05-04-2019 05:18 pdt
Part seventeen has been delayed so this short series continues. Other than that, we
have no site news or developments for this entry.
"Rolling again.
As I cruise my little train toward the head of the interference, the thoughts of my feelings, scars, pain, and
fears being splattered all over the place cut at my heart. Deeply. I am frightened. How long will this take?
Where did it begin? Have I always been this way? No answers, just rails and snow. I pass the long line of car
carriers and consider the idea I had of snagging the rest of the locomotives in case my cars are many. Hmm. All
of them? I do not know. Having more than one engine is nice in the event of needing to travel away from the
main like before. I approach the engines and decide to leave most of them behind. I will grab one more.
Stop. Switch. Reverse. Decoupling. Coupling. Forward. Switch. Bye.
Damn the air feels colder now. The light is waning and I am yearning for some rest. I can lock up the cab and
sleep, but something more comfortable would be much nicer. With everything weighing upon my head, sleep could
help me to keep focused. For the time being, I slide the throttle and set myself up at sixty. A touch of
increased acceleration due to three diesels pushing. Nice. Cab heat, searchlight, headlamp, displays glowing,
and me sitting atop the big seat with eyes glued to the horizon. I feel powerful yet also broken. I need my
stuff.
‘Do you know what you have to do?’
Fuck me. Go away.
Along the rails I am seeing less and less foliage. No structures other than the occasional bungalow next to an
empty stub. Nothing else. As the light dims further something is commanding my attention. At the same time, my
heart leaps at knowing some of me is not far ahead. Throttle down, eyes peeled. There. In the distance. Three
hoppers waiting on a siding, and something else. Red? An EoT device? Yes. As I slow the motion more, I realize
that I may not be alone on this journey. Someone or something is helping me. I see a caboose at the head of
the line, sitting alone and glowing from within. How? Just as I am in need of warm sleep a car appears which
fits the bill perfectly? What are the odds? The car is at the wrong end, which means I need to move the EoT to
a hopper and place the caboose directly behind my locomotives. That is a lot of work and will seem a little
easier in the morning. I have no perception of the time, but the light is almost gone. That means colder air
is coming. My stuff. Right there. Bliss, if temporary.
Switch. Reverse. Stop. Locked. Out.
Holy shit is the cold biting me. I step into the rear of the little caboose to find keys in the door and gas
lights already burning. Upon entering, my comfort seems guaranteed despite knowing how such a thing can take
place. For whatever reason, I know inside that this car has been placed here for me. I see a small table,
candles, a small fireplace in the corner, and curtains around a four-poster bed. The fuck? Is this a dream?
The caboose looks like a fucking luxury RV on the inside. Old, historical, yet plush as hell. Jesus. I hear
the voice again, and somehow it is much closer and clear. No echo. Very close. And then again. Just as I start
to process how that voice knows me, sounds emanate from behind a door at the forward end. Water running. Huh?
A lock being thrown open. And a sight which throws my entire world into question… The door opens and a
lavishly-dressed woman steps toward me looking straight out of a western novel from the mid-eighteen hundreds.
What in the fuck is this all about? Jesus, what a sight. A long, black dress -- sleeveless -- long wavy black
hair to below her waist, big, dark eyes and a smile which welcomes and warms me from the inside. Her boots
appear as Victorian, laced halfway up her lower legs. One side of the dress is pinned up which exposes the
tops of her boots and stockings. And I mean back-seam stockings. Fingernails of matching black, eye makeup
exaggerated just like young Sandra in the Luxor Steakhouse so many years ago and appearing Egyptian, furthering
her unreal look. Sharp shoulders, a slender, tapered nose just like the Raven. Atop her smooth, towering neck I
see an expression telling me that she wishes to be close. Oy. What is going on? I barely process the fact that
she is there and the decor looking beautiful when the woman speaks to me.
'Hungry?'
Ok, now I need answers.
'May I sit?'
'Of course. Warm yourself by the fire.'
I remove my coat, gloves and hat, and plop my tired self on the settee. The woman -- looking straight out of
one of my dreams -- takes my things and hangs them in a small closet next to what I assume is the bathroom.
She returns, sits next to me and takes my hands with eyes locked to mine. She looks stunning, exotic, soft,
inviting. Her eyes are full of emotion. Those hands immediately transport me from a place of worry, cold, and
pain and into warm solace. I am immediately at ease in her beautiful company. Boy do I need to ask some
questions. First? The voice.
'That was me as I am a part of you. Your desires, needs, soulful thoughts.'
'Huh?'
'I will help you.'
'Um... Ok.'
Holy blue fuck in winter. Huh? What? Part of me? From where did she come? Am I so fucked up over the past that
my brain created her? And she will help me? Oh that is already happening. The simplicity of her warm hands on
mine is helping tremendously. She is warm. The fire is warm. The gas lamps are warm. Is it a dream? Did I fall
asleep in the cab and conjure this woman as a combination of Ashley, Andrea, and the Raven? Doesn't feel like
a dream. It is real. She is next to me and looking like every image I have ever sought, combined. Holy fuck.
Part of me? As I enjoy the soft fingers all over mine, my head begins to consider what this situation means
to my journey. I guess I am supposed to speak with her and allow whatever is to happen. Anything which furthers
my understanding of parts of me spread out all over the place needs to be pursued. This woman is likely next to
me for good reason. Her hand glides up the inside of my arm and up to my cheek. My head is having a hard
enough time maintaining focus for my body to respond with pressure, so I ask of her behavior. The response is
a smile and words to the effect that she is to be anything I want or need. The inside of my head implodes
slightly before I can address her with questions containing words with more than one syllable. Heh. I can't
help it… She is so fucking gorgeous that my mind nearly ceases function in favor of those thoughts. Yes,
THOSE thoughts. Wow. Big surprise there. After a touch more conversation, I am able to relax and think about
everything in clear terms. Time will tell if I can form an understanding. The scenery and company in that
railroad car are so different from the beginning of my journey that I feel the best course is to regroup
myself and learn as much as possible. The desire is tough to push away, however also very important. The woman
is a goddess of the highest order. The more I stare, the more I see. In the clouds.
I am informed that my stay in the caboose is outside time. What? Time? Yes, Julia (!) tells me that while
inside that space time moves along, but outside is suspended. I have no limit to how long I want or need to
remain with her. Unbelievable. I express my uncertainty to which she replies that my understanding of the
caboose is neither required nor expected. Um… Yeah, ok. Basically, I have no choice in the matter. I am there
for a reason to be revealed at whatever pace is necessary. She then asks that I shower and put on a change of
clothes. A shower? In the car? Oh boy. She is going to prepare something for us to eat while I am occupied.
This just keeps getting more and more unreal. A caboose in the middle of nowhere and inhabited by a woman
straight out of my head. Time, stopped. My journey on hold. I am also on hold, it would seem. The hot water
soothes me and normalizes my skin as if I never went outside. Quiet, peaceful, closed off from the world.
Even though my brain still feels twisted a little, I am much more physically comfortable. Clean, too.
Spending time in and out of the locomotives and switchgear has made me very tired and dusty. After a
relaxing shower, perhaps I can get some information on the purpose of this entire scene. And none of it
will be easy due to that beautiful woman. Ugh. I do not know what to think. Her presence sends me flying
into a territory filled with desire.
Back into the salon to find Julia awaiting me. Cocktails? This caboose is getting better and better. We
sit and eat while discussing my situation along the rails. She knows of my fears, desires, and need to
gather everything, however I am still unsure of where I am going. The idea was to cruise the locomotives
along the main and keep my eyes open. Spurs and sidings will come and go and possibly a crossing where the
line meets another main. Julia tells me that I will know. I will feel the hoppers near me and ascertain a
direction according to the strength of emotion pulling at my heart. Interesting, and I am forced to agree
because of the surge I felt upon finding the first car. Now it is mine. As she goes over our connection
and what it can provide, I begin to get lost in her brown eyes. She sees it, smiles, and assures me that
I will no longer be alone, nor will any desire go unsatisfied. Holy fuck, what a turn. And she is a part
of me? What? I do not understand but go along with the intention of allowing myself the space to realize
that things will come along with the ability to alter my plan. I am fairly intelligent, however I do not
know everything. Julia’s smile is beginning to disallow normal thought. Oy. The more I look at her, the
more the desire is pressing my brain. Big surprise.
After discussing the railroad journey and a bit of my past, Julia suggests resting before going further.
We can speak while rolling and seeking my things. That means she will be with me in the cab and keeping me
company. Wonderful, yet likely distracting me from the windshield. The woman is so beautiful that I cannot
help but think of her in those terms that Andrea and the Raven defined for so long. Julia’s loveliness is
difficult to avoid. She is all of it, like the others from my past rolled into one and right there for me.
Available. Gorgeous. Caring. Yep, once again my head is unable to remain focused upon something so
unbelievably important because of a beautiful woman. Next to me. Stunning. Warm. Ugh. I ask of her time
to which I am told that she is with me for the duration should I do desire. Oh, yes I do. Fuck. All I have
to do is keep my head out of her nether regions while at the controls. Good luck. My mind is already
halfway up her dress. Shocker. To the big bed we go. Dress off, holy fuck, arms all over me.
Lights out. Who turned off the gas?
Morning. I peer outside and see nothing but snow blowing sideways. I cannot even begin to organize thoughts
of the previous night, but the woman in question is right there all warm and soft. In nothing more than the
lower half of her underwear. Jesus fuck, she is right there all stretched out under nothing aside from the
sheet. I make a point of peering down at her for a moment to take in such a sight after days of just cold
and haze. Her arms are above her head and that neck looking like an olive landing strip. Below I see
nipples poking the sheet and lose my shit for a second. I need to get out of the bed for fear of jumping
her. Is there coffee in the little galley? Julia’s eyes open slowly and she smiles.
'Morning.'
'Hello again my dear.'
And then the woman stretches, revealing one breast in the process. God damn her cute expression causes me
to falter. Up and standing before me, Julia reaches for a hug and the pressure takes my brainpower away.
'Don't worry. I am here for you. Coffee before we plan the next steps?'
'Ok.'
Julia dons her bra and robe as I attempt to pry my eyes from her long legs. I need to concentrate, for
fuck’s sake. All that soft and delicate loveliness before me is not helping. I dress quickly and
await Julia. She said inside the caboose (her caboose?) was outside the normal passage of time, but still
I cannot avoid thoughts of urgency. Until last night I felt compelled to get myself in order and slowing
the pace feels wrong. I have to relax and listen to her every word. She is here to help. The warm body is
not doing such. I want her. That is not a big surprise considering the mass of dreamy time with Andrea,
Juliette, Ellie... etc. Julia is like all of them rolled into one gorgeous package. She knows me. She knows
everything that I have felt and done. All of the flights to Vegas, Florida bliss with Andrea, my time next
to the goddess that was the Raven, even my early years and the trauma which still affects my organs and
physical desire. Everything. Julia knows how my mind works, which means when I look at her she is attuned
to my needs and desires. The woman seems to have been crafted specifically to be a walking, talking
version of my psyche. So how can she help? If she truly is a part of me, would that not mean that my
failings are hers? My depression? Difficulties? Hmm. I need more information once I get her sex out of my
head. And that is a tall fucking order.
We sit and enjoy the hot beverages while I stare at her eyes. Julia
stares right back at me looking sympathetic and effectively melting me, just as Andrea did with those big,
puppy eyes so many times while in Florida. The woman is so exaggerated in every way, from toes to
fingertips. Long arms with slight definition. Lips of Juliette, all full and soft. Breasts of Andrea with
up and out perspective making me glance here and there. The pressure begins to cause me to falter, so I
touch upon the subject of my train. Our train. Anything to extract the physical dreams from my head. After
some discussion, Julia moves back to the bed without her
robe. She sits, knees beautifully paired. There is nothing out of place or even the slightest distortion
anywhere. She is like the thousands of images molded into one with each feature at a high point. Unreal,
yet sitting right in front of me.
I move to her as she reaches to grab my hand. Andrea pops into my head along with those many occasions
finding her climbing on the bed or crawling across the floor pointing herself directly to me as if the most
sensual invitation was being telegraphed by her gorgeous motions. Never in my life had I seen a woman’s
midsection, rear, and thighs so ideally matched to my dreams. Her body was second only to that sensitive
heart, leaving me a smoldering mess every time she approached me for physical contact. A goddess, to be
sure. And there is Julia looking exactly the same. The curves are driving me insane. Her toes are wiggling.
As my brain attempts to process the fortune of being in that railroad car, no time passing, and with a
woman aligned to me as if she was born inside my head, I decide that again the reasoning is sound.
Julia is sitting on the edge of the bed, knees paired, and the disparity between her narrow waist and
exaggerated upper thighs is driving me out of my wrecked mind. Thigh gap, too. Those converging, diverging
curves which command my life. I stare, she smiles. And then a single word brings the pressure to the top...
'Shower.'
Out of her lingerie and out of this world. We head into the shower and her loving attention drives me to
the point of insanity. Soapy hands, big, emotional eyes, nipples brushing against my chest. God help me.
Julia knows everything and tailors her behavior to match my dreams perfectly. Andrea, all over again. My
knees on the tile and her foot on my shoulder. Her knees on the tile and my head exploding. And then stop.
Stop? What? Why? Out of the water and dried off. Julia kisses me deeply and slithers to the bed, on all
fours, throws all that hair to her back, and peers at me with one eye. Andrea. The Raven. God damn it all,
into her with all of me.
Delicious, wondrous, and something I thought I would not experience again. Julia is a dream. A fucking
dream, but real. Wow. Dressed again with a hug every few seconds. Kisses to my cheeks and neck. Just
absolutely loving at each step of the morning. We brew more coffee in thermal mugs, grab the warm
clothing and step out into a world I nearly forgot. Once again I hear those diesels -- both of them
sounding like idling thunder -- and try to formulate coupling everything to begin the motion again. I
figured Julia would stay cozy and warm in the lead cab, but she is with me around the switchgear and
rails. Together we map out the steps to getting the beautiful caboose right behind the locomotives and
the three additional hoppers of my feelings to the rear. And speaking of rear, hers is hidden thanks to
the long coat. Good. I do not need her little yummy ass in view when I am supposed to be moving toward a
goal. I still want it, though. That never goes away.
Nothing does.
After a long while of jumping in and out of the cab, we finally have the train in order and the EoT moved
to the last car. Back inside, heat cranked, coats and gloves put away, and to the controls. Motion. A tad
slower, but moving along the straight main once again. Julia and I discuss finding others and where our
final destination might be. And she was right. I sense the loaded hoppers being so close behind. More of me
gathered and connected. That feels good. I have no idea of how many cars there are left. I have four, and
knowing more are waiting is a touch worrisome. Julia senses my concern and immediately moves to me with
arms wide. Good God, what a comfort.
'Speed up if you wish. Nothing for a hundred miles.'
Huh? She knows? Wow, the surprises should not be so surprising after such a comfortable night and dreamy
morning.
'Okay.'
Up with the throttle as we slowly creep up on fifty. Driving hundreds of tons at such speed is dicey in my
brain, although the train feels solid. Julia appears completely at ease with her back to the windshield
and feet beautifully paired. My instinct is to stare ahead even though the train knows its path, and
despite feeling apprehensive about looking away, my eyes continue to peruse her legs. I cannot help it.
I did the same with Andrea due to her allowing me anything on earth. Honestly, the real meaning behind
Julia being here in the first place should be foremost on my mind, however being the fucked up individual
that I am and have been for so long, the desire takes away any chance of clear thinking beyond just a few
moments. She is beautiful, I am weak, and the two of us there together leaves me a smoldering pile of need.
Years of being mired in my hole in the ground have taken their toll. I still gaze at her and receive nothing
other than a warm smile in return. The situation in that warm cab has me thinking beyond the sex.
Unbelievable.
At the outset of and before running
across the caboose and three of my hoppers, all I could think was coupling the cars and finding my way
into the future. I soon found a coupling of a different kind. A partner, lover, confidant, and someone
with whom to share all of me.
A coupling of dreams."
