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The Raven


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[07:09 pst 02/24/2018 CE, 1519484940 E]

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Four Days


"She brought up the idea of watching a movie in her apartment. I could not disagree, and that was mostly due to the fact that I wished to be close nearly all of the time. I needed to be near her... against her beautiful skin and able to stare into her big, gorgeous eyes and the wonder they injected into my very soul. My desire was overwhelming much of the time and she knew such, but her need for space disallowed me satisfaction often. I understood, because as much as she was still her own person, I was very much the opposite -- I was clingy, needy, and almost completely unable to be alone. She propped me up so often that I am still certain the situation stressed and fatigued her.

So, in my mind the idea of sitting cozy on the sofa and spending some afternoon time in front of the monitor seemed the perfect opportunity to glue myself to her physically. I expressed such a thought to her and she responded that her need was the same. She simply wished to be close to me, as well.

Often while we were together in that little cave the physical desire we shared drifted into conversation. We slept next to each other every night -- which was warm bliss -- and often it led to much more. I literally drowned myself into her soft skin as much as was possible. I needed it like nothing else. All of the damage caused by my recent reckless and unfeeling actions melted away like ice cream on a desert rock, and her closeness carried me outside myself unlike anything else in the world. She was a dream, literally, and brought me to my knees with one look from those unique and enormous eyes. To the sofa, and onto each other we clasped.

The feeling of being close to her and the knowledge that she wanted it was wonderful. Considering all of the time we spent together, more was what I needed. My own feelings of loss and dread could only be tempered by her sensitive heart and attention. The combination brought me comfort the likes of which was a high to the point of being the diametric opposite of the low which I had dropped into throughout the preceding weeks. I began to happily comply with all that she directed. My heart was shredded and the Brunette was the glue.



347

Her breasts damned near got in the way



Friday.

The first movie began as we found comfort up against the other. She always wore glasses to watch video or use the computer, especially in the dim light of the evening. Those glasses combined with her eyes and eyebrows sent me to the moon. Attempting to describe just how I felt about her appearance would be an enormous effort, but suffice to say she was carrying the most beautiful face I had ever seen. Throughout the course of the film I found myself breaking away from the screen many times to gaze at her and dream. Following the story on the screen became an exercise in futility. Still, I did my best not to flood her with attention as the idea was to relax.

After a little while she wished to take a pause and find something to drink. We wandered to the market below and secured both beer and whiskey to accompany the early evening. Back to the sofa with drinks and the ashtray, and back up against her softness. Again my attention wandered from the movie to her body, and I found myself swirling within thoughts of physically ravaging her over and over. I kept the desire inside locked away with great effort and did not express anything to her regarding such. We drank and watched. More time passed and I noticed she lifted her phone to her face and typed. I did not think anything of it (which was nearly impossible considering my weakened emotional state and rampant paranoia), but soon realized that she was ordering food when a short time later there was a knock at the door. Dinner arrived, we refilled the glasses, and sat again to seek a second film to screen. Midway through the next movie we were loosening up due to the whiskey and I found her beginning to stare at me just as I had wished to become closer. We repositioned and rolled on with the viewing.

Food, cigarettes, beer, whiskey, and a massive desire to declothe her. Gawd.

As the minutes flowed into hours, she called up a third movie. By that time the sun's orange glow had disappeared and the whiskey was half gone -- just as the two of us. Part way through the film and I felt a hand upon my cheek. When I turned to look at her I nearly lost my mind. She paused the playback and crawled upon all fours back to my position. As my head began to explode, I realized that she wanted to leave the electronic entertainment behind and allow me to do what I wished. Her expression changed to the point of leaving me with such thoughts which I could no longer control. I gently took her over and the playful nature of her eyes told me that there were no limits. Soon after, I found myself on the floor and without my clothes. The bliss I was feeling cannot be described. Her body quickly drove the focus of my existence to the narrowest possible pinpoint.

To the bed, and later into sleep.



348

The curves I needed to see



Saturday.

The morning arrived and I saw a glow from the east which told me the hour was not late. The Brunette was on the balcony with coffee and she waved me to join her. We spoke briefly about the morning and quiet nature of the area in which we lived, but then she took my hand and led me back to the sofa just as the night before. The whiskey bottle emerged from her kitchen, the computer was booted, and the screening continued. I was overjoyed at the fact that she wanted to relax at home yet again, and that brought thoughts of the prior evening's sexual escapades into my head. I just could not help but dream of everything we had enjoyed and more. Her beauty was overwhelming. Movie, whiskey into the coffee, and us on the sofa intertwined. Fucking bliss again.

Into the film a bit, and the Brunette took my hand and kissed it. She looked up at me with the eyes of forever and asked that I venture to the market for staples. I told her that my cash level needed a refresh and that meant the bank on the other side of the hill. The plan was me heading out for business and her freshening up our small space. I showered and slid into the slipper for a short trip. While I drove my head and heart began to swell with her demeanor toward me. I could barely contain myself when dealing with others and nearly had to run from the bank due to my physical desire manifesting itself for the millionth time over her lush skin and goddess-like curves. The slipper roared back onto the freeway and I dashed toward the market for more of what we consumed just hours earlier. Upon my return, her face lit up and we embraced for several moments before setting up the living room for more entertainment. I noticed that she had showered and donned shorts and a tank top, underneath which her huge chest strained the seams. When she sat I could not help but direct my wanting eyes toward her waist and I could see the shorts were all that were containing the loveliness which forced me out of the bank at high speed. Jesus fucking Harold Christ... I wanted to climb into her clothing and devour every inch of her again. She absolutely exuded sexuality and knew it would drive me out of my mind like nothing else in the world. That soft skin was the end of existence and my need was pushing me toward insanity.

For the second day... movie, sofa, beer, whiskey, desire.

And again she grabbed at her phone and brought Italian food to the door. Just as the previous day, when the food arrived I began to wonder just how long she wished to remain holed up and hidden from the rest of the world. Everything drifted out of my head -- the decision to run to her, the lack of work and my current leave of absense from the same, and all of the financial difficulties I had caused through so many bad ideas -- all that was left within me was her. She had become my world and much of that was physical desire unlike I had ever felt.

The movie continued and I caught her staring at me several times while we sat close. Soon she slid over me and took my entire face into her warm hands and professed her want to see me happy. From there, her body moved south to the edge of the floor and my hands were squeezed enough for me to feel it in my heart. She stared into my eyes for several moments, dropped her glasses to the carpet, and proceeded to give me a gift I could not believe. The physical pleasure brought me outside myself and into a place I rarely felt or understood. The Brunette had caused me so much happiness... from the hiding to the warmth, and from her soft hands and lips to the edge of the universe. I fell into all of it and lost my mind completely.

She stopped and told me to hold tight to such a preview. For fuck's sake.



349

Smooth lingerie and the exaggerations of dreams



Sunday.

Saturday came and went, and the following morning's visions I found myself within were nearly enough to break me. We had spent two days together with nary a debate, and such a fact was rare for us. The prior night's bliss would not leave my head and as such pressed me to want her even more.

We were not out of the bed long before the next movie was queued. She smiled and told me that to continue the situation which began Friday was her intention. We strolled to the market hand-in-hand and picked up staples. Nothing changed and my emotional state had scrapped any thoughts outside the bubble within which we seemed to be cemented. She turned up the playfulness another notch and I was floored by the attention. Back up to the apartment and the next bottle of whiskey. My desire took over again, but that time I did not hold back. I poured two glasses, cracked two more beers, paused the playback, and grabbed her without limit. She looked upon me as if I was her captor and relaxed to the point of being my toy. Once again... oh my. Her clothes flew and I took her with the need of a lifetime. Time passed and she put a finger to my lips causing me to calm a bit. 'Let us watch and drink. I want to make you into an experiment.'

Huh? Uh oh.

What proceeded was her applying makeup to my face and out came the camera. Fuck me... but what was I to do about it? She had me in a place where any request was happily and quicky honored, so I let her do whatever she wanted. During her photographing me in monochrome with varying expressions (also no looking at the lens), I continually tried to paw at her chest and pull her close. She smilingly resisted and carried on shooting me in the living room. I rose and chased her about the rooms -- all the while listening to her cute giggles -- and told her I needed all of her against my lips. Resistance... trotting... giggling more... and her oversize shorts dropped to her ankles which enflamed me like never before. I grabbed the camera, laid it on the bed, and swallowed her whole. She stood and let me position her body in any manner I desired, and that massive mane flowed over my face and tickled my ears. She slammed her huge chest to my face, pulled me onto the floor, and...

...we stumbled back to the sofa for a smoke, drink, and movie. For crying out loud, she was so in charge. I would have walked off the fucking pier for her. Our comfortable viewing carried on throughout the day, and every now and then we enjoyed the glances and caresses which kept me flying above the earth. Her sexiness was without bounds, and my desire was constant. The movies? They were all over the place and proved a simple distraction from that which we were both attempting to avoid. The day moved toward evening, and she wished to visit the market again. We ambled down the hill and shopped briefly, and upon arriving at the checkout I suddenly noticed that the young man ringing up the items could not avoid glancing at my face over and over. Yep... the makeup was still there. She applied it earlier but I never had the opportunity to see my face in the mirror. God help me, but I was embarrassed. He smiled toward us and I stated that she had been photographing me for a project. He then smiled more with the look as if we were some psychosexual deviant couple he should avoid at all costs. Ha! We exited, laughing, and proceeded to push forth with our multi-day delusion.

Later? Drunk and nude. Oy.



350

Soft skin I could not resist



Monday.

Having exhausted yet another supply of booze, spending some time experimenting with each other sans clothing, and sleeping across the bed, the next morning found us on the balcony in the cool air with the requisite coffee and cigarettes. We spoke of only each other and the top-level time spent in her apartment the past few days. All of the circumstances and issues which were discarded in favor of disappearing into each other's desires were still fairly far away, so the decision was made by her to move onto the sofa again and fire up something else on the computer. Naturally, I could not keep my eyes on the screen due to her chest being prominently displayed and hardly missable. 'Watch the movie.' Yes... without her directing my attention, the morning would have had physical aspects which I still needed. I complied (of course) and the day went on -- slowly -- along the same lines as the previous three.

Into the afternoon, we were sitting and holding hands gently, when I realized that the comfort would have to end at some point. Neither of us had responsibilities outside the door, but our cocoon could not last much longer. The only thought which brought solace was the possibility that our enjoyment of each other could proceed without speed bumps. I wanted to play, but I also wanted to let her be. The space within her head had been off limits since before the Salton Sea, and that meant I still had to fill in the blanks with my own unending fears. I needed her more than ever because I would not have been able to live with myself. The lack of deep conversation was scary yet necessary. We were both in that boat which was adrift on a sea of sorrow. Sex, caressing words and gestures, and the continuing flow of alcohol was keeping us just afloat on the aforementioned water.

Evening. Food. The two of us wrapped around each other. The movies. And my head swimming in thoughts of her body all over me. Soon... sleep.

That night we climbed into bed on fresh sheets (nice!) and finally spoke quietly about everything. Light tears flowed while we talked of the end of such a wondrous and enjoyable slice of time. I assured the Brunette that my heart was still her possession. She could not respond in kind, and I knew such a feeling was impossible as well as seeing how much it hurt her to pass it on. I loved her, I loved being in her space, and I loved the physical wonder we shared. Unfortunately, and as most of the other writings can attest, nothing good can remain as such. The seeemingly unending progression of events means change, and that means destruction in one manner or another. We knew of the issues and we knew that they were out of anyone's control.

We kissed as never before and drifted off. Fuck.



363

The incredible form of her breasts



After.

The morning... again she was out on the balcony, coffee in hand, and looking so gorgeous with tussled hair. I ventured out to join her, and she began to tell me of why our situation had been so deluded. Or, more pointedly, her role in the entire affair. I listened and held her when she seemed to need it. We both knew of all that was shoved aside to allow space for the little getaway from reality, the reasoning for the beginning and for the end. The air was still and felt heavy with emotion. That was something I nearly could not bear. She clutched her cup and tapped her cute little toes while I sat there admiring everything she was. Beautiful, intelligent, caring, kind, and with a heart that must have pushed the limits of her small frame. I had placed her fairly high on the scale of people. And that is to say her inner beauty outshined such an incredible form. God.

The day went on and we decided to get out for a little while. She drove us to the theater (yes, even after all the movies watched nearly back-to-back) where we sank into the glow of the screen with snacks. Our hands found each other time and time again during the film and my heart leaped in her direction, as always. Every now and then we met eyes in appreciation for the company. That was so nice. Her heart was open to a point, however I knew of the troubles which would inevitably catch our heels. Upon leaving, we began to discuss the plot of the film which touched on sensitive subjects. The conversation veered from good to bad, finally leaving the two of us quiet and somewhat uncomfortable. When we arrived back at her apartment, I tried to sway the mood by asking if I could play with her breasts. She smiled and told me I could do as I pleased. Hmm. That sounded as if she was not entirely in that type of mood so I backed off and took to the bed to catch my breath. All went very quiet for several minutes and I sensed that we would not be that close for much longer. The sexual feelings flew out of me instantly, leaving me with my own heartbeat and a head filling with worry. No sooner did I begin to truly relax, when she emerged from the living room, took my hand, and led me to the balcony with two glasses of whiskey. What? Huh? Yeah.

We sat there and shared a series of long stares before any words were available. And then the words were anything but what I may have expected.

The Brunette professed her love for me and stated that she was worried about what may happen to me once out of her apartment. I knew eventually that I would need to find my own space, and that time rapidly approached. We discussed all aspects and possibilities before calming a bit and returning to the stars and booze. And then she told me that there was no hurry. She knew of the importance of warmth and stability so my change in address need not be a rush. Thank Christ. We embraced and went back to the quiet. Her hand found mine, and she kissed my fingers with a gentle touch and much feeling. My initial instinct was to recoil and avoid gushing my physical desire all over her skin. 'It's ok, my love.' Fuck me running, that was the most breathy and inviting phrase ever uttered toward my position. I sat there flabbergasted at the attention she was paying my skin until I nearly blew a gasket. Her softness took me from myself like the wind on the flatland. She stood me up and hugged me with love. I absorbed all of it like a giant sponge in the ocean. And then she sat back down and looked up to me with eyes of the most sexual Satan I could have imagined.

Blouse unbuttoned and opened... bra unhooked and opened...

'I want what you want, lover.'

Oh... um... okay.



362

Tall and beautiful like few others



She grasped at her hair, pulled the thick mane into a ponytail, and took my hand to replace hers. At that point I knew where she was heading, and on the balcony as I gazed out toward the ocean, she proceeded into my boxers as if I was her doll. She then took my other hand and placed it upon the back of her head and I lost my mind... again. Her soft caressing was nearly too much, but I was able to steady myself and watch her motions. The fucking day went in a direction previously unimagined, and that despite the heaviness and sadness within which we both floated. I loved her. I just fucking loved her.

The Brunette took that night and turned it upside down.

We eventually worked our way back inside and onto the sofa. She asked if I wished to walk a while and I could not help but agree. Still shaky, but able to maintain my composure, she led me through the door and we headed down toward the ocean. Much of the walk found us quiet and brushing up against each other over and over. I could see in her eyes that she was content for the time being so I went on without word one. I honestly was still reeling from the balcony and no matter how far we strolled from the door nor the time that had passed, I could not get that series of events out of my head. Onward to the sea, with a stopover at the Horse.

And that would be the end of that.

The remainder of the night was debate, pointed words, tears and threats of suicide from each of us. She had fallen into a hole -- just as on so many past occasions -- and I followed along like the depressed and unstable soul I had become. She and I worked our way from the bar to the pier, arguing and pointing our fingers the whole distance. At one point she climbed upon the railing and told me to stay away from her. I did nothing of the sort. I pulled her from the dangerous height and held tightly as I tried to veer the walk toward home. The quiet overtook again. Her soft sobbing broke my heart entirely and I did not know what to do. My own need to free my head and soul from the world creeped in over and over and proceeded to enflame both of us until we could nearly not stand to be within earshot of one another. The whole night had gone from passionate, loving physical beauty to a sordid, drunken mess with two people hanging on for their lives. Literally.

By the time we reached the hill between the market and her home, the end was at hand. Keys, yelling, swearing, crying... closeness gone, sexual feelings erased, life threatened. We were done.

Cue 'The Brunette, Michelle, Diane, and the Goblet'. Cue indeed. What a fucking tragic and defeated story ours had become. Now the lead-up to that weeks-long saga of sex and hell is illuminated. Suck it."



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Random Quote:

"Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day,
in all the thousand small uncaring ways."
-- Stephen Vincent Benét


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