartered, packaged and delivered into the loving arms of the excess and decadence. We want it so.

We see images of palm trees - no matter real or otherwise - fountains of cool water, and lush landscapes of tropical moistness that caress our skin until the blood offers its last saving throw versus reality. The Aurora beckons with a power unequalled in human endeavor. One of these days we will run.

A failure. All at once the feelings returned. The fear of contact, need to isolate, and the incredible self-destructive direction flowed back into my head for several moments before calming words were taken to heart. Five days have passed, and still there seems no outright reasoning beyond a flare-up of such frightening proportions. I know not how this had happened, but it is a grim reminder of events lived out in the past. Nothing positive in this failure; just analysis over and over. I know it well.

The future path from this point, however, is clear. We will make revolutions for a trip of sorts and clean things up in the coming months. We need clarity and organization now more than ever."

[10/28/2008 18:37pst]

Sitting and waiting for autumn to actually begin can be a tedious and toilsome situation. This is unacceptable. The savage environment coupled with the Shadow continues to create toil within my head. The fucking Shadow is the reason for most of the trouble, honestly. That thing will not leave me.

tarot death

So, in the meantime I will struggle to understand said Shadow and all of its facets. Some are painful in the extreme and others are not so difficult. The recent review panel which I attended was educational albeit difficult. Sometime during the presentations I realized I was sitting among minds similar to that which I possessed early in life - one full of intelligence, potential, and curiosity. These are the forces that can shape young minds into positions of importance and weight. Positions that help to define the future. Even after my failure in Michigan there was still time. Now, however, that time has passed. Do not give me the requisite "You are young and can do anything" bullshit, either. Fuck that. Did those folks ruin themselves? No. But I most certainly have. With expert skill I have ruined myself, my future, my present, and my potential. I will no longer accept their simplicity. I also know that most who know me well will say, "Fine. Remain where you are and wallow into oblivion and death". That very well may be my fate, and that right soon.

With that said, everyone can piss off. I will remain within myself and do what I feel is necessary in order to reach the next phase of my own destiny. Fuck it all, as it were.

To 2009

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