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The Raven


2018

Months:
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December
Titles:
The Misery and the Majesty
The Israeli and the Isolated Slide
Chains
Four Days
The Dash, the Bartender, and Juliette -- I
Jasmine and the Bleeding Prostitute -- II
La Perla, the Seahorse, and the Night -- III
The Passenger and the Redirect -- IV
The Venetian, the Veer, and the Veil -- V
Furnace Creek and the Forbidden Word -- VI
The Angel and the Addiction -- VII
The Island and the Cigarette Girl -- VIII

[08:33 pst 01/06/2018 CE, 1515256380 E]

Further streamlining has taken place, and the content remains unchanged since the outset of the year. We are striving to maintain simplicity here.

The framework has been working extremely well and is supported like no other aspect of the web. The branching out we were hoping to complete by the end of 2017 has not even begun, and DP sits idle with no hope of any expansion nor realization of production. Admin carries on with the narrow theme here, and we go with it.


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The Misery and the Majesty


"The calendar rolls over me like a freight train. The toast of seventeen feels as if it took place five minutes ago. Fuck. Now the bleach box of eighteen is upon me, and the feelings are dropping through the floor. All of the activities related to the fourth and master seasons are over, and the only thing which remains is the upward swing of daylight. Again, fuck. Things need to improve and soon.

And the misery continues to consume.

After Alexis and all that she represented, the outline of my current situation, and all of the exploration throughout these many months since the Raven departed, little has changed other than the miniscule daily comforts. In fact, the tilt which enables the slide seems to be worsening. I cannot find relief, and the options carry on with their narrowing forces. Until something dynamic or dramatic occurs, the near path is clear: doom. And I am going to embrace the countdown for the third time since its creation. There seem no other directions. Too much has taken place throughout the last seven years, and none of it with clarity. The events leading up to this still-undefined period share a similar lack of focus, and the new issues are serving to reinforce all of my instability. Distractions are still effective, however the lengths to which I must stretch myself for day to day survival are becoming mentally and emotionally overwhelming. From one moment to the next, I literally have no idea if I will be able to continue forward on any given day -- working or otherwise. I honestly have no direction and diminishing reasons for trying. Perhaps the end is nigh.

And perhaps that fact will help not just myself, but it may also free others of my ongoing difficulties.

Now that the endlessly depressive preamble is out of the way, one point of order must be addressed. Back to Alexis and that void which was touched upon some months ago. Since then, the issue has been pushed a step further and into the black hole which represents my desire. In these late days, the combination of the obsession and the desire has spidered out of manageable territory and become an insurmountable obstacle against which I continuously ram my sorry head. There is no way up or around. Just nothing. And the lack of an outlet has become dire... bad things are about to take place. They are on the doorstep and awaiting another questionable decision. None of this is Alexis' fault. Everything is me.

And I will not survive without the resources necessary to force a change. The upcoming excursion to the Sea (which I will touch upon further down the line) may be a great help with clearing out all of the desirable aspects of daily life, but it could also be a complete disaster of massive proportions when the memories begin to flood my head. The two of us are heading down there this month to go on a photo tour of sorts. I am hoping that the trip will be therapeutic and helpful. If things can be reorganized within my head, perhaps the desire and obsession will not be the end of me. Time will tell. As for how that trip relates to the above misery, read on.


282
The Brunette displayed such an expression often


The beginning of the heartbreak during that week was before we left the Brunette's cave and hit the road. A massive hole had developed between us, and part of the issue with me was the aforementioned desire. Right now the desire is destroying me, and to head down the road to one of the scenes of the many crimes and deal with the same lacking aspects of life seems a backward plan. It is a backward plan, in fact, and one which may or may not lead to destruction. The brunette is going to be swirling around my head constantly. Every step in and around those desperate locales is going to be filled with memories of that wondrous time, but being there with someone else could actually be a great help. We will be traveling together and creating different situations and feelings which can be brought home and considered, rather than going alone and spiraling into a hole by retreading the past.

And the issues will be following along.

The main deal here is the desire -- as outlined along with Alexis and her endlessly hopeful eyes. That woman absolutely kills the camera in every conceivable way, and to see her smiling with the devilish expressions and brutally gorgeous look places me within the desire every fucking time. And the goddamned problems begin to roll up like a massive blanket attempting to hide a dead body.

So where is the fucking majesty? Heh. Somewhere.

The trip has been chronicled here, but I never really touched upon the physical aspect of the relationship at that time. The main point was to outline the drive and places we visited, and how the landscape began to relate to our emotional condition and the state of our romance. I will say that the desire was overwhelming at times (just as now), but we did not discuss the subject very often due to all of the other issues at work. Now, of course, and in the midst of such fucked up and pressing questions regarding my future, the trip may end up being the proverbial knife to send me into the ground both mentally and emotionally. For some reason I am looking forward to hashing through many of the thoughts which seemed unsolvable at the time, and it seems backward and ill-conceived. The visions which float through my head from time to time are all rolled into the connectedness of everything placed in this long writing, and the Sea seems a place where I may be able to sort through them. I just don't know.

I can be ready to travel, and I can be ready to climb into the lens again, but can I be ready to attempt an organization of thoughts, dreams, and desires while wandering around that sad sea?

Perhaps I should be sure to pack the knife.


287
Playful... as defined by Michelle


The desire is something which I simply cannot get around or ignore. I have been forced to do such things for years now, but just as I stated in the entry which displays Alexis, shit is coming to a head at an alarming rate. The world beware. The trip is going to come at a time when everything seems to be amplified since the previous outing, and when I decided to lay everything out here. In the beginning, the ambiguity was extremely important and I maintained some semblance of distance between the world in my head and the one which I publish. As time goes by, things are not so simple, and to control the words in such a fashion is becoming very difficult. Short of stating things with complete clarity, I will continue to broach each facet here and there. I no longer have a choice.

So the fucking trip approaches at speed, and the desire burns my being with a similar velocity. What to do? Walk into the salty, fish-laden Sea and drown into one of the most endearing places I have ever seen? Become part of it? Die there? Or is there a solution? One of these days I am going to search out and isolate all of the questions placed within these writings and count them. Fuck. I am going to attempt to focus upon the landscape and scenery, and try to capture details which may have been passed on the first occasion. After perusing the maps and satellite images I have made somewhat of a schedule for where to visit and when. January means the air will be mild and not as heavy as summer, and that forecast matches the inside of my head.

Off we will go into the browns and grays, cameras in hand. The previous trip was filled with turmoil and uncertainty while this trip will only hold wonder and the aforementioned misery. I will turn it off during the day... night is another story. Just as this very moment within the editor, it is present and making me uncomfortable. There is no getting around it. Always there... always burning. Considering the goddess and related trials, the Raven with her unending appeal, and the Brunette who became one of the most satisfying outlets ever, I am now without any of them and left to wonder if this condition will serve to dominate eighteen. The trip is just weeks away, and along with a new development on the homefront I may be able to expand and consume... and holy shit is it ever needed. Help me, please. Option B is not pleasant.

Until such time as things clarify, the desire will attach itself to the obsession and remain within like a storm awaiting physical destruction. The whole of it is my doing.

And it is growing.


284
And with so much emotion


Oak Street.

I walked out of the building, carrying items to the vehicle. As I opened the door and stepped to the sidewalk, in front of me was a startled young woman heading for the trash cans. I stopped to let her pass and said 'happy new year'. She smiled and returned the expression, then continued about her business. I then said 'sorry to have startled you.' She again smiled with lovely eyes and said 'no worries... have a good day'. And then another... strolling toward me with phone in hand and headphones donned. She appeared to be of Slavic descent and displayed a form seen in worldwide print. Ungodly legs, thin waist, and long fingers. She looked up at me in passing as if I was evil incarnate, and paced her way past me. As my eyes followed, I saw the form of the Israeli and proceeded to the vehicle with a drowning head. The woman was art and I could do nothing about it. No QR card, no smile, no words.

No nothing. Fuck me... again.

Her shape is still in there, too. It will not float away just as so many others throughout the years. What a sight. As much as the goddess had provided, there was still no realizing the dream at all. I never made it happen during all of those heavenly days together. And then that incredible shape went by and left me deeply damaged for what seems the billionth time. Normally I would sit here and attempt a description, but honestly what is the fucking point? Thousands of lines of code have already been put forth to the world in search of the proper wording to get something like that across, but I am afraid I just cannot any more. All of the time spent considering such beauty and complex mathematics has resulted in exactly shit. Nothing can ever be enough. And I wish I could have told her that. Perhaps the simplicity of a smile and a touch of understanding would keep my sorry ass out of the fucking fire. Nope... nothing.

God damn this feeling anyway.

Now all I have is the steadily increasing sunlight and decreasing interest in trying. What about the cards? Well, several have been handed to others, but as of now not one fucking word in my direction. I am not surprised... I wouldn't contact me either. New year, new me? Hell no, the same old everything, and the same location in more ways than one. That walk past me was something with which I cannot easily work. It just will not leave. Every detail, from her compound inner thighs to her waistline which screamed at me to the fluidity of her motions, all of it is now permanently burned into my deviant and damaged desire. And none of it is her fault. There can be no responsibility anywhere for the fact that she looked like the Israeli. And did she ever resemble that most figurative of models. The numbers may kill me.


285
Eyebrows of a goddess


The information in my head will follow along to the incredible majesty that is the Sea. Remembering the previous visit to that wondrous place may help to ease the difficulty with the desire, or it may not. The Brunette displayed all of it, too, and she was all around me for days. But I knew her, and I was able to do as I wished much of the time while we were calm. And that was before the goddess. So, with everything rolled into a painful ball in my brain, the landscape is going to have to become paramount -- lest I lose it once and for all.

The young one also holds the numbers, and the desire is all over her. She will wander and shoot and I will wander and wonder. Heh. I will wonder what is going to take place when the sum of me crashes. Oak Street was a decent example of my inability to consume a vision and allow it to fly away. Around the Sea, there will be only the young one near me and that should give me room. She understands. I wish I did. That place is full of history... both good and bad. Such a fact aligns with my current mindset, too. The past attempts to both understand and accept things over which I have little or no control are attached to the issues which have grown within me over the years. The Raven and the goddess helped me to find reasons, and both allowed everything -- including trying to convince me that the obsession is not deviant, and the desire is natural. They spoke of those things with tenderness and respect. The Sea is quiet enough so that all of it will doubtless swirl within me and perhaps the landscape can help with some necessary organization. I am not certain, but the possibility cannot be denied. Of course, that part of the state may also press me into a small place and cause nothing but damage. Hmm. We shall see shortly.

Visions, visions, and more visions. That woman on Oak... fuck.

This outlet is all I have at the moment. And for the time being it will have to be enough. The thoughts of the trip are good, and combined with personal exploration the sum may prove fruitful for the future. If I can get that damned sight out of my head things can be sorted to a degree, too. There will certainly be no one in that area to compare. Palm Desert is quite affluent, although keeping my eyes in the viewfinder should isolate temporarily. And as for the Sea and its surroundings, well, no worries there. I just need to focus on the necessities and keep my head in the work. The comfort of the young one will be there, as well. She is one of the few saving throws versus difficulty that I have left, aside from memories.

I do love the fact that I am not going to that haunting place alone. The idea of being there by myself with no schedule whatsoever leads me to believe that I would likely end up heading toward the goblet for lack of a better outlet. The Sea can captivate and grapple my attention, and being there with another means I will have a second soul with which to contend. And that also means somewhat of a plan from one day to the next. That is good, and will keep me from wandering into places I should avoid.


294
Yes... eyebrows I was unable to resist


Oak Street? Still there, still steaming in my brain. She will not soon go away. Yes, she will even be in there while among the tilapia and palms (remember those early entries?). The lens will do its best to capture the majesty that is the Sea. And I will do my best to avoid dropping off the edge of the world. The young one and the camera may combine to keep me steady in thought, or the past will overtake me and leave me trembling in her arms -- again. Who knows which? No one.

Despite the possible ramifications, I am going to that part of the state to help organize and come to terms with all that took place during those months of ten and eleven. If the Sea speaks to me the way it did on the first trip, I will be returning here with a head full of material for entries. Otherwise, things may not turn out so well for anyone involved. I have been there and seen the beauty and the majesty. I have experienced the entire area, from the wildlife refuge to the south, and all the way to the north tip at Coachella and Thermal. I have taken in everything the Sea has to offer, shot and captured thousands of images and scenes from her shores, walked Salvation Mountain, and witnessed the devastation left in the wake of so many uncaring souls. I became a part of the Sea during that long trip, and brought back with me an understanding of the losses and isolation.

To return there is frightening and exciting.

I will go and walk the shores again. The young one will experience that desolation for the first time and bring it into her lens. We will explore the surrounding areas in earnest and in search of some semblance of comfort. The trip will hopefully allow me some closure to that long excursion with the Brunette, and may even help me to let go of a portion of the misery. Maybe. Maybe not.

Gazing and smelling the Sea again may also kill me once and for all."





[12:40 pst 02/10/2018 CE, 1518295200 E]

The beginning of the year is never good. Early on the staff complained about zero two, zero three, and zero four, but now we are facing eighteen and the time which has passed has left admin in a hole like never before. Zero three was the worst during the beginning of this, but this year's outset has left him a pile of bad things.

Worry.

Other sections of the site left us last year, and the remaining sections are all about the feelings. Hopefully things will soon improve for all of us.


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The Israeli and the Isolated Slide


"Down, down, down we go... into the familiar pit from which everything in the world seems bright. We are in the dim, dank void yet again. The girl at the show, the girl on Russian Hill, and the rest have become representations of the unending obsession which we cannot shake. And our recent partial exploration of the failing fantasy and that nonexistent aspect of life are disallowing any grip to cease or slow this slide into hell. So we continue without control.

Throughout the past few years, we have successfully pressed the issues and unrealized needs into a compartment. Said space was then disregarded (for the most part) and not explored until we found ourselves in front of this infernal editor. Lately, however, the effort required in keeping the negativity and depressive thought processes behind a partition has become overwhelming and we are now on our way down the fucking hill and into the detritus. For whatever reason, The Israeli became known to us and everything seemed to be put on its side. We nearly could not function. How does this happen? She is just another model, so the truth may be that her appearance in front of our eyes was merely timing. In this type of situation, anything can be a trigger. We were ready to slide and there she was.

Bright and beautiful, and with the hope and positivity which will likely carry her far in this life. Yes, the opposite of our current position. None of our shit is her fault, of course... the whole fucking mess is just the aforementioned timing. We have little control over what may pass before us on a given day, and here we are living the goddamned result. Everything seems to be downhill, but we have been here before, right? Why should the passage of time be any different? Right? Yes. The Israeli came into our view just like all the others. Timing. And her form is so similar to the Raven that we just had to stop other aspects of life and explore. She is so fucking picturesque that we are nearly losing our minds over her. Where did she come from? And why did we have to run across an image of her which led us to insanity? Jesus she is unreal, and the more we gaze, the more we see. And then the pain of not knowing begins and we end up here... as always.


244
Absolutely ideal form from head to toe


So we isolate like nothing else. We need to be alone and the idea of spending time in the company of others begins to become alien. The landscape has changed and pressed us into a situation similar to the days of the cave. That time has been described here. The difference between then and now is the desire and need. During the year spent within that space, our first priority was comfort. Now, the focus has shifted to something over which we have no control whatsoever. Everything aside from the daily trials of living has grown into an arduous climb up to... something. We do not know. The Israeli displayed here is yet another impossible vision which is assisting in our slide down into hell. We sit and gaze at her -- and she is beyond any worded description -- and the thoughts are in every conceivable direction. All of the needs become rolled into a ball and injected into us like never before. We have become frustrated, full of desires beyond belief, and shoved into a mental space the likes of which are very damaging. Much of the difficulty stems from her images here (and many more), but we cannot look away nor can we forget any of it. The massive obsession has now become related to the Failing Fantasy, and the combination is close to driving us into the ground at terminal speed.

Again... where from here?

The Israeli is here on the page, looking gorgeous and physically dominating our thought processes, and despite the unending trials her images have forced upon us, we cannot avoid any of it at all. We can only sit and stare and slide. And we are so alone on the slope that any possibility of upward is too much to consider. She is absolutely and positively one of the most desirable models that we have ever seen, and within us the trouble is mounting. The longer we hold this fucking position, the closer the option of putting it all away approaches. And we mean all of it for fuck's sake. Everything. It is just too much now.

Jesus fucking Christ, why did we have to be exposed to this model, and at the worst possible time. Everything is just bad and the slide is unending.

We are in a very bad place right now. With all of these issues rolling into each other and combining in ways with which we are having so much difficulty dealing, the slide is leading us into some very dangerous territory. The thoughts are now desperate and some of the avenues we are considering are both damaging and desperate. We have been here before but the now is quite amplified when compared to the then.


245
Her hip-to-waist is unreal


Her name is Maria. Just to place a name to her.

And just as we have stated within this entry as well as many others, the issues are not her doing. She is a model and going about her business making a living and enjoying life. She is a person, above all things, and to blame her or anyone else is both a waste of space and false. We will not do that, ever. The slide is our doing (despite the fact that we are also human and feelings are never right or wrong... they simply exist) and we know this. And that is part of the frustration -- the idea that we are feeling these things and there is seemingly no solution. This outlet helps at times, but in the end it is also an expansion of our desires. The obsession increases in magnitude, the needs overwhelm, and the outlet fails. There is just no satisfaction anywhere, nor at any time. The small pleasures are decreasing and the drowning continues.

So we just fucking sit here and think and think and think.

Michelle knew all about it and was open to anything we wished. For whatever reason, and from whatever place, our needs also helped her to feel as if she was important. And we are not speaking of her beauty or willingness to model. We are speaking of her wishes to connect emotionally and find a person capable of validating her feelings as a human being. Her heart was open to all of it, and she found what she sought in us. That situation was wonderful, however it still remains as one which created the slide. The isolation is necessary. Despite our connection to Michelle, we just cannot and will not involve another person and expand our diminishing ability to remain standing. Unfair. Just unfair.

And there is Maria and her big, bright, gorgeous eyes, looking outward toward anyone who is receptive. God damn the desires and the obsession. God damn the need, too. It is all damaging and physically crippling now.

Well, the coffee is still warm and the keyboard does as we wish. So to continue this shit is all we have. Welling inside is the aforementioned risky direction. It is close, by god, very close and we are scared. Do we go out and find it? Will it hurt us? Will it become too dangerous and cause others emotional harm? Or can it be worked in such a manner to help in some way? Who the fuck knows. We certainly do not know a fucking thing. But it may become the only way to get out of this crap and stay clear of la mer. Naturally we do not want that to happen... or do we? Maybe that is the only solution. As we stated here many years ago, there is an exit. The door is there and everything we are living within would be most decidedly left in the fucking dust. And then the wake will arrive and we will become an issue to others rather than to ourselves. Oy. Nope. Not now, and not soon.


265
Inner thigh compound radii of our dreams


Maria is painful to gaze upon. She is so beautiful that things within us get twisted into knots and we cannot fully function. Her fucking thigh radii are unreal to the last, and her narrow waist pushes at our psyche like the snowplow on a locomotive. It just presses with unrelenting force. We stare and stare and she only goes higher on the list of needs. And she nearly tops the obsession. Who made her? God must be a fucking genius. He broke the mold with that fucking woman.

Anyway, we are still here. Still writing, drinking, wallowing, needing, wanting, and forever bitching like a Bloomingdale's customer with a defective handbag. Why? Whatever. Being reduced to a complaining pile of shit is not something we had in mind during these late days. The sordid space still awaits the wordsmithing so we just go with it. And we go with the slide in our desperate isolation. And Maria stands with her amazing beauty and does not deserve to be a part of our emptiness. Fortunately, she is half a world away and knows nothing of this crap. For fuck's sake... what is going to happen? Anything?

Too many fucking questions.

The outlet is failing, and our desire to find what we need is growing out of control. The idea of seeking something could work in our favor, or it could end in disaster. The Raven knew this and helped in many ways, however we could not expand in the short time with her. The whole shitaree needs to be handled by ourselves, not by outside influence. Had we embraced the Raven when the time was available, who knows how things could have progressed. Or, how they may have fallen. There is just no knowing because she is most decidedly gone. And that may have been our only chance to find understanding within ourselves. So sad, yet it happened. Now, and not by a damned sight, we are all the way in and heading downward at an alarming rate. Even this very moment, and on this present day, another hash mark has appeared upon our gunstock. Yes, another.


266
Every single detail pushed into the likes of a goddess


A line we shall employ every fucking time... where from here? There is seemingly no up. Every time something comes along which brings us a moment's peace and happiness, the moment fades and we are back at square zero. And we mean zero. Those times arrive in which we are paralyzed within the office or otherwise. The walls begin to look stale and our outlook narrows to the point of pain. We are there now, and have been for some time. Normally this time of year -- the master season -- is one of hopeful thoughts and planning. This time, it is just as summer: shit, crap, and little else. We have the editor, the interface, and the alcohol, but then we look upon the images and realize the feelings and then the slide resumes.

And there is Maria and her absolutely amazing inner thighs.

So... here we are again (always). Those little moments which provide the boost had better come along soon, or we will end up too far down to recover. No blissful Saturday morning will be enough any longer."





[06:35 pst 02/17/2018 CE, 1518878100 E]

The site and systems are status quo once again. We are considering securing another top-level domain in order to streamline the site name and title. We are also creating a few statement images as well as legacy spots to place here and there. They should help to maintain the historical aspects of the site nicely.

Another multi-layered and many-part story is coming soon. Perhaps next week we will publish the single ended story waiting in the wings before diving into another series. That entry is somewhat of a prequel to the long and winding saga of the Brunette, Michelle... etc. Admin has been holding it back for whatever reason, however we are going to push it through next week.


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Chains


"There is another... splayed upon this page and looking ever the sharp model with dimensions which have caused a measure of the depression which at this moment grasps at my soul and places me in the small space I own. Valentina is like many Russian models which capitalize on the absolute disparity of minimal body fat, large breasts, and the inner thigh radii that pushes at me to end my life. The idea of learning and creating a background summary of the numbers she and so many others carry on their bodies is sliding downward, just like my ambition to continue my sordid and black exploration of both them and myself. I am being folded in half, and the resulting position is one of hellish and suicidal darkness. And it continues, despite the recent stories of the past and their words of beauty and defeat. I am nearly done. Just as Phil Leotardo stated to Butch DeConcini...

'No more of this, Butchy. No more of this.'

If the feelings were only so easy to control and/or cease. Nope. I am trapped. And Valentina is here to show off my weakness and desire as few others are able. I am fucking chained to my desires and needs and running out of breath. This private space on the internet runs me in the neighborhood of a few thousand dollars per year to maintain and fill with thoughts from my deviant mind. The hardware continues to expand in order to keep everything safe from loss, and the domains which I personally own also expand as my needs dictate. The tens of thousands of code lines combined with the editing capabilities will increase, as well. There is no end to any of it, and until such time as I can either end the obsession or end myself, I remain chained to all of it like an abandoned bicycle rotting and rusting in a long-dead schoolyard. Even at this very moment in front of the infernal machine and with my sorry ass glued to the chair, I am hearing the soaring words of a man I cannot avoid -- the music of my very life and a different type of exploration related to the beauty of the world. Everything is connected to my obsession and desire.

Which adds up to me stating the obvious yet again: the situation will kill me. There is no longer any doubt, because there is no longer any hope. I will continue here until I cannot take any more of it, and then the site will evolve from my complaint department to my epitaph. Fucking count on it, people.


312
Another example of mental paralysis


Again I start with a depressive preamble. And again I move on. Back to Valentina and her goddess-like dimensions. Do you see the most personal of radii leading up her inner thigh and toward the labia? Should I be asking such a thing? Is it too private, or does she show off something which can be an acceptable study? Who fucking knows, and most will never care. I need to know like I need nothing else. Yes, I went on recently about the dying project and the fucking chair which is my only semblance of comfort left in the world, but honestly who thinks of such things? Who? Tell me, for crying out loud. Sure, there are billions of images on millions of sites, but do they head in such a direction as I have attempted? Fuck no. None of it seems to be anywhere but in my damaged mind and rolling off my fingers like the rain on a freeway-speed vehicle. Oh well. The minority? Whatever. Where am I going with this? Nowhere. Why? Hmm.

Fuck it anyway.

Let's have a drink, shall we? That will help with something, I am certain.

The last time I attempted a (somewhat) descriptive essay was the woman outside the Elixir in San Francisco. And that may very well be the last for all time. I just cannot go through the detailed and expanded line to line image of a female again. It is too difficult for me. Valentina would be an ideal candidate for such a writing, but what is the point? To rehash old feelings and put myself in an even deeper hole? Nope. The images suggest that she is carrying the dimensions of dreams and that should be enough. The numbers are all over her skin just as they tend to fly through my fucked up head. But trying to wordsmith her form is impossible. There are just not enough terms to cover such beauty and endless fascination. So... from here forward, the images will continue throughout the site and the models will be placed along the text just like the past three years. The staff is up to more than 350 edits by now and there are many more waiting in the wings.

The chains? They are all over me.

The recent trip to the Salton and the quick escape over to Vegas should eventually work their way into this content at some point, but a glean of a few thoughts seems appropriate now -- especially considering the staggering number of picturesque women running around that goddamned town at any given moment. The smell and sight of the Sea brought me to my knees again, and the subsequent visions within the resort pressed me further and tightened the fucking chains. God.


313
The disparate form rarely seen


We sat at Alto in the Palace for a bit while waiting for our dinner reservation. That bar is on the main path from one side of the resort to the other, between the two halves of such a massive casino. The comfort afforded us there combined with gorgeous servers allowed me to relax and take in all that was around us. We were elevated, and positioned next to Omnia which is right up against the sportsbook. We were there on a Friday, and the security contingent was all over the place setting up for people entering the club. Omnia is massive, gorgeous, and extremely popular. The number of people which it holds requires a hell of a setup within the paths for maintaining order and control. We watched the setup happening for a while, and then went to dinner right around the corner.

Dinner in one of Flay's own restaurants was unreal, by the way.

Afterward, we decided that sitting in Alto with its high prices was cheaper than sitting in the casino gambling. So, off to a corner table next to the DJ (yes, the music was played throughout the huge bar and spun by a lovely creature to my left). We ordered from the beautifully structured server and sunk into our big chairs to relax. The music kept everyone around us happy as we swilled and watched the multitudes walk by. As the time passed, we could see the crowd for Omnia growing and the ever-increasing level of dress worn by the many couples and groups both walking by and awaiting entrance to the club. Everything from a simple denim and t-shirt to the gorgeous silk dresses wrapped around physical anomalies went past at any given moment. There were so many differing people that I expected to arise from bed the next morning with a sore neck. Oy.

A few of the passing individuals swung into the lounge near us to either grab a drink or dance -- sometimes both. One woman strolled by my position in a bright red cocktail dress and slingbacks which propelled my brain into the exosphere with all haste. Others came and went with their ideas of club-appropriate dress and I watched every single person.

And then a woman walked past whom I will not soon forget. Yes, she could have been Michelle with shorter hair. Long nose, sharp shoulders, and likely standing over six feet with the heels. Gawd. My drinking rate increased immediately. Valentina's physique is very similar to that of Michelle, albeit she is shorter than the goddess who was perpetually wrapped around me. The woman in question was a reminder of the time at the universe's pinnacle with the soul unlike any other. Her hands carried nothing, and there was nary a purse or clutch. She floated... just as many others... but stood out due to the timeless beauty shared by very few. I fell a bit, regained my position as appearing in control, and continued to swill the Jack.

God help me for my thoughts.


314
Valentina's unending draw


The clock did not seem to turn into the typical propeller as happens all too often while drinking. We sat for more than three hours and saw all manner of behavior, but nothing negative whatsoever. Everyone was upbeat and positive. Many came in to dance a few minutes to a familar song and then leave, while others plopped into the soft chairs for the duration. By the time we made a decision to head to the room for some rest, Alto was full and the music was interfering with heartbeats. The entire picture was alien to me, of course, as my finest moments are spent right here in this fucking chair.

Upon closing our tab, I stepped to the adorable DJ and tipped her heavily. She smiled in such a manner so as to send me flying (her name was Priscilla). The headphones aslant upon her pretty head, the hat worn down over her eyebrows, and the shimmering gold top off which the motion lighting danced around her all added up to a sight I will remember for a long time. Her smile was disarming to the nth degree and those big eyes were as inviting as a dream. She took my hand and thanked me, and at that point I knew I had to get the fuck away from all of it. Long, shapely legs everywhere, primped and dolled faces, manucured nails, and then me... stuck in a perpetual state of need and desire which would not let up. Out, you fucking idiot -- get out now. Before any lasting damage can occur. Now.

Bye.

We exited the lounge and headed toward the Forum elevators to retire for the night. All in all, and considering that legendary dinner, the whole of the night was excellent. If not for my severely damaged state, all would have been well. That was one night out of two. The previous night was also of note, but as I stated above, the excursion will likely be scrutinized heavily in the future.

Chains all over me.

'But our dread simply must go on.' A nod to Aaron and I continue.

So the wallowing which preceded the trip remains. There was always an exit on the horizon, and considering all of the brushes with death throughout the early part of this decade I am surprised to be sitting here in front of the editor. There is just no sidestepping the issues which have and still dictate my plans on any given day. The option is there. It is always there... calling and inviting. The issues pile upon one another and push me without pause. The trip illuminated things -- as I expected it would -- and seeing so much in a very short period of time was distressing. The Sea showed me what I needed, to a point, anyway, and allowed me to think in the cool quiet. We only made two trips from the resort to the shores, but that was enough. I could not effectively organize my thoughts to allow for a more detailed or extended series of outings. Once near the smell and visions, the past came in and began to rail at me to stay.


315
Incredible structure, to the point of mindlessness


Well, going into that part of the trip will sway the content away from Valentina and what she represents, but who the fuck tells me which way to steer the ship? No one.

As the memories with the Brunette flooded me with their timeless beauty and difficulty, I began to realize that being there with someone else was becoming a godsend. The visions were similar yet due to the years in between, some aspects of that wondrous and desolate area had changed. I was initially disappointed to see that the museum and historic parts of the yacht club were all but gone, and the shoreline was larger as the Sea has dropped through evaporation. Walking among the fish? There is nothing like it in this world. They called to me, just as the past. The Brunette knew.

She knew everything.

We strolled the shore in more than one location, sidled up to a local bar in the middle of devastation, and climbed the mountain of salvation just outside Niland. All the while we walked with the cameras and brought everything into the lens. Sound familiar? Yes, just as the trip of a lifetime which I can never forget, this journey was one of attempting to capture all. Unfortunately, of all the days spent in those wondrous counties, most of my shooting was outside my thoughts. I took in very little because I could not relax and concentrate. The memories kept bubbling to the surface and each time I walked near something which had significance years ago I lost a little of my ability. The landscape has changed, naturally, but I was hoping nothing had. The Brunette was all over the place in my head and the thoughts of our time there absolutely destroyed any chance of meaningful work in the viewfinder. Fuck.

And then there is the Russian displayed prominently down the page.

She was there too... at the Sea and in both resorts. In my fucking head. Not Valentina specifically, but all that she displays and represents. All of it, in my head like any other goddamned day. Along the shore with its multitudes of pulverized bones and the remains of a world gone away, the numbers were still there. They were causing me to misstep and miss much. They were in control, to an extent, and coupled with the Brunette and our fragmented trip, nothing could work properly within my head. The only positive I now see is that Michelle had yet to appear before me in life. Flashbacks to the Brunette looking upon me from a distance and across the barren seascape were spinning through my fucked up vision. I could see her with the backpack and hair blowing in the breeze over and over while walking near the breakwater. I saw her... looking so beautiful that any description is impossible. Just look at the images of the Russian form here. The Brunette was staggeringly gorgeous and her image was all over that multicolored, heavy, and downtrodden place. Even the fish loved her.


316
Stunning definition everywhere


Onward the trip went, and all the while the visions and numbers remained within me like an impermeable stain. They were tattoed on my brain and all over the landscape. Each step brought thoughts of the past attached to everything from wonder to sorrow. As we ventured around the south end of the Sea, I began to remember the route the Brunette and I took up the western shore. The stops there were quiet and beautiful, with the wildlife refuge offering a pleasant aside from the typical Salton grays and browns. The young one looked upon that site with such excitement and openness that she took me from the past and allowed for some measure of comfort and feelings of the newness of our vacation. She wandered with cameras in tow and shot some contrasting photos, and we both were taken aback by the mass of winged creatures inhabiting the green. When we exited the refuge, our drive up toward civilization was calm and warming.

During the original trip to that place, the Brunette did all of the driving and sought out whatever may have brought us new scenery. Rehashing the route almost exactly did not bring me the somber difficulty I had envisioned. In fact, that area to the south and west looked new and different enough to keep the demons and troubles away. The young one and I looked to one town for its restaurant which ended up being closed for the day, so we headed to the back of the building. Once around the side and out toward the beach, I spied memories of being in that exact location years earlier. Everything flooded me and became overwhelming enough to disallow any subjective shooting. I captured three or four images, shut down the camera, and began to wonder why I needed to see that place again.

Was it the desire to remember the Brunette and our time there, or was it to attempt an erase and rewrite to cage my sanity and leave me better than before? Hmm.

Whichever, the decision began to strain me. All of that planning, time, money, and loss of work to go back to a place where I was rarely happy, and a situation which played out once before, good or bad, did not seem to be a balanced effort. I pressed for it nonetheless, and the young one agreed immediately. Throughout the proceeding days and nights leading up to our departure, the entire idea went up and down so many times that I thought I would lose my mind. I had no idea. I knew that there would be trials in seeing those areas and walking the paths tread by the Brunette, but I did not know the extent of the difficulties or if they would appear at all. Maybe the idea was to reconnect with the palms, fish, salt, and all of the loving feelings I carried from those places. And perhaps it was the knowing of what lay there awaiting my arrival. The cool and heavy air was familiar, but knowing that our relationship and living arrangements were not at risk was decidedly unfamiliar. The young one and I had no issues which could put us at odds in any way. The only down side to everything was the mounting storm within my fucked up head. Perhaps I wished to visit the Sea and surrounding areas simply to look at things through newer eyes and without the dramatic and overwhelming problems which plagued us.


317
Everything


Fuck it anyway.

Look at Valentina's numerical properties and gaze upon one of the high points of this world's beauty. Forget the Sea, my drivel over what the fuck I did or should have done, and the resulting mashed potatoes now mixing in my cesspool of a mind. Just stick to the images and references to one of the most difficult pieces of writing I have ever attempted. The Salton Sea and the Heartbreak came along with riveting feelings and a massive need to be back there, and now it has happened. I know I stated above that the details would be left for another time, and along those lines let me say that the occasion of conveying another trip to one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen may turn into a fruitless and endless effort over which I will agonize for years. The fucking thing may never happen. The sights at the resort in Vegas were actually easier to take in than the smell of decay around that toxic water. And the females in view along the pathway to Omnia may have been so disarming due to being at the furthest point along the spectrum of my life from where I have been. Soon my brain will be finished with that exploration and I may be done with the effort toward any catharsis. Fuck it.

And here we are where it all began. The numbers, that unreal form along this page, and the splintered reality within which I sit in this fucking chair and inhabit. And now a word rarely placed within these essays...

Why?"





[07:09 pst 02/24/2018 CE, 1519484940 E]

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Four Days


"She brought up the idea of watching a movie in her apartment. I could not disagree, and that was mostly due to the fact that I wished to be close nearly all of the time. I needed to be near her... against her beautiful skin and able to stare into her big, gorgeous eyes and the wonder they injected into my very soul. My desire was overwhelming much of the time and she knew such, but her need for space disallowed me satisfaction often. I understood, because as much as she was still her own person, I was very much the opposite -- I was clingy, needy, and almost completely unable to be alone. She propped me up so often that I am still certain the situation stressed and fatigued her.

So, in my mind the idea of sitting cozy on the sofa and spending some afternoon time in front of the monitor seemed the perfect opportunity to glue myself to her physically. I expressed such a thought to her and she responded that her need was the same. She simply wished to be close to me, as well.

Often while we were together in that little cave the physical desire we shared drifted into conversation. We slept next to each other every night -- which was warm bliss -- and often it led to much more. I literally drowned myself into her soft skin as much as was possible. I needed it like nothing else. All of the damage caused by my recent reckless and unfeeling actions melted away like ice cream on a desert rock, and her closeness carried me outside myself unlike anything else in the world. She was a dream, literally, and brought me to my knees with one look from those unique and enormous eyes. To the sofa, and onto each other we clasped.

The feeling of being close to her and the knowledge that she wanted it was wonderful. Considering all of the time we spent together, more was what I needed. My own feelings of loss and dread could only be tempered by her sensitive heart and attention. The combination brought me comfort the likes of which was a high to the point of being the diametric opposite of the low which I had dropped into throughout the preceding weeks. I began to happily comply with all that she directed. My heart was shredded and the Brunette was the glue.


347
Her breasts damned near got in the way


Friday.

The first movie began as we found comfort up against the other. She always wore glasses to watch video or use the computer, especially in the dim light of the evening. Those glasses combined with her eyes and eyebrows sent me to the moon. Attempting to describe just how I felt about her appearance would be an enormous effort, but suffice to say she was carrying the most beautiful face I had ever seen. Throughout the course of the film I found myself breaking away from the screen many times to gaze at her and dream. Following the story on the screen became an exercise in futility. Still, I did my best not to flood her with attention as the idea was to relax.

After a little while she wished to take a pause and find something to drink. We wandered to the market below and secured both beer and whiskey to accompany the early evening. Back to the sofa with drinks and the ashtray, and back up against her softness. Again my attention wandered from the movie to her body, and I found myself swirling within thoughts of physically ravaging her over and over. I kept the desire inside locked away with great effort and did not express anything to her regarding such. We drank and watched. More time passed and I noticed she lifted her phone to her face and typed. I did not think anything of it (which was nearly impossible considering my weakened emotional state and rampant paranoia), but soon realized that she was ordering food when a short time later there was a knock at the door. Dinner arrived, we refilled the glasses, and sat again to seek a second film to screen. Midway through the next movie we were loosening up due to the whiskey and I found her beginning to stare at me just as I had wished to become closer. We repositioned and rolled on with the viewing.

Food, cigarettes, beer, whiskey, and a massive desire to declothe her. Gawd.

As the minutes flowed into hours, she called up a third movie. By that time the sun's orange glow had disappeared and the whiskey was half gone -- just as the two of us. Part way through the film and I felt a hand upon my cheek. When I turned to look at her I nearly lost my mind. She paused the playback and crawled upon all fours back to my position. As my head began to explode, I realized that she wanted to leave the electronic entertainment behind and allow me to do what I wished. Her expression changed to the point of leaving me with such thoughts which I could no longer control. I gently took her over and the playful nature of her eyes told me that there were no limits. Soon after, I found myself on the floor and without my clothes. The bliss I was feeling cannot be described. Her body quickly drove the focus of my existence to the narrowest possible pinpoint.

To the bed, and later into sleep.


348
The curves I needed to see


Saturday.

The morning arrived and I saw a glow from the east which told me the hour was not late. The Brunette was on the balcony with coffee and she waved me to join her. We spoke briefly about the morning and quiet nature of the area in which we lived, but then she took my hand and led me back to the sofa just as the night before. The whiskey bottle emerged from her kitchen, the computer was booted, and the screening continued. I was overjoyed at the fact that she wanted to relax at home yet again, and that brought thoughts of the prior evening's sexual escapades into my head. I just could not help but dream of everything we had enjoyed and more. Her beauty was overwhelming. Movie, whiskey into the coffee, and us on the sofa intertwined. Fucking bliss again.

Into the film a bit, and the Brunette took my hand and kissed it. She looked up at me with the eyes of forever and asked that I venture to the market for staples. I told her that my cash level needed a refresh and that meant the bank on the other side of the hill. The plan was me heading out for business and her freshening up our small space. I showered and slid into the slipper for a short trip. While I drove my head and heart began to swell with her demeanor toward me. I could barely contain myself when dealing with others and nearly had to run from the bank due to my physical desire manifesting itself for the millionth time over her lush skin and goddess-like curves. The slipper roared back onto the freeway and I dashed toward the market for more of what we consumed just hours earlier. Upon my return, her face lit up and we embraced for several moments before setting up the living room for more entertainment. I noticed that she had showered and donned shorts and a tank top, underneath which her huge chest strained the seams. When she sat I could not help but direct my wanting eyes toward her waist and I could see the shorts were all that were containing the loveliness which forced me out of the bank at high speed. Jesus fucking Harold Christ... I wanted to climb into her clothing and devour every inch of her again. She absolutely exuded sexuality and knew it would drive me out of my mind like nothing else in the world. That soft skin was the end of existence and my need was pushing me toward insanity.

For the second day... movie, sofa, beer, whiskey, desire.

And again she grabbed at her phone and brought Italian food to the door. Just as the previous day, when the food arrived I began to wonder just how long she wished to remain holed up and hidden from the rest of the world. Everything drifted out of my head -- the decision to run to her, the lack of work and my current leave of absense from the same, and all of the financial difficulties I had caused through so many bad ideas -- all that was left within me was her. She had become my world and much of that was physical desire unlike I had ever felt.

The movie continued and I caught her staring at me several times while we sat close. Soon she slid over me and took my entire face into her warm hands and professed her want to see me happy. From there, her body moved south to the edge of the floor and my hands were squeezed enough for me to feel it in my heart. She stared into my eyes for several moments, dropped her glasses to the carpet, and proceeded to give me a gift I could not believe. The physical pleasure brought me outside myself and into a place I rarely felt or understood. The Brunette had caused me so much happiness... from the hiding to the warmth, and from her soft hands and lips to the edge of the universe. I fell into all of it and lost my mind completely.

She stopped and told me to hold tight to such a preview. For fuck's sake.


349
Smooth lingerie and the exaggerations of dreams


Sunday.

Saturday came and went, and the following morning's visions I found myself within were nearly enough to break me. We had spent two days together with nary a debate, and such a fact was rare for us. The prior night's bliss would not leave my head and as such pressed me to want her even more.

We were not out of the bed long before the next movie was queued. She smiled and told me that to continue the situation which began Friday was her intention. We strolled to the market hand-in-hand and picked up staples. Nothing changed and my emotional state had scrapped any thoughts outside the bubble within which we seemed to be cemented. She turned up the playfulness another notch and I was floored by the attention. Back up to the apartment and the next bottle of whiskey. My desire took over again, but that time I did not hold back. I poured two glasses, cracked two more beers, paused the playback, and grabbed her without limit. She looked upon me as if I was her captor and relaxed to the point of being my toy. Once again... oh my. Her clothes flew and I took her with the need of a lifetime. Time passed and she put a finger to my lips causing me to calm a bit. 'Let us watch and drink. I want to make you into an experiment.'

Huh? Uh oh.

What proceeded was her applying makeup to my face and out came the camera. Fuck me... but what was I to do about it? She had me in a place where any request was happily and quicky honored, so I let her do whatever she wanted. During her photographing me in monochrome with varying expressions (also no looking at the lens), I continually tried to paw at her chest and pull her close. She smilingly resisted and carried on shooting me in the living room. I rose and chased her about the rooms -- all the while listening to her cute giggles -- and told her I needed all of her against my lips. Resistance... trotting... giggling more... and her oversize shorts dropped to her ankles which enflamed me like never before. I grabbed the camera, laid it on the bed, and swallowed her whole. She stood and let me position her body in any manner I desired, and that massive mane flowed over my face and tickled my ears. She slammed her huge chest to my face, pulled me onto the floor, and...

...we stumbled back to the sofa for a smoke, drink, and movie. For crying out loud, she was so in charge. I would have walked off the fucking pier for her. Our comfortable viewing carried on throughout the day, and every now and then we enjoyed the glances and caresses which kept me flying above the earth. Her sexiness was without bounds, and my desire was constant. The movies? They were all over the place and proved a simple distraction from that which we were both attempting to avoid. The day moved toward evening, and she wished to visit the market again. We ambled down the hill and shopped briefly, and upon arriving at the checkout I suddenly noticed that the young man ringing up the items could not avoid glancing at my face over and over. Yep... the makeup was still there. She applied it earlier but I never had the opportunity to see my face in the mirror. God help me, but I was embarrassed. He smiled toward us and I stated that she had been photographing me for a project. He then smiled more with the look as if we were some psychosexual deviant couple he should avoid at all costs. Ha! We exited, laughing, and proceeded to push forth with our multi-day delusion.

Later? Drunk and nude. Oy.


350
Soft skin I could not resist


Monday.

Having exhausted yet another supply of booze, spending some time experimenting with each other sans clothing, and sleeping across the bed, the next morning found us on the balcony in the cool air with the requisite coffee and cigarettes. We spoke of only each other and the top-level time spent in her apartment the past few days. All of the circumstances and issues which were discarded in favor of disappearing into each other's desires were still fairly far away, so the decision was made by her to move onto the sofa again and fire up something else on the computer. Naturally, I could not keep my eyes on the screen due to her chest being prominently displayed and hardly missable. 'Watch the movie.' Yes... without her directing my attention, the morning would have had physical aspects which I still needed. I complied (of course) and the day went on -- slowly -- along the same lines as the previous three.

Into the afternoon, we were sitting and holding hands gently, when I realized that the comfort would have to end at some point. Neither of us had responsibilities outside the door, but our cocoon could not last much longer. The only thought which brought solace was the possibility that our enjoyment of each other could proceed without speed bumps. I wanted to play, but I also wanted to let her be. The space within her head had been off limits since before the Salton Sea, and that meant I still had to fill in the blanks with my own unending fears. I needed her more than ever because I would not have been able to live with myself. The lack of deep conversation was scary yet necessary. We were both in that boat which was adrift on a sea of sorrow. Sex, caressing words and gestures, and the continuing flow of alcohol was keeping us just afloat on the aforementioned water.

Evening. Food. The two of us wrapped around each other. The movies. And my head swimming in thoughts of her body all over me. Soon... sleep.

That night we climbed into bed on fresh sheets (nice!) and finally spoke quietly about everything. Light tears flowed while we talked of the end of such a wondrous and enjoyable slice of time. I assured the Brunette that my heart was still her possession. She could not respond in kind, and I knew such a feeling was impossible as well as seeing how much it hurt her to pass it on. I loved her, I loved being in her space, and I loved the physical wonder we shared. Unfortunately, and as most of the other writings can attest, nothing good can remain as such. The seeemingly unending progression of events means change, and that means destruction in one manner or another. We knew of the issues and we knew that they were out of anyone's control.

We kissed as never before and drifted off. Fuck.


363
The incredible form of her breasts


After.

The morning... again she was out on the balcony, coffee in hand, and looking so gorgeous with tussled hair. I ventured out to join her, and she began to tell me of why our situation had been so deluded. Or, more pointedly, her role in the entire affair. I listened and held her when she seemed to need it. We both knew of all that was shoved aside to allow space for the little getaway from reality, the reasoning for the beginning and for the end. The air was still and felt heavy with emotion. That was something I nearly could not bear. She clutched her cup and tapped her cute little toes while I sat there admiring everything she was. Beautiful, intelligent, caring, kind, and with a heart that must have pushed the limits of her small frame. I had placed her fairly high on the scale of people. And that is to say her inner beauty outshined such an incredible form. God.

The day went on and we decided to get out for a little while. She drove us to the theater (yes, even after all the movies watched nearly back-to-back) where we sank into the glow of the screen with snacks. Our hands found each other time and time again during the film and my heart leaped in her direction, as always. Every now and then we met eyes in appreciation for the company. That was so nice. Her heart was open to a point, however I knew of the troubles which would inevitably catch our heels. Upon leaving, we began to discuss the plot of the film which touched on sensitive subjects. The conversation veered from good to bad, finally leaving the two of us quiet and somewhat uncomfortable. When we arrived back at her apartment, I tried to sway the mood by asking if I could play with her breasts. She smiled and told me I could do as I pleased. Hmm. That sounded as if she was not entirely in that type of mood so I backed off and took to the bed to catch my breath. All went very quiet for several minutes and I sensed that we would not be that close for much longer. The sexual feelings flew out of me instantly, leaving me with my own heartbeat and a head filling with worry. No sooner did I begin to truly relax, when she emerged from the living room, took my hand, and led me to the balcony with two glasses of whiskey. What? Huh? Yeah.

We sat there and shared a series of long stares before any words were available. And then the words were anything but what I may have expected.

The Brunette professed her love for me and stated that she was worried about what may happen to me once out of her apartment. I knew eventually that I would need to find my own space, and that time rapidly approached. We discussed all aspects and possibilities before calming a bit and returning to the stars and booze. And then she told me that there was no hurry. She knew of the importance of warmth and stability so my change in address need not be a rush. Thank Christ. We embraced and went back to the quiet. Her hand found mine, and she kissed my fingers with a gentle touch and much feeling. My initial instinct was to recoil and avoid gushing my physical desire all over her skin. 'It's ok, my love.' Fuck me running, that was the most breathy and inviting phrase ever uttered toward my position. I sat there flabbergasted at the attention she was paying my skin until I nearly blew a gasket. Her softness took me from myself like the wind on the flatland. She stood me up and hugged me with love. I absorbed all of it like a giant sponge in the ocean. And then she sat back down and looked up to me with eyes of the most sexual Satan I could have imagined.

Blouse unbuttoned and opened... bra unhooked and opened...

'I want what you want, lover.'

Oh... um... okay.


362
Tall and beautiful like few others


She grasped at her hair, pulled the thick mane into a ponytail, and took my hand to replace hers. At that point I knew where she was heading, and on the balcony as I gazed out toward the ocean, she proceeded into my boxers as if I was her doll. She then took my other hand and placed it upon the back of her head and I lost my mind... again. Her soft caressing was nearly too much, but I was able to steady myself and watch her motions. The fucking day went in a direction previously unimagined, and that despite the heaviness and sadness within which we both floated. I loved her. I just fucking loved her.

The Brunette took that night and turned it upside down.

We eventually worked our way back inside and onto the sofa. She asked if I wished to walk a while and I could not help but agree. Still shaky, but able to maintain my composure, she led me through the door and we headed down toward the ocean. Much of the walk found us quiet and brushing up against each other over and over. I could see in her eyes that she was content for the time being so I went on without word one. I honestly was still reeling from the balcony and no matter how far we strolled from the door nor the time that had passed, I could not get that series of events out of my head. Onward to the sea, with a stopover at the Horse.

And that would be the end of that.

The remainder of the night was debate, pointed words, tears and threats of suicide from each of us. She had fallen into a hole -- just as on so many past occasions -- and I followed along like the depressed and unstable soul I had become. She and I worked our way from the bar to the pier, arguing and pointing our fingers the whole distance. At one point she climbed upon the railing and told me to stay away from her. I did nothing of the sort. I pulled her from the dangerous height and held tightly as I tried to veer the walk toward home. The quiet overtook again. Her soft sobbing broke my heart entirely and I did not know what to do. My own need to free my head and soul from the world creeped in over and over and proceeded to enflame both of us until we could nearly not stand to be within earshot of one another. The whole night had gone from passionate, loving physical beauty to a sordid, drunken mess with two people hanging on for their lives. Literally.

By the time we reached the hill between the market and her home, the end was at hand. Keys, yelling, swearing, crying... closeness gone, sexual feelings erased, life threatened. We were done.

Cue 'The Brunette, Michelle, Diane, and the Goblet'. Cue indeed. What a fucking tragic and defeated story ours had become. Now the lead-up to that weeks-long saga of sex and hell is illuminated. Suck it."





[06:39 pst 03/04/2018 CE, 1520174340 E]

We have secured yet another top-level domain for possible future expansion or transfer. The Coma domain has proven just a little off from the popular collective audience, so in the coming months we may embrace a new title image and location on the internet. In the meantime, things will continue along as they have for the last three years.

We also may roll the archive into the writing section and combine the two, keeping titles and such as they are. The dated entries have enjoyed their own place and timeline, while the lateral writings sit idle. Expansion and further visibility may push us to move things around.


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The Dash, the Bartender, and Juliette


Part One


"A story within a story within a story. Oh my. This one goes back and forth without sense, so buckle up. It stands as one of the most emotional and mentally-damaging stories I have ever attempted. Years ago I promised myself that I would keep this within me, but fuck it anyway. I no longer have anything to lose and the reveal may help me to survive... somehow.

We go...

The situation began with a trip to Pensacola to visit my cousins. I packed and flew away from the Brunette, arriving in Texas some hours later. With a multi-hour layover, I decided to slide into a comfortable bar/restaurant (no shit, huh?) and kill a bit of time while watching people move about the terminal. Naturally, the bartender was a young woman looking bright and energetic. The place was not busy due to the early hour, so I had a chance to speak with her about whatever subject came along. We exchanged the typical banter about what brought me there, my destination, and the reasoning behind the trip. As the first hour moved behind me, I learned that she took the job in order to mix with people.

She stood roughly five foot seven, with long, dark hair and very thin yet defined arms and shoulders. The black tank covered her chest and hid what appeared to be an unlined bra underneath. Below, her waist defied the diameter above, accented her hips, and displayed a very sharp ratio against her torso and legs. Overall the woman was yet another example of what I had been seeking, but due to the location nothing aside from gazing and conversation was possible. When she spoke and asked questions of me, her eyes lit somewhat and she appeared very hopeful and open. Had the encounter taken place after my many trips all over California and Nevada, however, I likely would have stared at her for a moment and ran away. That afternoon allowed me to sit for quite a while and take in all of her nicely. On the inside, things were no so positive.

The want began to creep in.

The woman was so pleasant and her demeanor so inviting that I could not help to dream of all that had been missing in my life for so long. She fit the bill completely. And that on top of the fact that I left with the intention of returning days later to the Brunette and all that she had meant to me. Sitting and exchanging thoughts with the gorgeous bartender seemed to show a weakness on my part, but the truth was that the want was taking over and had never left me. The woman moved back and forth behind the counter and did her job, and all the while my head went south and into areas I would have been better off pushing away. She was beautiful, and I simply could not help myself. Another drink, and more dreaming.

'Are you allowed to work with your hair down?'
'Yes, but too warm in here right now.'

She continued her duties with a slight smile and often glanced in my direction. I could not help but vocalize what I was feeling because I knew nothing would come of it. Soon I would be walking toward the gate and the whole thing would be done. Too bad. The woman was entering my head more and more. Her tender eyes were working their way inside me. I began to feel concern for my state. And I wanted her, of course. All of her. In such a weakened state, none of it was the least bit surprising.


134
My mind's eye


The trip from the Brunette's apartment and the fact that she drove me to the airport popped into my head often. She wanted me to get away for my own sanity. She also wished me all the happiness and contentment in the world as I left to visit family. I had to keep all of it close to my heart as I sat and stared at the creature who was fast becoming a point of focus. She was speaking to me even while her mouth uttered nothing. I could hear it... and the ideas drove me insane. The more I sat there -- knowing I should not have -- the more the want pressed me into narrowing focus dramatically and leaving me a single-celled creature without sense. Her beauty and pleasant nature did not leave me with the healthiest of thoughts, and that was not her doing. I was allowing it to happen for the millionth time. I did not run, but remained stapled to the barstool and unable to shift my brain away from the dreams and desires. The midsection of her body was my new world and there was no avoiding anything which might have helped me to cope and avoid the damage. I could not run from the want. It was in control of me, entirely.

A moment of pause from the conversation as others came in and took a seat. I was heading toward my second drink and pondering the question which always popped up: the why. All of the feelings which flew through me were related to the writings and desires of the past, and the woman behind the bar stayed away long enough for me to attempt to relate and calculate just why the numbers were turning into such a want. There was never anyone to bounce things off. The years passed had shown me just how crippling that type of sight could become, but never was I able to speak at length about finding reason. Years of need, and no outlet nor confidant.

When she returned, things began to look different -- desperate, difficult, and dire -- so I considered taking a leap of faith and revealing to her just why I needed to stay at the bar for my entire wait. And that brings the past back to my mind...

Nearly eight years earlier. Two thousand three, when I escaped the shackles of work and home life to run away. That was touched upon years ago, but some aspects of that time should be reviewed, and they were initially left out for reasons of anonymity. Now? Fuck it anyway. We go.

The first occasion when the obsession became overwhelming to the point of driving me out of my mind was a time when a coworker wanted to be with me and offered anything I may have wanted with regard to being physical together. She pressed me to step outside my relationship and have my way with her. When her desire and my need to understand became too much to bear, I ran my ass off and away from everything. A cool September morning saw me at work. My boss directed me away from our two facilities and toward a third with which I was unfamiliar and had hoped to avoid due to the staff there. He asked me to grab a few things and fill in until such time as they could stabilize their testing schedule. That building was several blocks away and required me to drive.

Between the change in environment (which was something I could not easily swallow), and the recent issue of being offered anything I wished from the coworker, my head began to overflow with discomfort. I sat in the car for several minutes before driving toward the north and to a place I knew would be uncomfortable and unfamiliar. After just a few blocks, the change forced me into a mental fetal position and I had to get the fuck out of there. So I did. A few turns and I drove right out the gate and onto the freeway. Oy.


135
Issues within me?


South to where? I formulated a plan immediately, and took to Pacheco Pass, leaving my real world behind.

As the miles rolled under my wheels, I started to worry a bit about the phone ringing on the seat next to me. It stayed quiet for a long while as I arrived part way down the interstate. Swinging the car in for fuel brought me a slight amount of clarity and the fact that I needed to set a few things in place before proceeding further. I filled the tank and took to the pay phone with multiple credit cards in hand. I needed to know how much leeway I might have had in order to secure a trip to Vegas. Yes, that's right... the promised land of escape and anonymity. After a few calls I knew my finances could support a lavish stay wherever I wished, so I got hold of the Luxor to book a room immediately. Back to the car, and then back to the pay phone to make one more important call... an escort agency(!). I reserved one more thing and then hit the fucking road. By that point, and after making calls and realizing I was nearly two hundred miles from my start, the delusion set in nicely and left me without worry. I was filled with anticipation.

Highway, loud music.

Hours later I rolled into the valet at the Luxor and left the car. The attendant asked if I was checking in and offered to grab a bellman for my luggage. I raised my arms and told him the trip was not planned prior to a short time earlier, and he smiled as if to say 'good for you'. I headed to the desk and check into a spa room in the pyramid. After stepping throught the door to such a large and well-appointed room, I knew I had to go back out the door of the massive resort and do some shopping. And I realized that the cell phone was still in the car. Oh well... fuck it anyway. Down the inclinator and to the main cashier. I asked about drawing cash and the woman directed me to machines around the corner. I headed there, went through the procedure, and the fucking device sent me away -- denied. Nope. Not going to happen. I went back to the same cashier window and she informed me that the failure was very common due to security precautions from the banks. I stepped aside to the payphones to call the bank, at which time the voice told me they wanted to ensure it was me. A few questions later and I was told that everything was good to go. Back to the machine, and another NO. Fuck me. Back to the cashier, and she said try the phone again because sometimes there may be a delay. I called a second time and was told that everything was fine and the issue may be the casino's precautions. Fuck me again. I slammed the phone down, left the resort, and sought the bank which issued my card. Toward the main drag of shopping.


332
Juliette's beauty all over the big bed


As I rolled along the boulevard, the idea of no cash began to cause me worry and I simply could not have such a thing. I knew that what I needed must continue unimpeded. The bank appeared and I went inside to solve my problem. The absolute goddess of a teller took my card and went back to her manager for a discussion. She returned, asked how much I wished to draw, and I smiled and told her I needed three thousand. She smiled back -- looking stunning in silk -- and attacked her computer. I filled out a form and she again smiled and asked how I would like the cash. 'All hundreds' I said, 'and dinner downtown, pretty please'. Red cheeks, tentative glances around the room, and, to my surprise, acceptance. Her name was Juliette and she looked like a million dollars standing behind the counter. I gave her my room number and a time to meet as she counted the many bills back to me. I softly touched her hand and stated that I would look much better that evening, and she replied that I need not change a thing. Holy fucking shit... I made a date in work clothes and with a woman who looked as if she could have been Miss America. Jesus. I asked if she was sure, and she returned the gesture with her hand and told me to count on it. Jesus... again. Out the door with a head full of possibilities, none of which related to real life.

I took to the boulevard again and knew I had to look loyally for the remainder of the trip, but I did not wish to expend the cash if at all possible. I ran across one of the many indoor malls in that huge city and proceeded to seek out some decent attire. As I walked the big hallways, my mind began to relax somewhat and I was able to put some things into perspective. Namely, I had zero attachments, tons of vacation hours, and no reason to worry about being gone other than the necessity of finally contacting my boss to tell him I needed some time away. The shopping went on, and I exercised credit as often as was feasible to keep the wad which was paramount while in a casino. All the while Juliette's long, wavy hair and smooth skin were in my thoughts. What could have come of that? Hmm.

After acquiring all that I felt would be appropriate for some days in the goblet, I headed back to the resort for a much-needed change of look. The inclinator again brought me to the thirtieth floor and my cozy room which started to look even better than my first visit. I was dreaming of not being there alone, and instead with a warm, real companion upon whom I planned to lavish much care. And while my previous trip was quite expensive, the company that my money funded was fantastic. Juliette was not a call girl, but an everyday person working and supporting herself through the bank. That was all I knew and the rest would hopefully come with time.

While in the room I called the escort service and cancelled my reservation, offering a partial fee so as to not offend the classy establishment. Although I knew that need may return sometime in the future, the current trip had improved over finding someone in person with which to spend time. And what a fucking find.


119
Smooth skin and beautiful breasts


After freshening up and donning some of the new clothing, I decided to call my work and get the difficulty out of the way. My boss was halfway out the door that afternoon, and told me to avoid running away in the future. He said my leaving would have been perfectly fine had I done the reverse and asked for the time. Ultimately he told me to relax and find what I needed, leaving my trip open-ended. I apologized profusely and left the conversation feeling that his caring superceded any worry of disciplinary actions. Whew. Better. That relief led to me needing a drink in a sunken and comfortable spot for quiet thought. To the Aurora on the casino floor.

Perfect.

Sandra, the attending server that late afternoon, approached me with her absolutely gorgeous Egyptian eyebrows and form-fitting black dress. She sat in the puffy chair next to me and inquired of my needs. I ordered a cocktail and told her all that I needed in the world was her lovely smile and some comfort. She tapped my hand, smiled, and left for the service bar. Jesus fucking Harold Christ, there seemed to be no end to the beautiful and courteous women in that town. I had to steel myself every time she visited my table due to the overwhelming need to swallow her whole. Fuck me running. What a sight she was, and with a disarming smile which had the ability to force everything out of my head save for her. Sandra's demeanor and look would keep me attached to that chair and her every gesture.

A couple of hours passed bringing the dinner date closer each moment. I still had plenty of time and had been offsetting my alcohol consumption with lots of water. After Sandra's umpteenth arrival at my table, I noticed a lovely woman on the casino floor sitting beautifully at a slot machine. I asked Sandra to send her a lemon drop on my tab, and a few moments later she delivered the drink. The woman did not look in my direction despite Sandra pointing out its origin. I thought nothing of it, and continued to calculate what that night may entail. A short time later, I sent another cocktail to the gambler, and that time she looked in my direction. I smiled and raised my glass, and she showed appreciation by returning the gesture. Later, when I needed to exit the coziness of Aurora, I walked in her direction to wish her well. She looked up at me and told me that she was killing time away from her spouse, so nothing could come of the situation. 'No worries', I told her, 'I just wanted to improve your day'. She smiled at me, thanked me profusely, and expressed the fact that I did exactly that. Bye bye.

I blew a kiss toward Sandra and slid back up to the top of the pyramid. Upon seeing my room again, I felt as if the reasoning for dashing away from my life was beginning to pay off. And as unbelievable as it was to secure dinner with a fucking unreal-looking woman that very day, I had no stress or discomfort over anything up to that point in the trip. The outset had turned out to be precisely what I had been seeking day after miserable day for months. I knew that some time passing in my previous world would not change me or anything else. That did not matter. I just wanted to sink in and find a place otherwise unavailable.

Knock knock. Butterflies.


367
Juliette... and on all fours for fuck's sake


Upon opening the door, before me stood Juliette... one of the most elegant women in recent memory. I immediately became so flustered that my greeting was delayed several seconds. I shook my head and invited her in. Holy shit, she was in my hotel room, and looking as if she had spent much time in an attempt to look nice. The effort was appreciated, and I told her as much. She smiled and hugged me gently, took a stroll across to the window, and commented that the room appeared large and comfortable. I had only been there less than an hour in total since my arrival in town, but I was forced to agree. I asked her to take a seat, and could not help but gaze upon her sculpted legs and tremendous hair. The woman looked like the embodiment of class and stature, which pushed me to feel under-dressed for any occasion with her in tow. When she complimented my appearance, I smiled at her and felt a bit more at ease. She was someone I knew nothing about but for whatever reason brought me solace in many ways. I needed to be close -- attached to her somehow -- and that had been my wish from first sight on. We made some polite conversation and decided to head to the floor to sit with a drink and discuss my trip further. She could sense that I was there to get away from something, and she was one hundred percent correct. What was a mystery was just why she would accept an invitation from someone in that type of situation. We would soon get to that, and more.

Down to the casino and straight to the Nile. She sat very close to me with one hand on mine. I was immediately attracted to her eyes because they conveyed more feeling and emotion than I had seen in many years. Juliette looked stunning beyond words and I did my damndest to keep my eyes on hers, rather than exploring the rest of her form. We spoke at length about work, personal relationships and expectations, and the possibility of a kind of happiness which came without reservations or excessive stress. Her thoughts took me over. And throughout the time sitting there at the Nile, she occasionally intertwined her fingers with mine -- a satisfying touching which brought me to believe that she was genuinely interested in finding what I had sought. Good god, the peaceful nature of her contact pressed me into getting lost mentally, and I began to need the closeness more and more. Staring at her eyes began to melt me from the inside out. She expressed so much raw emotion through those beautiful pools that not knowing her became irrelevant. The look, the touching, and the calmness she exuded... exactly what I was looking for but had no intention of actually seeking. Juliette was just standing there at work, off the strip and away from the glitz of Vegas, and meeting her was a miracle of sorts. The idea of strolling around those massive resorts and trying to find that type of comfort and look felt impossible. I had to consider the good fortune almost constantly.

We soon left the bar and walked across the big bridge into the Mandalay Bay. That was a hotel with which I had been previously intimate. Along the slow stroll, her hand did not leave mine, and my hand began to feel an underlying caring. I did my best not to gush toward her in any way for fear of seeming too clingy. Our walk led us to the House of Blues, where we spied a mostly-empty restaurant. We sidled to the bar and ordered drinks, and all the while my head was swimming in some sort of nether region between this world and the next. I could not believe the chance of finding someone so kind and understanding, and the thought had begun to enter my bruised heart. Juliette, and my knowing of her for mere hours, was taking me from myself. I wanted all of her, and the top of that desire was intimacy of mind.

Into the Blues visit a short while, and she told me that she wished to spend time with me simply as an aside to her life. She was not happy with much of anything, disillusioned with the sheer number of partners who wanted nothing more than physical contact, and the daily work environment which seemed to be stagnant. I stood her up, placed my hands upon her soft cheeks, and told her that we could be ideally suited to each other for however much time she wished to spend there.

Juliette hugged me tightly, kissed my cheek with the salt of her tears, and revealed that her bag -- with a week's worth of clothes and necessities -- was waiting patiently in her car outside. Huh? The woman accepted a dinner date and packed for days? Holy shit, did I ever find someone special. I was already overwhelmed by her gentle nature and tenderness with which she told me about her feelings, but to see her there in front of me looking gorgeous beyond description and then learn that she had hoped to stay with me in the hotel... Jesus H. Crap, I was pulled in immediately. All at once I wished to care for her like no other. Hold her, caress her, and simply ensure that she could be comfortable in more ways than just physically. And speaking of that, and regardless of the shape of her beautiful body and that flowing hair, the sexual thoughts backed off as I wanted to focus upon her happiness.

'I want to be close... connected to each other.'
'Absolutely, my dear.'

No sooner had she expressed her desire to be attached to me, when a tap on my shoulder slammed me back in time... to a year earlier. Juliette grabbed me from behind and held on tight as I spun around to a woman I had not seen since my last contract with the escort agency. A call girl...

Jasmine.

And she was crying."





[06:18 pdt 03/17/2018 CE, 1521293940 E]

Organization is the word of the day. We are considering ousting the archival structure and adding an index page for all of the titled entries. Since last year, the archive has grown out of control and the lines of code are proving time-consuming with regard to load times. The images do not help, either. So, the beginning of a different and more user-friendly indexing system will begin soon.

hexagram





Jasmine and the Bleeding Prostitute


Part Two


"Juliette clinged to me like a wounded bird, yet the look on her face showed that she would not leave my side, despite a woman coming out of nowhere and addressing me as if we were more than acquianted. I felt the tightness of her hands at my waist and the warmth of her chin on my shoulder as I greeted Jasmine. She took my hand and wished to know if I was staying at the Mandalay. I told her that Juliette and I had a room next door, and asked if she needed to speak privately (no shit). Having had no dinner as of that point in the evening, the three of us ventured back across the bridge and up to my room. Along the way my hand felt like it would lose feeling due to Juliette's grip, and I understood completely. Her constant contact warmed me like nothing else. The poor girl was just getting to the beginning of some familiarity with me and the idea of being where we both needed, and the conversation hit a switch track. Out of nowhere approached a lavishly dressed -- and crying -- call girl from my past who had some issue for which she came to yours truly. And Juliette held on anyway. That thought did not leave my head for a long while. I just wanted to be alone with her but that would have to wait, and the entire time I worried over her feelings. That was a woman I had just met hours earlier, and there we were trotting toward my huge room with a fucking call girl. Nice. I had not seen Jasmine for a solid year since my previous trip, and was trying to calculate the odds of her spying me in that lounge -- which is quite off the beaten path, by the way -- and coming to me for help. I figured the matter would fall outside the typical issue which may draw security, and that consideration began to make me nervous. Juliette was not the only one with a tight grip.

We entered and Jasmine hugged me, still weeping. I told her that whatever may have been wrong would be alright, although I had no idea of why she came to me. The surprise of her arrival in the House was still floating within, yet my need to be with the loveliness which was Juliette remained at the forefront. Jasmine introduced herself to Juliette, and then turned and pleaded with me to bring another woman to my room immediately. Huh? Fuck. What could have been happening, and why was I suddenly a go-to? I informed her that the decision was not solely mine, so she also asked my companion if her request was acceptable. Juliette said it was fine, and wished to help in any manner which did not make us uncomfortable. Jasmine agreed, and made a phone call. We all sat down in the salon and the words stopped. The picture of the three of us must have been humorous on some level, but I was quickly becoming nervous, and the fear was all over my face. Juliette saw it right away because she rarely took her eyes off me. I could see appreciation combined with concern. That felt wonderful and I wished to grab her and hold on tight. She arose and walked to me, flopped on my lap and held on.

We waited several moments before hearing a knock at the door. Jasmine trotted over and let in the woman in question. Oy, god. The young girl entered and clutched Jasmine for dear life. Her lower lip was bleeding, hair was messed up pretty badly, and there was a small tear on her collar. She wore the clothing of someone in the business of 'entertainment' and looked like her day had not gone well, to say the least. Again, everyone sat, and the new arrival told us of what had happened less than an hour earlier. Apparently, she was overjoyed at being in my hotel room, as Jasmine had told her of what a good person I had been to her a year before. She thanked me and said she had run from a lower floor and hid in the stairwell for more than an hour. A client had attacked her in some manner and she barely got out of his room to flee further abuse. I told her she was welcome to stay a while, calm herself, clean up, and find a way to get out of the resort and back home.

Juliette and Jasmine were happy with my offer and both began to comfort the young girl. I sat there, floored by what was going on, and dreamed of returning to the warmth that was Juliette's company. She, in turn, looked at me like the same thoughts were going on inside her. After learning that the girl's name was Bridget, Jasmine asked if they could speak alone in the bathroom. Of course I agreed, and that gave Juliette and myself a few moments to do the same.


364
Her curves sent me flying


She took my hand and led me back to the sofa, grabbed my worried face, and whispered that once the affair with Jasmine and Bridget was resolved, we had plenty of time to spend alone. Juliette also said in no way would anything keep us from finding the space to learn of each other's desires and needs. Her eyes told me much more, and for once since turning and seeing Jasmine in the House, I felt at ease. My goodness, but the amount of feeling she expressed was disarming. Still new to each other and yet I knew all would be just fine -- somehow -- and for whatever reasons.

Moments later Bridget emerged from the bathroom and came to me for a hug. She tearily pleaded to get her out of the hotel in the direction she needed. All at once I knew how to proceed. I took Jasmine's hand and asked about my idea, and when she agreed I grabbed the phone and turned to Bridget to tell her not to fret over exiting the resort. She smiled, and I dialed. Within minutes there were two security officers at my door. Upon inquiring as to why I called, Bridget gave them the most amazing line of bullshit to steer them away from the idea of her being employed within the world's oldest profession. They courteously agreed to walk with us to the self-park portal at the rear of the hotel, and went ahead to ensure her safety. All of us exited the room -- Juliette once again attached to me like an extra appendage (heartwarming, to the last) -- and we made a beeline for the attraction level and toward the parking garage. The two officials stood by the door as Juliette and I said our goodbyes to both Bridget and Jasmine, after which they walked off to her parking space. Upon seeing them disappear, Juliette kissed me and asked to head back inside to Aurora for some further conversation. Yep... she wanted to know of my association with Jasmine, and in a comfortable setting. I thanked the security contingent for their endless attention and discretion, shook their hands firmly, and we disbanded. To the lounge directly.

Upon taking to the big chairs, the server sat with us to take our order, and sensed our need for solitude. I just loved to no end the ability of the picturesque staff in that bar to immediately pick up on the varying needs of the clientele and proceed to treat them accordingly. And ours was no different than Sandra earlier that day with her gentle words and understanding -- not to mention the unreal form of her cocktail dress and impeccable makeup. We ordered and sank into the chairs as if they were the very womb of life. And it began...


365
Juliette was a work of art


The tale of a year prior to meeting Juliette and her tremendous draw upon my senses. Onward to that story.

I was on the phone with the escort agency even before the plane left the ground in Oakland. I wanted to ensure my new friend would be at the hotel as soon after my arrival as possible and they operate smoothly enough that I knew there would be no entanglements. That agency is expensive, but worth it.

After checking into the hotel, I ordered two bottles of Grand Marnier, showered, shaved, dressed, and tipped the gentleman who delivered the booze. I offered him a cocktail and requested a few minutes of conversation. He asked what I wanted of him, and I inquired as to his knowledge of horizontal entertainment therapists. Tim replied that he had none but could give me the number of a behind-the-scenes concierge who knew all. He turned down the drink and shook my hand (while gazing at me as if I were Satan there to take his soul) and then trotted off toward the door. As the door swung open, Jasmine appeared on the other side and said hello. I thought he was going to blow a gasket. He looked at her, back at me, then to the floor before darting out. What a moment.

Jasmine and I spoke for more than an hour in my room before heading downstairs to Red Square. During that period I took notice of her appearance. She was lovely, exotic, extremely well-spoken and articulate. As escorts run she was classy, to be honest. She was dressed loyally in pants and a red silk blouse (as I had requested) and appeared affluent with all of the platinum accents. Her dark hair flowed well past shoulder length and nearly covered a beautifully tapered back. She wore black suede strapped pumps and her toenails were blood red. I just loved it. As Jasmine was such a gorgeous example of a young and healthy hybrid Japanese girl, you can probably imagine the attention she could garner when dressed to the nines. With introductory chit chat and our first exchange of cash out of the way, we headed to the bar (big surprise).

Red Square was peaceful and alluring. It is a Russian bar/restaurant and is known for copius amounts of stylish vodkas. Wonderful. We did not wish to eat there, so just a couple of martinis later we were out the door hand in hand. Her warmth and friendliness was driving me nuts. I longed to be against her in every way possible. We headed across the bridge to Aurora in the Luxor and along the way we browsed a few shops and took notice of the House Of Blues on the right as a possible dinner choice. They had the most wonderful calamari and shark dishes, and as a southern-themed establishment you just know there were umpteen fucking bourbons behind the bar waiting to be slurped. That place was really well operated, in my opinion. After yet another drink in Aurora and a dozen appraising glances from every traveling salesman and single guy in the room, we decided to go back to the Bay and sit in the tub. By that hour I was dying to caress her. Of course, she was mine and would affirm anything I wished. We ventured back through the Luxor arm-in-arm to our warm and bubbly destination.

We showered separately to avoid staying in there all evening. I wanted the tub and the warm relaxation that comes with it (and the fucking orange sweetness of the alcohol). Once in the welcoming hot water we immediately drew together and stayed as such for the next half hour. Jasmine's skin had been calling for my lips since the first moment we touched and so I pulled her in front of me - facing away - and held on tight while burying my face in her fragrant hair. That was unreal. She smelled wonderful. I let her slip down a bit until looking just over her head. We sat and talked about the town, the resorts, and tourism at such a stumbling economic time. The conversation was stifled when the timed bubbles ceased, leaving the room quiet and calm. At that point I gazed toward her legs as they rested between mine and saw one of the most enticingly beautiful sights imaginable. Her knees were together which created a tapered gap leading up the thighs. That is an image which I had sought vigorously over the last few years - just a picture. To have that vision in person and in front of me was nearly too much for my delicate senses (it is almost too much to sit here and fucking put it to the screen without falling into a mental hole). Needless to say, I gazed and drooled as long as I could hold out from completely swallowing all of her. Jasmine was pleasantly aware of my need to be silent at times. She allowed for the quiet in the room to be replaced by our breathing, and the mood felt as if she knew just what I needed from her. What a girl.


366
Jasmine wore the most elegant lingerie


Beyond our initial contact in the tub, the remainder of the early evening was spent as one might expect. Skin, alcohol, lips, fingers, tongues, breasts, legs... you know. I need not go into much detail, but suffice to say one of the most delightful moments of that weekend was spent licking Grand Marnier from the small of her back all the way down to the depths of my desire. Just absolutely satisfying, she was.

Jasmine and I napped for a bit before showering together. Shower led us into hunger. Time for dinner. After regaining some sort of composure, the ideas for dinner began to flow and eventually led us back to the House Of Blues. That was nice. Some fish, 1792 bourbon, spinach salad and a bit of Dom for dessert added up to quite the rich experience. I then decided that Jasmine was spending far too much time clothed, so back to the room we trotted. Once there, she became my toy yet again and for the next few hours I proceeded to explore her every inch. She was delicious, warm, soft, and every bit the caressing doll that I had craved. The night melted away and flowed into a soothing and comfortable embrace within our bed. I thanked her profusely for her time and she replied that I would no longer have need to call anyone else for my future visits to the promised land. Mercy. After that evening I was physically satisfied and sufficiently pickled enough to realize the gravity of my errors. I knew all too well that the real world would soon capture and confine me once again. That was all the more reason to drown deeper and that is precisely what I did on Sunday. A heaping helping of damaging behavior was on tap for yours truly.

Sunday morning brought me to my knees. The realization of the effects of running away were cemented deep in my psyche. I knew going home and facing that which I was avoiding would be difficult in the extreme. The time to delude further was at hand. Fuck it. I ordered a few pastries for us along with coffee and Bailey's (let me also add that they really fuck you when ordering full bottles of alcohol via room service, but I did not care at that time). Just a light breakfast was all we needed after the excess dinner the previous night. We showered together (of course) and then headed downstairs for a drink before taking a walk to Caesars. Aurora was empty and inviting. We sat and talked for a bit and then took off for the street. The walk was calm and peaceful.

Shopping within the Forum was uneventful. I made no purchases other than coffee and booze and Jasmine did the same. We merely wanted to be within the fold of the wealthy for a period of time. That is always a fun process to watch. Walking back toward the south and through the casino I noticed Cleopatra's Barge was all lit up for maintenance and it reminded me of my prior trip. The memory was painful. During said weekend I sat in that bar and contemplated killing myself at any moment. I was so fucking down that it seemed nothing could bring me out of such a low. For whatever reason, my comfort level within the club was not exactly blowing up my skirt, so I ventured out of the bar and all the way to the street. That is quite a long walk and an even longer trip back to the Luxor (my resort of choice back then). Along the way my head cleared a bit and upon my arrival at my room I noticed a message from a friend informing me she would be flying down in the morning. That boosted me enough to remain in this world a while longer. Let us turn our attention back to the Sunday in question, as the reference above is a story for another time.

As Jasmine and I walked by the barge that memory flooded into my head very quickly and I had need to take a pause. We turned back toward the Forum and sunk into the Seahorse for a break. That lounge is absolutely cozy. One drink coupled with some flirty chit chat with the server and we returned to our walk. Upon reaching the south exit from Caesars I remembered the Palm and just had to have some lobster. As that legendary restaurant is located within the Forum, we once again tramped through the casino. Lunch was yummy but oh so heavy. That required a midday cardiovascular workout. To the resort we strolled. Of course, I was referring to some afternoon pool and spa time. We limped to the hotel by way of an enchanting little lounge in the Monte Carlo that was just asking for attention. Few others were apparent when we arrived, so the two of us helped to drum up business for the alluring Thai bartender. Jesus, she was a fucking food group and had the typical melange of traveling males attached to her every word. Post drink, we darted back to the Mandalay and changed for the pool. Jasmine wore the most gorgeous yellow bikini, string-tied top and 3/4-cut bottom and just looking every bit the high-maintenance chick that I loved attached to my hip. I wore a body glove of the purple and black variety, all zippers and cash apparent. We swam and drank, leading once again to the feeling that Jasmine was clothed for far too long that day. To the room...


370
Anything I wished


...and we arrived to find hors d'oeuvres and champagne awaiting our drippiness. Jennifer (the concierge of the day) had outdone herself at making us feel welcomed and appreciated. (If only I could have returned the favor in kind.) We showered for an hour before flopping in for a nap. We never made it to the hot tub. All of that caressing and soapy behavior just took my wind away as it could. Jasmine had a knack for sending me into the fucking clouds. The nap and associated workout brought on the need for decadent and expensive cuisine (no shit, huh?). This time however, she picked the menu. We took to the street and walked all the way to the Venetian. Jesus fuck but that was a long way.

The fucking Delmonico Steakhouse. As it was my second visit, I already was aware of the experience ahead of us. That restaurant is simply one of the finest dining establishments in Las Vegas. Every aspect of the operation is fantastic. From classic mint juleps to the caesar dressing manufactured tableside to the fucking epic service, that place is tip top. In Vegas, stating one restaurant as head and shoulders above the rest is quite a feat. In this case, however, the task is easy. Dinner was 4 hours long and worth every second. I could not get enough of that place. Jasmine had some sort of a foodgasm after sampling a combination of prime beef and the luscious sweetness of an old fashioned on ice. I could see in her eyes that such a level of dining was not the norm for her. I just wanted to keep her forever and show her just how rewarding some parts of life could be. Too bad my goddamned head was a supernova in process. After dinner (12am by that point), we strolled through the Venetian and across the street to the beautiful Mirage for a bit of scenery. The members of the cocktail staff there are always lovely and worth a glance or three. Just one more glass of alcohol over ice and we left the waterfall-laden lounge for the street yet again and returned to the coziness and welcoming embrace of the Mandalay Bay - my dream home, as it were. Once back in the room, I peeled Jasmine's attire from her beautiful body and proceeded to paint her skin with my soft tongue. She was delicious and all mine. We slept as two halves of a human pretzel.

Monday morning was far too short in terms of the clock. Things had always tended to become rushed and businesslike when checkout time was apparent. I did not like that at all. The atmosphere changed dramatically and the idea of exiting my favorite place and returning to the world was not something that affected me in any positive way. The entire process needed to be removed from my way of life. The fit was not there at all. On that particular occasion, I knew of the seriousness of my choices. Common sense had been left at the gate in Oakland and after the weekend my mind was once again invaded violently with responsibility and the future. The moments were mounting. I also needed to say goodbye to Jasmine's beauty, warmth, and security, and that was not something I felt could be accomplished easily. The cut had to be quick and sharp. She had become my friend and lover for the entire visit and watching her leave my room and disappear into the dim hallway was almost too much for me to take. That difficulty sits within me now as a harsh reminder of the dramatic gradient between my life and my dreams. I drank to her departure, to my unhappiness, and to the road ahead. I drank in my room, in the elevator, and in the lobby for the last time. I then proceeded out of the hotel with flask in hand and tears in my eyes. All I had left was the mix of pain and fear which enabled my flight from home in the first place. Everything returned so quickly that I seemed to blink and the calendar disappeared before me as it had on so many occasions before.

The soft beauty, grace, and charm that was the Mandalay Bay had exited my consciousness and was replaced with life once again. Just bad. All bad.


368
Even her shoes turned me on like a switch


I conveyed the entire tale to Juliette. All of it. And the more detail I provided, the more she became enamored with both my storytelling and the story itself. What Jasmine had become on that fateful weekend in two thousand and two was enough to force Juliette to reveal to me that she had read me from the word go. Yes, at the fucking bank she saw me and knew that I could be a person with whom she could be comfortable. Huh? Comfort? With a man who had engaged the services of a prostitute and tossed his life aside for the excess of Vegas? Wow. Just wow. She told me that the escape aspect of that earlier weekend was very telling of the nature of my damaged mind and heart. Further, she stated that had the circumstances of that night's adventure with Jasmine and Bridget not taken place, she may not have viewed me in such a light. Holy fucking crap I just wanted to be all over her and in every conceivable manner. Juliette was unreal.

After spending a while there with conversation and a few quality cocktails, she wished to be truly alone. That was a thought which sent me flying, but I could not resist any request she may have had. That woman was placing herself next to me in so many ways that I had trouble rationalizing or understanding. So, considering all of my escapades in Vegas within so many fucking trips there for all the wrong reasons, I decided to let the world go and become whatever she wished me to be. There was no escaping the powerful draw of her beautiful eyes, huge heart, or the fact that she seemed to know me beyond what was real. I went with it -- with her -- into whatever world we could create. I found myself enamored with all that she was, and all that I knew we would enjoy.

Off the deep end of the scale, and off to the edge of the universe we headed. Juliette took me... she fucking took all of me to a place where I could attach myself without worry, incident, or pain. Her heart wrapped itself around me and warmed me to no end. God help me for the exit which would arrive after such bliss.

We took note of Aurora's wonderful atmosphere and made a beeline to the garage once again to retrieve Juliette's belongings for the stay. Afterward, we scrambled up to the room so she could unpack and spread her things about the vanity. We spoke here and there about things to see and do, places to visit for food and drink, and after her bag was emptied she looked upon me for attention. I assured her that she would be want for nothing no matter the length of stay nor cost. She smiled and walked to me with eyes on fire. The tale had left her wanting much more than the bars and restaurants, and although she seemed to be suddenly in heat, we agreed to move slowly and be certain that our path was clear and understood from that point forward. Jesus god on the mountain of life... the situation finally showed us a beginning upon which we could attach our wants. And they were many, for both.

Juliette dressed in a stunning array of lingerie (displaying nearly all of herself right in front of me but paying no attention to my glancing toward her), an outfit made up of a silk tank and form-fitting low-rise jeans, and a pair of heels which propelled her up and into the likes of nothing I had ever seen before me. I asked if my attire could possibly match her level, and she walked to me with an expression of appreciation followed by a whisper. 'You look fantastic, but nothing you can wear will match your heart. Let's get a drink, talk a bit, and then finally go eat something.' Yes, ma'am.

Fuck me in a muddy ditch, that was the end of my sense. I disconnected myself from all that came before, and embraced the bubble. I walked to her and hugged her for all I was worth. The woman demonstrated unending compassion, kindness, caring, and a gentle nature toward complete strangers (not to mention me). I could not believe Juliette's nature and my good fortune at asking of her at the bank. Still, and despite all of the heavenly thoughts and wondrous imagery flying through my fucked up head, one simple question was still hanging on and swinging to and fro just as a pendulum clocking my very fears...

Why would this beautiful example of womanhood cut and run with me? Oy. We needed to have a conversation, and that time was finally at hand. As gorgeous as she was, standing there dressed to kill, and as the thoughts of ravaging her spun over and over within me, the talking had to come first. I took her hand and we left the room.


369
Oh my, those thighs


Back down the inclinator and into the casino for the third time.

Juliette and I walked slowly toward the Nile and again she gripped my hand the entire stroll. We took a seat at the empty bar and proceeded to learn of each other. The first order was my reasoning for being there and flying away from my life so quickly. I told her of all that had taken place as well as my feelings toward my life as it stood. Work, my relationship, the previous year's trip to the Luxor, and the idea that my career was becoming stagnant and unsatisfying. As I spoke to her lovely eyes, she sat quietly and caressed my hands. Not a word emanated from her until such time as she felt I needed a break. Juliette took in every word with her full attention and that was something to which I was not accustomed. It was heartwarming.

Cocktails, of course.

On the other side of things, she revealed to me that similar demons were at work inside her head and my dinner invitation became an door of sorts. She had been seeking something outside her life and daily routine but nothing came along. The wait caused her to begin losing faith in the possibility of happiness and a connection with another person which was the top of her list. Apparently, as soon as I appeared at the teller window she saw the difficulty and recklessness in my eyes and wished to know of the how and the why. I told her that when I saw her eyes glistening in the bright lights, I knew she was someone with whom I could spend time and be very comfortable. I stared at her face for several moments because I could not help it. She stared back at me, got up from the chair and pulled my ponytail up to the top of my head. Juliette then kissed the back of my neck, whispered that she needed the restroom, and walked away. I watched her long, tapered legs and her ass as it gyrated back and forth across the casino. Jesus fucking Christ, the woman looked incredible, and she was with me. Criminy. The bartender smiled at me and I looked back with a combination of fear and longing. And bliss. She gave me goosebumps all over.

Upon her return we closed the tab and thanked our bartender for his attention. Across the big bridge again, and this time into Rumjungle. At long last, we sat and had a nice meal which brought me back to the original invitation at the bank. We dined and spoke of how nice it was to be alone. She looked so beautiful that I still stumbled with my words from time to time. That made her giggle and she told me it was ok because she knew there was much more to my heart than carnal thoughts. Fucking hell, what a lovely dinner and companion. To think that I had paid a tremendous sum for a similar type of company just a year before was stirring. Juliette was real. And I mean it. Again she took my hand in her long fingers, and leaned across the table.

'I need you up against me.'

Oh god.





[07:53 pdt 03/24/2018 CE, 1521903180 E]

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La Perla, the Seahorse, and the Night


Part Three


"After dinner that evening, we returned to the thirtieth floor to reflect on the first day and relax. I ordered some light dessert and a bottle of wine to bring a bit of a cap to the meal. Juliette took to the bathroom for a while and emerged in satin and silk. Jesus Christ I could not wrap my sorry head around what she had brought to that hotel. When I complimented her sleepwear, she told me that to spend some days at such a high level was a wonderful thought, so she made sure her attire would match. Oh my goodness did she look like the very definition of a model. She slinked to the sofa and sank into the velour and a glass of wine.

'How long do you want to be here?'
'Until the sun burns out.'
'Perfect'. She smiled and swilled, while I gazed and dreamed.

The hour was becoming late, and we were both fairly tired after all of the galavanting and dealing with Jasmine and her injured partner. I knew sleep would come soon and the bed just sat there... waiting. Juliette in all her silky loveliness came to me and took my hands, leading me to believe that something was about to take place. She pulled me to the sheets and undressed me. Into the bed, and that beautiful creature killed the lights and proceeded to absolutely wrap all of herself around me. 'We don't know yet, but I need to hold you all night.' Again... yes ma'am.

Slumber and heat.

Early morning I found myself still with Juliette's warm skin all over me. I layed there and wondered what the coming hours and days may bring, and watched as the light came up outside the slanted windows. The entirety of the previous day was unreal in my head. Beginning with the escape from my workplace to the drive, into the sultry Luxor, to the bank, and then her arrival at my door. Following, Jasmine and Bridget throwing a wrench into the gears of our evening, and their subsequent departure in the garage. Everything was beginning to calm inside, however, and my worries diminished to a nice degree. I started to hope that the new day would allow us more uninterrupted time together as well as a further understanding of each other. The woman next to me smelled like perfume and warmth. She drove me nearly out of my mind with her never-ending attention and beauty. As I held her, I could feel the thin bra straps across her tapered back and listened to her soft breathing. I longed to attack her from every conceivable angle and in every way -- a deep longing I had not felt for years. And still a tinge of wonder toward her intentions. Time passed as I considered our whereabouts and the implications of being so physically close when she finally awakened. I heard a sigh, she pushed me to my back, climbed aboard, and held on for dear life. Juliette hooked her feet under my legs, buried her lips to my neck, and whispered...

'I need coffee, and I am fucking hungry. Get up, mister.'

Hee.



338
The very definition of beauty


Juliette had a way of putting things simply and to the point. Her voice was always smooth as silk with an underlying sweetness toward me which I soaked up like the sun. We arose that morning and headed to the shower. I looked at her as if to ask if we were going to step in together, to which she basically pushed me in and grabbed the valve handle. I dashed back out to lose my shorts and she laughed. And then she opened the shower door again and made a conscious effort to be sure I was watching when she disrobed. Holy shit and crap and everything else. That was a turning point after being restrained the night before. I would not have asked anything of her in such a direction but wanted it nonetheless. Once in the hot water, Juliette stated that there was an enormous difference between being nude together in the shower and physically doing more. Again, to the point and clear. I gazed at her eyes with appreciation.

'Feel free to look all you want, my dear.'

Sooooooo... we dressed and made a beeline for the inclinator. She wished to grab a light meal wherever we could, and then meander down the boulevard to take a look around. We cruised across the big pedestrian overpasses which connect the corners of Las Vegas and Tropicana Boulevards. As we made our way toward the MGM, I noticed a billion appraising glances from any number of others in the area. I looked over at her to find that face smiling as if to say 'unavailable, but thank you for looking'. At that point she turned to me and smiled more, paused slightly, and kissed my cheek while her hands held my face. It was a demonstration I would have expected from a highly-paid escort, and my joy in her gesture was wonderful. We continued, hand-in-hand. Jesus fucking crap and whatever. And I could not keep my eyes off her. Her gait with the heels was folding my mind into a neat little square as we walked. Holding her warm hand in mine was equally stirring. I could not believe the relaxing affection that woman displayed almost constantly. I was beginning to realize that her telling me of missing out on closeness in her life was something that had become a genuine trial. I felt for her and did my best to convey everything which was bringing me such comfort and adoration. Juliette's hands were non-stop in their connection to mine, often caressing my shoulders, and arms. Seldom was she not attached to me in some manner and I loved it. Glances, as well... back and forth and heartfelt. I happily returned all of it.

'When I saw your eyes in the bank and you asked me to dinner, I knew already that I would be cared for as I have wished.'

We stopped at the Studio Cafe in the MGM and sat for a bit with something to eat and a lovely little pot of coffee. Juliette was overjoyed to ingest caffeine and snacks. She told me part of her appetite was due to us avoiding the bedroom gymnastics. Her playful nature was apparent almost constantly along with a healthy sense of humor. Just two more points to escalate my already increasing feelings for her. We talked about her goal that day of finding something nice to wear and I suggested either of the indoor malls up the boulevard. We finished our meal at the cafe and walked toward the boulevard again. Thinking of her wish to shop, I added a little thought along the lines of stopping by some sort of a church to give thanks for her company. It was meant to be funny, but moved Juliette to stop the walk and hug me tightly.

'I was kidding, but I so love being with you right now.'
'How did you come out of nowhere and into my teller window?'

She kissed me deeply, right there in front of the many golden doors of the MGM Grand. And out we went.


278
Juliette and her dreamy features


Along the way Juliette and I enjoyed more conversation regarding the reasoning behind us being where we were. I gained more insight as to her situation in life and deep dissatisfaction with so many aspects therein. She told me that her decision for agreeing to see me was one of the best she had made in recent memory. Those big eyes expressed much more than that as she spoke, and I was quickly reaching a point in which I wanted all of her even more. The caressing continued all the way into and through the Venetian, and that is no short distance. I spied the massive TAO Bistro and commented about the sexy nightlife there, including the many dancers which dotted the inside during late nights. I was stopped suddenly, and Juliette took my face yet again and stated in all seriousness that any desire I may have had would be furnished by no one but herself. Huh? Fuck me in a muddy ditch, her demeanor seemed over the top until the laughter commenced. I was surprised by the possessive tone and then realized the play had returned. After a fairly serious discussion, such a flighty and flirty response was completely unexpected. God she was fun to be near.

Once again physically fused, we boarded the massive escalator to move between corners of the enormous streets. Along the ride up, she took the step behind me and grabbed hold of my waist. Her chest pressed into my back and I could feel the thin, unlined bra which held those soft breasts. All at once I needed to turn myself and attack her sexually, but just as the thought flew into me we arrived at the top and separated. Juliette walked backward in front of me smiling, with her dark hair flowing all around in the breeze like a wild horse on the plain. Fucking hell, she was so beautiful and had turned into much more than I could have wished. I watched her intently, until I could take no more of being apart. I dashed my ass to her and grasped her with all of me. She held on tight and we continued down, up, and down again, finally arriving at the Palace and its dramatic entry.

Inside, the memories of previous trips took a slight portion of my attention. The past had a way of working itself inside me no matter the circumstances. Juliette sensed a bit of a drop in my eyes, and pulled me toward the nearest lounge -- Seahorse. We sat and awaited attention from the Roman-clad servers. Across the table from me was a woman who forced me to consider all of the terms which typically apply to such a chance encounter... fate, destiny, Karma... whatever. The questions started to pull at my brain and cause me unrest when combined with memories of being there with Jasmine. Juliette knew of that trip and had no reservations about me sharing the experience. She was happy to be there with me and expressed as much often. I felt no need to keep any details whatsoever out of anything she asked. Again our hands intertwined. And then the server approached, looking ever the Caesars goddess, and bent to greet us and take an order. I found myself unable to take my eyes of Juliette, and that despite the cavernous cleavage right next to my head. Ha!

Two glasses of wine, and a big smile.

The two of us managed to sink pretty deeply into that sprawling lounge. The position of Seahorse within that casino was slightly elevated and attached to the pathway between major sections of the resort. Lots of foot traffic and bright lights surrounded us. She often stared at me without words and I back at her. The universe felt as if it was shrinking down to a small space within which Juliette and I resided. The eye contact, caressing all over, and hushed words from each of us were beginning to feel natural. I longed to hold her in private, and she looked as if I was going to be her next meal. Oy. We sat, talked, leered at each other, and eventually decided to leave for the shopping. For what felt the millionth time, I watched her walk and dreamed of welding my skin to hers. God help me for my thoughts. The Roman server? Gone from my head completely.

Onward to the Forum...


279
The only thing more beautiful was her big heart


...and straight to La Perla. Holy fucking shit, Batman. The center of the universe for lingerie. Huh? All that money to place on her body? Fuck yes. I was in, all the way. Never before had I ventured into anything beyond VS, so that shop took me to another level when it came to exotic and beautiful underthings. She walked into that place as if she owned the stock majority. I followed along like a child into a massive toy store. Once deep into the mire of their lovely inventory, I took a seat as soon as possible to avoid appearing like a wolf bent upon taking Juliette by force. The thought of cash in my pocket helped me to relax there, because I knew the prices were high. She was not the type to allow someone else to foot the bill for things which were so expensive, but I was going to try anyway. Why not? To see her in some of the most exotic sleepwear and playwear in the world? Fucking yes all the way.

I sat there and accepted an offer of espresso while Juliette browsed the displays. And I browsed her like never before. That was day fucking two and I was nearing cardiac meltdown. I needed to grab her and cram her body into my mouth. Fuck. No sooner did I sip the hot Italian coffee, and the smoldering woman with whom I entered asked that I offer my opinion of things in the fucking fitting room. Naturally, she was not shopping the goddamned JC Penney, so when a client enters the fitting room they are not alone. And I do not mean just me. The sales girl went with us to help with the fitting. The fuck? Are you kidding? Holy hell in a food processor, I did not know things were so dicey in the lingerie business. And I did not wish to tell the two women that I was very close to yet another fucking coronary with regard to my senses being blown the fuck up. Good thing I didn't need to tie my shoe because that would have been too much to ask.

So, there I was... entering the room with the face of a baby about to attach itself to a nipple. I went in, sat down, and witnessed the interaction between Juliette and the sales girl. Bras, camisoles, whatever-the-fucks. I attempted to hide my drooling and suffered there for a little while in desperate need of air, when finally Juliette dressed herself and led me out. Thank Christ. To the cashier, I figured. Nope. She asked me to go next door into Spago and take a seat at the bar to wait. What? Er... yes ma'am. We parted, I stumbled to the very Italian bar in Spago, and -- still sweating from such an ordeal -- ordered a fucking double scotch.

A bit of time passed as I was enjoying the scent of so many dishes being delivered all around me, and Juliette appeared with a bag and a smile. She kissed me and sat. 'I am loving this.' Her eyes showed me as much. Our hands found each other's and the world felt perfect. She called for a drink and told me that her shopping mission was complete. Okay. I knew not what to say other than being happy that she found her desired merchandise. Of course, I wanted to see in the bag but it was off limits, to say the least. We enjoyed a bit more conversation and went out into the big mall, strolling against each other just as the trip down the boulevard. Every now and then I kissed her hand, caressed that gorgeous tapering back, and occasionally slid my hand over her ass. She appeared to be allowing anything which was not too much for the public eye. Vegas? Yeah... a little further than shopping near home. As we passed hallways to the left and right, I felt the overwhelming desire to draw her back into the darker areas and absolutely ravage her with every fiber of my being. I needed it, and she had to know as much.

I did my best to calm the the storm inside me as we sauntered through the mall and made a turn back toward the casino. Part way through the gaming area I pulled her in the direction of the Seahorse again. We took to a booth and caught some breath awaiting the server. Once again Miss Rome came by and brought us our cocktails. Juliette and I spoke at length as always. The feelings inside my head and heart were toward the roof and I found myself daydreaming. She spent the entire visit caressing my hands and arms, with the occasional kiss. The world was turning aslant and I felt the best course was to go with it. The warmth was unbelievable and I soaked it up like a sponge in a lake. Heavenly, to the last.


095
I had to taste all of her


We stayed in that lounge for quite a while. Drinks, a few snacks, and the calming experience of being next to her allowed me to let go of hesitancy and worry. I did not need to be concerned with how Juliette was feeling because her eyes constantly showed me what was going on inside her head. All was warm and wonderful. She seemed playful and relaxed. Knowing that her comfort was at a high brought me peace. And then as usual when I was drowning in that enormous delusion, the world kicked in and started to cause concern. I told her as much, and her response was to remain quiet and give me soft attention and expressions of empathy. 'Whatever you need, my dear.' Wonderful. I longed to be all the way in... hers completely.

Shortly thereafter we left the embrace of the Seahorse to stroll south through the resorts. Juliette wanted to sit in the hot tub in the room, so we made our way down the boulevard all the way to the huge Excalibur entrance. At that point she stopped me and held on tight. We stood for a few moments in the embrace of the other. She then looked at me with the beginnings of tears... 'Cherish this, please. We don't know how long it will last.' I knew she was one hundred percent correct, but I still tried to push it away. She stopped me a second time... 'Please don't push... we will both be okay. Just savor the seconds.' God damn fuck everything to hell and back. I didn't need to think of such things but again she was right.

Delusion. Drowning. To the pyramid with all haste.

By the time we rolled through the Excalibur's casino, the feelings for both of us seemed to be softening. A few words here and there led us to believe that things could go well or badly, depending upon how much we wished to be happy together. And we agreed that the underlying emotional need was shared. Whatever had brought each of us to such a point in time and in such a place must be allowed to run its course. Being together and enjoying that bloated strip became a must. Out of the Excalibur and into the Luxor. Home. Juliette stopped in her tracks, looked at me with bright eyes, and detoured us toward the front desk. She brought her bag to the concierge and asked that it be delivered to our room. A hefty tip later and it was gone with courtesy. She turned to me and again smiled with that devilish and beautiful face. I melted as she asked if we could venture back to the big green monster. Of course. Anything.

Across the boulevard again with the playfulness that I adored. Her eyes were everything. Her walk was gorgeous. Her hands were warm and loving. Again we returned to that place which was desperately necessary. We walked through the golden doors again and gazed at the giant lion's head atop the MGM's corner entrance. She slowed a bit to take in the sights and sounds, and took my arm. Along the casino and toward the Grand Garden. We wandered all the way past restaurant row and through to the parking garage. 'Hmm. Where was I going?'

Where, indeed. I had no idea what Juliette had in mind, but would have followed her off the edge of the earth. A moment later and she made a u-turn while maintaining her grip on my hand. Back toward the restaurants. She pulled me into a small bar and perched her lovely self upon a chair, pulling me in to the seat and between her thighs. The server approached and Juliette asked for two cappuccinos and almond cookies. She seemed to be taking the lead to an extent which felt nice. At that point she could have done any fucking thing in the world and I would have happily followed along. Once we had our beverages, she leaned in and said there was only one more stop on the way back to the room. Huh?

Coffee slurping, and dreams of her skin all over me.


281
Flowing hair and definition everywhere


Once again we enjoyed a nice exchange while sitting there watching others move past. The server was pleasant and sensed that we needed each other's attention and nothing more. All the while her fingers were smoothly caressing my hands and arms, with the occasional glance over my cheeks and neck. I was heating like a blast furnace in Death Valley from her touch, and Juliette could see it. She seemed to be warming up as well. The closeness increased as we spoke of all manner of things. Eventually she left her chair to sit upon my lap. Arms around me, lips along my neck, and legs crossed with heels dangling. For crying out loud I wanted her so badly that I thought my heart would shoot out of my chest and splatter on the nearest wall. The desire was like a cryogenic burn in the best possible way. My head began to swim and my words faltered. She simply giggled and assured me that my behavior was perfectly fine.

'I want you all over me, but I want something else first.'

Oh gawd, what the fuck could it be? Just a drink across the street to offset the caffeine. Okay then! 'Let's roll... now. Please.' She laughed at my intensity and confirmed that she was in heat to the top of the mercury. I did not know if being physical together would be wonderful and then devastating, or the other way around, or whatever. Maybe none of it... maybe better... maybe worse. But fuck all if I wasn't going to attack her like a fucking mad dog in spite of everything. I just needed and wanted her to the extent that missing out would have meant losing my mind completely. And then I heard her words of desire and the one gasket remaining within me blew the fuck out. Gone.

'Take me. And don't give me back.'

We left the little bar and strolled toward the Nile. Her hands were all over me and mine on her. Again... Vegas. Up the big escalator again, and that ride found her turning to face me on the way up, but one step above. Yep, she put that big, beautiful pair of breasts in my face while kissing the top of my head. No fucking gaskets left, damn it. I contained myself as much as possible while my brain began to lose power. That woman was the embodiment of beauty, grace, sexuality, and any superlative which can be applied to someone looking so unreal. She had everything. Her hair swirled all over as we crossed the bridge and I felt myself picturing her in all manner of ways. Watching her long legs move along with the narrowness of that waist and her breasts bouncing within the light material was killing me without mercy. Jesus. We went back through the Excalibur and across to the big pyramid, and then through the casino to that cozy little bar where our first conversation had taken place. Two glasses of wine, and two barstools. Juliette seemed to be calming a little after becoming so unbelievably hot just across the street. Or, maybe not...

'Go up to our room in twenty minutes. No sooner, my dear. Twenty minutes.'
Um... ok. And then a breathy whisper into my ear...
'Everything that is taking place in your mind is going to take place tonight. Twenty minutes, lover. See you soon.'

One deep kiss and yet another caressing gesture, and Juliette strolled to the inclinator looking just like smoking-hot liquid sex on heels. Damn everything, it was going to take place. All I had to do was wait. Ugh.


283
The curves of her ass


Twenty minutes. I waited and sipped. My mind was around the world in eighty seconds. Jesus fucking Christ... everything spun within and my desire peaked. I sipped. I waited. I must have glanced at my watch fifty times in minutes. Was it running? Had time stopped? Gawd. She wanted me, and she wanted to do everything of which I could dream. That was saying a lot. I pictured her all over me, and a few desires stood out and had me at their mercy. Holy crap I could not think clearly. Back to the watch... almost.

Finally the time was at hand and I tossed cash to the bartender. He looked back at me and nodded as if to say... 'Godspeed my friend.' To the inclinator and to my dreams I trotted. As the machine lunged sideways I found my hands shaking uncontrollably. I fumbled to find the room card as the motion ceased. I could not process anything but Juliette's gorgeous body and the endless possibilities awaiting us. Along the hallway and I glanced toward the open railing to my right. I could see the top of the giant obelisk pointing toward heaven. I saw the people below on the attraction level appearing as small as ants. Closer to the door...

Upon reaching the destination of a lifetime, I could not concentrate and make the key card work in the fucking slot. Over and over I slipped it in and out (In and out! For fuck's sake!). Red light... sliding sliding sliding... red light. Holy god I could not get in the goddamned door.

And then it opened, and standing there was Juliette clad in lavender lace against her olive skin. She pulled me inside like I was on fire and kissed me deeply. She took a step back and her fucking nipples looked as if they could cut the door in half like butter. Then she turned and led me toward the living area, stepping as if she was on a runway. Her legs called me. Her ass called me. Every part of her called in my direction when she stopped and spun around. She quickly unbuttoned everything I was wearing and threw it to the walls. And then she pushed me to the sofa. And climbed upon me. And she grabbed my face plunging her tongue into my mouth to what felt the end of the very fucking planet. And then...

...we go back to the bartender at Dallas/Ft. Worth airport."





[05:53 pdt 04/01/2018 CE, 1522587180 E]

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The Passenger and the Redirect


Part Four


"With such a long layover, I continued to harm my psyche by staring and interacting with the lovely bartender. Her features were such that I could not help but gaze upon her form with my deviant appreciation and dream of bringing her to a place where I could explore fully. Thinking such things while more than a thousand miles from home and in the middle of a trip was ridiculous. Nothing could have possibly come of it. I didn't care and kept on with the occasional conversation and constant desire. She was beautiful and someone I knew fuck-all about. Gazing. Longing. Dreaming. Wanting. What the fuck was wrong with me? Abnormal, weakened, and sitting there allowing myself to let it happen. Fuck me, again. Why? God damn the desire, anyway.

My departure time was slowly approaching, and I began to think of the damned trip rather than the bartender's gorgeous midsection. I had to attempt to pull away from the images of her and the subsequent dreams they created, lest my flight be a worthless, drunken mess. No one needed to see that, least of all the staff on the plane. Prying her lovely little ass out of my head would take much effort. And her sweet personality didn't help, either. Fortunately, as I sat there longer she became busier due to the noon hour. That meant less and less attention paid to me, and helped to pull my face from her pants and wrap my head around the other destination... the one not attached to her body. As much as I needed to remain with her in view, the simple fact was that she did not know me and was better off for it. My mind had already been around the world in eighty minutes with all that had driven me to embark upon so many trips to Nevada. More of the same was unhealthy.

Jesus, she was becoming more and more gorgeous as the clock rolled. I decided to throw everything out the window and tell her some things. There was no harm in complimenting a woman, I figured, so when a few of the patrons left, I smiled. She walked over and leaned on the bar with her forearms, smiled back, and asked what I needed. Oy God... I had to avoid giving her the truth, so I quickly told her not to be alarmed, and she was one of the most beautiful and unique women I had seen in some time. Pause. Smile. Blush. She replied that it was fine, and thanked me while placing her hand adorably over her forehead. Sweetness, standing before me and looking so fucking cute that I could have died right there with no regrets. 'You're pretty damned hot yourself.'

Fuck me.

'My flight time is close, so I have to leave, and I'll be dreaming of you throughout the coming days, weeks, and months.'
'Too bad you need to leave.' Yes, very bad. She was in my head which would lead to all manner of inappropriate behavior and drunken situations. That is what I had become throughout the course of many years.

Oh boy, the fucking flight.

As I made my way out of there I glanced back a few times to see her on the elbows again, smiling, and watching me leave. Damn it all anyway. I exited the glowing bar and stepped toward the gate. Lost opportunity to connect with another soul? Whatever. To the fucking plane with haste, and that could not have been fast enough due to the fact that I already needed to drown myself. Bye bye beautiful. Hello unknowns. And that brought up the next problem -- since I became all mushy and gushy about yet another picturesque female, started to fall down that familiar slope, and felt the pressing need to snatch her, run away and have her all to myself, would I be able to pry myself away from that fucked up situation and fly the short distance from Texas to Florida without issue? Hmm. Perhaps.

Perhaps not.

Boarding? Yep... I hit on the attendant taking the Goddamned tickets, complimented the girl who was at the jetway entrance, and the one adorable number greeting passengers at the aircraft door. Why? Because I was in perpetual heat after leaving the delicious bartender and her never-ending thrall upon my vision. And the flight attendant I spoke to before finding my seat looked similar. God help me, and more importantly, her. The bartender was still deep inside me. Her features were tattooed on my brain and its diminishing faculties. Had I not sat at that place for the entire layover, I may have avoided getting so fucking flustered. All the time staring and dreaming and obsessing had become quite a trial for my damaged mind. She was so gorgeous that the effect of sitting there interacting with her for so long was like a loaded heroin syringe in my arm. Well, on to the withdrawal.



210
The bartender's ass was deep in my head, until...


I was sitting in the business class mid-way to the tail (not her tail), and that meant a screen and card slot for preordering refreshments. There it was, two bottles of whiskey and a Coke... directly. Ugh. Did I need it? Fuck no. I needed to close my eyes and reflect. In my weakened state from all of the fucking females there was little chance of sobering. I had to have it. I had to. Damn it anyway. Taxiing, position, launch, and my head was like a weedeater shredding thoughts. Every single visit by that little waddling ass, and I was at it again.

'Sweetheart, could I get a refill?'
Giggle. 'Certainly.'
'Thanks doll.' Another giggle along with a smile.

I figured what the fuck was the Goddamned difference, anyway? Would she remember me? Nope. Just another tipsy passenger with a propensity for flirting and vocalization. Even the girl next to me seemed a tad uncomfortable with my excessive drinking and comments. After a little time passed when leveling out, I calmed somewhat and began to compute a method for reconfiguring my behavior. Arriving in Pensacola without adjusting myself for the family atmosphere would have sent Traci into a tailspin of some sort. She knew me well enough to expect a wreck, but that did not provide reason to throw it at them. I had to try to get all of the shit in my head organized in such a way that would allow me to socialize with others without falling through the floor every five minutes -- especially while running into more females. Add that shit up along with my penchant for inappropriate comments and conversation, and the need to calm it all became very necessary. And the difference would not be known by others anyway.

After sitting quietly awhile and putting the antisocial aspects of myself in order, I asked artwork next to me if I had made her uncomfortable in any way, to which she smiled and shook her head.

'Don't worry about it. But you should try and drink less. It's bad for you. Cheers.'

Indeed, I would have likely nuzzled up to her and tearfully laid it all down. And then that misery? Amplified. She looked at me as if I was interesting, yet too far gone for effort. I exuded the sorrow and had been flowing along a river of sex and shit for days. Little did I know, the time sitting next to her soft beauty would turn out to be a high point of my trip, as well as the mounted beginning to yet another strange and alluring period. Yikes. I decided to throw the feelers at her and see what might develop.

'You are lovely, by the way. Just a thought.'
She smiled again, 'Well, that is nice of you to say.'
'There is more if you want to hear it.' Oops. Fuck.
'What are you doing? I heard your comments in the terminal, too.'
'I apologize for my behavior.'
'It's fine. Do I want to know why?'
'Probably not. I'm sort of a mess.'
'I can see that. Maybe less whiskey might help.'
'Maybe.'

At that point she arose from her seat and headed toward the forward restroom. I watched her walk all the way up the aisle and began to picture what she might look like uncovered. She had very tapered thighs wrapped in tight, low-rise jeans, a black silk tank and wrap, off which bounced an enormous mane of dark, wavy hair. Her gait showed off tremendous posture along with confidence in public. I could not take my sorry eyes off that walk no matter the effort. She was beautiful and mysterious, and the resulting sum was often dangerous, but I did not care. When she returned, the view of her approach and smile nearly crippled my already fragmented mind. God help me in Florida, I mused. Yes, I was a fucking head case and could not see the road ahead without a gorgeous ass blocking it. Upon her return to the seat, the beauty again spoke with me.

'I am not a therapist.'
'I wish you were, because opening up is easier when the listener is beautiful.'
'Will you please stop with my appearance?'
'Sorry.'
'Alright, you seem a genuine person and I find you interesting, ok? But this flight will land and things will go on for each of us separately. I can't have your face and eyes lingering inside me when I leave this plane and reenter my life.' Pause. Frustration.
'Your eyes are so emotional. I wish you hadn't drank so much.'
'Sorry.'
'STOP FUCKING APOLOGIZING ALL THE TIME!' And then she slid as low as humanly possible into her seat and tried to hide after seemingly addressing half the entire passenger manifest.
'Well, since we are blurting anyway, I want to dive into your pants with my mouth in the first class restroom. And nice to hear you swear for a change, loveliness.'
She giggled. 'Back off, mister sexpants.' More laughing. 'You can be so crass. But fuck it... let's drink.'
'Yes ma'am.'

And the flight improved markedly. I had no idea that she would even talk to me, let alone be someone with whom I could connect on a meaningful level. The feeling of actually finding someone like her while my soul was so vastly damaged was wonderful and warmed me from the inside. She did have a point, however. What would happen upon our arrival in Pensacola? Just then the little number bringing refreshments returned. God bless her.

'Another?'
'Please, and allow my companion to catch up as well. That makes three. And put all of it on me, my dear.'

Yep... cheers. And then more gushing with my loosened tongue.

'You're so gorgeous.'
'Stop it. If you think I am going to fuck you in the restroom on this plane you are sorely mistaken. Let's just talk, ok? I like you a lot already, and that is rare for me.'
'Alright. I will calm my attention.' Smiles all around, and after another half hour of talking, we were caressing each other's hands. And finally the bartender left my head in favor of that lovely creature sitting to my left.

The flight from Dallas to Pensacola was just under four hours, including the ridiculous stopover in Houston, which ended up giving us much time on that plane. And the more we talked, the more I began to get lost in her glowing eyes. Holding hands felt as the push up and out of both our realities, the necessity of which was growing as the clock moved forward. I longed to be completely alone with her beauty. The airport in Florida would arrive, however, and that meant I had to toss aside my need to fit in with the family in favor of crafting a plan to extend time with the lovely soul next to me, and perhaps bring us to another level. The choice was not so clear. Shoving aside my vacation plans was not something my family members would have digested smoothly. The result? Bombardment with questions and concerns, none of which I was prepared to answer. The beauty next to me occasionally squeezed my hand leading me to believe that the flight's end was not something to which she was looking forward, and that pulled the family plan out of my mind for a while. And then her head on my shoulder and the caressing of my arm. For crying out loud, how did that happen? Her loveliness was attaching itself to me and providing the warm relaxation I yearned for at the bar. Armrest up, holding me, and then she spoke, and with so much sensitivity that I was taken aback...


334
...Andrea's picturesque form was in front of me


'I had you read from the beginning. In the fucking terminal. It's all over your face, and your eyes are broadcasting the most beautiful heartfelt need. You are driving me nuts with those mushy eyes. You are so beautiful. Just fucking kiss me.' What the fuck? Oh boy, that was unexpected.
'Are you tipsy?'
'Shut up and kiss me, please. I need it. And so do you.' Er... okay. She caught me so off balance with that comment that I needed a moment to recover and center the thought. Her request (demand) sobered me and snapped me out of the calm. How did she know? What chance came by and slammed itself into me like a massive wave of fluid upon a thatch roof? Who was she? All manner of fleeting thoughts and wishes flowed through me like crap through a goose. We continued embracing, caressing, kissing, and deviating further and further from where that wondrous flight departed. Thr longer we were there slumped next to each other, the more natural the situation felt. I just could not help but get lost in her increasing warmth and dark eyes. She was beautiful and fascinating and clingy -- a combination I knew so very well.

Did the plane really have to land? Fuck. And was she going to be like Juliette? A million ideas swirled in my head like some sort of psychosexual cyclone and I could not calm the storm enough to find clarity. But something had to happen, and soon. In the meantime, however, I did as she wished. For the next hour we sat there and snuggled within the seats and all manner of confusion and fear began to overtake me. I did not need to find so much kindness and comfort before departing the flight and stepping away from that angel. What had happened? Why was I dropped next to her? Who in the hell was she? And how did we get to the point of overwhelming mutual need? Earlier I thought she was put off by my being so vocal, and later we were attached to one another and hanging on seemingly for dear life. The fuck? Considering my emotional condition and her gorgeous, sensitive eyes, there was no other option. I sat there clinging to her and loving it. And she responded in kind. Just a few silly comments and our meeting eyes... suddenly we were finding a place unheard of just hours before. In the beginning I saw a barrier. Later... a bridge.

Pensacola on the horizon. Ugh. I did not want to be away from her for a second. Once again, I raced to formulate a fucking plan. Our fingers were wrapped together, our eyes met closely, and the distance between was gone. I felt her head on my shoulder and every few seconds those emotional pools looked up to my face with so much desire. Not the physical type of which we gleaned, but more. There was something else. Soulful need and loving smiles. At landing the woman was fused to me -- and I to her -- as if we had been chemically welded by the very hours. We snagged our shit and slowly traipsed up the jetway, gripping hands and up against each other the entire way. Through the gate into the terminal and she immediately pulled me to the side, dropped her bag, and assertively grabbed me showing me her face with the beginning of tears.

'I don't know what the fuck this is or why, but figure out something. Now. I need more, mister sexpants.' Wait... what? Oh boy... delay meeting my cousins? Her forceful words moved me outside myself and I scrambled in ten directions at once. While still on the plane, I wanted her to stay next to me, but had no idea that her thoughts were similar.
'More?'
'More.' Um... yeah... all over it.
'Sit, miss demanding.'
'Ok, love.'

She called me love. It caused my head to become a blender. What in the blue fuck was I going to do? I wanted it too, and badly. I needed to learn what was taking place and the idea of spending additional time with her was becoming necessary, so again I raced through myself with every conceivable possibility. As she sat there with her head in those pretty hands, my mind went around and around trying to plan something effective and solid. My cousins were down one of the cavernous hallways standing near the security exit at that precise moment, and I was stopped in my tracks. I did not even know much about that woman nor was I aware of the feasibility of fleeing my family in favor of once again cozying with the beauty in that plastic chair. Looking at her was beginning to disturb me, insofar as putting me in an uncomfortable position with her request, yet the whole situation felt alright due to her draw upon me. I was still so very needy and clingy, and any woman who showed even the slightest amount of interest became a point of focus. And she was all of it and more.

I stood her up and held on to her face while speaking...
'Give me your phone number. I will call you at exactly ten o'clock tonight with an idea for us. I have no clue of what is going on here, but I feel the way you do and I need more. Phone number, ten o'clock, fucking count on it, ok? My eyes will tell you I am serious.' She stood there half crying and trembling slightly, and finally latched on to me for all she was worth. I squeezed my caring into her and felt her tears on my shirt. Holy shit, what was it? God damn did I want to see her smile. She let go and reached for pen and paper, and as soon as I knew the number was inbound, my heart swelled with happiness. She wrote, stuffed it in my shirt pocket and kissed me deeply. Salty, beautiful tears from those pools of wonder. Holding both my hands tightly...

'Ten, love. Ten. And get us somewhere, please.'
'Anything, my dear.'

I took a step back and strapped on the backpack. As I blew her a kiss, I heard something I would never forget...

'Whatever is happening, I could love you.' Jesus fucking God in Heaven. Huh? Four fucking hours and something took place that I could not begin to fathom. Whatever. I was going to follow through no matter the circumstances. Nothing on the planet had the capability of keeping me away from her. Not a Goddamned thing. Her words stopped me dead and I watched her slowly walk backward away from me. Once out of my sight, I fell a bit and became distraught. I could not see her and it hurt. A moment to compose myself and gather strength, and my next task was painful yet clear. All I had to do was stroll out and make nice with the family.

And count the fucking milliseconds. And I did not know her name. Yep. Unbelievable.


071
That fucking hair I needed to taste


Along to the exit toward a situation for which I was completely unprepared. The woman was occupying too much of my disturbed brain for me to deal with anything else, however they were expecting me and very excited, so the illusion was propped up. Inside I was more of a wreck than sitting at the DFW bar, and the outside had to hold tight to others' expectations. The trip had been my idea from the beginning and I simply could not appear any worse than was discussed prior to the flight.

I cruised through the exit half in the fucking bag and looking ever the flamboyant mess. My cousins appeared just beyond the security checkpoint, and as I approached them I could see that my appearance was not surprising. Big hugs all around, smiles, and loving words from them, and inside my head was a mixer full of alcohol, sex, curves, and all manner of inappropriate thoughts. I had to press them down in order to turn on the family-friendly section of me -- and that section had been shrinking all day long. Fuck me. Ten fucking o'clock and the phone call I anticipated like a winning lottery ticket. Waiting was not going to be easy unless I steeled myself and walked the line.

'You wear a lot of jewelry', the youngest said.
'Yes, I do.'

At that point his mother looked at me as if I was Satan walking through the fucking airport. The passenger and her heated words were not allowing me to get the flight out of my head. I needed her like fire needs oxygen. I could still smell her sweet hair and skin on my hands and see those windows into her soul through which she connected herself to me without limit. Damn it... to the family. Traci took my hand and smiled, assuring me that I would be comfortable and well cared-for while visiting. I whispered to her that I was not accustomed to being around young people and severely out of practice when it came to that type of situation. The past couple of months were damaging, to say the least, and I found it difficult to keep the words friendly and warm. Again, reassurance. She squeezed my hand and asked me to try my best. I loved her so much that I had to honor her wishes. Throughout the past weeks, we carried on a text conversation and she knew everything -- all of my difficulties. Her words were always comforting and helpful, even when I was so good at pushing back with my pointed thoughts. She was a person with whom I was completely comfortable revealing anything, no matter how bad. To see her in person? Wonderful. We walked, hand in gripping hand. On my other side was her daughter, attached to my other hand. My heart? All swelled up from that woman I already missed to the point of pain. Out of the airport, and out of my fucking mind.

The drive to my vacation destination was filled with questions, all toward me. The arduous task of answering while simultaneously calculating how to describe things in terms which were not dripping with sex or alcohol took all of me. Traci could see that I was having trouble, so she suggested that after stopping at her home we go and get a meal alone. That would allow us to speak frankly. She said there were many things which required answering and other details to be cleared up, as well as much I had to hear. Oy, God. Strong woman, to put it mildly. I bowed to her wishes as we arrived in the frigid weather. Florida's cold snap was in full swing. Yikes... I did not even bring a jacket. The cold, dry air reminded me of Michigan years earlier, which was before the massive obsession began to develop, and my senses had not been so severely affected by visions and dreams of the female form. Life moved along in a typical fashion with work and play. I was in a relationship with a woman who understood my simplistic issues and provided all that I needed during that period. She was beautiful, kind, and intelligent. Arriving at Traci's house saw me focusing upon the hellish present and the many differences since that short life in the midwest. Just another hash mark, and something which will likely be explored later.

Into the warm house and to the bedroom. A few moments of reflection on what became the strangest day in memory. The passenger was waiting for ten, just as me. I would be calling with a million thoughts running through me and hands shaking. But there was still time to wait. I dropped my backpack and returned to the sofa to relax. Immediately next to me were both young ones, all hugs and attention. I loved it to no end, but still inside me was the storm of the century. We all spoke about my work -- which was pretty exciting to everyone -- my recent breakup, and the weather there versus California. They were so very sweet toward me and all of it allowed me to take a much-needed break from my world. It was still in there, of course, but at least I was able to swing it out of the way and enjoy thier company. I felt like some sort of honored guest.

Soon Traci's significant other arrived home and introduced himself. Very nice man, and he seemed a good match to her. Within minutes of making small talk she grabbed her keys and my hand and said it was business time. Out the door to a restaurant, where she nearly attacked me with very pointed questions and eyes on fire. She had been worried out of her head for a long while. Sitting there with me was her first opportunity to vent in my direction, and she accomplished that in spades. Traci calmed a bit after a while and allowed me to think. And then came the tears. Damn it. I had known that seeing me in person was going to be a tough one after all of the electronic conversing, but Jesus she was upset with me. Her pretty eyes were absolutely throwing love at me without limit. At that point, it was time for me to comfort her and offer reassurance that I would be fine. The entire meal was like an emotional rollercoaster from hell, but eventually calmed enough for us to reach a loving understanding.

Little did she realize, but that calm would soon be broken by yours truly.

Finished with dinner and our roiling words, we went back to her home and spent the evening with the kids in front of the television. The whole picture was quite alien to me due to my preponderance for adult atmosphere and all that goes with it. And I mean EVERYTHING, for fuck's sake. High-priced call girls, lots of alcohol, a mass of endless drunken and reckless behavior, deviant sexual escapades, women with bourbon flowing all over their asses, breasts and labia, and there in the middle... yours truly slurping all of it like a champion. Tens of thousands of dollars thrown to the wind in order to make any and all dreams (needs) a reality. The time spent gazing at and experiencing those picturesque women in all manner of positions along with every conceivable configuration added up to the negative space I began to inhabit combined with the diametric opposite of what I should have been attempting in order to survive. Rather than focus upon productive and positive aspects of everyday life, I chose to dive into the chaotic evil pool of my lowest common denominator. Without restrictions, I became a product of the deep, the obsessed, and the Godless circles of which others have the good sense to avoid. All of the wreckage to myself and others was placed above the abilities which came naturally -- science, engineering, and any number of disciplines which had the ability to push me upward and into the realm of the successful. I happily shoved everything aside for the illusion, the need, and the fucking obsession which was pressing me down into a hole, and I enjoyed every Goddamned second of it. Every. Fucking. Second. The drive, the unending desire which became my place in the world. I could not cease pushing myself toward and into the drunken desideration.

Whew.


333
Tender eyes and heart


Regardless of my fucked-up head, the night was as peaceful as was possible, and I felt adored. I made my love and appreciation very clear. And I really did not want to tell Traci that I had to meet someone soon. The trip plan was a full week. I simply informed her about an important call and continued calculating anything which would bring me back to those eyes and allow us the space which became paramount. If that meant running away, so be it. Being the flight-risk alcoholic and attention-fiending mess of the family, my disappearing without notice was not off the mark. It was a hell of an idea, but not alone. I was worried anyway.

And I had no form of transportation. Nice.

As the hour of that phone call approached, I decided to be alone and mentally prepare for something of which I was unsure. Would she remember? Would she answer? Was her desire just as strong as mine? Too much uncertainty forced me to compose myself and not let loose the worry through my eyes. My mind was having trouble processing even the simplest thought or contact from the others. The best thing was to be hidden away just in case things went south. At exactly nine fifty five, I strolled into the bedroom and snatched my phone off the charger while ripping the lovely note from my pocket. I dialed... no answer. Hmm. Five minutes and I dialed again. Immediate answer.

'Love?'
'Yes.'
'Oh God I miss you.'
'I've missed you like nothing else.'
'Plan?'
'Wednesday, noon. Pensacola Airport, Virgin ticket counter. Pack light.'
'Yes, I will be there, love. I will. Thank you for taking care of us.'
'Anything, my dear. See you soon. Kisses.'
'Ok, love. Kisses back. Wednesday.'

Click.

Fuck. Really? Her voice was small and emotional and as soon as I heard her address me my heart spun in circles. Her voice was tiny and absolutely broke my heart. I had to snatch that girl up and find her much comfort. As fucked up and needy as I could be, the poor thing sounded worse. Why? Was she in some sort of trouble? Would I be screwing myself by getting involved? Ugh, but my drive was strong, and historically I had been an expert at hiding myself, seeking unavailability, and harshly leaving people and issues in my severe wake. Running away was a natural instinct, and my vast experience, knowledge, and flair for locating isolation and warmth could take care of us. Er... mostly her. I just had to hold her. Those teary eyes took me and solidified my intention to follow through with the run. All of the wonderful feelings from the flight were going to come back, and in less than two days. Time to plan, and time to sleep. I needed to get the urgency and desperation the fuck out of me so I could relax. The contact was made and she agreed, which meant that I should have been able to calm myself and cease the hypertension. Throughout the next few hours, I did just that. A little more television with the kiddies and a few cold beers helped greatly. No one had any idea that I would be flying the coop in less than two days, so I needed to drown a bit and remain stabile enough to get the changes in motion. Considering all of the flying around and covert trips between California, Indiana, Ohio, and Nevada, I had become the champion of quick thinking and getting things to align to my needs, no matter the circumstances nor cost. It was going to happen, and soon. The thought of attaching myself to her for hours, days, whatever, was fantastic and something to which I looked forward more than anything. I fucking needed it but still did not know why.

When I finally plopped into bed, my mind had gone through all permeations of what had been happening at lightning speed. The time to relax and think was plentiful, but things would not slow. The excitement was far too much for me to just remain at a slow pace. I kept my belongings organized and close at hand, just in case I had to run, although there was little chance of anything changing in the short term. The knowing was the key, and that kept the sharpness at the forefront. Planning, reasoning, yearning, and dreaming all rolled into one and stuffed into my head like a Thanksgiving turkey. I could see her face, feel her hands, taste her skin and tears, and hear her voice while I lay there trying to breathe. Still, and no matter how much desire compounded within my head and heart throughout all of the time, I did not entertain any clear understanding. We arrived at a place we both found warm and wonderful. But why? How? Was it one of those terms again? Fate? Something else? Hmm... a few more minutes of that and I decided to throw all of it aside and point my attention to the pleasant warmth and solace we gave to each other during that flight.

The morning arrived and I awakened to the sounds of the family. I arose and showered, all the while dreaming of the woman with no name. I felt more than the previous night due to the passage of time and the amount I missed her soft eyes being in view. A bit of coffee and a bowl of cereal later, and Traci informed me that her daughter had an appointment downtown with her doctor. I was invited to come along and agreed. Everyone took care of a few things at home before heading out into the cold. Yes... cold. Something the lovely passenger had the ability to mitigate upon sight. Why? Who the fuck could know. It was one of those strange situations which seemed inexplicable but I didn't care, still. I just wanted her close to me and the two of us alone for once. Then, perhaps, things might clear up. She was wonderful. And she commanded my thoughts as the three of us made our way across town to the medical offices.


074
The heroin was inside her thong


I was held and hugged much during our wait. That brought me a sense of inclusion and more of the realization that I was loved and cared for more than I was expecting. During the period after the fucking fork, my mind nearly constantly went into the direction of feeling like the outcast, the black sheep, the whatever. Others said nothing of the sort, but I felt like the outsider almost completely. Every affair which brought the other family members together appeared as something for which I required an entry ticket. I just seemed to remain on the fringe of life all the time... the edge, and at a time when everyone else pushed to be close-knit. I just did not feel comfortable opening myself up or being questioned about anything. So, I avoided much of it and missed out on the entire other half. Sitting with my cousins in the waiting area was quite the opposite. It was wonderful. I was being included, and that after years of my bullshit.

After some conversation and the doctor informing us that she required testing that very day, Traci told me that I did not need to wait with them. I disagreed, but expressed my desire to head across the parking lot for a beer. Ok. I dashed. Naturally, my intention was to sit with the smartphone and take care of a little airline business for the next day. The woman in question was counting on me to get us to a place where we could enjoy some time, and there was no way I would let her down. Sitting there at the little cantina with a cold beer was very enjoyable and reminded me of my near constant autonomy at home. I was always very headstrong and required my own way of doing things no matter who tried to sway me. The cantina brought me part way back to my previous situation. And the thoughts of the passenger (what the fuck was her name?) wrapped around me on another plane was narrowing my vision to the required path and sharpening my ability to think on my feet. I called the airline and changed my flight from Sunday all the way up to Wednesday late afternoon, and amended the destination to guess-where. I did not know of another place where she and I could sink into the mire and be invisible, yet comfortable enough for exploration of whatever the fuck happened between us.

She had me read from the beginning? In the terminal at DFW? From a distance? Really? Fuck me, but when she told me such a thing I was so intrigued that I nearly faltered.

Once my itinerary was altered for the new trip, I informed the voice that I was bringing a guest to the ticketing agent but had no more information on her until arriving at the airport. The voice said a guest was not uncommon, and told me to ensure she was there with me and holding all of the required crap for booking. Yes. Step one -- and the biggest part of the whole change in plans -- was complete. Out came the fucking card and fees were covered.

Upon leaving when business had been secured, Traci suggested that we slide into a nearby seafood restaurant for a nice lunch together. She had the day off and wished to spend time with me while I was visiting. Unfortunately, I was about to lop five days off the tail of the trip and run west with the angel. As we seated, I decided to drink a little in preparation of disappointing the family, to which Traci did not react badly. Then I lowered the boom that I had to meet someone the next day and care for her. Nothing bad happened, just some head shaking and rolling eyes. No big deal. It was a simple change in plans. When I was pressed for who the individual was and the destination? Forget it. Nope. No answer. That girl had to remain a mystery until such time as I could collate everything and work out some details. Other than the rub of revealing that I was leaving for the airport on the following day, lunch was nice.

My cousin rolled us back toward her home, and along the roadways my mind floated outside any small talk within the car. The woman in question was pulling me so dramatically that the simplest thought process became a trial. I just could not get her eyes and form out of my head, not to mention the sudden warmth and emotional attraction we shared after very little time next to each other. Her little ass flew into my brain, as well. Considering the type of personality I was carrying, the thoughts of taking her by storm turned themselves on and off, of course making the family time an exercise in restraint when it came to conversation. That body needed to be my playground, and the eyes my world.

Back at the house. I spent the afternoon and early evening visiting with everyone and enjoying the coziness of family. After some time I was able to file away the upcoming adventure and traveling partner in order to avoid appearing unstable or preoccupied. I was pressed for the second time as to why the shortened trip was taking place, to which I responded that the change would not have happened if it was not absolutely necessary. I am fairly certain that Traci knew full well what I was running from and toward, but fuck it anyway. The drug was displayed to me, and once that occurred there was no sidestepping the syringe puncturing my vein. Dinner was pizza and salad combined with more television and relaxation on the couch. I said my goodnights, firmed up the time we were to leave for the airport, and hugged everyone. To the bedroom, and the continued wait which had been eased after speaking with her briefly.

In the morning I awakened with enough nervous anticipation to restrict any normal thought. Off and on during the night I stirred in the warm bed due to excitement over meeting the angel once again, combined with concern for all of it. And each time I considered what had taken place since walking away from the airport bartender just two days prior, my mind became a snowstorm of confusion combined with strong wishes to be next to her once again. I could hardly contain myself during the light breakfast. Thoughts of those beautiful eyes and the peace they injected into my bruised heart were subverting any rationality. I still had little chance of making sense of our clasping onto each other because the very idea of that kind of need in such a short period of time just did not compute within me. No matter, though, as that ship had sailed and her powerful draw upon me was most decidedly in control. I was locked into the plan to cut my visit short in order to further whatever she and I were striving toward and my hope of learning more. Just a few hours and that girl would be next to me. What a wonderful thought. I still did not comprehend the entirety of us becoming glued together on the previous flight, but was going to fucking make it happen anyway. And the destination was as obvious as my rampant depressive state. The two of us would effectively disappear until such time as we could wrap our heads around the need and begin to function with it. Plus, I wanted to know her heart inside and out. All of her difficulty on the plane and in the terminal came from somewhere, and her soft, beautiful eyes were asking for attention. I had to know, and I had to help.

The remainder of that morning was spent with family -- comfortable, yet anxious. I had trouble avoiding watching the time as thoughts of the passenger were almost constantly at the head of the line.

Traci dropped me in front of the departures door and I could barely contain the nervousness. Somewhere in that terminal was a person who went from a fellow passenger to much more, and my anticipation was at its peak. I said my goodbyes and trotted through the doors. To my right was the Virgin counter... very few people there. Time? Ten minutes to twelve. Chair. Waiting. Twelve plus ten. Hmm. I strolled around a little and visited the restroom. Exited there and slowly back toward Virgin. And then I felt my backpack being removed quickly from the one shoulder from which it was hanging, and the angel jumped on me from behind, wrapped her long legs around me, and held on for all she was worth. Oh God yes... she was there. The possibilities flashed through my mind for a split second when she dropped off, spun me around, and planted her lips to mine. Big smile and...


034
Shower after shower


'Hello again, love.'

Puddle. She looked so beautiful and her wavy hair was everywhere. I loved it. Finally, we could be off on our own with no time or space restrictions whatsoever. And she called me love again which drove me nuts. Holy shit, grab the fucking boarding passes and get it started. Please.

'You're here!'
'Only place I want to be. Right next to you.' Fucking bliss to no end. We headed to the counter and secured the flight. Once again that loveliness was attached to me tightly. Through security and toward the gate. The only time she let go of my hand was for TSA. Otherwise she was up against me, nice and warm. Her outfit looked dynamite as ever. Heels, soft jeans, blouse and leather jacket... all black. My God, what a sight.

'How much time, love?'
'Two hours until boarding.'
'Coffee?'
'Yes.'

We took to the terminal and located a nice bistro. I pulled a chair for the angel and she sat me down, dropping her little ass on my lap. Oh boy. With her arms around me, we ordered. And then she rested her head on my shoulder and whispered, 'I'm Andrea, and I am so happy to be here right now that my heart is skipping beats.'
'I'm Rick, and ditto, my dear.'
'Nice to meet you, love.' All smiles. Jesus was the situation ideal at that moment. Being next to her again brought me the comfort I so badly needed and I didn't even know why. But that angel was on my lap and the universe was nearing perfection. The smile? Holy blue fuck. We sat there a while and talked of Vegas and the enormous freedom we were enjoying. She eventually moved to a chair but at no time would she let go of me. Awesome. A short time later awaiting first class boarding, I was standing behind and up against her with my arms tightly wrapped... and the scent of her hair lifting me into high orbit. I could not believe the gorgeous void around which I was wrapped. I asked to run my hands over her tummy... 'Anything you wish, love. Any fucking thing.' Oh God help me. My mind was awash.

The flight back to Dallas was short with no stopover. Andrea and I boarded and sank comfortably into the big seats. Once there, she whispered to me... 'No booze, ok? Let's remain clear until our destination.'
'Ok my dear. Whatever you wish.'
'Thank you, love.' I would have honored any request from that sweet voice. Again she held on tight. The feeling of knowing we would soon be away from any responsibilities and in a place where the choices were all ours was allowing me to relax more than the flight east. That leg was open-ended -- something I was accustomed to -- which meant we were outside the lines of the norm. Comfort and calm, as long as we needed or wanted. On the far end? Nothing, but I cared not. My focus was close. Five minutes in front of us, locked, and sharp.

'Are we staying long?'
'I was thinking of starting with three nights.'
'Ok, love.' And then wrapped around me again. 'As long as I can touch you and see your eyes.'
'Absolutely.' Jesus God, Andrea was so comforting. I had little idea what was still to come, but the certainty was we could remain undisturbed and as content as was necessary. And as much as I yearned to dive into her warm skin, other aspects of our togetherness took priority. Her intentions were still unknown.

We arrived at DFW and headed for our connection. A glance toward that bar where the beauty worked told me she was elsewhere. Good. I needed exactly zero complications. Andrea clung to me continuously and I made her aware of how much I appreciated being close. Every now and then I received a peck on the cheek and a squeeze of my hand. Goodness, she was so affectionate. Our destination was looking increasingly advantageous and infinitely more necessary as we walked. The next gate was a short delay and then another pair of big first class seats. Armrest up, and we became one again.

'No more mister sexpants?'
'You took me away from that with your loving manner.' And then the puppy eyes appeared. Uh oh. She began to look at me playfully...
'I will show you what you mean to me.' Still, no clear answers and very little reason, but I figured we had tons of time ahead for anything. The flight went by and was on a higher level than our trip to Florida due to more familiarity with each other. From the beginning of descent until the aircraft hit the gate, Andrea remained against me with her head on my shoulder. She was like the extra appendage I always wanted. Every few minutes she would take my face in one hand, kiss me gently, and whisper, 'Thank you, love,' which proceeded to melt me at each syllable. Her hands were like silk on my skin. And I was a puddle. We left the plane and headed straight for the taxis. I poured the angel into a cab and climbed in next to her. She again held me and tossed one leg over mine. Nice and cozy, every time. I asked the driver to drop us at the Venetian, and a short ride later we entered that palace of a hotel. At registration, Andrea stepped away to the restroom and I watched her thighs sway and listened to the heels of those half-boots clicking on the polished tile. My mind went all the way to Jupiter and back in the space of seconds. I looked up to the woman checking us in, shook my head, and she smiled in return.

'I may not survive this stay.' Heh.
'You'll be fine sir. You're in Las Vegas.' Yeah... um... ok. Opposite thinking there, sweetie. In no way did I begin to fathom what was on the horizon, and the whole of the trip was exciting regardless of the piling questions and unknowns. I adored her to a great extent and loved the feeling of being close.

And to my left, walking back toward me with all haste, was that angel of a woman. She was smiling, looking excited and happy. Her dark eyes were burning right through my being. Her arms were outstretched and reaching for me. She pressed herself against me, kissed my neck, and spoke in that heavenly whisper...

'Finally, we are where we need to be. Fasten your seat belt, love.'

Deep breath.


189
Tone, curve, disparity... every fucking thing


We took off for the big room, anticipating every step of the way. I felt like a crazy person for running away with Andrea so quickly and after only hours together. The feeling was somewhat natural, though, and she seemed to be relaxed. The angel took everything in stride from the origin of the trip to the flight and destination. The unknowns were still present, but time in abundance helped to keep them in the background with open space to explore whenever we wished. Through the door. Andrea grabbed me and showered the kisses before running to the window, excited and smiling all the while. 'I have never been here.' She looked like a kid on Christmas and I could not wait to galavant around the strip and show her the finer points. I flopped onto the bed and tried to calm myself. She climbed aboard and thanked me profusely for getting her the hell out of Florida. And that brought up a worry... did she live in Florida? Texas? Elsewhere? Was her departure due to a relationship going south? Could she have been running away from something more difficult? The simplest of everyday small talk had eluded us in favor of getting out and away, and the lack of the same seemed very odd, but again, lots of time. We just needed to slow the pace and relax in the resort's array of amenities. Her hair was driving me crazy along with those big, bright eyes. They were showing happiness since our meeting in Pensacola. God damn, she was so beautiful and we were alone. Yes. Gazing at her took me away from any concern.

We freshened a bit, hugged much more, and went downstairs in search of a cozy bar. Upon sitting, the conversation began as if we had known each other for years. Andrea looked right through me the entire time and stated that when she saw me in that first terminal in Dallas, my eyes laid it all out to her sensitive heart. I could not disagree due to my inability in hiding the vast amounts of inner turmoil. Years of emotional difficulty wore on me, and covering my condition took its toll. Her first instinct was to approach me and ask about my well-being, however there was something keeping her at a distance. My demeanor.

'You looked so defeated, as if your plan was to jump from the plane, and I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. I was dying to learn and help, though. And then we were seated so close... well, it was a matter of time and an icebreaker. And then I had to have you all to myself and away from everyone. I want and need you, love. I fucking need you and this time together so badly.'

'You have me.' Tears.

Jaysus, was she a psychiatrist? Or a clairvoyant? Fuck me, I really had no intention of opening up to anyone else. To the angel? I was prepared to spill it. Anything she asked. Any fucking thing. So I poured it to her and left no detail omitted. She soaked it up with teary eyes, squeezing my hands during the entire story. 'We have time, love,' Andrea went on. 'We can help each other. And if you turn into mister sexpants again, just jump me. Please. I want it as much as you. We can do anything you wish. I am all yours, if you are willing to be all mine.'

The planet stopped its rotation for a second while I tried to absorb her words.

'I am yours, you fucking angel.' Smile. Andrea climbed her thin self up and straddled me. With my hands upon her little waist, she kissed me all over until the bartender calmly and kindly asked that we get a room. Ha! In Vegas? The fucking barstool could be the room. We honored the bartender's request and cooled the physicality, however Andrea would not cease her touch. No matter where we were she would figure out a way to be physically attached. I loved it. We stayed there along while and she stood between my knees facing away, again allowing my hands to wander all over her waist and tummy. She had absolutely nothing between her chest and the top of her jeans. Nothing. It was a wonderland of flat and smooth. Her breasts defied that void and were prominently pushing forth above. The shape drove me out of my fucking mind. She turned toward me and gave the bartender a look as if to say that we would behave. My instinct was to slide up to her gorgeous globes and fondle. I glanced at the cleavage in front of my face, brought my eyes back up to hers, and she whispered, 'Go ahead, love.' Fuck me, I could not in that public place. Then the laughing as she knew what I was thinking. Too shy to display that type of behavior in the casino. And as much as I desired seeing all her glorious golden skin without restriction, we needed to carry on with the slow pace and seek comfort to talk with each other. Everything was new, so I cooled off as we left the bar.

Hand in hand we strolled around the big resort for a while. My mind was awash with thoughts of love, sex, and worry. I could not help but remain aware of the fact that I knew very little about Andrea, and despite her becoming a very beautiful dream there were still so many stones unturned. She seemed genuine and her eyes were soft as if she was hiding nothing. Each trusted the other. I told myself that she needed to have any answers she requested. The beginning was wonderful and I wanted to ensure it continued. I also wanted and needed to take her body like a savage. Unfortunately, ravishing Andrea to the stars and back had to wait until we were content with the level of ironing done on the linens we both carried inside. Maybe. But she was incredibly affectionate and that made the delay arduous.

'I want to live in your eyes.'
'You can, love. You can have all of me.' Smooch. Fuck. Damn.

Andrea... entering my heart."





04/07/2018 05:47 pdt

Small changes have taken place in order to simplify the layout. We have truncated some of the text markers, modified a few images (including the title), and removed the Clodmaster link from the main menu. That section is going nowhere in the short term. The historic aspects of the content have been tagged on the title image, as well as the most sensitive references. The 'listening' image toward the bottom of the index is gone, the hexagram divider and small Maltese Cross have been reduced in size for the purpose of pulling attention toward the text. The writing is the star of the show and needs to be highlighted over and above any graphics. We have also added a small link to the Archive at the bottom of the index for avoiding confusion for readers wishing to continue beyond the newest entry.

At the top of the index is now a much more tasteful image map linking to the General Information page and Archive. Unfamiliar readers can find those two sections the most informative in the beginning. Also, the Archive has been modified to include static essays which were never a part of the dated sections. They stood alone in the Writing section, which has been removed for streamlining the main menu. There are no longer dynamic popouts. And we have removed the Epoch timestamp on the new entries.

More to come.


hexagram





The Venetian, the Veer, and the Veil


Part Five


"Across the boulevard and into the palace. We walked all the way through and out the south side toward the Bellagio. One more long path through that beautiful casino and to the street. All the while Andrea's hand caressed mine, along with her other hand on my arm. The air was still quite cool so we decided to warm up a bit inside PH. Too much walking in the outside air made me wonder why we left the Italian resort behind. No matter... I was up against her loveliness and the comfort of our freedom kept the cool from affecting me much. Andrea's glances toward me and her smiles told me that she was on the same level.

'Cocktail, love?'
'Yes, angel.'

We sidled up and again Andrea stood between my knees, holding on. We stayed a long while and discussed our lives leading up to the flight to Florida. I learned of her reasons for taking off with me, plus all about her leave of absence from work. None of it was surprising, and the more we both revealed, the more I realized why we latched on to each other. My depression matched her depression. Our shared recklessness provided us the determination to run from everything and leave that departure without a planned return. Freedom from our lives was the priority and on that point we were in the exact same place. Therapy, missing days from the job, straining to keep an everyday posture and composure while near friends and family were some of the nails which held our individual lives together. Upon the top of such a violent mix add the lack of any clear solution, shake well, strain, and the cocktail became the road ahead poured out before Andrea and myself. We began to see the burning wall at its end. Frightening, blackened, sullen. What to do? Deeper down. The longer we stayed and held each other, the more I saw the need in Andrea's glassy eyes. I could feel it in her embrace and wallowed in the same muddy sludge which tried to take us in. Push. Up.

The drinks were not excessive. We sipped slowly because the draw was us together. I fucking needed the peaceful warmth she provided and absolutely ached with the desire to provide her the same. Her lips drew me over and over amplifying my desire to attack her like an animal. The gazes were obsessive and unending. We remained unable to act, however, as the worry continued to paralyze. The fucking worry kept the impending heaven beyond reach. So... we relaxed together and ceased the weighty discussion for a while. Away from that bar and out of PH in favor of something to sustain the stomach. Further south, hand in loving hand, slowly. As we rolled, I was realizing the addiction and the related need which had the capability of destroying us. I felt the trials of my relationship with the Brunette clawing at my heels. Every fucking step. The parallels were stark and illuminated but any association to that wondrous soul slid toward the rear of my consciousness. Andrea quickly removed the darker time from me and that was a good portion of the draw. We both needed to escape whatever had come before, and to such a degree as I had never experienced. The closeness felt natural and invigorating, just like that shvitz after a long night of eating and drinking the richness of life. Add to that her scent and brightness of eyes, and any consideration outside the two of us burned away immediately.

We walked into the Excalibur and straight to that massive Irish pub off the casino floor. Up to the bar for coffees and more snuggling. Andrea expressed to me her desire to be alone, and considering the distance we covered during the previous few hours, any wait was necessary. The lounge was quiet considering the afternoon hour. We sat and talked of everything once again. I watched Andrea's hair move around her neck and brush her cheeks. She held me the entire time, and those eyes went into my soul. Each word sqeezed me like a vice, just as the thoughts of what may take place throughout the coming days. I pushed all of the bad away and stared at her as if she was the world. I could not get enough of being against her endless beauty and comforting voice. Andrea kept on with her loving, caressing manner and again we found ourselves lost in the knowledge that we were far out of anyone's control. Eventually the attraction and contentment left troubling thoughts behind, returning us to peaceful bliss. There was little reason dwelling within worry. It was all there, but we pushed hard. Drowning.


"I hide myself away in the dark
I can't find my way in this hole
This twisted life is cruel, I'm so sick
I need to find her soul to save me"

380
Andrea and her leggyness


Coffees refilled, coffees gone. And a taxi toward the north. The Venetian again welcomed us warmly. From the lobby we moved into that huge casino and through to Double Helix in the Palazzo. Andrea sat on my lap, pressed her beautiful face to my neck, and I held her as if the sky was falling toward the earth. Just as on that wonderful flight to Pensacola, the whole of society melted away like ice on Mercury, and my heart took charge. Longing, as the lunar pull upon the ocean tide. Andrea. Jesus fucking hell... where were we going? To the room following a half bottle of wine. Warmth, loving touching, and her scent overpowering my senses.

'Would you like to enjoy a shower, love?'
'Yes.' And that was the outset of another level. Chrissakes. She undressed me with loving eyes and gentle fingers. I was ensnared by her soft touch and slowly reciprocated until we kissed again. Into the water and the most wonderful hot and smooth soapy period of time in recent memory. Andrea was so playful and fun. Her breasts were screaming for attention (and AT attention), she could see the desire written all over my face, yet we both restrained ourselves from the sex. I felt her need as well. But the importance of our hearts staying the course took priority. We held each other, spoke of simple pleasures, and took good care of each other under that steamy light. Robes, body lotion, gazes, and sighs. The self destruction was a part of the sex and kept each mind behind a formidable door. We knew it and hated it, however the emotional glow within which we bathed stood paramount to any physical gratification.

'Love?'
'Yes doll?'
'Don't let go, ok?'
'Ok my dear.' To the sofa. Quiet and still for what seemed an eternity. Andrea sat in front of me with her knees up and together. I stared at her blue toenails which were partially visible through the gap in her thighs. The sight nearly broke me in half. Her fingers running through my hair, the soft robe opened just enough to reveal both breasts halfway, the smell of her damp hair... I began to waffle between dressing and finding a meal or diving between those warm thighs for hours on end. Andrea leaned on me, her hand never ceasing its motion on my hair and face. Jesus Harold Christ on a fucking rubber crutch...

'We have to leave the room. Now, mister sexpants. Or we won't be able to avoid something which could ruin what we are sharing.' I was unable to move. Unwilling? Whatever. Her words were soft and her voice nearly as small as that fateful night's phone conversation. The warm comfort and sights I was seeing were disallowing any other direction.

'I can't seem to move, doll.'
'Ok, love. A little while longer.' Damn it all, it was true. She turned her head and kissed me deeply. 'Tell me we can make it.' Nothing. 'Tell me.'
'We can make it.'
'Thank you, love.' Long pause. Kissing. Pause.

'Let's go to a dim restaurant, ok?'
'Ok, love.' And off the sofa she went, turned back toward me and opened that robe to my face. I stared at her chest as she smiled. Her eyes told me everything was ok, so I briefly fondled before she closed up shop and walked away. I sat there and watched her dress. She looked back at me with hungry eyes, and not for food. At long last I arose and slowly put clothes on. Andrea paced around the big room, all the while glancing and smiling at me. Her boots were calling to me, just as that fucking gyrating ass as she moved. We had to go for fear of letting go and heading into the unknown territory of that most intimate level. Fucking hell, never before had I found more difficulty in restraining the tidal wave of passion and lust brewing within. We were making the right choice, but longing to a great degree. Out... elevator... among others on the casino floor. Andrea cooled off, while I remained nearly hotter than I could stand. Fuck, every inch of her was so gorgeous, sexy, shapely. Just take me. Please.

Nope. Restaurant. Sigh. We strolled, hand in warm hand, into the steakhouse and a corner lounge table. Our server took the drink order and left us alone. I noticed Andrea's eyes were again quite glassy and asked of the reason. She gushed that the swirling inside her was driving the desire for us to let go completely and enjoy each other's skin. That need combined with her difficulty in maintaining posture in public were tiring her greatly. The truth was both of us were still dealing with a mountain of similar issues and the sexual want felt like nothing more than a temporary escape from the inevitable. Dive in and reap the rewarding satisfaction, or stay on the shore, keeping the demonic past under lock and key? There was no easy solution. Earlier she told me in no uncertain terms that I was allowed to take her in every way, and as strongly as I felt about that physical heaven, the truth was a tremendous fear of the damage which may result from moving us in such a direction. Would there be complications? Pitfalls? Worry over what we left behind so quickly? The questions were piled upon each other and mounting. I just had to cool the jets and relax. Get her labia out of my head and try not to over drink and fall through the floor as I had on so many occasions. Andrea's soft hands and gentle nature were helping. And that big heart was beginning to fuse itself to mine. Oy God. Please... no. Not the fucking heart.


381
Her thighs brought me to my knees


And then dinner, on the lighter side. Andrea asked to share each menu item which suited me perfectly. My needs were far from culinary. They were clothed in silk, denim, and lace. We sat and enjoyed the subdued lighting, very personable service, and some quality cuisine, all the while staring and touching. I just could not get close enough to satisfy my soul. No matter what or where, my mind was in a loving place. It was all her. Andrea's smile helped to keep me grounded and detached from the world around us, her mannerisms and giggles propelling me up and out of any concern. She sat there across from me looking energetic and bright, and such a mindset formed the beginnings of my running nature manifested in the coming days as a further escape. Thoughts of engineering methods for keeping us high upon the sky rails were intermingling with dreams of diving into her thong for the rest of my living days. Oy. But the time stayed at point throughout all.

Upon leaving that fantastic restaurant, Andrea asked that we take to the street and enjoy all of the south strip lighting for a while before heading back indoors. Hands, smooches, and a path to the boulevard. Part way to the giant sidewalk she stopped me to speak, and it seemed serious. I put aside the worry and gave her my full attention, focused upon her big eyes. Tearily, she tried to get across just what her running from Florida had meant, and the fact that I had saved her, in more ways than one. She went on to describe something -- by glossing quickly with no specificity -- which apparently had her at odds with moral judgement for days. I saw the concern amplifying her eyes and intensifying the seriousness of her wording. She paused, I waited. She then pulled me toward a bench and readied herself for the spill... and that was the beginning of laughter for longer than I could stand. The big reveal was her need to visit the restroom, yet she built up the tension over minutes in order to push me into a fricass. Holy shit, it was so funny that I could not help but salute her effort in creating a diversion of that magnitude from our evening. Fucking hilarious, and then back to the stroll. She kissed me over and over, assuring that I understood my place within her.

Out the door, still smiling and with my appreciation for that angel at an all-time high.

We walked along the crowded pavement and crossed to the Bellagio. Standing at the railing in front of their lagoon, the words took a back seat to the staring and snuggling. I spun myself several times and looked upon all of the colored lighting and activity around us, and Andrea took my face in her lovely hand, kissing me and thanking me for bringing that trip to fruition. 'Anything, angel. Whatever keeps us together and hidden from view.' A bigger smile and the remainder of my sense flew away like birds reacting to the crack of a gunshot. 'Let's go and warm the sheets. I need to hold you, ok?'
'Ok, my love.' Gawd.

We returned to the villa and she made me very aware that our lack of sexual contact was soon going to come to an end. As her clothes came off, I stared and dreamed of all manner of things. I needed her in my mouth so badly and had waited due to the command we held of ensuring our time was not rushed. That endless array of lingerie in differing colors was driving me nuts and every set looked so beautiful on her skin. After relaying my volcano of desire through my eyes, we slid under the covers for the night.

'Love?'
'Yes?'
This is so wonderful, but I worry of the cost.'
'Angel, I am prepared for this and we both need it. Please don't worry.'
'I won't, love.' Smile. 'You have to know how much this means to me.'
'I can see and feel it, angel. All of it.' Another smile, and off to sleep glued to her skin.


382
Heroin


I awakened expecting a warm lingerie-clad body next to me, but instead reached to an empty sheet. Andrea was not there. Bathroom? Maybe? There was not much chance of her showering without me. Hmm. I left the loving bed and took a peek. Not there. And then I wondered... could she have gone for coffee? Or a snack? We had been physically bonded since the first flight, and the idea of her out there alone was not emotionally comfortable. I began to worry excessively. To my phone... nothing. Dressed, concerned, and missing her like my own heart was absent. Damn. I had the idea to look for her but did not feel that leaving the room would accomplish anything, so I made myself presentable, ordered coffee and croissants, and took to the sofa. My mind was waffling between Andrea being just fine and needing some time, and my depression taking over and telling me that she had fled to a different locale. The latter possibility only served to cause distress. And the idea that she was simply out in the resort exploring was there to keep my head above water.

Time passed as I swilled the coffee. All of the possibilities were twisting my brain into knots, the worst of which was the fear that Andrea had run from me. But why would she do such a thing? The day and night leading to my solo morning were wonderful, warm, and playful. I went over the conversations and interactions repeatedly and failed to find anything which may have pushed her out. We were having trouble with the situation of being there in Vegas without a word to anyone outside our space, true, however the reminders which popped up randomly had been ironed over and over to minimize the struggles. The worst aspect was how alone I felt along with pain over not being near that angel. More coffee.

A knock. God yes. I raced to the door, threw it open, and the housekeeping crew appeared on the other side. Sigh. Deep breath. I sent them on their way and slowly swung the heavy door as my heart dropped. Back to the sofa and my distress. Fuck. Of all of the material possessions I had wished for throughout my decades of life, one person put them all to shame. I needed her like fresh air during a fire. All of her. Nope. More waiting and much pacing.

Ding. 'I'm in the casino, love.'

Andrea told me she needed some time to reflect, and seeing her message pulled me back to stability. She had wandered downstairs and left early to avoid disturbing me. What a doll. She asked me to avoid the shower until her return. Nice. The thought of sliding my hands all over her took the worry away in an instant. I understood the need for some calm and time alone, especially considering everything we left behind. I told Andrea to take whatever time she wished and I would wait.

The wait was short.

The electronic lock whirred and that angel again came to my arms. 'Let's clean up and go to brunch, ok?' Yep... the word no was far away when she made a request. We took to the shower and again enjoyed the warm water and dimmed lighting. Her skin was screaming to me -- as I expected -- and I did my damndest to stay away from the most tender parts of her body. That was an exercise in restraint as I had never felt. While gazing below her breasts, that fucking waist and smooth tummy we're just asking to be surfed. Andrea's eyes were approving anything I wished. We washed, shampooed, and took a long pause to let the conditioner do its job. I stared at her as she leaned against the tile wall, hands behind her back and feet together. The image of her standing there was something I could have gazed at forever. Keeping my hands and lips off her skin was another story. Those breasts were all silky with water and it was dripping slowly off her nipples, running down her nonexistent tummy. I was losing my mind with desire as her eyes stayed locked on mine. Oh gawd... I kept away and stared. The conditioner was obviously ready to be rinsed, however that soft labia was entering my head and leaving me weakened. There was just no thinking straight to be found. Either we would leave the shower and get on with the morning, or stay there and engage in every imaginable sex act known to mankind. Hmm.

And then, to my utter surprise... 'I need to taste you. I want you in my mouth. Relax, let me have what I desire, and when you get to that point, just let it go, love. Let it all go into me.' Holy hell. I froze and forgot my name. She stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel. Back inside, to her knees, and the planet's rotation ceased as quickly as my mind turned to clay. I stared at her ass and little waist as she moved and was so far outside myself that my brain felt as detached as Andrea and I from the rest of society. Her dreamy, gentle caressing was unreal and sent me up the hill quickly. During those moments, she became the only soul which existed. Watching, feeling, and marveling at her motions placed my heart into warmth. Her wet hands explored me slowly, over and over, and her lips were like velvet axle grease upon my skin. More and more.

Then... a pause.


383
Yes, all of those radii leading to the drug


Andrea looked up with a smile, slid her hand across my cheek, and informed me that our stay at the Venetian was only the beginning. The top of her head showed itself again, so I reached down to her breasts and lost myself. Trembling, steadying my body against the glass and tile, and reaching to take in her loving manner. I had no words left inside. She hugged me around the waist and slathered my skin with kisses, stood, and requested we go for some food. I followed her out of the shower on shaky legs and stared at her loving eyes.

'Jesus, angel.'
'Anything, love... anything you wish. I hope I pleased you.' Holy bleeding fuck did she ever succeed. I took a few minutes to catch my breath on the sofa and watched Andrea dress herself. She smiled every now and then and made the affair of donning her clothes into a playful show. Her skin was screaming to be devoured. 'The next time we set foot in this room, I am going to fuck you in half, love. Consequences can kiss my ass. No more wondering and holding back.' Damn. Yes ma'am. She gave me a kiss and I decided to dress myself with still-shaking hands and a head full of her tender labia. Longing, above all things. The time outside that fucking room would not pass quickly. Andrea came to me with arms open and professed her feelings, just short of the borderline. Her eyes became teary, and her words melted me -- yet again -- into a smoldering puddle of butter. Yes, again. The world was becoming Andrea. I could not pull free from her powerful draw upon my being, nor did I entertain any wish for the same. She needed me, and I her. The timing of meeting on that flight as it burned into my memory was in the fucking stars. Jesus Christ, but the damage would rear up soon.

We sauntered down to the casino and pointed ourselves toward the lobby for a taxi ride to the New York New York. The ride was so warm. Andrea stayed against me with her head upon my shoulder the entire time -- her fingers intertwined tightly with mine. The smell of her hair and perfume drove me nuts throughout. She looked up to me several times and her eyes were soft, loving, and filled with desire. Their darkness pulled me in like a powerful winch and had me reeling from what had taken place as well as that which had yet to occur.

We sat opposite each other and our hands did not separate. Andrea stared at me with those big puppy eyes, looking as if she could pounce at any second. Thoughts were spinning inside me after that wonderful shower leading me to dream of having every inch of her available to my lips. Brunch seemed like the last activity on our minds, however when she spoke I began to see the reasoning.

'Energy, love.' Okay. Who was I to argue with that angel? We never really ate heavy meals anyway. The focus was upon each other, not the frilly aspects of that town. Still distracting ourselves and avoiding any damage, brunch went by, all flirty looks and enticing words. When we left, she wished to have a glass of wine somewhere comfortable, so the slow strolling commenced up Vegas Boulevard and into the Monte Carlo. She spied a lounge and we dropped our asses there for a little while. During the wine swilling, Andrea began to look away more and more, each led me to believe that the recent past was returning to the forefront of her mind. I began to see a difference in her lovely eyes in the form of sadness and concern. I took her hands and gave her a bit of solace with my expression. She smiled and stated that she needed to jump me, and soon, for fear of dropping into a pit of negative emotions. I pressed her to ensure she was thinking clearly and received the eyes of a succubus. Drawing close, she whispered... 'We need the escape. Let's go back and destroy the bed, love.' Fuck yes, but more worry. I wanted to have her completely at my command for anything desired since first seeing her ass flowing up the aisle on the flight. In seconds I went around the fucking world in my head, dreaming of spending forever with my lips planted on her most intimate space. And I mean glued. The thought of returning to our Italian villa on the twentieth floor sent me into the clouds. I needed to see and feel her in the positioning of my choice. Andrea's midsection was a wonderland of sexual envy, and one of the most beautifully formed ratios I had ever seen. I fully intended to explore all of it without limit. Would it be ok for us emotionally? Kill us? Something else? No fucking idea, but after feeling her lust in the shower and the forceful words directing me toward sexual bliss, my next charge was to ram her body down my throat.

'I have to make you happy.'
'You already have, my love. Let's go... now.'

Cash slapped on the table, hands joined, and out of the lounge. The strolling prior to that conversation then turned to purposeful stepping toward the street. We made our way back past the clubs and a beeline to the Venetian. Up the elevator, door locks thrown, and Andrea jammed her lips to mine so quickly that I thought she would break my jaw. We stumbled around, kissing, until reaching the bed, at which time she pushed gently and whispered, 'Slowly, love. Take me. I am yours.' I took Andrea's jewelry off, slowly unbottoned that lovely blouse, and released the front hook between her breasts. The blouse remained dangling from her shoulders as I went south toward the buttons. One by one... listening to her heightened breathing... and pulled gradually at the waist, revealing the little blue thong and the paradise which awaited my lips. Within moments, she was on her side, knees paired, and looking at me with loving eyes. 'Yes, love. Yes.' I stared longingly, caressed her thighs, and gently plunged. God help me... delicious and damaging alike. The sound of her voice and the motion of her legs pushed me to please her more. Hands gripping mine and thighs trembling... Andrea loved all of it and whispered words of love. I soaked it all until her physical attack began. She tossed me, swung me, jumped me, and sent the afternoon into the exosphere. On and off she grabbed at my face, kissing deeply and straining to avoid professing her love.


384
The inside of my head


The room had become a space Andrea and I inhabited as if we belonged there and nothing outside existed. She looked at me almost constantly and her heart came right through those eyes and slammed me with the force of emotion. I held close to our little world and took as much in as was possible. Andrea's loving ways lifted me above the din. As much as the darkness followed behind each of us, we continued to create a bright path in defiance and maintain the line out of absolute necessity. It amounted to a survival instinct of sorts. As I lounged and held her lovely hands, her hair stayed on my face and I could see Andrea focused upon the touching. The longer we remained on that warm and cozy sofa, the more I began to realize that I needed to keep her next to my heart as long as possible. Ideas formed in my head to extend the loveliness, and one of them meant a flight out of McCarran and back to the eastern side of the land. Everything was outside our embrace and the distance seemed to be increasing. She sent me to the moon and back with that tenderness which felt as if it was invented by her heart. Carrying Andrea across the country again seemed the prime atmosphere for us to find a change of scenery and sink into each other even more. God help us for the future of such a wonderfully fulfilling and shared experience. The end would come. And I had to push it out as far as possible to allow the loving illusion to carry on.

The evening progressed with us wrapped around the other and filling the voids of our lives with affection and denial. Before we regrouped and left the room for dinner, I decided to offer my insane extension to the adventure. Andrea looked upon me with hungry eyes, and not seeking food. Her reaction to the plan for flying was fantastic, which led her to jump up and dance around the room with excitement. 'Yes! Let's go there and have fun, love!' Absolutely. And to the phone I went with my head all over the reservation system of several sites. I had resources coming out of my ass and fully intended to exercise all. Flight, car, resort, park tickets... everything. Five nights in the lap of luxury forced the shadow to the rear and so far out of vision that I redefined the term 'drowning'. We would avoid all sense and stroll throughout one of the most expensive vacation locales in the nation. Together, every step of the way. God help us at the end of that road. Fuck it though, all the way in. I reserved everything for the following afternoon. Andrea ordered cocktails and appetizers to celebrate, and then proceeded to thank me in her adorable manner. To the tub we went, nude and smoldering. The planets were aligned again.

Andrea left nothing out of her physical attention. As much as I felt lacking in my return, she assured me that such was not the case. The bubbles and imminent switchtrack carried us to a level we both desired, leaving the body heat on the side of the highway for the moment in order to absorb the new trip and additional time in each other's eyes. The very idea of a hell of a left turn for us to be close for more days and nights was dreamy. Strolling hand-in-hand, spending time in the tropical weather, and savagely attacking each other every day and night added up to happiness our way. Yes. Just fucking yes.

We stayed in the water for some time before stepping into the shower in anticipation of a dim restaurant. I stared for a moment and then stated, 'I need to gaze at you, please.' Andrea smiled full of understanding and replied that I was free to do anything I may have desired. And she called me love again, after which I melted into a puddle of mushy desire. So I stood her in the big, tiled room and took to my knees. She remained still -- arms at her sides -- and allowed me to indulge in the sight of her waist, hips, thighs, and those radii which appeared as a stark lesson in the French curve template. I turned her around and gazed further into that wonderland of dimensional ecstasy, causing my brain to soften until the need arose to contact the space which dictated my carnal thoughts. Andrea took my shoulders and asked to pause until we were out and dry, at which time I took her hips in hand and pledged myself to her tenderness until she slapped the back of my head. Her foot was rested comfortably upon my waiting shoulder, allowing me the space and time for a hunger I so strongly desired. The feeling was wondrous, passionate, warm... and listening to Andrea's breathing drove me to please her more and more... waves of orgasms. I could not get enough, nor was I able to pull away. Deeper, over and over, into the flames of ecstasy until she turned around, bent forward, and told me to plunge in for all I was worth. Good god. I grabbed her waist and did as she asked. And that did not take long. Heh.

We cooled, finished our shower, and then I apologized for not waiting, to which she shakingly replied that it did not matter in the least. She also stated that she had never been so happy in the shower. Heh again. Out, dry, into the bedroom to get dressed for a walk to the casino floor. As Andrea donned her lingerie, I again gazed upon the form of such an angel. I just could not look away from the curves she carried and that mane flowing all over her upper body. Fucking hell anyway. Soon after, we gathered our calm and took to the elevator. Dinner, cocktails, conversation, in the clouds. Wonderful. And then back upstairs to make ourselves into a pretzel and sleep. The following day held plenty of excitement and the anticipation of another trip was fantastic. We drifted off, dreaming.


023
Andrea's most intimate space... all mine


Early morning arrived with us still attached. We laid there a long while before deciding upon some coffee in the casino. We showered a little more quickly than the previous night, although no matter the need for anything to eat or drink, thoughts of her labia slathered all over my mouth were still commanding my attention. Still, we took care of business and headed down the hall for the elevator. Our hands found themselves naturally each time we took to our feet. I looked over at Andrea with her short halter and shapely legs, simply continuing toward the doors in disbelief. Always in heels, always looking ever the model. Fuck.

Over coffee and croissants, we discussed what to bring across the country. Pretty much everything was not much at all, so I remarked that there would be laundry services in the resort in Florida. No worries there, but still I told her that picking up a few things would be fine if she felt it necessary. And smiles. Once finished relaxing and sufficiently full of caffeine, we rolled toward the big doors and off to the Forum. Andrea said she wanted some nice things to wear for me which propelled me to the sky. 'Um... ok.' More smiles. We traveled across the big boulevard, through Caesars, and shopped around a while. Nothing really flipped her lid, so we went back outside and over into the Fashion Show. That place had everything, allowing Andrea to located what she wished. I also grabbed some staples to wear there, including a swimsuit and chargers for the phones. Afterward, we reversed ourselves back through the Forum and to our waiting room.

'Drinks, love?'
'Yes, angel.'

Down the elevator, snuggling the entire way and ignoring others, and through the club to Double Helix. We sat, drank, and discussed the upcoming change in adventures. Andrea had not been to Vegas or Disney World and told me she was overjoyed at the opportunity to experience both with me. Flattered to a large degree, I blushingly thanked her and went into a slough of compliments and grabbed her face. Straight into her eyes, I stated that being with her had brought me a peace I never knew, and our affection toward each other was deep in my heart like nothing else. Her big eyes nearly teared which sent me flying for the billionth time. She sat there looking so fucking beautiful that I could not contain myself. Smooches, and her legs across my lap. Wonderful, always.

More than two hours passed as we carried on with affection and thoughts. As the morning turned to afternoon, we took to the hallways and prepared our things for another flight. Back to the desk, account closed, and out the main entrance where our passionate connection found its path.

Taxi. Smooches. Off to McCarran.


377
Her body and its unending thrall upon my heart


First fucking class on Virgin again. Fuck yes. We stowed our shit and slumped into the big seats for the second time in less than a week. The excitement over traveling to a destination full of wonder kept both our heads in the clouds. The previous flight was utter bliss, and just like that snuggle-fest the armrest went up immediately. We spoke less, drank more, and engaged the flight attendant much less than days earlier. The simplicity of knowing we were completely out of reach and hidden away kept the shadow at bay. Enjoyment without worry. I had spent a considerable amount of time and money in order to keep us on the high side, meaning nothing other than ourselves would have been allowed to interfere or slow the pace. The flight was very comfortable and afforded us the closeness we needed sans interruption. As usual, we stayed there in typical fashion with constant caressing and occasional smooching. The feeling was wonderful and had me so full of love that I was certain to burst. And the flight was direct, though the passage of minutes and hours escaped us completely. Two hearts, and no clock. We just cared for naught.

Arrival. We cruised the jetway and terminal slowly, and as was the norm, her hand inside my arm and shoulder to shoulder. 'Is the drive long?'

'Maybe forty minutes, angel.' She gripped tighter and smiled continuously as we rode. 'We might need a nice dinner this evening.' And then a big, heartfelt look and smooches. God damn what a girl. 'Ok, love.' Every time Andrea called me love, my heart shifted nearer to hers. I had to maintain my vision and stay the course, although still I knew one of us could implode at any time. I feared it like nothing else in the world. The space we had created was small and with little room for anything outside to intrude, yet the fear crept... still. It was coming, so my only choice was to shower Andrea with attention and make her happy. In doing so, I also found happiness for myself. Three thousand miles of flying across the country added up to my needing her more and more. Upon departing that first jetway, I felt as if nothing was able to keep me away, and the latest leg of our stumbling about, all of it was advanced to the point of reckless planning coupled with excessive spending. And none of it was questioned within. Togetherness and warmth dictated every fucking aspect. What was ahead? Much more of the same, except mixed up with some Disney magic. Heh.

Baggage. Rental car. Out of our minds, out of contact with everyone, and into the loving embrace of the Polynesian. We entered the lobby, moved to the desk, and then stepped into the room creating one of the finest moments of the adventure. Andrea rolled on the bed and kicked her shoes off, spun and rested her head in those pretty hands... 'Yes, love. Just fucking yes all the way. Now take me.' She peeled off her top and those lovely jeans, and that was that. Flop. I looked at her lying there, on her back, knees up and paired, and I began to drool over the sensual radii leading from those slender thighs up to the little space which held me unlike anything on the planet. I took her as she requested. Everything, everywhere, and all over the big room. Heaven. Oh boy. And we were deep into the type of world around which existed zero else. Nothing. What the fuck were we doing? Pulling the veil further over our eyes and steering the days to our advantage. That was all. Anything which could be pushed into a line we would follow. Deeper into each other, and nowhere near reality. It almost ceased to exist as we dove beyond limit. The necessity went from a slight longing to a burning compulsion that increased with each passing hour.

The flames of sexuality and loving words continued through to the late evening. Andrea, and fucking nothing else. Eventually we arose from our embrace and spiffed up for dinner. Her outfit floored me for the tenth time... black stretch pants, thin black lingerie, and a halter enclosed within her leather jacket. She looked like the culmination of sexy and cute, topped off with boots upon heels -- black fucking leather above and below. Her walk out of the room and toward O'Hana sent me to the moon and back. Because of the tiny thong underneath those pants, nothing was there except the natural curves of her ass, legs and waist. She looked incredible from head to toe. Unbelievable that such an angel chose me for a fucking fling, and looking as if her eyes could command an army. Fuck me running. I was still incapable of absorbing her desire to cling to me, but cling she did, in excess. Her personality matched mine from the inside out. My feelings were such that denial took priority over the whole of life at that point, so Andrea staying by my side -- continuously -- served to feed my drive. And holy fuck was I driven. Dinner was similar to Vegas, although the number of young people might have been multiplied by a factor of ten. Dining and staring and touching. Her big, gorgeous eyes froze me and sharpened my options. I knew what I had to do. Keep going, hold the line, and share my soul with that angel as never before. Andrea and I stayed and imbibed, after which the dark sky sent us to consider the park tickets and their open options. That discussion led us to the ferry and its primary route. We waited, whispered words of love to each other, and boarded the boat. Across the lagoon and into the Magic Kingdom, where business was in full swing.

Soon enough, however, pain would be approaching at terminal speed, a la Juliette so many years earlier. Big fucking surprise. We pushed it away like everything else and maintained our veiled forward motion. The fucking Magic Kingdom. Holy shit."





04/14/2018 07:35 pdt

Status quo since last week. The fifth domain we have secured may not come to fruition due to concerns over how it relates so closely to Las Vegas. To move everything we have created here toward a locale which necessitates truncation to only the travel entries may not be a good idea. The ownership is there, however, and that will not change this calendar year. More research will hopefully lend to the right decision.

DP has been removed from the production environment and will not return. Due to the ongoing issues in taking that section live, the decision came down the hill and the project has ceased.


hexagram





Furnace Creek and the Forbidden Word


Part Six


"'I thought you were disillusioned with physicality.'
'Shut up. You're mine, babe. And I am yours.' Yes ma'am.

Oh my god, Juliette was like an animal that had been caged for years. She came at me with all of herself and nothing was left out. To the bed, and to the fucking stars we went. Her skin was like velvet in my hands. Her hair was in my mouth over and over, its sweet scent surrounding me like a cloud from heaven. She was so warm... my mind flew through cycles of desire and need, followed by interruptions when she moved me about the room. To the tub, and on the tile under the big, slanted windows. To the sofa, and to the bed. I could smell her all over my skin and could not get enough. The universe was reduced to the size of that room with Juliette and her incredible softness at its center. Fucking hell, she was wonderful.

Eyes, lips, hands, fingers, labia, arms, legs, breasts... all of her all over all of me. And all of my mind lost in the sexual desire and her endless curves. I found myself drooling all over her ass and legs as she moaned and writhed everywhere. Her eyes were half-shut and looking at me as I had never seen. She literally threw me on the bed and jumped in front of me to her hands and knees and bounced until I thought the headboard would snap in two. Hair flying about, my hands clasped to her waist... holy Christ. She then turned and took me with her lips until I could not stand it anymore. Satiated, exhausted, swirling, and the smell of her covering my skin... and then she grabbed at the phone with all haste. 'Room service, babe. Put something on.' Um, okay. Whatever she may have wished was anything I would have done. She wanted to make me happy, and in the end we were both overflowing with the same. I dressed without a shirt, and she donned that goddamned lavender which began the night along with the thick Luxor robe. We snuggled on the sofa until a knock at the door. Nice. Appetizers and wine. Yes. Juliette continued to stare at me no matter where her focus may have been. She signed and tipped the attendant and then returned to my arms. I could not imagine where we may have gone from there, but I no longer cared about the world outside that room. Everything was Juliette, her unending beauty, and the fucking stratosphere from where I continued to descend. Jesus.

'Hungry?'
'Yes.'
Food and drink.

That late-night snack allowed us to relax somewhat and cool off. Again we shared some conversation and I felt as if all of the worry and hesitation regarding life outside that town had quieted. Juliette seemed at peace during that night, too. Everything she felt came through those dark eyes right away, and what I was seeing helped me to believe that she was happy and content. The caressing continued just as it had all day long everywhere we went. I loved it. She was so gentle and caring that I thought my heart could take no more. I ate a little, had a glass of wine, stared at her beautiful eyes, and began to feel like sleep would help.

'Tired?'
'Yes, but I do not want this to stop right now.'
'A little while longer, then?'
'Please, my dear. Just let me look at you.' Gawd. Again I sat there gazing at Juliette and thanking my lucky fucking stars for every second. A dream. She was a fucking dream. There were unknowns all over the place, a lack of direction, and so much ambiguity, but at that moment her loving manner, physical desire, and emotional eyes held all the cards. I could not move my mind in any other direction than what had taken place since walking into the bank. The escort was booked, dinner plans were in mind, and my only other path was to drink aplenty and try to find solace. After meeting Juliette, however, the solace was solely her company. Damn the world, I had to remain right next to her for as long as possible.

A little while later and we took to the bed. Nude, warm, and sleep. And I did not even begin to think of dreaming because it was all right next to me. In the morning we arose and showered together. A lack of words combined with tons of smiles and caressing were understood and enjoyed. Juliette had enlarged my world by a factor of ten, and each time we met eyes that world grew even more. The shower was almost as hot as the room during the previous night. I thought my mind would implode from the joy and gratification. And when she dressed... holy mother of Christ. To the inclinator and attraction level for coffee.


003
That void below her breasts


'Let's go and eat some rattlesnake empanadas, my dear.' Huh? What the fuck did she have in mind? 'Death Valley, babe. Pack your shit.' Ok.

We left the warmth of the coffee bar, back to the big room, and then took to the highway. Furnace Creek was not a long drive from the southern strip, and along the way Juliette decided to tell me of her trouble -- much of which I was ill-prepared to hear. I nearly had to pull the car over more than once and cry, and the sadness was building inside me. Her life outside us and the bank had been extremely difficult throughout the past year. My dinner invitation gave her the push to shut everything off and run away for a while. She told me of emotional abuse, her family members turning their backs on the situation, and her need for escape from everything. The idea to move away from Vegas came up many times, which would have led her to extended family in another state. Juliette also stated that if I had not come along with my attentive nature and caring, within one month or less she would have been gone from Vegas for good. Jesus. Again... pure luck and timing. The thought of her difficult year pulled at my heart and I felt an overwhelming need to help with any of it.

Arriving at the resort brought us to an understanding that until such time as things needed to be detailed and/or changed, we should carry on with our enjoyment. Juliette was very intelligent and understanding. The time we forced brought a calm that we both needed. When she exited the car and walked to the edge of the parking lot to gaze out over the valley, I was telling myself just how very dangerous falling for her could be, and that despite my desire to be attached to her beautiful heart forever. I looked at her standing there, all leather boots, tight jeans, thigh gap from heaven, and that hair all over the place, and the love was beginning to make an appearance. The woman lifted me from the jaws of death and carried my heart up and out of the uphill battle which I had been climbing for so long. And the heartache began...

She returned and pulled her bag from the seat. We checked in and dropped our things, and then headed for the lobby bar and the appetizers she had desired. The place was very nice for being in the middle of such desolation, but that aspect also brought a unique beauty into my eyes. The valley was laid out in front of us as we sat and enjoyed cocktails and snacks. I addressed her with all seriousness.

'Do me a favor?'
'Anything.'
'Don't let me fall in love with you, ok? It could destroy me.' She dropped her face and began to cry. I sat and held her for several moments before she composed herself enough to return to the afternoon's comfort at that bar. I could see that her smile was forced and her eyes were the opposite. For the remainder of that little visit, no words were spoken by either of us. The food came and went, cocktails sipped down, but nothing else. She began to sniffle a bit so we closed out and took to the main entrance for a stroll. Along that parking lot to the edge, and then around the perimeter, and still no words. I tried to pry my eyes from hers over and over to avoid causing her to cry. I felt tense and worried due to the silence, yet still being next to her and the grip on my hand helped to ease both. We headed back toward the entrance and she stopped suddenly and grabbed my face with both hands... tearily...

'I am already there.' Damn it anyway. 'Keep me, please, my love. Keep me.' Fuck. We walked some more and stared out at the landscape while trying to digest the word in question. At times the blood flow to my hand was stifled by her grip, and every time she squeezed I stopped her and held on tight. I wanted the planet to cease its rotation and stay in the same sunset-laden position until the end of all things. I knew very well of that bliss and its effect on the clock. We had to realize every minute of every day and love it unconditionally -- along with each other. Juliette and I had become bigger than both of us. Much bigger.


078
Every inch of her in my mouth, over and over


To the room with all haste.

The day had gone in a direction we likely could not have avoided. It had to happen at some point considering the emotional and needy nature we shared. Codependence, denial, everything. Fuck it. I told Juliette that I was so happy being with her that I wanted nothing more than for it to continue. She agreed and kissed me like the world was about to blow up. That caused me to wish the bad things away, begin to ignore the negative possibilities, and rip her fucking blouse off as if it had caught fire. And then we caught fire once again. All over the room, the floor, the shower, the fucking dinette chairs. Everything. We were in heat. Juliette felt like a wild animal and took me over as no one else. Gawd damn sonuvabitch, her body was my new universe.


"I remember the King
And his Queen I shall never forget
No finer woman ever lay before me
Dark... and filled with beauty
All it took was one lonely kiss
Her lips, swollen and red
Smothered all over me
I felt faint and without control
And with great thirst, I drank deeply"

The resort's location afforded us the opportunity to look around the landscape for a time, and then take in the beautiful sunset along with a sumptuous dinner. We kept the demons to the rear the entire time, too. Our new world needed to continue without interruption or disruption so we enjoyed all of it -- from the food to the booze to the sex to the intimacy. Our visit to the valley was a great idea from her lovely mind. I was still fighting with myself over the whole shitaree, though. No matter what we did or where we explored, the darkness was right behind me like a fucking shadow from hell. I pushed, and it pushed back. From that point forward, I thought, the best direction had to be acceptance and moving along as we desired. I expressed my dismay to Juliette and she held me tightly and whispered her love and desire into my waiting ears. Once I heard those words, my heart warmed and I knew we would be alright together. The damage path could have been avoided, yet at the same time it needed to be acknowledged and accepted. We did just that, and then carried on with the bliss.

The first morning at the resort found us nude and warm again. The idea of sleeping with anything on was avoided from then on. Juliette's skin was my set of sheets, and her neck was my pillow over and over. We moved to the restaurant for a light breakfast and then hit the road to see some history. North to Scotty's Castle for a tour, then south through the Devil's Golf Course and into the pit of Badwater. The driving around was comfortable. We were constantly in physical contact with each other and at each stop she was a part of me, unwilling to let go. I loved all of the affection. It only increased with every moment. Upon reaching the basin, Juliette asked that we spend one more night and then return to the lights of the promised land. She wished for the trip to continue in the city rather than moving around any longer. The rest of the day was mellow, and later became very hot. Dinner, drinks, and her coming at me like a lioness in search of a litter.

'I love you.'
Sigh, deep breath... 'I love you too, my dear.'
'Show me.'

And that was the last of any gap which could have been measured between our hearts. Whatever, wherever, and for lack of reason, we fell in all the way. Together. Loving, gazing, and satisfied. One.


116
Elegant beauty, to the last


Back to the Luxor, and that beautifully comfortable spa room. We entered as if we had lived there, and Juliette stripped down to nothing. She stood there staring at me and my eyesight received the image of dreams. Feet together, hands clasped behind her back, and those breasts looking out at me like searchlights. We showered and readied ourselves to go downstairs for relaxation and cocktails. She dressed herself in a similar fashion as the previous days, and looked like dessert in jeans. All I needed was a drink and a fucking pallet of whipped cream. Heh. I took her hand as we exited and she kissed my neck several times while walking. For fuck's sake, I was a split-second away from lifting her off her feet and carrying that beauty back to the goddamned bed. Nope. The inclinator arrived and we rode sideways. Her lips did not leave my neck until the doors opened twenty-nine floors later. The others within the car seemed a tad unnerved at standing so close to her very dramatic display of affection, but I did not care. I smiled and lapped it up like cold cream to a cat's tongue. She was wonderful and kept me up so high that I could not see down.

The Nile, again.

Juliette asked about having dinner at the House of Blues, and joked that maybe another call girl would find me. Holy shit that was funny, and watching her laugh left me stunned. Gorgeous, in every way. Her giggling left me wanting more. She was so cute and playful in every way. I told her that I only knew one call girl and was hoping not to see that one again during the trip. Juliette simply laughed and pointed us toward the House. As we slowly cruised across the big bridge, she noticed the Burger Bar to the right and steered me there. 'Maybe a martini?' I figured that restaurant pushed the bar aspect for good reason, so following along could do no harm. The idea of wandering in there would soon amplify our togetherness ten-fold.

We were drawn in by the lovely hostess and seated in the typical manner -- Juliette next to me, perched with legs crossed and heels hanging, and with my fingers fondling hers. I knew it well and there was never enough. Sitting, speaking of all subjects, and having a nice meal was very enjoyable. The more Juliette spoke, the more I found myself lost in her thoughts and bright eyes. A few times I lost track of the words and dreamed about our time in the resort. We had been there long enough to realize that we were hurting ourselves as much as finding happiness. Two personalities so similar and in need of the right type of company, combined with the pull of intimate sexual desire had us shoving all other parts of life aside. That was not healthy, however the denial began to dictate our moves. On and off she kissed me and expressed such affection that it eventually became more intoxicating than the martinis. The smell and softness of Juliette's long hair, those thin, smooth fingers, and my hands gripping her waist combined to push me toward telling her more of my loving feelings. That was a tough road, however. Fearing the fallout, I reigned in my heart and kept the tongue at bay. To the reverse... 'My dear, this is everything I had hoped.' Oh my, avoiding the words manufactured in my heart was becoming an exercise in patient restraint. I wanted to open the flood gates and roll down the falls. I needed it. Her eyes were so warm and wonderful. And the increasing worry was still far enough back to allow us to take care of each other as well as ourselves and maintain that comfortable space. We sat a little while longer before stepping back out and into the mass of people. The bridge brought us back toward the Egyptian palace before stopping to work out a plan. After the meal, I was feeling heavy and simply wished to relax a while before going anywhere else. I was still considering the exchange in Death Valley, too. All the while trying to keep the events and emotions organized. I wanted badly to know of Juliette's stance regarding where we were and why, but the last thing on the menu was to pry. Delusion, of course.

We headed toward the north end of the club, and into Aurora, taking a seat on the edge of the lounge and remaining away from others as much as possible. She sat with her knees together and perched like a bird. I plopped down into the chair and could not take my eyes off her legs. She smiled in that approving manner and blew me a kiss. 'Are we going upstairs soon, my dear?' Hmm... again I felt the past creeping in as her words pushed my mind toward yanking her jeans off. I tried to keep it in the background. That was difficult due to the number of days we had spent together already. More gazing at her thighs, thinking about what to do or which direction might be best. Juliette leaned back and made it clear that we could stay, go, whatever. She told me that to be there looking at me was wonderful despite the ramifications we tried so hard to avoid. More of my eyes all over her, and more thoughts from the depths of desire. What to do? Fucking dive.

'Let's go. I need to lie down and hold you.' Yes, please.


190
Her movements and curves were dreamy


Arriving at the room meant we were alone again with all of the possibilities floating about the space. Juliette removed everything save for her thong and crawled under the covers. The light from those big windows was dimming. I joined her and held on for dear life. Much time passed as we lay there and spoke softly about where we might have been going. Life was on indefinite hold (something I knew very well and excelled at making happen), and both were fighing to leave it be. From out of nowhere, the dreamy weekend with Jasmine began to pull me into the past, along with the terrible manner in which that period ended. The current trip plan was to be with that beautiful woman again for some days, and Juliette submarined that by accepting my dinner invitation. The turn was such that my good fortune brought me into her arms despite my desire to be with the exotic call girl. Her arrival at my door changed everything, and though the two of us were having a blissful time, I needed to move ahead and learn of her considerations. One simple question led her to cry for some time and I felt terrible for derailing our heavenly stay.

When she calmed the sobbing, her hands found mine and she dove into the recent trials which we had discussed on the ride to the Inn. I felt for her, deeply, but also there was a gap which left me powerless. Juliette and I were on a fling of sorts, which meant that despite her feelings toward me, there was little I could do to assist with her issues. The relocation seemed imminent, if delayed. She informed me that on and off for two days she had considered the decision to move out of Vegas, and in the end it was going to happen whenever we ceased our adventures. Jesus fucking crap, I knew at some point that would rear its head again but continued to wish it away like a frightened child. My mind went through all permeations of the trip and her involvement with me. I felt that the best thing for her was my support. So I held on and told her without any doubt that I would assist her with anything possible. She squeezed my hands, thanking me, and drifted off. I stayed there up against her and dealt with my own options. At some point Juliette was going to walk away from me and get back to her life, and that was not something I felt would be healthy for my ongoing diminished abilities in dealing with difficulty. Regardless, it would happen, and likely leave me distraught. And then I would be flying home and working out everything which was pushed aside. Those issues had been sidestepped for a reason. An enormous reason, and one which drove me to continue the illusion. It was very familiar. I knew of the blowback and all repercussions which doubtless would come calling in that overbearing voice, but ignored it due to my lack of reasonable thought. Sounds familiar. Juliette had brought to me a calming state, leaving any negative possibilities ignored.

Darkness outside, and then movement next to me. Juliette awakened and slid herself against me, kissing my neck. Oh boy. Her kissing sent everything out of my head immediately as she smooched her way south and took me away from all of the bad. More... and then her thong went across the room, she spun her ass to my lips and dove further. Pause. 'I love you.' God help me, she was in that extreme heat again. Moments later she spun again and climbed atop, riding for the stars. She dropped her breasts to my mouth and moaned like never before. Jesus, there were slight tears in her eyes despite the smile. My only thought was to please her and keep everything in my head from taking over. Eventually I lost myself as she went to town like I was her personal pony. Flip, nails digging across my ass, and pulling. The woman allowed me no motion without her command. Around again, with her mouth like a dripping vice upon me. I dove in again while feeling her bucking against my lips as if she was trying to crush my very head. More... and then that was that. The movement ceased, and she fell to me, crying hard. Fuck shit damn. I felt the end was near and my bliss flew away like startled birds at the crack of a gunshot. 'I just fucking love you to no end, and I don't understand anything right now. Hold me, babe, please.' Of course.

The night went forward with little conversation. Just caressing, kissing lightly, and tears on and off for more than an hour. The fright of her departure slammed itself back to the forefront, and in time my tears matched hers. 'I love you too, my dear.' Holding tight, we slept, all dewy and depressed.


191
I could have lived a lifetime within her flowing hair


I was awakened by light from the rising sun. Juliette slept next to me and I lay there listening to her soft breathing. All at once I wanted to swallow her but pushed away the sex as best I could. She looked so peaceful and I had no wish to disturb her slumber. Considering all of the parts of life which we were sidestepping, both needed rest regardless of any other activities. The early morning was very quiet so high in the pyramid, and the colorful sky brought me a bit of peace. Juliette did not stir at all, however at no time did I feel alone in any way. Her heart was chemically bonded to mine which helped me to look at her without worry. I began to consolidate myself with her impending departure. Such a troubling thought felt tempered by our understanding of each other, and that allowed me to stay calm despite the loss I was about to endure. The heated previous night felt as a cap screwed tightly to the bottle which had been filled to the top with our time together. Nothing seemed to cool us, and the tears during sex were emotionally crippling. Here and there within my head were snippets and memories of leaving the Mandalay Bay a year earlier, mixed with the dire pain of working my way back into everyday life. And during that year the yearning never ceased, eventually causing me to run away and seek a place beyond need. Juliette became that very place. A loving, caring place, closed off from the world, and one allowing us to find a happiness greater than any expectation. I loved her -- a situation that never arose, even with a highly-paid escort.

When Juliette awakened, I could see the end of us being expressed through her soulful windows. No words for a time, nothing other than glances and pits of despair. She took my hand and led me to the shower, where we spent so many moments all over each other for days. The cold tile soon steamed and ran with condensation in the hot water. We caressed each other lightly on and off during that last togetherness. Sexual looks and words were gone, replaced by sadness and quiet. Just the water. And then she spoke to me with my face in her hands... 'Understand something, babe... I am different now because of you and all this time we shared. I am better. I am positive. I know that everything which happened before was reasoned. It led me to you, and to the rest of my life which is now hopeful and with the possibility of real.' God damn fuck me again. She floored me, and not just in a sad way. The woman stood there, teary, trembling, yet looking more beautiful than ever. She stared at me with those deep, dark eyes and meant every fucking syllable. I dropped my head into my hands and prayed that we were not ending, and I would wake up next to her again with the possibility of a different outcome. Such was not the case, not even close. Crying, yearning, shaking. No. Just no.

Crying and kissing. Crying over and over. Out of the shower, packed, and one little turn with wet eyes... 'I love you. Please don't forget me, babe.' To the door, and slam. Crushed like never in my life. It had to happen.


214
Anything either of us wanted... all of it


Jesus fucking Christ, she walked out of the room and I felt as if the galaxy was on my shoulders and weighing me down enough to force a fall. Juliette and her beautiful soul... not to return. And my trip was about to end, one way or another. To the window, and out of my mind. Again. I had to be honest with myself and realize that Juliette needed what we shared, inside more important than the outside. Yes, I was better for knowing her and enjoying our days in the clouds, yet still the pain and depression washed me like rain on the streets. Down and down and just fucking down. Her scent was still lingering all over the room and bed. Her eyes in my heart. And her never-ending affection still tingling my skin. Cold. Sharp. Pain. Gone. God damn the world, again. A woman unlike any other. Loving, caring, beautiful, and so very damaged inside. I just wanted to make her happy, and did for a time. That much, at least, brought some peace to my thoughts and broken heart. Fuck me.

I slowly moved about the room, in dramatic need to get the fuck out of the Luxor and run from the memories. Impossible? Of course, but my life would not allow any possibility other than attempting to leave it behind while drowning in alcohol. Juliette was better for staying with me. I had to keep that close, and at a time when I could have rammed the fucking window until bleeding to death. I just had to keep it, and try easing the pain -- however that could be accomplished.

Shades of two thousand two and that flight home, but amplified to the nth degree. The understanding that Jasmine was purchased and held to me by nothing more than money made saying goodbye to her, while at the time seemingly difficult, minimal when compared to loving someone and then watching her carry on with life after joining hearts. Fucking hellish. Just hell in a fiery pit. All that remained was what I had prior to those loving eyes... daily life. Just all bad. And how many fucking times have I typed that word? I stood there for several minutes, gained some sort of control, and decided to call the desk and extend my stay at the Luxor for a few more days. Yep... holding fast to the flame. Fuck it.

To the Magic Kingdom we go."





03:55 pdt 04/22/2018

Subtle changes here and there have taken place this week. The prominence of REN is being displayed to match the sensitive references on the title logo. The menu remains compressed and will no longer carry the link to the other site. We are attempting to secure the domain which has eluded the staff for more than five years, and the time may be at hand for making that leap happen. Once the domain is ours, we will transfer the entirety of coma to that location and cease operation of all other funnels to this content. Time will tell of when we can make the change real.

The only other small item is the business name... it may change along with the domain. Simplification and focus.

One non-functional note. As the content here becomes pointed and the language strengthens during the story progression, we have decided to secure the matter with an SSL certificate and seal. They are in the works.


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The Angel and the Addiction


Part Seven


"The ferry ride was cool and very smooth. Andrea's attention lifted me above the swell which kept up with the boat's engines, and the sound provided by so many vacationing families and their endless slough of excited children. The noise level remained low considering the sheer number of seats, but still Andrea and I floated inside our own capsule. She stayed against me, as if we were still in any number of Vegas bars. I held her around the waist as she beamed with love and excitement over where we were. As was the fashion, my arms found her smooth, sculptured body to be a land filled with softness and curves -- hands caressing her tummy (or lack thereof), and making as much contact as possible. She felt warm and wonderful. All around the lagoon were resort lights and the smell of pines. The sight of Disney's Magic Kingdom grew in the distance as we stood and held on tight. Her body was so comfortable, just as the dream of being very detached from the world we knew prior to that first gripping and fateful flight from DFW. As the ferry pulled in to the Kingdom dock, Andrea turned around and stated that everything was perfect. She looked forward to snuggling in whatever lines awaited us at the rides. Off the boat, through the gates, and into a land of enjoyment with that gorgeous creature fused to me. Damn.

Andrea stopped suddenly and turned to me, 'Holy shit, love. Look where we are!' I smiled and grabbed her again, beginning the walk down Main Street USA. Lights, sounds, smells, and plenty of others around wondering why we were dressed to the nines. Whatever... we cared not. The walk was so nice anyway. Andrea looked fucking stunning wrapped in those goddamned pants that I needed to swallow. Jesus, there was no end to the exotic curviness, and whenever we were out of eyesight -- even for a second -- I had to run my hand along that smooth fabric covering her unbelievable ass. And her reaction led me to believe that she wanted me touching all of her, as often as possible. Yes. I could not get enough.

Onward we continued, through the Plaza, and into Adventureland. I wanted to sit on the Jungle Cruise and hold her tightly, so we entered the beautiful queue and waited along with everyone else. Twenty minutes or so into the line, we boarded that comedic ride and plopped down next to the skipper. Andrea threw one leg over mine and snuggled in warmly. We refrained from gushing constantly, but that did not mean that the occasional peck was frowned upon. Family? Yes. R-rated? Nope. We kept the heat at bay and listened as the ride went along. Moments later she whispered into my ear all breathy and sexy, 'You are so wonderful, love.' Fucking hell, that floored me and once again my heart leaped into the sky. At the conclusion of the cruise, we disembarked and moved along through toward Pirates, within which the slow pace was right up our alley. We entered another fantastic wait and held close. I noticed other males trying to covertly glance at her ass, and upon each sighting I took one cheek in hand for posterity, displaying a prominent smile at Andrea simultaneously. She loved it, still eyeing me as if I could have bent her over anything and driven to town. Heh. The others kept a distance and I fondled at each opportunity. Her shape was just too much.

Pirates slowly meandered through its path, and as many times as I had ventured into that little trip in the past, the current ride took the cake in spades. The smell of her flowing hair, painfully obvious tapering thigh gap, and that voided midsection drew my attention from the characters around us, no matter the noise level. Andrea was too far inside me, and her posture when seated turned my head into a food processor. Everything else was on the periphery with no chance of prominence. Yep, not even the theatrical gunshots all around. The water and boat motion became soothing after spending so much time within the noisy machine that was Vegas. By the time we pushed up to the conclusion of that epic ride, Andrea was holding me with her head upon my shoulder. I lovingly told her that the more we were close, the more I needed to remain there in our little corner of the universe. There was no such thing as enough of any of it.

We left the "arrrgh" environment and decided to walk the park and take in all of the lights and sounds. Disney's work needs no description, nor does it ever disappoint. Their theming is impeccable and deeply involved, and the only things that could compare to the manicured landscaping were Andrea's beautiful fingertips. We enjoyed the slow strolling and absorbed the other visitors and everything which went along with a park of that magnitude. And then to the Matterhorn, despite the increasingly cold air. Neither of us cared because we could have quickly and easily generated enough body heat to warm the entire place. That sort of happened within the bobsled. Due to the tandem seating, Andrea was up against me in front. Oh boy did that get the furnace lit in a fucking hurry. As soon as we belted ourselves and rolled into the dark, she turned her head and wrapped her tongue around mine. At the same time, my hands left her tummy and went straight up to those warm and waiting breasts. The whole fucking ride duration felt like seconds due to our flaming desire, and when reaching the public eye once again we restrained and pulled away. Out of the turnstile she moved away from me, laughing, and pointed a finger as if to say, 'we can't be close in the dark or it is going to happen.' No shit. Another trip around the rails and I would have fucked her sideways right in front of the night-vision cameras.


371
Jesus God, Andrea's ass was a world in and of itself


So, anyway...

We visited Space Mountain producing a similar result, except that time she tried to dive into my pants, thanks to the fucking side-by-side seating arrangement. More laughing, more ridiculously flirty behavior. We were on a high, and the lovely atmosphere and excitement only propelled us further up. The entire visit was a few short hours that evening, but still we experienced much before finally heading back to the ferry. The return was with fewer people and much quieter, but no less warm between Andrea and me. I held her as usual, and she squeezed back. Bliss. And we had so much more time there before making some kind of decision about where to go next. Our lives remained in the dark and we cared less and less each day. The love and heat between us was everything.

Back in the room found us relaxing along with a bottle of wine to take the edge off such a demanding day. We discussed what may come next, which led us to the idea for another park or the crazy theme of Pleasure Island. Either sounded good to me, as did the inside of that thong which had been up against paradise all night. I took control the instant I felt the conversation was over. Andrea looked at me with wide eyes as I began to remove her clothing. Socks, pants, halter, bra... leaving the little garment for last. Her toes were first, and then I paid strict attention to everything between them and her waist. Along the way nothing was left out, and her breathing amplified by the second. Inside her thighs, thong tossed aside, and I arrived at a place of which I had been dreaming for hours. Several orgasms later and I took to the sheets to rest. Andrea's eyes were still huge, yet half closed, and her hand was held to mine as if I was the only link keeping her from falling off a high bridge. I could feel her rapid pulse through the grip and simply awaited her calming enough to speak with me.

'Where did you come from, love?' I stared at her and made it clear that I felt like no one special, just a person driven heavily to pleasing her at any cost. Apparently, I accomplished that in spades, judging by her sweaty look and trembling thighs. 'Anything for you, my dear, especially when we enjoy it equally.' God love her, to no end. And He must have been a fucking genius for creating something so special. Andrea looked at me with the biggest, most emotional puppy eyes I had ever seen. She pulled me close and held on tight. I had been desiring her tenderness on my tongue for the entire trip, and when the opportunity arose, I made up for lost time.

'Keep me, love. Just fucking keep me.'
'Anything. And our lights are nowhere near closing.'

We remained there on the bed for a bit longer before de-Disneying ourselves in the massive shower. More longing, more gazing, and happy expressions from her beautiful eyes. Holy shit, where were we to go? Onward, with all other aspects of life continually shoved aside. Her heart and soul were dictating my elaborate plans, during which we lavished ourselves within all available avenues in order to maintain the high standard of enjoyment to which we had been accustomed. I had little ideas in my head and plans here and there to keep us close and comfortable. And as sleep approached, I knew that four more nights would only bring us more of what we needed.

In the morning we discussed where to go next, and after a shower full of soapy, loving care, the decision was made to take the Monorail around toward Epcot. That park held an array of fascinating attractions, tons of places to enjoy any number of cuisines, and a bit more relaxed pace than the Kingdom. Andrea dressed herself in those fucking tight jeans, below which her half-boots clicked upon the tile, just as that first arrival in the Venetian and its massive marble flooring. Oh my. Her leather jacket took a back seat to a lovely sweater, and the lingerie underneath stood out in bright blue with flashes of skin here and there. Gorgeous, shapely, sexy, and oh so enticing. Out the door listening to her shoes and watching that little ass create patterns of desire. Another day of longing was on tap, along with mountains of smiles.


372
That nonexistent tummy where my hands found their home


The Monorail ride was as smooth as Andrea's skin, yet not as appealing. Heh. The train meandered its way through the trees and past the lake, and her legs were once again thrown over mine, allowing me to stare more at the gap than the scenery. I eventually broke away from the animalistic mindset and discussed with her what awaited us in the big park. She held my hands and wished to have some themed pancakes wherever we could locate them. As the train moved past our previous night's destination, I realized we were taking the long way around the barn. Thankfully, there are only two directions served by the Monorail, and we would end up in the same place regardless of the train color. My head was full of everything Andrea, leaving little room for a map. No matter, those seats were big and warm, and combined with the two of us physically connected as always, the ride flew by like the trees. After a trip around the lagoon, we switched to the correct train at the TTC and relaxed.

'Pancakes, love.' Smooch.
'Yes, angel.' Gawd.

The train slid into the Epcot station, we took to the pathway and rolled toward the big geodesic dome that was Spaceship Earth, touching with every step. Several times I fell back a measure of steps to watch her walk because I felt far too compelled. I had to see Andrea's shape over and over. She simply giggled with a hand over her mouth and those adorable, squinting eyes. Again we joined hands and entered that beautiful park, anticipating all of it -- especially the pancakes. Magic everywhere, but mostly in our hearts.

We ran across a small cafe and enjoyed a bit of breakfast before exploring further. I wished to snuggle in the big dome, so we made our way to the line, which was a decent wait. No matter, because each queue brought us up against one another and my heart swelled. I whispered loving words into her waiting ears which brought a squeeze to my hands along with a smile upon Andrea's gorgeous face. 'Where are we going, love?' I had no idea. Nada. My world had been reduced to such a degree so as to push reality far away. 'I don't know, my angel, but we can slowly speak about it all day if you would like.'

'Okay.' We stepped along through the pathway and looked upon each other's eyes to see the unspoken caring and appreciation which drove us together days earlier, only after so much time the understanding and love had grown tremendously. I could not avoid the need to tell her over and over of how much I loved being there with such a soul. Andrea took in each word as if she was filling herself with the necessities of living. I saw it... always.

'Right now, we need to keep this going, ok?' Ooof.

'We certainly do, angel.' Smooch.

Every fucking time she offered that little glance up after a kiss, I was a puddle. She did have focus to a point, and that meant the idea of an end to our "whatever we're doing" had been in mind. She shared all of her thoughts with me, though often some time had to be allowed for her to fully explore. I looked at her and saw the wonder of a child in the park combined with the incredible soul showing through those windows. We spoke a bit more before boarding that slow, dim train through the dome, and the consensus was that a few more days of deep thought and heated sex would be best. Laughter, hugs, and lots of enjoyment the entire time. We seemed to be understanding more and doubting less. The idea of separating needed to be pushed away to maintain our utopian situation. And that is exactly what we did... push... as far as was necessary to keep moving forward. Still, the reasoning for our initial attachment remained unclear, and may have been the simple desire to connect and share the things which were lacking for each of us. That seemed the most reasonable explanation, anyway. I knew that Andrea touched me deeply, and I her. Otherwise, the world was clearly instructed to go and fuck itself. The feeling of detachment was wonderful, and as I swelled with loving thoughts, I grabbed Andrea and stated 'I will keep this going as long as I am able, angel. Anything, ok?'

'I will do the same, love. Thank you for where we are.' As the ride smoothly plodded along, we held close and enjoyed the obscured state of our car. Upon its conclusion and exit, I grabbed her again and hugged tightly, causing light tears in her emotional windows. Good god was the defiance increasing and our connection becoming solidified. Jesus Christ fresh off the cross could not have divided our hearts. We moved out of the dome and walked toward the lagoon in search of a few moments seated. We sat, relaxed, and eventually decided that five nights might not be enough. The parks were many and our time was not allowed to be short. At my earliest convenience, our stay would be extended a tad. Like three nights or so. And then we figured upon flying somewhere else. The destination did not fucking matter. Together, time, space, loving feelings, nothing more.

'Have you spent a lot?'
'The resources are coming out of my ass, angel.'
Giggle. 'Ok, my love.'
'We can have whatever we want and need.'

And a big appreciative smile followed that statement, along with a hug I would not soon forget. Again her legs were tossed across mine as we sat a little while longer, watching others here and there. She rested her head on my shoulder -- as usual -- and I became unable to think of feeling more satisfied than at that moment. Her hair, soft touch, damn. Fuck me... happiness like...

...Juliette, so many years earlier. Yes, that dreamy woman floated into my head just as I was reaching a high point of loveliness with Andrea. Holy shit. What a fucking slam to my heart. That was one of the most demanding times in my life, and one which surely could have sent me into a deep abyss with no outlet. I had to quickly squash it before Andrea looked upon my eyes or she would immediately know something went awry. My soul was completely open to her and I hid nothing at all. Push it. No more. Stop. Fuck. Calmer. Yes. Finally. And then she decided to look up at me again with that smile which caused the world to fly out completely. I recovered from the despair of the past, and Andrea's eyes caught none of it, but still projected so much love leaving me bereft of more spoken words. I could not help but love her from the depths of my soul. And keep the goddamned fucking prior escapades with the dream crammed so far back that even I could forget. Ugh. Why did that have to interrupt our bliss? Damn it anyway. Keep out.


373
Diving into her sex without limit


Off the bench with my head spinning a bit from the reminder. Andrea kept on with her loving grip, and I did my best to return the focus to her, and nothing else. A few moments later and I found myself more relaxed and again looking forward to whatever was on tap. We strolled as always, and made a path around the lagoon through the different nations and their respective themes. The park looked perfectly kept up and was beautiful in the winter air. I held close to my loving companion, and returned all of the affection which was being poured over me. The peace and contentment of staying close to her, along with our severe separation from the remainder of life could not be considered high enough on my list of needs. I appreciated every single second of our trips. More slow walking and more looks which carried me outside myself. Wonderful. As we came upon Great Britain and its beautiful landscaping, brick, and flags everywhere, Andrea asked to sit again. We took a few minutes on another bench, and after a bit of a hug, she looked to me and stated that alcohol was sounding better and better. The light breakfast was burning away, so some type of bar food seemed a good idea. Unfortunately, anything other than beer and wine in one of the international restaurants was decidedly unavailable within Epcot. I asked what she wished, after which we headed into Canada for a beer. Naturally I would have driven to any park within the World -- or anywhere else for that matter -- if it meant pleasing her. I was in too far.

A little time in Le Cellier for a nice snack and a couple of drinks left me feeling the need for excitement, and that led me to pull Andrea into the massive queue area for Test Track. All of the automation, lighting, and the overwhelming technical aspects of that ride dramatically showed off their capabilities for taking guests far away from their everyday life and delivering them into another world. The place was incredible, to say the least. Andrea was unsure of a thrill ride with which she was unfamiliar, but I commented that it was unlike a roller coaster or other type of train. That ride is smooth with little effect of shaking a person like crazy. She clung to me like a frightened cat, yet still kept a smile upon that lovely face. I loved it. The more she held on, the more I reassured her that the trip would not be frightening. We rode, and she enjoyed the entire route. After exiting, Andrea hugged me and buried her face into my waiting neck.

'This is so relaxing and fun. Where to?'
'Stroll to one of the shows, maybe?'
'Ok, love.' More loving glances, and we walked together toward the nearest indoor show building.

Two shows, another couple of beers, and one more trip around the lake sent us back to the Monorail. Lots of walking led us to hunger, and the rail could take us anywhere, plus the comfortable interior was a destination all its own. We discussed more of our trip, from the beginning up to and including Orlando. Andrea said she was feeling worry on and off, but pushing it away so as to avoid affecting me or our enjoyment. I expressed to that angel my concerns over us holding things inside and risking the construction of an emotional roadblock. Talking and getting through the difficulties we were both living through seemed a good path. She agreed and went further into the idea of us remaining there in the World and as comfortable as possible, allowing the type of space within which we could solve issues. There were many concerns, from where we were headed to the reasoning behind us becoming so glued together in the first place, and they included the need to ensure stability toward the future. I had to know she would be ok if and when the trip came to its end. I fucking needed her to be ok, and there was still so much yet to be uncovered.

Again Juliette popped into my head. The two women were similar, in that they were both extremely affectionate to the point of bringing me into a sort of fold which was beyond words. The nature of both of their pairs of eyes sent all of the bad away quickly and left me feeling as if I was safe and cared for. One of the aspects of my sorry life to that point which had me flabbergasted was trying to work on how I became so needy and with the compulsion to attach myself to any female which would allow me in. I was still very fucked up inside and once again drowning into a part-illusion and part-romance. My ongoing weakness with regard to women was the driving force behind me skipping off to Florida in the first place. I was supposed to be avoiding that type of thing, and getting out of town for sanity and relaxation. All of the up and down in recent months forced me to stay clear of many things into which I normally would have dove, and the eyes of an understading woman were top of the list. Well, that went right out the fucking window upon reaching Texas, and from there the slope angled itself right into my depressive addiction. Throwing Andrea and the quick run out of Pensacola into the blender with all of my other shit pushed me to need even more, and that woman next to me became the definition of everything. Into the abyss of my tremendous hole which had developed for years. All of the prior incarnations of the representative examples of the female form and torrid flings stirred my brain like a massive lamb stew, in which each ingredient had its own little spike into my being. I was on a path and needed to muster the strength for keeping the angel out of my fiery pit. The storm in my head nearly took me off my feet. I had to pull myself from the damage and focus upon the beauty in our little universe. That was one of the most difficult uphill battles ever. But I maintained, for the most part.

Andrea and I spoke further and went deeper into our lives with the words. The Monorail floated smoothly above the ground as we enjoyed the plush seating. Over and over we held hands softly and stared into each other's eyes to such an extent as had not occurred prior to that afternoon. I felt more emotion toward her meaningful thoughts and warm demeanor. Everything was just more and more and more. Andrea was aligning so closely with what I wanted and needed -- just as Juliette -- and the satisfaction was leaving me with increased concern over the situation. She held on tight while the rail flew beneath that big train. The TTC came and went twice. We did not exit to find a shuttle ride due to the comfort, conversation, and her ability to keep me up and out of the fucking despair. Push. Just push.


374
The painfully obvious reasoning for my wandering hands


Upon one of the long speaking pauses, Andrea changed her position and sat with knees together, showing off her angelic form. Along the third ride into and through the transportation center, we spoke quietly about the past. Her eyes went back and forth from emotional and teary to playful and happy. My thoughts were heard fully, including a glean of Juliette. Andrea listened intently and allowed me the room to pause and align my words to more effectively inform her of that period. I just loved the way she sat there... quiet, thoughtful, and patiently awaiting my next words. Her attention helped to relax me and find clarity. Conversation went on and on as we held hands, eventually leading me to realize that we overlooked the TTC a fourth time and were again cruising smoothly back to Epcot. She commented that the time did not matter in the least, and that comfort was key for such a discussion. The Monorail cars were quiet and plush, leading us to carry on with intimate talk until looping all the way back. The train dropped us, after which we awaited the shuttle bus to Downtown Disney and the array of bars. The wait was short, so I held her as usual, while marveling at the tranquil manner with which she put my mind at ease. Andrea's thoughtfulness was yet another corollary to Juliette. Contained within the gesture was an additional realization that my deviant and desperate addiction to that type of attention would eventually become a problem. As much as I desired the company, each encounter -- be it long or short -- was like the chronic damage to my heart and psyche. But I could not avoid darting in whatever direction may have brought satiation to the blood. God damn it anyway. And fuck it. Onward with the darkness. With my arms around her waist from the back, and her hands on mine, she whispered...

'I want to hear all of it, love. Please.'

Well then.

The shuttle dumped its crowd in the center of Downtown, and upon us leaving most of the others behind, we went straight to the outdoor bar at the House of Blues, both for familiarity from Vegas, and knowledge that we would be happy with the distance from the inner restaurant. For what felt the tenth time, I sat and Andrea stood between my knees and looked at me in her soft way. 'Falling, love. Fucking falling.' Uh oh, but no shit. So was I. Holy fuck, yes, but we let it happen regardless of being in such a state -- between fulfilling our needs and desires and escaping reality. The very idea of separating ourselves from the other life and steaming full-speed toward making things difficult was not a good idea, however just like the past we simply did not care. And again... more. Forward without limit.

The bar was welcoming and heated from above. We sat a long while and laid out our trials to each other. I spoke of Juliette and the entirety of that fling, leaving out nothing. Her exit from the Luxor had crippled me for some time, after which I finally reached peace with regard to the situation we had created, and knowing she found happiness and an escape from all that was on her shoulders living in Las Vegas. Everything was poured out to Andrea like paint on the pavement. She responded by listening with deep eyes and tearing up from time to time. My neediness at the outset of meeting Juliette amplified after our affair and stayed hidden within me for years. Things came to a head after walking away from the bar at DFW and subsequently meeting Andrea on the plane. And then all of that need was unloaded. But she knew it. She accepted me along with all of the bullshit attached. Andrea told me that I was a package deal. Heh. But none of the downside I dwelled upon looked the same to her. Everything was a part of me, and helped to create the person with which she connected so deeply and wonderfully. For a woman to accept me as I was after all of the shit I plowed and the heat I reflected seemed a stretch. Andrea just took me in every way conceivable and I felt as if calling her angel was perfectly suited to that unending sweetness.

The longer we relaxed at the bar, the more we spoke. On into the early evening with wine and appetizers, alongside much discussion which served to clarify our mutual pull. And for the first time since the Pensacola attachment, we were not lusting. We were experiencing one another from the inside and veering toward being quite a measure less intense with regard to our prior constant desire to declothe. That was so nice. Andrea's physical affection remained at the top, however, which left me sitting and loving her on many levels. The woman had spied me, entered my life, and eventually found a space within which had been dark and vacant for a very long time. Along such lines, I had opened myself to her and became a lifting presence that helped her to keep her head out of the proverbial oven. Each needed something, and the fusion created fulfillment all around. Incredible, to say the least. On the horizon? Not likely anything as positive. In the meantime, though, our mutual comfort and understanding carried us along. And after a big, warm hug and moments of gazing, we left that spot and began to walk the esplanade. Andrea wrapped her hands around my arm and leaned in for the slow stroll. I could smell her hair and perfume, both of which drove me nuts to a degree, yet the love was pushing all of that heated physical thought to the rear. Unbelievable. Her tenderness and caring took over and soared above all things -- even her sex. For me to have put her physical beauty to the rear -- considering my fucking lifestyle -- was speaking volumes.

'Three additional nights, angel.'
'Thank you, love.'

Oy God. I was still a fucking train wreck and she was maintenance of way. The tracks were damaged to a great degree. I derailed so many goddamned times that the repairs required to keep me upright were extensive. Andrea had the ability to give me the eyes which mended all of the wreckage instantly, and she told me straight out that I provided similar care. Wow. There was no avoiding the love.

We moved along toward the big steamboat and enjoyed viewing the water and other vacationing people. As we continued across the whole of Downtown, space between us never developed. The words came here and there, coupled with squeezes and looks of loving eyes. We paused at the bridge for a few minutes to discuss dinner, and ended up standing together for a long while -- silent -- and holding on as if the water was going to swell over the railing and take us away for good. Andrea was all over me with eyes and hands as I returned the gestures. She felt so warm, wonderful, and fulfilling. All I needed in the whole fucking world was up against me and tightly held. Hair in my face, hands upon her waist, and my never-ending desire to climb all the way inside her lovely heart. Damn it anyway. I did not wish to think about anything past the stay in that resort, and the upside kept slapping me. We were only spending our first full day there out of six, and I was about to pull the trigger on three additional fucking nights at the Polynesian. We returned to the path toward the far east end and the seafood. Nice.


375
Form, unrivaled


Fulton's Crab House and its massive steamboat lounge welcomed us with smiles. To the bar and some food while we spoke quietly enough to remain below the ambient noise level. I listened to Andrea telling tales of her past while sipping wine and keeping things low and between us. Her sadness regarding life was coming through clearly as her facial features would attest. She had a way of captivating me with the soft voice and lucidity. As I heard her words, I began to relate my own difficulties, eventually bringing us to more of an understanding and commonality, although the darkness and futility I felt toward myself was still being held back like a floodgate. I listened with as much attention as was available, considering the fucking hellish ram which was on its way to me at increasing speed. Again... push.

Andrea was such a gentle soul in so many ways that I felt compelled to give myself to her completely, and hopefully add the happiness she so deserved. As much as was going on inside me, I simply could not bring it to her. I had to hold the fucking line and make her happy and comfortable. During our relaxing stay, the bar was full from end to end with vacationing folks full of excitement over their respective adventures throughout the World. We kept to ourselves unless speaking with the bartenders, who made every effort in keeping us satisfied with food and drink. They sensed our need to be as alone as possible within the crowd, and upon thanking them and readying ourselves for another walk, I dropped a hefty tip which resulted in firm handshakes in appreciation. Out the door, clinging again, and toward the opposite end of the downtown. We spoke little, instead letting our eyes do the talking, and did her eyes ever speak volumes. Big, bright, loving puppy eyes looking at me with such feeling that I became a puddle again. I was so close to gushing in her direction like a failing dam that I resisted much, and that led Andrea to halting us and holding tight while staring with those fucking windows which started it all. She could see that I was struggling to hide the words. We stood still for minutes, hugging, until finally I could not hold the waterfall any longer...

'I love you, angel.' Tears, hugs, eyes bigger than ever.
'I love you too, my dearest.'

Oh God, there it was. Juliette all over again. Fuck me. Our situation began to roll up in my head just like a rug containing a dead body. Everything flew into me quickly... all of the past issues, the runs from home so many times, the call girls which I purchased at high cost with little regard for sense, and the occasional need to throw my sorry self into the nearest gaping hole. And I was a hole, for the millionth time. Andrea held me tightly, whispering her deep feelings over and over. Her fingernails were poking through my shirt as she gripped for dear life. I heard the haphazard breathing and smelled her perfume. My mind was overwhelmed with compositions of damaging dialog and uplifting, loving words. Their diametrically opposing positions were battling within me as if I had little chance of quieting either. I stood there, warm in her embrace, and wishing we could be ourselves but at a different time and far away place where none of the past could follow. The need, the desire, the addiction, the fucking scars, all in me and over me as a gigantic pour without limit. God. How did I continue to place my weakened self in such turmoil? She was a drug. She was THE drug.

Continuing along the beautiful pathway, we held on as always, and thought of returning to the Polynesian to be alone again. Sex? Fuck no. Just intimacy and need. There were less words than before Fulton's, but more glances with much feeling. Andrea had become something I failed to fathom, and from out of nowhere stole my heart from me and bonded it to hers. And what a beautiful heart it was. We matched in so many ways, however with little understanding due to the quick attachment and yearning which took my thinking and narrowed it for our escape from everything. My past and hers were looming, the worry began to congeal, and yet our options were still wide fucking open like the throttle on a race car. All the way, in fact. We had the freedom to move and do anything we needed, thank Christ. The love needed time, and we had to learn more. Much more. Days. Possibly weeks. We stole the time and space, and I secured seemingly endless resources which could take us where we wished. A longer stay at the Polynesian began to look unnecessary because we only needed to be together and that was not going to change soon. A different location -- maybe something more remote -- started to wind its way into my brain, especially considering the Disney vacation still had days remaining. Hmm.


376
Her breasts and midsection where my mouth lived


We walked toward the shuttle stop, hand in hand, and more slowly than at any other time since the first flight. Andrea said nothing, however her eyes were telegraphing so much to me that I nearly lost step several times. We paused, embraced, continued. All of the want within me to dive yet again into her pants was gone in favor of simply holding on. I wanted to be against her, endlessly and without interruption from any outside force. The damage and memories were combining inside and pressing me down with the mass of dark matter. Pressing, shoving, hurting. Andrea carried herself as if nothing had changed. My hands stayed off her ass for once, and my head was far from her delicate sex. I could not help but focus upon what we were becoming and what came before. The issues which led me to leave home in the first place were then taking a back seat to such a new development in my heart. Fucking hell, of all the directions and random goddamned places and people in the world, I found myself struck to the core by a soul contained within an angel. I tried to use that feeling for bringing my mood up, and we still had other parks to explore and enjoy which helped, too. The atmosphere felt dark and had to brighten. In the meantime, though, we carried the gray along to the transportation area.

We boarded the shuttle, rode quietly back to the TTC which we had seen so many times that day, and stepped back into the wonderful comfort of the Monorail car. The train slid us around Seven Seas Lagoon, finally arriving back at our resort and dropping us where we began the day hours earlier. Half loaded, half walking, half sobbing. Into the room, where Andrea threw the entirety of her beautiful clothing to the wind and dove under the covers. I stood there staring at her big, emotional eyes for a moment, after which she reached a hand in my direction and begged me to lay next to her.

'Are we doomed, love?'
'Yes, angel, we are, but it is ok.'

Just fucking damn. Her voice was as tiny as that first fateful phone call. I stripped nude, melted into her embrace, and drifted off to sleep. Thank God we found isolation and the bed, but still... the burning end of the street had been illuminated.

Waiting."





04/29/2018 08:21 pdt

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The Island and the Cigarette Girl


Part Eight


"Alone.

No more Juliette clinging to me and speaking words of love and caring into my heart, no more of her endless sexiness slathered all over me, and no more awakenings with that beautiful soul next to me smelling like smoldering, flaming desire within golden skin. No more. Fuck it all, I had to pull up slightly and move around for the blood flow. She was better -- I was told in no uncertain terms -- and I simply had to put on the fucking long pants and figure out where to go. Still crushed, hurt, and folded in half, but forward was the only way. Otherwise? Yep... ramming my sorry head into the fucking glass. So, I dressed and headed downstairs to attempt finding a drink without breaking down like a soggy toothpick. Ugh. Juliette. My love. Fuck.

Upon reaching the casino floor, realizing that every step I took with her would run through my head began to inject pain inside. I walked with purpose over the big bridge and into the Mandalay Bay and its glowing embrace. Across the casino and straight to the Island. I plopped down in front of the video poker machine and tried to relax. Juliette's scent and eyes did not leave my head at all. I had to keep hold of the thoughts of her being happy, better, surviving whatever came along. Back and forth over and over from the happiness of meeting that dream, spending so much warmth together, and the subsequent loss that morning along with crushing sadness. Sitting there at the Island became a tennis match in my head. And that was something to which I did not react well considering the imminent exit from Vegas. Extending my stay was a reach, but I did not know what to do or anything which could help. Minutes into my first cocktail, a thin blonde came along and sat next to me bearing one of the many convention badges. I glanced, reared slightly, and returned to myself. No one needed my affliction or issues broadcasted -- as compelling as falling toward any receptive female was during that morning. I had to stay quiet, and keep the dire nature of my thoughts away from prying eyes.

'Here alone?'
'Yes.'

No other words for a time, just a smile. Being careful was priority. One caring look and I would have collapsed. Thank the stars I still had the room, just in case. And I wanted to gush all of it while attached to a woman. I needed it like I needed to be back wrapped around the dream that was Juliette. The blonde played her machine quietly, and I sat with all manner of swirling confusion and dread piling upon my head. One word from her and I felt as if I would grab hold and cry. Just maintain, please.

'Are you doing ok?' Crap. Fuck.
'Hanging in there I guess.' Oops.
'Want to talk about it? I have lots of time.' Shit. Pause.

Why? Perhaps my face was a billboard filled to the edges with a sad story I could not hide. Fucking hell, anyway. I smiled and told Lanie I needed some hours to process the past few days. What I did not tell her about was the years-long period leading up to my dashing from life. That was a can of worms which had to remain seamed. My mental micrometer ensured a tight seal. Juliette? Anything and everything. A stranger? Nope... closed off and hurting. I went on about being there for a few more days to wrap my head around a woman with whom I spent time. Her face displayed interest in my words, and when I touched upon the fact that the sadness was related to a woman, her face showed genuine concern. Lanie then asked me to sit tight and await her return.

'I'm not going anywhere.'

A quick touch to my hand, and she left. I had hoped she would not return at all because I was already sensing the flood and a lack of control. I watched her walk toward the lobby (naturally, and being the person who seldom looked away) and held my position. Again I sulked, again I flew. Still with the back and forth about the dream. I felt Lanie's caring, which left me flailing wildly for a good direction. Of course, sitting at a bar drinking felt like my only choice in the short term. Anything else was too much of a stretch.

Badass Joe Zito dropped my second Jack & Ginger in front of me along with yet another glass of water. He stood there and regaled me with all of the ideas in his head for the future of transportation and space travel. I was wearing a shirt which was a gift from SpaceX during our testing of the Dragon capsule prior to them engineering everything into an actual flight. My being involved in the space program interested him greatly and provided some conversation between the two of us. The service bar was to my right with its never-ending slough of beautifully-clad cocktail servers and their work keeping the tables happy. I spoke with a few of them on and off, and by that point in the trip they were calling me by name. Yep. Hours at that bar.

I sat there and enjoyed some pleasant rapport with staff. I also could not help but gaze at the servers' outfits -- one of them with dermal implants all over her lovely hands and upper chest. Tall, blonde, friendly, and ever the gorgeous example of the female form. Naturally I was doing my best not to stare and simply engage her in some light remarks here and there regarding the clientele and their comments toward the female staff serving them. She seemed a bit disillusioned with the sexist nature of the industry, which I knew intimately. I backed off my thoughts of complimenting her due to my desire of keeping things personable. And she did not need any more bullshit from yet another barfly. I held my tongue and focused upon speaking with Joe. But Jesus God in heaven, inside me was the typical storm which has been laid out here for years. Longer I stayed, and slowly the idea of additional nights built up inside my head and helped me to relax more than earlier. Aside from going home and dealing with difficulty on a hell of a scale, staying in the resort would at least allow me to think.


262
Holy bleeding fuck was Ashley ever thin


'Cigars, cigarettes.'

A lovely young thing visited with her tray of smoking needs. She was very thin (like too thin, almost), but with so much hair that the enormity likely contributed to her offset appearance. The girl was fucking cute and very smiley and flirty. She continued approaching, one foot in front of the path of the other showing off her young age. I stared as usual, watching her legs move and dreaming of Juliette heading out in front of me and commanding my vision. And then she would turn and smile, leaving me in a storm of passion and desire. The cigarette girl smiled and continued, providing none of the same, but I wished to dive up her dress anyway. There was no getting around it. Too weak, too needy. That thought sent me back to Lanie's return, and due to desiring the cigarette girl, I began to see the possibility of yet another distraction from the dream. Maybe? Hmm. Would it help? Hmm again. Or perhaps when Lanie came back I could have turned on the wordsmithing and left her in a hole, void of responses. No, I could not. Lanie had been very kind, and worst case would be no conversation at all. Or leaving. And she arrived just as I was shuffling the possible scenarios.

'You ok?'
'More or less.'
'Drunk?'
'Not yet.' Heh. Giggle.

She sat again, and asked if I wished to talk. Damn shit fuck. I was at a loss and looking at her glasses and slender nose. I wanted to lick her fingers. Fuck me... shut it off for crying out loud, basket case. I asked to be left alone for the most part, but some chit chat was fine. As nice as I tried to come across, I ended up piquing her interest even more. The eyes were expressing concern but I had no fucking idea from where that came. We sat, spoke of the convention and casino, and drank slowly. The cigarette legs returned, smiled, and I gestured to her. She came close and I whispered that she looked gorgeous in the black dress and heels. Her age again came through when she bit her lower lip slightly, causing my head to descend into an enormous fantasy of pulling her ass to my face. God damn. The drug again, and right in front of me. Lanie smiled as if to convey a lack of surprise at my being so forward and Joe raised his eyebrows, commenting on the same. I didn't care if she would have responded or not, but I had no reason to avoid trying. Nothing to lose, and everything to gain. And I gained. The cigarette heroin pointed to her name tag, hanging directly above a breast I wished to swallow whole. Oy God, my mind was immediately erased. Ashley stood there before me -- and I mean close -- until I decided to be reckless.

'Ashley?'
'Yes?'
'Would you have dinner with me?'
'Yes. Anytime.'

She waddled off carrying her tray and a playful smile, leaving me with no information whatsoever about contact, a place to dine, or a time. Nice. That behavior pushed me to learn a bit of the personality within her and I could not help but laugh. A dinner invitation and an immediate response. Acceptance with a big, bright smile and the bitten lip again. Oh boy. Lanie watched the exchange, likely thinking I had been lonely and wanted some company. Nope. Just a distraction. Another one. As the little Ashley walked away, my hand was snagged quickly. Lanie told me that her thought was interrupted by me asking Ashley for a date. Hmm. She apparently was close to asking me to dinner for protracted conversation. Huh? I replied yes, and upon seeing her happy with my answer, the day began to improve. Then...

'That girl is adorable.'
'Yes, and I am hoping to be in contact with a certain portion of her skin.' Laughter, and then disbelief.
'Really.'
'Yep. I need it.' More giggling and her hand again.


392
The girl stirred all of me


I spoke to Joe more and he outlined his idea for traveling without the necessity of aircraft or spacecraft. Oy. He was something else, all right. On and off the servers came by for their table orders and the banter continued. They were all wearing bright red skirts, skimpy tops which made their midsections visible, and high heels. Every single one of them was lovely, too. There was no getting around all of the desire in my head but I kept it at bay. At no time did I allow myself to step beyond the everyday conversation and move toward anything inappropriate. That type of behavior was reserved for those reckless males in the lounge. None of the girls needed any more of it so I stayed respectful. That was a fucking stretch, considering my history of a loose tongue and looser morals. Plus, the prospect of spending time with Ashley sans work outfit was enticing enough to help maintain stability (somewhat). A compliment tossed out here and there did not seem out of line, and each of the lovelies smiled and accepted such things pleasantly. Eventually I had to stop for fear of the alcohol unlocking my needs and allowing them to escape. I succeeded. And I dreamed, as usual.

I asked how long Lanie would be in town, and learned that another three days were on tap. She had boosted her business trip in order to relax. Meeting me was not something I felt was a good thing for anyone, but that was her choice. I told Lanie I was beyond wrecked that day and my behavior would be less than healthy. No worries, Lanie said, and perhaps she could help. Doubtful, but I would not push her away. The woman was too sweet and kind. Unfortunately, she also had no idea of my nature.

'Is that how you see me?'
'That is how I view some women, yes.' Sigh.
'Um... ok.'
'I've already gone around the world in eighty seconds with that thought, my dear. Believe me.'
'Dinner.'
'Okay.'

And that was the second of two meals with individuals I did not know a mere hour earlier. Lanie stayed there next to me a long while, and asked tentatively of the cause of my state of mind. I gave her nothing, save for the occasional glance with glassy eyes. And then she seemed to feel more compelled to stick close. I was turning into more a definition than a person, however the words were still as sharp as a scalpel. I tried to sit and be pleasant, but the loss was too great. Still reeling from the heated and teary sex, as well as Juliette's abrupt (necessary) exit just a short time earlier, I was lucky to be sitting there at all. A different location seemed more likely when my room door slammed upon Juliette's exit... the pavement on I-15 north. Bad fucking shape. Bad, and there was no getting around showing it. Lanie sensed that something had gone badly. She continued to express concern no matter how much I resisted. So, I gave up the fight and addressed her with a much more friendly demeanor. She stayed the course, eventually asking that we move to the lounge. Nope. That would mean a scantily-clad server would be visiting and I did not need any more curves flying through me. Ashley came along during weakness and that was something I could not resist. Juliette said 'go be happy, babe.' So I tried. My companion at the Island seemed genuine, so I stowed the proverbial syringe and focused upon her. Turning my barstool and full attention toward those lovely glasses made Lanie smile. We talked a long while until Ashley and her delicious ass returned, causing me to spin. I pictured all manner of acts while staring at her form. Her cuteness drove me nuts, too. That fucking hair down to the seam of her dress, smooth, young skin, and the slight cleavage beckoning me to dive into her bra. God damn it on a fucking hilltop, she was something else. Lanie's reaction next to me was unsurprising. Disbelief at my pressing nature, for the second time, and with a look which spoke volumes. I kind of liked it, but could not fully rip myself away from that little shapely ass standing and awaiting attention. I dove, bought cigarettes, and drooled. Yep, the heroin was in her undies, of course.

Again she trotted off with a glance back over the shoulder. Still no information, and that meant playfulness. Well, it worked. I would have set myself on fire and laid in the street for a glimpse of that delicate narcotic. Waiting. So I carried on speaking with my second dinner partner and things began to move along causing me to realize Lanie was a gem. More waiting, more exchanges, and more booze. As the hour was still early, we decided that to get together later would be nice. I stared for several moments, and then requested she wear heels of some flavor along with anything off the shoulder allowing me to gaze at her structure. Her reaction was priceless...

'You're going to tell me how to dress?'
'I am asking, silly.'

Holy blinding shit, the result was hilarious as Lanie giggled and looked upon me as if I was the devil. In a manner of speaking, and considering she hailed from the midwest, I probably appeared as such. None of it mattered, though, because her interest was apparent and obviously went beyond simple words. I saw the eyes, body language, and flirty gestures which told me I could act the same toward her. The reason for her being in Vegas notwithstanding, she approached me at the Island -- not the other way around. Soon my responses were more pointed but still she took them in stride. God love her, anyway.

After some decent time I asked Lanie to accompany me to my room at the Luxor for both privacy and more conversation. She reluctantly agreed, and her answer seemed nervous. I assured her that my intentions were nowhere near out of line. She could see that my eyes were the guarantee and we soon headed to the big inclinator. Along the way I dreamed of the constant contact with Juliette through those paths, and wanted to bury my face in her neck for comfort. No way. The vision was there, regardless of Lanie's hesitation. I tried to sidle up to her a bit, and that gesture was returned to me immediately. Wow. The feeling was so nice after falling into a hole during the morning. Upon reaching my door, she stated that distance was important while inside. No entanglements? No problem. We entered and I asked about some refreshments. Lanie made herself comfortable on the sofa and glanced around commenting in a good way about my room choice. I remarked that I had been there for some days minus a side trip to California. Her reply was appreciative, if nervous. The phone told me that our hors d'ouvres would arrive within the hour, leaving Lanie and me time to delve a bit into life. We did, and due to my increasing desire to smother her with myself, I ended up gushing about Juliette like a dam in need of repair. On and on without restraint, all the while feeling everything related to that dream slamming me over and over. I could not stop, and aside from being interrupted by a knock at the door, there was no limit.

Appetizers and a bottle of wine, along with my sharp memory painting pictures of Juliette and I enjoying the same, and on that very sofa just a short time before. Lanie saw the pause and my early tears, pushing her to comfort me. I could not resist her kind concern. Hugs, breathing, and me melting into her waiting shoulder. Soon I was crying heavily and holding on for my life. Lanie said nothing other than whispering that everything would be ok. I sank, shivered, and needed more care than I was prepared to admit. She did not bat an eye at all. My hands were gripped as I took a seat next to her and tried to live through the difficulty in realizing Juliette was gone for all time. Lanie simply held on and waited. She sat there and gripped me quietly for some time. As I began to calm, my hand found hers. Tightly holding, I drifted into sleep. Dreams.


077
Yummy


When I awakened, I was still on the sofa, but sans Lanie. She was gone and I again felt very alone. She had removed my shoes and shirt, covered me with a blanket and exited my room. Damn. Upon seeing the clock, I spied a note there sitting with one of the flowers from the arrangement which came with the room. Lanie's phone number, along with 'text me when you get up. please.' Absolutely, and immediately. Her response was equally quick, bless that big heart. She returned moments later and gave me a warm hug. Wonderful. My mind was still awash with Juliette and Ashley's little ass, but a kind soul next to me lifted things off my shoulders enough to relax it all. We spoke a bit and then left for the Island. Lanie had altered her plans to spend more time with me, informed me that my company was helping her to a degree, and she did not mind being a bit of a therapist. That was so sweet I nearly fell to her again. Fucking hell. A few minutes after sitting back at the bar, Lanie's phone rang and she had to dash for some business in the lobby. She left after a soft touch to my hand, and I was again alone with my thoughts and waiting to see her again, along with Ashley's sexy saunter and perhaps some dinner plans.

After one of my many trips to the restroom, I sat up on the shoe shine station near the Island and a young woman polished my leathers beautifully. While sitting and watching her excellent work, I spied Ashley and her shapely legs strolling about the poker machines. When she looked toward me, I smiled and gave her a slight wave. Ashley walked directly to me with purpose, stuffed a note into my shirt pocket, smiled, and ran her hand quickly across my cheek.

'See you soon.'

Yes! She went back to her route and I ripped the note out to read. The woman finishing my shoes looked up at me and smiled. On the cocktail napkin... 'I am off at eleven. Meet me across the street at the corner entrance to the Tropicana at twelve.' Yes again. I had no idea what to expect, but damned if I was not going to be there with bells on. And considering the massive amount of time I had spent in Vegas, I immediately understood her need to go outside the resort ownership in order to spend time with a guest. No matter. I would have met her anywhere in town. Wait a second... twelve? Didn't I ask her to dinner? Hmm.

I returned to the bar to find Lanie waiting for me. I sat and greeted her, asking if everything was ok. She replied that it was all business, and with the call and subsequent lobby meeting, her duties were complete, leaving her free to spend all the time we wished together. After a while, Ashley came around hawking her wares, smiling at me, and looking like heaven in a black dress again. She paused upon reaching us and nodded in appreciation of my desire to see her socially. I stared right through her and telegraphed my want with an expression of lust. One more quick hand to mine, and off again. As Ashley waddled away, Lanie noticed my eyes following along. She told me that I might have an easier time avoiding difficulty if I could have pulled my brain out of that girl's dress. Nope. No way. An opportunity had presented itself and I was unable to let go. Not me. Others? Perhaps. Me? No way. My sorry head was already halfway up her slender leg and the speed was increasing. Lanie just laughed and waved off the thought, likely learning that the rails to my addiction had no switches. Ashley was the type of draw which had been written in stone. Watching her walk sent me into a very familiar vein. Nothing good, of course, but I knew it well.

The conversation at the Island went on for some time, leaving Lanie at a loss as to helping. I was not trying to be difficult but maintained a solid position. I had no choice. She kept up with the caring eyes and manner which took me aback for a time, despite my outspoken desire. Soon I softened somewhat in order to allow her to inquire further of my difficult mindset and lifestyle. Upon doing so, her face seemed to be expressing a sincere need to help. Lanie was beginning to make my issues lighten with her words, and more importantly, her listening with a lack of judgement in any direction. Sweetness, again.

'We can have dinner before you go jump that young thing.' Giggles.
'Um, yeah.' I told her that we could dine whenever she wished, and received another smile along with deference to the decision.
'Stripsteak, doll.'
'Doll? Wow.'
'Yep. Stripsteak bar, five.'
'That's pretty positive.'
'Always.'

I told her I wished to clean up before heading over there, so we parted, leaving my head appreciating her being so caring. She had approached me at a time when I was falling. Her soft eyes were comforting along with the lovely glasses. Her smile and voice were beginning to cause a similar desire to that of my first hours with Juliette, and along such lines the pain was easing up. The morning had been hellish and cutting, the afternoon found me more comfortable and able to deal with the separation. Lanie wanted to help. She did, and dinner looked better and better. As I moved toward the pyramid, my eyes were not darting about the spaces and wandering into the clothing of passing females. I was seeing eyes and expressions instead of breasts and asses. Hmm. Survival, perhaps.

Back in my room I showered, dreaming of that woman over and over. I missed her to a great degree which left me pondering Lanie's company. Was I going to dive toward her physically? Oy. I had to try avoiding pushing for that even though I needed it as much as Ashley's young ass all over my face. Juliette had been heavenly despite our combined issues. Lanie also came across as kind, caring and understanding and inside me the need to hold her was increasing. She had a long neck that screamed to be slathered with attention. Fuck, pushing that behind conversation started to become arduous. I hoped her dinner attire would not be smoking hot, but I knew all the while that her glasses and fingers were going to be an issue. I dressed as best I could and moved back across the bridge into the Mandalay Bay. The Island seemed a cozy place to wait.

As I approached, I could see the bar was full. Fuck me, to the lounge and those fucking servers. I sat as far from others as I could and the damned girl approached immediately, looking the part to a tee. Jesus fucking crap, I could not look away from her and stumbled upon ordering. She smiled back brightly with squinting eyes and impeccable makeup before walking to the service bar. Fuck. There it was again... the drug in her clothing. Stab me with a needle, please. The tall brunette returned, again with a cute smile, and dropped my scotch to the table without taking her eyes off mine. I complimented her service and told her I would refrain from gushing over her beauty. She responded that most of the time the words came and went unnoticed, and anything beyond was a rare occasion. I stared, keeping my gaze locked on her face and held back with huge effort.

'Go ahead.'
'You have the shoulders and arms of uncompromising form. Unreal, my dear.' Smile.
'Have not heard that before. Usually it's the boobs.'
'Holy fuck are you ever much more than that.' Blush and bye bye.

I awaited her return with hungry vision and thoughts of flying up that skirt. She had the shape of a model, yet carrying quite the pair of breasts. I could understand the drunken and loosened tongues of guests there and heard all of it before, leaving me with the typical disdain for the same. I had my own issues which often caused me to flee a situation before becoming too vocal out of respect, and considering my past, it was a stretch more often than not. Still, I kept myself composed and did not look in her direction until she visited the table. When that took place, I began to feel the ocean of words I needed to express to her. Within that mass, dreams of her thighs and ass were at the forefront and waiting to be let loose. Pushing back, maintaining control over my tongue, sitting still without flooding the woman with my ways... everything took much effort. She addressed me when my glass was getting low, and in that question came the word handsome. Oh shit. Maybe? Hmm. Still I pushed against the addictive nature of throwing a lure out and wishing for a solid snag. Nothing aside from cordial words and a thank you. I wondered if she was awaiting something more, and lost myself in the possibilities. And then the narcotic called and I opened the door upon her dropping my second scotch.


217
Thin, yet no less curvy


'Would you care to spend time with me?'
'What did you have in mind?'

Holy blue fuck, I really could not tell her that in mind was her sex all over my face, so I kept it polite.

'The Seahorse in Caesars, perhaps?'
'Ok, handsome.'

Wow. She left for the other tables and I flew through the clouds with dreams. Very nice, and another little help to my mostly-diminished ability to let Juliette leave my head. My mind also desired seeing those breasts freed from clothing and wrapped around my face. I had no respite from the carnal thoughts and incredible visions of that tall one in every possible position. Jesus, still a basket case and nowhere near relief nor any effort to separate myself from anything which could eventually harm me. Lanie's arms, Ashley's gorgeous ass, Lori's glaring breasts, and more alcohol. I soon began to descend awaiting the meeting for dinner. Was I hungry? Sure, but the special was not an entree, it was a trio of sexy females and right up my fucking alley. At that moment I saw Lanie glance from the path to Stripsteak and quickly turn toward my location on the edge of the Island lounge. I was relieved at the sight of her approaching, and thankful she missed out on me drooling over yet another shot of drugs.

'Hello again.'
'Loveliness.'

Nod. Smile. She hugged me tightly and sat.

The tall and beautiful server then stopped by long enough to hand me a note with her number. Lanie shook her head and saluted my endless feelers in the direction of picturesque women. She stated that our attendant was tall, to which I only nodded as my head was still stuck in her undergarments. And Lanie's too, due to her outfit choice of a sleeveless blouse, soft low-rise jeans, and open-toed heels around slender feet. She looked like dessert so I told her the clothing decision was fantastic. Her eyes brightened behind those glasses as I spoke. Holy crap did she ever appear wonderfully dressed. God damn it anyway. I held back from going further into her appearance so as to avoid embarrassing her or myself. She likely knew it anyway, but to vocalize was just not a good choice. Soon, though, the booze would take the fencing away and allow me to more easily speak my deviant mind. No shit, and after a while I figured why the fuck not. Lanie seemed to be warming up to me somewhat which also pushed me further into such territory. When the server returned, I closed the tab along with thanking her for the attention and her number. She smiled back and whispered, 'Text me.' Deep breath.

We took off for the restaurant, which was maybe a hundred feet from the big lounge. From one bar to the other, and at the very second they began to serve. Aberlour over a perfect cube along with a glass of Pinot Noir. Lanie and I sat and talked while watching the bartender hand-stuffing olives with blue cheese and worked up an appetite. To that point in the day I had eaten exactly nothing due to the difficulty in watching Juliette leave, so some sustenance was on tap. Lanie wished to move to the dining room when it opened, but I preferred to stay at the bar. That didn't happen. She insisted, so after the first round we took a table for two in the corner. Damn it, but I could not say no to her. I wanted to explore so much that there was no resisting anything she wished. Lanie knew all of it, naturally, through my constant drug need and speaking to anyone who might respond. So, I went in further... pressing gently toward finding quiet intimacy with her heart, and more.

'Oh my.'

Yes, further. I asked to have dessert in my pyramid room and she accepted. A splendid idea, but unknowing of where it may lead. No matter, because the Ashley heroin and the same from Lori the server had already been secured. Ashley was a tad frightening due to her very young age, but Lori was older and seemed much more relaxed. Both pulled me equally. Lanie was a huge comfort and I needed to keep that thought close while we interacted. The last thing I needed to do was alienate someone so kind and attentive. She knew me well enough by that point to know what was in my head, but I still considered the massive upside of being with a caring soul. The sex was then turned off inside me.


280
Ashley's skin and hair were so beautifully young


During the long and relaxing meal, Lanie commented upon my seemingly endless addiction to females and their attention, to which I responded that I failed to exercise control because I just did not care. Her face fell somewhat with the obvious disappointment in my fatalistic attitude and self-defeating lifestyle appearing all over me in stark detail. Lanie did not like it at all, and reacted badly whenever I made an off-hand comment regarding my downward position in life. Her hand would grip me tight enough to restrict circulation.

'Stop it, please.'

Ugh. Speaking my mind was not something she absorbed easily. I had to reign in my negativity and keep the wording light or the woman would blow up. My issues were mostly out in the open by that point, so I failed to see the harm in blurting more. She listened with bright eyes and sharp attention until I went across a certain line and into the territory I had previously avoided for her benefit.

After dinner we took off for my room to find quiet for a little while. I wanted to hold her, seek her neck for warmth, kiss her skin. Lanie kept a fence around herself and would not reach for an opening. She allowed me to hold on comfortably, nothing more. Her fingers softly touched my hands here and there, but I knew her head was all the way around the discussion and need to lift me. I had been accustomed to Juliette allowing me to touch her in any manner I desired, to the point of dreaming that Lanie might do the same. The sex was not there at all. In my mind? Her pants and the joy inside. In her mind? Therapy. Fuck. Whatever she wished was the road I took, both in hopes of being stable enough to enjoy the resorts, and that I might eventually see those glasses come off and her hair flying everywhere. Yep... my toy. Although, meeting Ashley and the God-knows-what which was in her pretty head was just around the corner. Part of me still dreamed on and off of her look and those cute eyes while hanging off Lanie's shoulder. I could not help it.

'Your hair smells lovely.'

No comment, but a slight smile. I knew the deal and kept trying anyway. Her features drove me nuts, causing a fight inside between absolutely jumping her for hours or being respectful and keeping a distance, letting her help me. Lanie started to change the way she addressed me, as if I was on the couch in an office and paying a fee. She genuinely wished to see me work through my tremendous issues and revealed that her happiness was often derived from seeing others the same. Wow, what a person. My fucking need to press my lips to her was being squashed like a fucking worm on the interstate. She pushed gently, inquired deeply, and successfully caused me to really consider what I had been through as well as the control I had over the road ahead. Huh? But... what about the breasts?

'Shut up about that and focus.'

Holy shit. Lanie was in control of the evening and I did not mind. Onward she went, allowing me room to speak my mind while drawing out what had me so down. Juliette and my reasoning for running away, the trip to Furnace Creek, Ashley and the heroin between her thighs... all the way back to Jasmine and forward in time to Lori. We talked on and on, eventually leaving me quite tired. Lanie could see the troubled thoughts through my gaze and stated that we were done for a time. Relax. Take the night and absorb her words and the little things she told me to repeat in my head until meeting again. What a fucking person she turned out to be. I began to glance at her neck and chest again, along with an inkling to reach for her. Lanie sensed it and moved in for a hug. Whispering in her soft, breathy voice...

'That will only cause you more harm. Please, stay on course, ok? Try?'

God damn her and God bless her. Jesus fuck I wished for her nipples but the door was locked. Nothing.

'Look, we can meet again tomorrow and talk more, but in public. I need to trust in what we have covered and see if it helps, my dear. Please, leave the sex out right now, ok?'

Fuck shit crap anyway, her sweetness and intentions broke my physical desire and I fucking gave up. The war in my head was done, just as my hopes of bouncing her off every surface in the fucking room. Just damn. Why did she have to look so delicious and then turn into a doctor? Ugh... breasts, thighs, ass, lips... nope. Fuck no. And how did she do that? How did that woman exorcise the strongest need in my being? Jesus. I pondered Lanie's words for several moments as she stared, and was left with the desire to do as she requested. Broken. I could feel her eyes like knives in my heart. Lanie took my hand and kissed it, stood me up, hugged, and stated it was time for her to leave. Fuck me sideways in the snow.

'See you tomorrow at eleven for brunch. The Island, dear, eleven. Don't break Ashley in half.' Giggle. 'Goodnight.'

Out the door with her ass in my eyes. What a person. She effectively spun me further than any of my prior therapists, and I did not railroad her as was the fashion anytime I felt uncomfortable. Lanie had a way of being very pleasant and gentle as she drew answers from me. I was not accustomed to being caught off guard, either. Generally, I maintained control -- in a manner of speaking -- and the reasoning behind such force was me not allowing any change. My reckless behavior throughout many years was one of the factors which defined and helped to make me into a deep-thinking mind with the ability to calm others and solve problems with efficiency. All of my inner issues added together turned me into a type of analytical and sensitive person -- one which was complimented time and again by others. Lanie had effectively shut me down -- which was rare -- especially considering my penchant for pushing people into a small, inescapable box and sealing it with pointed words. She was wonderful, and our being together started to edge me away from the addiction and toward emotional comfort. What a woman she was to get that out of me, if temporarily.

Out as quickly as she came in, and Ashley soon after. Oy. I stayed comfortable in the room a little longer before venturing back down to the casino. From there, I decided to swing through the Island before heading in the direction of the Tropicana. There was time, so running into Lori and her bouncing breasts sounded nice, especially after having my sexual desire damned near surgically removed by Lanie. I needed to bring it back prior to meeting the little blonde ass and her unending cuteness. As I arrived within sight of the service bar, Lori waved slightly and smiled. Oh God, I think she grew taller during dinner. Jesus. I walked to the service bar to say hello and received the most sensual hug. She said she was hoping to see me, and... tons of glances from others at the bar along with hellos from several servers. Wow. I guess I had spent some time there. Lori's smile floored me, full of brightness and appreciation. She was close to end of shift and asked if I wished to stroll the boulevard. For fuck's sake, I had to meet Ashley and her thong drug soon, so I declined Lori's offer and asked to meet her the next day.

'Absolutely, handsome.'

Hand to cheek, appraising looks from the other servers, and my head full of yikes. Off I went toward the Excalibur with the young one on my mind. God love her and that flowing hair. Um, yeah. Into the castle with an hour remaining. To the pub for a coffee and some time to reflect on my time with Lanie and her fucking unreal attention.


107
Ashley and her dreamy form


Ashley was awaiting my arrival when I dropped to street level from the escalator. Her big, bright smile and excited eyes drew me in quickly. As I walked to her, the response was overwhelming in that she dashed toward me and jumped up, taking hold and kissing my neck. Holy fuck, I was surprised at her reaction, however it was nowhere near unwanted.

'Hi you!.'

Damn. She held tight and expressed joy at my being there. Ashley was so fucking adorable that I almost could not contain myself. She looked beautiful from head to toe with a pair of black jeans, tank, and boots to her knees. Christ, her outfit made my head spin over and over. And upon reaching close, I realized her height was wondrous. For being so fucking thin, the girl had to have been standing five foot nine without the goddamned heels. I looked up and smiled, leading her to embrace me a second time. Jesus God she was thin. But her chest pressed into mine with force. Ashley grabbed my face and stated how happy she was that I met her that night. I could not take my fucking depressed eyes off her young face, and upon looking into my eyes her smile widened.

'Wanna go to the barge?' God help me.
'Fuck yes, beautiful.' Another smile.

I would have gone anywhere just to be near that little thing. Her hair, eyes, thin legs... holy hell in a clutch. We took to the bridge and headed north. Along the way Ashley was clinging to my arm as we talked lightly about her work and my trip. I avoided everything which led me to the Island that day, and kept the line in view. I wanted to enjoy without falling into the whole Lanie-therapy vat of depression. Ashley seemed very happy and I needed to keep her that way. A positive soul next to me, and her age was a part of it all. Once nearing the Palace, she stopped us and took my hands.

'You seem tired, old man.' Ha! That was cute.
'Sorry, the day has been long.'
'Let's go to my place and take it easy instead, ok?'
'Sure.' Hideous mindset creeping in... uh oh. Stop.
She rerouted us back across the boulevard and through PH to their big garage. Into her car, and along the strip south a short distance. Apartment complex, parked, out. Again Ashley stopped me. A big hug and kiss on the cheek, then continuing to her studio. As we entered, I noticed a very clean space, void of clutter, with extra racks for her world of clothing. The apartment was tiny but well-organized. Door closed. Ashley all over me like a second skin.

'Oh my God, sit down.'

I plopped on her sofa and she immediately climbed on top and smothered me with attention. I was taken aback so much that she was forced to pause and take a breath.

'I'm sorry. I had to. Are you ok?'

Jesus fuck she was so cute and looking into my eyes with much desire, both to enjoy and to please. Damn, and her body was devoid of anything other than skin and muscle. I ran my hands all over -- causing her to lean into me -- and marveled at her form. I kept away from her chest or roaming too far down her ass, and found myself fighting to keep it simple. I really needed to rest, but I could have had anything, all of her, everything. Lanie and her wonderful heart had me thinking more than diving, as I seemed to be more interested in just being close. Ashley knew I was not relaxed, so she kissed my cheek and pushed me to lay down, where she laid against me and wrapped my arms into hers. That was so nice. We remained in such a position for a while, every now and then with a smooch here and there.

And then my head took a slam. Lanie's words... 'Don't break her in half.' Well, I was doing nothing of the sort. I looked at her face so young, eyes bright and hopeful, and that hair all over the place and could not move.

'Are you ok, old man?'

Smiles. She looked so fucking cute laying there with her boot wedged between my thighs and the corners of her mouth curled upward.

'Wanna lay in my bed?' Oof.
'Yes.'

Ashley arose, lifted me, undressed me to the boxers, and gently led me across the room, sitting me on the edge. She then yanked her top off, revealing her little red bra, and then losing the boots and pants to reveal the narrowest waist I had ever seen, and just below, a string thong matching the fabric covering her breasts. Little red bows, lace, and contrast to her fair skin. I drooled for a second and then ran my fingers on her tummy, pushing the desire part way back into my head and partially displacing the hesitation. Ashley allowed my touching, afterward climbing in and holding on. Her leg again went between mine, and I stayed still... smelling her hair and perfume. God damn, a few minutes of quiet and the blood began to rush south. Fuck.

'Well, hello there.' She smiled as I apologized for displaying desire.
'It is natural, it's ok.' God love her anyway.
'You have me if you want, my dear. Just do whatever you wish, as long as you're ok with it.'
'Can we just lay here a while?'

Ashley nodded and again held on. No wandering hands, no words of lust. Only togetherness. I was reminded of Juliette and me doing the same for hours. Lying there together was warm and comfortable, and Ashley's eyes conveyed the same as she fondled my fingers with her slender hands. I was pulled for a time back to Lanie and her analysis and subsequent dissection of my mind, leaving me to need the attention even more. The beginnings of tears were developing. Ashley stared with her beautiful windows and began to appear sympathetic, just as Juliette. I fell to her and snuggled tightly. She held on and whispered, thanking me for being there.

'I knew you were tender, my dear. I knew it. In your eyes.'

Fucking shit, and I couldn't even attack her body. Why? Because Lanie affected me so much that the thought had been flattened like fucking pasta through the rollers. Ashley was right there with the fucking heroin up against me, all warm and waiting. But she was also very sweet, leaving me to the embrace and all which came with it. I could feel myself being drawn in and enjoying it so much that I calmed and held on, despite no barrier other than some lovely lace between my lips and her delicacy. Fuck. Just as I began to feel dreamy in that warm bed, Ashley took me in hand and plunged her tongue. Blood pressure, all the way that time. Her hands wandered as she pulled her face back slightly and whispered...

'Let me take it all away my dear. Let me help you.'

Holy Jesus in a used car, she slammed me out of my thoughtful condition and made everything disappear. Ashley moved herself around, tossed the thong I wanted to consume, gently plopped that little ass on my face, and took me completely. The barrier disappeared, words ceased, and I became lost in passion. Lanie? Gone instantly.

A little while later, and after she posed me in a dozen ways, we fell back to the sheets and drifted off. Just... damn.

I awakened some hours later for the bathroom, and Ashley's little night light caused her skin to glow. I stood and stared at her, lying on one side to face me, and lost my shit. She was there on top of the covers, lying on her side with knees together and hands under the pillow. Good Christ the vision was stunning. Staring, swirling with thoughts of Juliette, Lanie and her comforting words, and me... in Ashley's apartment gazing at her little ass and those fantastic radii leading into an oval around her beautiful labia. Part of me felt like dying inside over everything which had transpired throughout days and days, coupled with my feelings inside regarding such a damaging addiction. She stirred in the light shimmering from the bathroom, looked up to me and smiled.

'Do you mind if I just look at you for a while?'
'Not at all, lover.'


205
Yep, she was that fucking cute


Ashley stayed still and closed her eyes, smiling. I moved to the edge of the bed and sat, gazing at the most intimate of pictures, and attempting to consolidate myself with the trip and connections with such an array of women. Closer I moved toward her ass, and further I went from any level of understanding myself at all. That girl was a fucking dreamy fantasy much like Juliette, and my brain was at a huge loss in trying to make sense of the actions and paths over so many years. Damage, repair, band-aids in my head, lust, and absolute worship. A fucking cyclone of shit and desire, pain and depression, sex and love. God fucking help me. And then my mind tried to absorb the gorgeous shape of Ashley's unreal body parts staring back at me, and I fell into the black chasm for the zillionth time with the fucking dreamy curves inches from my eyes. I stared, and nearly died. Ashley dozed off, nude and picturesque like nothing I could have imagined.Eventually I snuggled up to her and fell asleep. Warmth, and something I badly needed... rest from the inside out.

In the morning Ashley arose and showered alone, leaving me listening to the water and deep in thought. Her bed was very comfortable and smelled all over like a combination of conditioner and perfume. Wonderful. As I laid there still, things which had been floating through my mind the night before seemed to have eased some, and I found myself considering the long conversation between Lanie and myself during the previous evening. She wished to learn of why I continued to run from my life and into the arms of any woman who might allow me to latch on. I had few answers to any of it. Lanie pushed anyway, hoping to help me locate a positive direction. Why? There was no knowing, but her sweet caring began to draw me back. She told me to meet her for brunch, yet there I was, nude in Ashley's home and awaiting whatever was ahead.

The water ceased and that young beauty emerged from the bathroom wrapped in towels. I asked if she needed to work, and the response was we had rolled into her weekend. Hmm. She lost the towels and stood there, warm and fresh and looking like dessert. Damn it, my instinct was to enjoy her tenderness again, and apparently such an idea was all over my face. Smiling, Ashley came to me and laid down with her knees up. God damn, the heroin was displayed beautifully right next to me so I took the intitiative and slid to the floor, centering my face directly before her gorgeous sex and gazed again. Her breathing intensified as I caressed those thin thighs, moving along to the place of dreams. Gently, softly, over and over. Writhing, moaning, and her hand slapped to the back of my head. Some time later I ceased motion and she sighed heavily and rolled over to face me.

'Oh my God.'

Fuck me, I could not decide whether to shower and dress, or bounce her body around the room. One minute later the blood pressure became overwhelming and she fondled until I had to feel her again. I flipped Ashley over and she arched her back and presented her thin self on all fours, ass gyrating in wait. She then threw that long mane up and over her back, and the hair was so fucking long that it brushed my chest before splitting and falling to the sheets. I dove and pulled for moments until she reached between her legs and tickled, and I could take no more. Flop, back to lying down and holding each other.

'We need to do this more, lover.'

Oy crap, okay. Later, please. She was so fucking gorgeous and shapely, pushing me to consider everything else we might do. Holy fucking God to the hilt, I had to have it. Ashley, my toy of dreams. And me hers.

'Let's get coffee and croissants, ok?'
'Certainly, you fucking dream.' Smile. Embrace.
'You can shower in the hotel, mister man.'

Fuck was she ever cute. What was it? A fling within the need for another fling? Fuck me, I went with it anyway, and hearing Lanie in my head the entire time. I dressed and we traveled back to the Luxor, up to my room where I showered and placed my laundry on the door handle. Ashley waited in front of the television, looking like a million dollars in stretch pants, heeled boots, and that fucking hair all over. Her little top had just enough open space for me to see cleavage. I stared as she sat there smiling and running one manicured nail up and down along the button line. So fucking gorgeous, I almost could not think. I was scheduled to meet Lanie at eleven, and in telling Ashley I tried to come across as if the session was therapy. She came right back stating that I was also her own patient. Huh? Therapy of the sex? Jeez... she was something else. Of all the women I had met flying between states, Lanie and Ashley took the fucking cake with regard to their wishes to help me. Was I worth all that? What? Whatever. Ashley sat there while I dressed, and I asked her to place her knees together so I could stare from above. Smile, knees touching, and my vision blurred to a dramatic degree. Longer I gazed, and then she told me something completely out of left field.


393
A wonderland of unbelievable smoothness


'Lanie asked me to come along.'

The fuck? A conspiracy to keep me up, plus sexcapades for joy? The sex aspect was not a fucking problem. Apparently I had become a study, though. Ashley went on about her conversation with Lanie. Happiness while I stayed in Vegas. Wow, no issue there -- at least not on the outside. My years and years of inner trauma were not going to be ironed out in a week's time by anyone, but spending time in Ashley's fucking beautiful company wouldn't hurt, either. Well, I had hoped not anyway. As she told me a few things related to them speaking privately, Ashley slowly made her way over to me and stood very close, smiling. She took my hands and let me know in no uncertain terms that I would cared for while visiting, both emotionally and physically. Oh boy. She stood before me and smiled lovingly while holding both my hands. Thoughts of Juliette again, along with less concern over brunch with Lanie. Somehow, Ashley had the ability to calm me with those eyes of hers. The hand-holding felt like we had been together for years, too. I do not know why, but her closeness just threw me. Ashley looked like Alexis, in more ways than one. That smile disarmed me completely and left my mind in solace. And sometimes overwhelming lust. Her similarities to Alexis were many, but the eyes and full, smiling lips just fucking took the cake. She killed me with the facial expressions and I felt as if nothing could harm me while within her gaze. So fucking comforting.

We gathered our thoughts together a little longer and then took off for the Island. Meeting Lanie still had me a tad nervous -- like heading to a psychiatry appointment -- but Ashley wrapped to me helped greatly. She was warm and wonderful, whispering appreciation for my company on the walk. Chrissakes, what a dreamy girl on my arm. As we approached the Island, I saw Lanie smiling away and awaiting the two of us. We greeted her, and spoke of where to eat, which led us to the buffet inside the castle. I was never a buffet person, but whatever they wanted was fine. I felt like the patient with a pair of beautiful doctors, and their wishes were my command. I was at the mercy of two minds and four breasts, the latter being half the pull. Not bad. Naturally, I spent the first moments at the table dreaming of sex with both women all over me. There was just no getting around it.

Brunch was relaxing and full of positive thinking and discussion. Ashley's soft voice was killing me along with Lanie and her fucking pointed words, so I decided to sling a line over the water and stir things up in a different direction. I sat quietly, sipping a mimosa, and then tossed out that Lanie would look dynamite in green lingerie, matching her hazel eyes. Well, that stopped any forward motion and caused a lecture to begin. Oops. Ashley laughed and stated that after several orgasms she understood my desire to push. Lanie's reaction? Seriousness and a stern gaze. Yikes. What to do? Push more.

'I need your nipples between my lips, doctor Melanie.'

Ashley lost her shit and laughed uncontrollably. Lanie? Nothing more than a quick giggle and back to business.


241
Body fat? Nope... Ashley had none of it


'Why? What is it?'
'An addiction of sorts which I am powerless to control. Leave it, doll.'
'Can you put it on the back burner please?'
'Not really.'
'Fuck.'

More of Ashley's adorable laughter as she clinged to my arm. I loved it so much. Every now and then her smooch would set me ablaze and cause visions of the delicacy within her warm thong. There was no avoiding that dream. The two of them continued with my psychoanalysis and I let up with the sexfest thinking. As the conversation and meal progressed, Lanie softened quite a bit and allowed me comments here and there. She was a very genuine person with such a soft way about her, and I found myself actually trying to be receptive. She was so fucking sweet and gorgeous and helpful that I eventually shut off the carnal fucking storm entirely, trying to respect her seriousness. Ashley quieted as well, and offered a tidbit here and there when prompted. The entire shitaree ended up focusing and narrowing to only the issues I had carried for a decade. The longer we sat and spoke, the more I appreciated Lanie's unending kindness and caring. For me to lose sight of the goddamned heroin both women had attached to them seemed impossible at the outset, but happened nonetheless. Fuck me in a cardboard box. I still wanted a massive fuckfest, however it ended up pushed back so far that I could barely reach in such a direction. God bless her. The thongs I wished to see flying across my hotel room only flew out of my squeezed brain.

A text message from Lori. Oy. Dermal implants, long blond hair, and those big, round breasts caused me to surf my mind back to the physical need. My head blew up and I laid it gently on my hands. God damn it anyway, the mess came back, I drooled over all three women, and lost my way. Ashley held on and Lanie's concern melted me into a pool of sex and shit. But for some reason it was ok, so I recovered a bit and addressed them both with everything I could offer. Soft eyes, hands on mine, and more of the doctoring from Lanie. So fucking sweet, that soul. We spoke further and decided to leave it all alone for the rest of the day and turn our attention toward finding relaxation. I turned to Ashley and whispered needs into her waiting ear, to which she responded with a nod and kiss to my cheek. We stood, I hugged Lanie tightly -- thanking her for being so wonderful toward a basket case -- and we exited the big buffet. Directly to my home two hotels away, and through the inclinator with snippets of Juliette's eyes floating within my damaged head. Ashley never stopped smiling the entire way, and remained against me as much as possible. Once in private, she held on, eyes to eyes, and revealed that she had taken three more days off work to spend with me, if I wished it. My heart leaped for the first time since Juliette professing her love into my waiting ear. I told Ashley that she was welcome to stay with me, and she threw me to the bed, climbed on top and thrusted her tongue into my mouth while holding my face. Pulling away...

'Yes.'

A deep breath later and I felt as if I would survive at least until her exit. After that? Nope. Did not care at all. Ashley wanted it, and so did I. Upon hearing of her desire, Lanie was removed from my head immediately, leaving only the prior state of comfort and desire. I knew Ashley could be what I constantly and so badly needed, along with her providing the tiny push over that same critical line I had crossed so many fucking times. Once she kissed me, the line was instantly behind me. We regrouped for a bit, and then decided to take our overjoyed asses elsewhere. Thank God for her.

Damage, despair, depression, and dismal moments on the horizon. In view? Everything Ashley. Jesus Christ in a fucking bulldozer, she was mine and I hers, and for days to come. Fuck yes. The possibilities were flying like seagulls over a crowded beach in summer.

Out of the room and to the big inclinator, during which we held hands tightly as if a wrestler was about to attempt a separation. We spoke quietly regarding things to see and do, after which Ashley said she only wanted to be close. Not a problem. The girl took me away from everything already, leaving her desire to be together like the icing. My head was filled with need that morning, but by the time we reached the casino floor all of it was wrapped up neatly in the soul next to me. I tried to reconcile everything -- mostly the recent connection with that young beauty and her becoming fucking glued to me -- but my head failed to make sense of it. No matter, I calculated, because the joy and warmth of mind and body were more than enough to help me arrive in that most necessary of locales.

Across the club and out through the driveway to the huge strip. Ashley stopped us, with her endless flowing hair all over in the wind, and told me that there was nowhere else in the world she wished to be at that moment. Days together, looking forward to whatever we had in mind, and holding on for life.

How in the fuck did that happen?


379
Ashley was a dead match to Alexis. Unreal.


We slowly strolled all the way north to the Palazzo, Ashley's long arms around mine the entire way. Through the doors and up to First. The bar was busy but we managed to locate some space. Sidling up, I began to relax about Juliette and center myself with Ashley and her attentive presence. I then told her that anything she wished was my intention, and she needed to be as happy as I. Smile, hug, smooch.

'I am.'

Oh boy, where were we to go from there? Her eyes showed me much. Staring into those lovely pools was beginning to allow me more comfort than I had felt since the previous morning. No worries, time limit, or decisions. Lanie's helpful and gentle pushing combined with Ashley and her big heart to bring me up, pressing me toward the kindness and appreciation I had to send back the other way. I told them both as much during brunch, but still there had to be more. The two women were saving me from myself and illuminating a forward path void of regrets over my prior decisions and actions. I felt good for a change, far from the man who determined that the best path would be through that thirtieth floor window. Further up and into a place which bred clear thinking, with Ashley glued to me the whole way. Yikes, but I went with it.

The two of us sat a while and talked about everything. Ashley brought up my impending date with Lori, to which I told her with certainty that it would not be taking place due to the joy of being where I was. I needed no more entanglements, only some stability. Ashley then stated that she was mine. Fuck me on a rototiller... nice. But... huh? I met her the previous fucking day, did I not? Oh boy, that was unexpected, even considering us latching on so quickly. Not that I pushed against such a lovely thought. I embraced it... and her. Again she said my eyes displayed everything, including a large measure of inner turmoil which she both understood and wished to ease. Well, that was already happening thanks to her beautiful soul showing through those limpid pools of emotion. And so young, too. Ashley was wonderful. I kept picturing her gliding around the casino in her little black dress and dreaming of being alone again. That would happen soon enough, though, and her eyes told me as much. We continued to discuss everything related to my trip as well as Lanie and her forceful manner toward my difficulties. Ashley was very insightful and understanding, mostly about the two of us being so connected very quickly. Her wisdom came forth, placing us inside a time-dependent space which had the outside world locked out. I loved it, and felt similarly to the past days with Juliette. The difference? We covered the end before any overwhelming heat.

Ashley was beyond beautiful, from the inside out.

We left the glow of First after a couple of hours and reversed course toward the Luxor. The walk south was as warm as our venture north. Ashley's contact and facial expressions clearly showed me that her words were genuine and her heart true. I did my damndest to project the same. Sliding into the castle, I stopped her and asked if she was allowed to stay in a Luxor hotel room. Yes was the answer, and I proceeded to invite that girl to stay with me. Yes again, but the second occasion brought the eyes and that cute hand to her lip. I was instantly enamored with all of Ashley's mannerisms, not to mention her walking next to me and looking like Alexis right off a fucking magazine cover. Jesus. And though her unending beauty constantly had me a tad edgy, inside I was feeling more comfortable knowing that we matched each other so well. The tension had a release, and one which was available for the asking. Her age had not become a concern, even with over fourteen years separating our births. Oy.

Back to the castle, and through to the pyramid. We stopped off at Aurora -- with memories of Juliette next to me easing some -- and plopped at a table. More conversation was on tap for the afternoon, including some ideas for a nice dinner. Ashley told me that room service would be preferable and dessert could be the provocative lingerie she had in mind. Upon hearing such delicious thoughts, I lost a good portion of brainpower in favor of her lovely heroin. She laughed at my stumbling attempts to speak and just smiled. The bitten lip again which drove me up the wall. So fucking cute. A pair of cocktails later and we made a path to my room. Once behind a locked door, Ashley came to me for a lengthy hug, and her eyes were huge. Wonderful. We took a seat on the sofa and talked of our being together, Lanie, and things to do over the next few days. By that time, the room had been mine for several days, feeling in some ways like a second home. My life was so far back that I hardly considered anything outside the present situation. Juliette notwithstanding, the resort brought me some comfort which had been badly needed for years. And though temporary, the space I forced to be available was a stretch that allowed much exploration -- the type of which I hoped would help me move forward upon returning to California. The glaring alternative was not pretty. Juliette was in a similar bowl of soup in the beginning, causing us to cover such a dim subject often. Extra days after her departure had been a godsend, not to mention the soul of Ashley along for the ride. My mindset was being lifted out of the mire like an oiled bird from the ocean. The situation helped me to enjoy the attention from that young girl. Although the opposite direction was always there and not pretty, Ashley's skin was the beauty. I had lost interest in pouncing on Lori or Lanie, and the possibility that Ashley wanted me exclusively flashed itself often. She was a comforting presence. Juliette brought the same, however there were differences I wished to avoid digesting. Ashley desired my time and company for her own pleasure, but Juliette began as an emotional wreck and needed someone to help her rise out of all the difficulties. My own issues were along similar lines, and together we did well for each other. I had hoped for the same with Ashley.

Dinner was ordered along with wine and coffee, leaving Ashley and me to wait comfortably. Further conversation while sitting together left us in a good and positive place. We covered Lanie's therapeutic efforts as I informed Ashley that the desire to be with that woman had been taken away, along with the same regarding Lori. The girl looked at me as if I had created a beautiful place for us and held me again.

'Thank you.'

We relaxed, ate and drank, and then snuggled into the sofa for a while. Quiet moments with Ashley whispering sweet nothings into my ear, and her long, slender fingers all over mine. Sound familiar? Yep. All of my needs being fulfilled far from home. Again. Fuck... did I learn anything?"


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