[06:39 pst 03/04/2018 CE, 1520174340 E]
We have secured yet another top-level domain for possible future
expansion or transfer. The Coma domain has proven just a little off from the popular collective audience, so
in the coming months we may embrace a new title image and location on the internet. In the meantime, things
will continue along as they have for the last three years.
We also may roll the archive into the
writing section and combine the two, keeping titles and such as they are. The dated entries have enjoyed their
own place and timeline, while the lateral writings sit idle. Expansion and further visibility may push us to
move things around.
"A story within a story within a story. Oh my. This one goes back
and forth without sense, so buckle up. It stands as one of the most emotional and mentally-damaging stories
I have ever attempted. Years ago I promised myself that I would keep this within me, but fuck it anyway. I
no longer have anything to lose and the reveal may help me to survive... somehow.
We go...
The situation began with a trip to Pensacola to visit my
cousins. I packed and flew away from the Brunette, arriving in Texas some hours later. With a multi-hour
layover, I decided to slide into a comfortable bar/restaurant (no shit, huh?) and kill a bit of time while
watching people move about the terminal. Naturally, the bartender was a young woman looking bright and
energetic. The place was not busy due to the early hour, so I had a chance to speak with her about whatever
subject came along. We exchanged the typical banter about what brought me there, my destination, and the
reasoning behind the trip. As the first hour moved behind me, I learned that she took the job in order to
mix with people.
She stood roughly five foot seven, with long, dark hair and very thin yet defined
arms and shoulders. The black tank covered her chest and hid what appeared to be an unlined bra underneath.
Below, her waist defied the diameter above, accented her hips, and displayed a very sharp ratio against her
torso and legs. Overall the woman was yet another example of what I had been seeking, but due to the location
nothing aside from gazing and conversation was possible. When she spoke and asked questions of me, her eyes
lit somewhat and she appeared very hopeful and open. Had the encounter taken place after my many trips all over
California and Nevada, however, I likely would have stared at her for a moment and ran away. That afternoon
allowed me to sit for quite a while and take in all of her nicely. On the inside, things were no so positive.
The want began to creep in.
The woman was so pleasant and her demeanor so inviting that I
could not help to dream of all that had been missing in my life for so long. She fit the bill completely. And
that on top of the fact that I left with the intention of returning days later to the Brunette and all that she
had meant to me. Sitting and exchanging thoughts with the gorgeous bartender seemed to show a weakness on my
part, but the truth was that the want was taking over and had never left me. The woman moved back and forth
behind the counter and did her job, and all the while my head went south and into areas I would have been
better off pushing away. She was beautiful, and I simply could not help myself. Another drink, and more
dreaming.
'Are you allowed to work with your hair down?'
'Yes, but too warm in here right now.'
She continued her
duties with a slight smile and often glanced in my direction. I could not help but vocalize what I was feeling
because I knew nothing would come of it. Soon I would be walking toward the gate and the whole thing would be
done. Too bad. The woman was entering my head more and more. Her tender eyes were working their way inside me.
I began to feel concern for my state. And I wanted her, of course. All of her. In such a weakened state, none
of it was the least bit surprising.
My mind's eye
The trip from the Brunette's apartment and the fact that she
drove me to the airport popped into my head often. She wanted me to get away for my own sanity. She also
wished me all the happiness and contentment in the world as I left to visit family. I had to keep all of it
close to my heart as I sat and stared at the creature who was fast becoming a point of focus. She was
speaking to me even while her mouth uttered nothing. I could hear it... and the ideas drove me insane. The
more I sat there -- knowing I should not have -- the more the want pressed me into narrowing focus dramatically
and leaving me a single-celled creature without sense. Her beauty and pleasant nature did not leave me with
the healthiest of thoughts, and that was not her doing. I was allowing it to happen for the millionth time.
I did not run, but remained stapled to the barstool and unable to shift my brain away from the dreams and
desires. The midsection of her body was my new world and there was no avoiding anything which might have
helped me to cope and avoid the damage. I could not run from the want. It was in control of me, entirely.
A moment of pause from the conversation as others came in and took a seat. I was heading toward
my second drink and pondering the question which always popped up: the why. All of the feelings which flew
through me were related to the writings and desires of the past, and the woman behind the bar stayed away
long enough for me to attempt to relate and calculate just why the numbers were turning into such a want.
There was never anyone to bounce things off. The years passed had shown me just how crippling that type of
sight could become, but never was I able to speak at length about finding reason. Years of need, and no
outlet nor confidant.
When she returned, things began to look different -- desperate, difficult,
and dire -- so I considered taking a leap of faith and revealing to her just why I needed to stay at the bar
for my entire wait. And that brings the past back to my mind...
Nearly eight years earlier.
Two thousand three, when I escaped
the shackles of work and home life to run away. That was touched upon years ago, but some aspects of that
time should be reviewed, and they were initially left out for reasons of anonymity. Now? Fuck it anyway.
We go.
The first occasion when the obsession became overwhelming to the point of driving me out of
my mind was a time when a coworker wanted to be with me and offered anything I may have wanted with regard to
being physical together. She pressed me to step outside my relationship and have my way with her. When her
desire and my need to understand became too much to bear, I ran my ass off and away from everything. A cool
September morning saw me at work. My boss directed me away from our two facilities and toward a third with which
I was unfamiliar and had hoped to avoid due to the staff there. He asked me to grab a few things and fill in
until such time as they could stabilize their testing schedule. That building was several blocks away and
required me to drive.
Between the change in environment (which was something I could not
easily swallow), and the recent issue of being offered anything I wished from the coworker, my head began
to overflow with discomfort. I sat in the car for several minutes before driving toward the north and to a
place I knew would be uncomfortable and unfamiliar. After just a few blocks, the change forced me into a
mental fetal position and I had to get the fuck out of there. So I did. A few turns and I drove right out the
gate and onto the freeway. Oy.
Issues within me?
South to where? I formulated a plan immediately, and
took to Pacheco Pass, leaving my real world behind.
As the miles rolled under my wheels, I
started to worry a bit about the phone ringing on the seat next to me. It stayed quiet for a long while
as I arrived part way down the interstate. Swinging the car in for fuel brought me a slight amount of
clarity and the fact that I needed to set a few things in place before proceeding further. I filled the
tank and took to the pay phone with multiple credit cards in hand. I needed to know how much leeway I
might have had in order to secure a trip to Vegas. Yes, that's right... the promised land of escape and
anonymity. After a few calls I knew my finances could support a lavish stay wherever I wished, so I
got hold of the Luxor to book a room immediately. Back to the car, and then back to the pay phone to
make one more important call... an escort agency(!). I reserved one more thing and then hit the fucking
road. By that point, and after making calls and realizing I was nearly two hundred miles from my
start, the delusion set in nicely and left me without worry. I was filled with anticipation.
Highway, loud music.
Hours later I rolled into the valet at the Luxor and left the car. The
attendant asked if I was checking in and offered to grab a bellman for my luggage. I raised my arms and
told him the trip was not planned prior to a short time earlier, and he smiled as if to say 'good for
you'. I headed to the desk and check into a spa room in the pyramid. After stepping through the door
to such a large and well-appointed room, I knew I had to go back out the door of the massive resort and
do some shopping. And I realized that the cell phone was still in the car. Oh well... fuck it anyway.
Down the inclinator and to the main cashier. I asked about drawing cash and the woman directed me to
machines around the corner. I headed there, went through the procedure, and the fucking device sent
me away -- denied. Nope. Not going to happen. I went back to the same cashier window and she informed
me that the failure was very common due to security precautions from the banks. I stepped aside to the
pay phones to call the bank, at which time the voice told me they wanted to ensure it was me. A few
questions later and
I was told that everything was good to go. Back to the machine, and another NO. Fuck me. Back to the
cashier, and she said try the phone again because sometimes there may be a delay. I called a second time
and was told that everything was fine and the issue may be the casino's precautions. Fuck me again.
I slammed the phone down, left the resort, and sought the bank which issued my card. Toward the main
drag of shopping.
Juliette's beauty all over the big bed
As I rolled along the boulevard, the idea of no cash began
to cause me worry and I simply could not have such a thing. I knew that what I needed must continue
unimpeded. The bank appeared and I went inside to solve my problem. The absolute goddess of a teller
took my card and went back to her manager for a discussion. She returned, asked how much I wished to
draw, and I smiled and told her I needed three thousand. She smiled back -- looking stunning in silk --
and attacked her computer. I filled out a form and she again smiled and asked how I would like the
cash. 'All hundreds' I said, 'and dinner downtown, pretty please'. Red cheeks, tentative
glances around the room, and, to my
surprise, acceptance. Her name was Juliette and she looked like a million dollars standing behind the
counter. I gave her my room number and a time to meet as she counted the many bills back to me. I softly
touched her hand and stated that I would look much better that evening, and she replied that I need
not change a thing. Holy fucking shit... I made a date in work clothes and with a woman who looked as if
she could have been Miss America. Jesus. I asked if she was sure, and she returned the gesture with her
hand and told me to count on it. Jesus... again. Out the door with a head full of possibilities, none of
which related to real life.
I took to the boulevard again and knew I had to look loyally
for the remainder of the trip, but I did not wish to expend the cash if at all possible. I ran across
one of the many indoor malls in that huge city and proceeded to seek out some decent attire. As I
walked the big hallways, my mind began to relax somewhat and I was able to put some things into
perspective. Namely, I had zero attachments, tons of vacation hours, and no reason to worry about being
gone other than the necessity of finally contacting my boss to tell him I needed some time away. The
shopping went on, and I exercised credit as often as was feasible to keep the wad which was paramount
while in a casino. All the while Juliette's long, wavy hair and smooth skin were in my thoughts. What
could have come of that? Hmm.
After acquiring all that I felt would be appropriate for some
days in the goblet, I headed back to the resort for a much-needed change of look. The inclinator again
brought me to the thirtieth floor and my cozy room which started to look even better than my first visit.
I was dreaming of not being there alone, and instead with a warm, real companion upon whom I planned to
lavish much care. And while my previous trip was quite expensive, the company that my money funded
was fantastic. Juliette was not a call girl, but an everyday person working and supporting herself
through the bank. That was all I knew and the rest would hopefully come with time.
While in the room I called the escort service and canceled my reservation, offering a
partial fee so as to not offend the classy establishment. Although I knew that need may return
sometime in the future, the current trip had improved over finding someone in person with which to
spend time. And what a fucking find.
Smooth skin and beautiful breasts
After freshening up and donning some of the new
clothing, I decided to call my work and get the difficulty out of the way. My boss was halfway out the
door that afternoon, and told me to avoid running away in the future. He said my leaving would have been
perfectly fine had I done the reverse and asked for the time. Ultimately he told me to relax and find
what I needed, leaving my trip open-ended. I apologized profusely and left the conversation feeling
that his caring superseded any worry of disciplinary actions. Whew. Better. That relief led to me
needing a drink in a sunken and comfortable spot for quiet thought. To the Aurora on the casino floor.
Perfect.
Sandra, the attending server that late afternoon, approached me with
her absolutely gorgeous Egyptian eyebrows and form-fitting black dress. She sat in the puffy chair next
to me and inquired of my needs. I ordered a cocktail and told her all that I needed in the world was her
lovely smile and some comfort. She tapped my hand, smiled, and left for the service bar. Jesus fucking
Harold Christ, there seemed to be no end to the beautiful and courteous women in that town. I had to
steel myself every time she visited my table due to the overwhelming need to swallow her whole. Fuck me
running. What a sight she was, and with a disarming smile which had the ability to force everything out
of my head save for her. Sandra's demeanor and look would keep me attached to that chair and
her every gesture.
A couple of hours passed bringing the dinner date closer each moment. I
still had plenty of time and had been offsetting my alcohol consumption with lots of water. After
Sandra's umpteenth arrival at my table, I noticed a lovely woman on the casino floor sitting
beautifully at a slot machine. I asked Sandra to send her a lemon drop on my tab, and a few moments
later she delivered the drink. The woman did not look in my direction despite Sandra pointing out its
origin. I thought nothing of it, and continued to calculate what that night may entail. A short time
later, I sent another cocktail to the gambler, and that time she looked in my direction. I smiled and
raised my glass, and she showed appreciation by returning the gesture. Later, when I needed to exit
the coziness of Aurora, I walked in her direction to wish her well. She looked up at me and told me
that she was killing time away from her spouse, so nothing could come of the situation. 'No worries',
I told her, 'I just wanted to improve your day'. She smiled at me, thanked me profusely, and
expressed the fact that I did exactly that. Bye bye.
I blew a kiss toward Sandra and slid
back up to the top of the pyramid. Upon seeing my room again, I felt as if the reasoning for dashing
away from my life was beginning to pay off. And as unbelievable as it was to secure dinner with a
fucking unreal-looking woman that very day, I had no stress or discomfort over anything up to that point
in the trip. The outset had turned out to be precisely what I had been seeking day after miserable
day for months. I knew that some time passing in my previous world would not change me or anything else.
That did not matter. I just wanted to sink in and find a place otherwise unavailable.
Knock knock. Butterflies.
Juliette... and on all fours for fuck's sake
Upon opening the door, before me stood Juliette... one of
the most elegant women in recent memory. I immediately became so flustered that my greeting was
delayed several seconds. I shook my head and invited her in. Holy shit, she was in my hotel room, and
looking as if she had spent much time in an attempt to look nice. The effort was appreciated, and I told
her as much. She smiled and hugged me gently, took a stroll across to the window, and commented that
the room appeared large and comfortable. I had only been there less than an hour in total since my
arrival in town, but I was forced to agree. I asked her to take a seat, and could not help but gaze
upon her sculpted legs and tremendous hair. The woman looked like the embodiment of class and stature,
which pushed me to feel under-dressed for any occasion with her in tow. When she complimented my
appearance, I smiled at her and felt a bit more at ease. She was someone I knew nothing about but
for whatever reason brought me solace in many ways. I needed to be close -- attached to her somehow --
and that had been my wish from first sight on. We made some polite conversation and decided to head to
the floor to sit with a drink and discuss my trip further. She could sense that I was there to get
away from something, and she was one hundred percent correct. What was a mystery was just why she would
accept an invitation from someone in that type of situation. We would soon get to that, and more.
Down to the casino and straight to the Nile. She sat very close to me with one hand on mine.
I was immediately attracted to her eyes because they conveyed more feeling and emotion than I had seen
in many years. Juliette looked stunning beyond words
and I did my damnedest to keep my eyes on hers, rather than exploring the rest of her form. We spoke at
length about work, personal relationships and expectations, and the possibility of a kind of happiness
which came without reservations or excessive stress. Her thoughts took me over. And throughout the time
sitting there at the Nile, she occasionally intertwined her fingers with mine -- a satisfying touching
which brought me to believe that she was genuinely interested in finding what I had sought. Good god,
the peaceful nature of her contact pressed me into getting lost mentally, and I began to need the
closeness more and more. Staring at her eyes began to melt me from the inside out. She expressed so
much raw emotion through those beautiful pools that not knowing her became irrelevant. The look, the
touching, and the calmness she exuded... exactly what I was looking for but had no intention of
actually seeking. Juliette was just standing there at work, off the strip and away from the glitz of
Vegas, and meeting her was a miracle of sorts. The idea of strolling around those massive resorts
and trying to find that type of comfort and look felt impossible. I had to consider the good fortune
almost constantly.
We soon left the bar and walked across the big bridge into the
Mandalay Bay. That was a hotel with which I had been previously intimate. Along the slow stroll, her
hand did not leave mine, and my hand began to feel an underlying caring. I did my best not to gush
toward her in any way for fear of seeming too clingy. Our walk led us to the House of Blues, where we
spied a mostly-empty restaurant. We sidled to the bar and ordered drinks, and all the while my head
was swimming in some sort of nether region between this world and the next. I could not believe the
chance of finding someone so kind and understanding, and the thought had begun to enter my
bruised heart. Juliette, and my knowing of her for mere hours, was taking me from myself. I wanted all
of her, and the top of that desire was intimacy of mind.
Into the Blues visit a short while,
and she told me that she wished to spend time with me simply as an aside to her life. She was not happy
with much of anything, disillusioned with the sheer number of partners who wanted nothing more than
physical contact, and the daily work environment which seemed to be stagnant. I stood her up, placed my
hands upon her soft cheeks, and told her that we could be ideally suited to each other for however much
time she wished to spend there.
Juliette hugged me tightly, kissed my cheek with the salt of
her tears, and revealed that her bag -- with a week's worth of clothes and necessities -- was waiting
patiently in her car outside. Huh? The woman accepted a dinner date and packed for days? Holy shit,
did I ever find someone special. I was already overwhelmed by her gentle nature and tenderness with
which she told me about her feelings, but to see her there in front of me looking gorgeous beyond
description and then learn that she had hoped to stay with me in the hotel... Jesus H. Crap, I was
pulled in immediately. All at once I wished to care for her like no other. Hold her, caress her, and
simply ensure that she could be comfortable in more ways than just physically. And speaking of that,
and regardless of the shape of her beautiful body and that flowing hair, the sexual thoughts backed
off as I wanted to focus upon her happiness.
'I want to be close... connected to each other.'
'Absolutely, my dear.'
No sooner had she expressed her desire to be attached to me,
when a tap on my shoulder slammed me back in time... to a year earlier. Juliette grabbed me from behind
and held on tight as I spun around to a woman I had not seen since my last contract with the escort
agency. A call girl...
Jasmine.
And she was crying."
Random Quote:
"Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by
dragging day,
in all the thousand small uncaring ways."
-- Stephen Vincent Benét
