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The Raven




[06:55 pst 11/07/2017 CE, 1510066500 E]

Just as we suspected months ago, the Autosound and Laserdisc Legacy sections have been removed. The streamlining of the site content is now complete. The writing and Clodmaster updates are to be the only parts of this endeavor which will move forward.

And speaking of the Clodmaster, for whatever reason the menu system and directory are all fucked up. We cannot access the entire library of pages. Something went awry... just saying. We are amidst a new index to ease the menu-driven navigation for that section so hopefully upon deploying the content a few thins will be ironed out.

Also, the legal policies have been expanded to more fully protect both the site and the visitors. We have added a small cookie policy which was generated due to the analytics. As long as things stay on the up and up, we need not mess with any more of that type of work.

On a positive note, the rambling about the archive format being in reverse order is going to change. We are working toward flipping the entries -- by date, of course -- end for end. This will take a bit of time and will commence with the oldest first. Visitors will be able to read through the content top to bottom and then link directly to the following year. We feel this is a more natural way to guide readers and probably should have been formatted chronologically from the beginning.

Better late than never? Maybe.


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The Goddess and the Gratification

Part Two


"The Brunette strolled up to us, smiling, and said hello in her adorable way. She hugged me deeply, and I introduced her to the work of art next to me. The situation felt tense, but somehow alright. We all began to walk toward the parking shuttle -- discussing the ups and downs of Michelle and my visit to the goblet. I slowly realized that the fallout which I had feared throughout the last couple of days was not going to happen. The Brunette was more understanding of my feelings and desires, and her own role in the terrible split which took place days earlier. We agreed that the entire blowup could have and should have been avoided, and the alcohol set things ablaze. She continued to smile -- partly embarrassed due to Michelle overhearing the story -- and suddenly everything was fine. My nervousness remained, however, but I tried to keep it at bay and simply cruise along.

[As a side note, I cannot display the name of the Brunette within these writings due to her wishes. Michelle expressed to me that her name included here and elsewhere was not a problem because no one is familiar with matching her face to my entries.]

Outside the terminal, Michelle and I parted ways with the Brunette and headed for my car. During the wait and subsequent shuttle ride, she remained up against me as if I was maintaining her comfort. Every now and then I buried my face in her neck and whispered of my desire to remain attached to her physically as long as possible. She simply held me without words. Upon reaching the car, Michelle hugged me tightly and informed me that she feared being apart. I assured her that everything in my power would be put to use to see that did not take place. She kissed my cheek and slid into the seat.

The ride back to her apartment was quiet, and our hands did not separate unless I needed to shift. The closer we ventured toward our destination, the more turmoil developed within my stomach. That woman brought -- in a very short time period, of course -- a vast array of comfort, understanding, and a way of somehow knowing when we were both in need of quiet. Her eyes had already drilled holes into me and I was nowhere near ready to be away from them. I could not fathom how such a wondrous and fulfilling situation could have arisen throughout the course of days. The entire thought, when wrapped up as a whole, had become mind-boggling. And there was no escape from the fear.



085

Michelle posed in any manner I desired



Michelle's apartment felt cozy, and I again noticed the images on her living room wall. My being within her space was much more relaxed than the previous visit due to the unreal connection in the goblet. She immediately dropped her things and embraced me just as on the flight. We moved to the sofa and she snuggled her head into my neck, whispering how our meeting was a random consideration she had previously not imagined. I could not help but agree. We stayed there for half the evening and finally decided to clean up and get something to eat. Yet another shared shower felt for a few moments as if we were still in the goblet, but of course the reality of not being in that comfort slammed us upon leaving her abode.

The idea of dinner led us back to the beginning where we met. Michelle and I sat at the bar again, and this time we appeared a bit different to the staff (whom she knew due to being somewhat of a regular there). We spoke less, held hands, and enjoyed remaining close. She asked if I would spend the night with her, and naturally I needed to hold her again so I agreed. The bar was beginning to get busier and the staff doubled for the dinner hours. We stayed there at the end of the bar for a while longer and then took off once again for her home. Upon entering, she held me close with somewhat teary eyes and stated that she had become enamored with my being near her, and the thought of being apart for any decent amount of time was frightening. I felt the same, and began to process how to swing my life into the form of her constantly next to me.

Despite the calmness and comfort of our trip, the difficulties and trials of the past few months were still paying rent in my head. I tried to let go of trivialities, debates, and the like, but all of the circumstances which led me to the bar that fateful day simply would not be ignored. Every moment spent with Michelle was filled with the peaks and valleys of my sordid mind. Her warmth and understanding were often enough to push everything away, and during other times nothing could impede the damaging thought processes. I just did not know what to do, so the incredible heart next to me took priority over everything. At times I had to step back and attempt to understand just what exposed such a precious person to me. She was wonderful, and I could not get enough of her.

Back at her apartment a little while later and I was dumbfounded. Apparently all of the conversation throughout our trip had led her to understand some of my needs, and she decided to fulfill what she could. Oh boy.



256

Michelle's eyes at times expressed more feeling than I could handle



Lying up against Michelle led me to a calm I had not known for some time. Her gentle nature warmed me like nothing else, and the world seemed to melt away in the distance. She continued to show physical desire but we both still knew that anything in such a direction was not a good idea and could complicate things and possibly ruin all. During the night and under calm lighting, she modeled herself in order to allow me a bit of exploration. Differing outfits and poses passed by and I began to see Michelle as a goddess. The endless flow of her smooth skin, tapered legs, sharp shoulders, and the void between her chest and hips... she looked amazing. Her poses were each held for a length of time, and that gave me time to view her from every angle. She did not look upon me at all, but merely moved herself about -- slowly -- and let me study. As I gazed and appreciated the fact that she was open to my odd needs, I felt even closer to her. And I wanted to make her smile, constantly. I needed to make her smile, and I needed her near me.

We slept like a pretzel again.

During the night while Michelle was out, I could not avoid considering the entire world I had left behind days earlier. The Brunette was there, my things were left, and my life had been put on hold temporarily. And part of me never wished to return. The time with Michelle -- no matter where we were -- had become surreal and I desired remaining in that space forever. That was not a situation which was at all possible, of course, but I needed it nonetheless. And I was certain that Michelle felt the same. I also had to consider where to go in the coming days. I had no doubt that she would have allowed me to remain hidden away in her little space for as long as I wished, but at some point the reality of everything put on a shelf would once again illuminate and press me into a decision. As much as I wished to avoid that point in time, it would come soon enough. All I could do was pull closer to Michelle and wish it away.

So I did.

One aspect of being next to her was unexpected. I looked upon her incredible and seemingly endless beauty and the details of her face, but all of that took a back seat to what she meant to me on the inside. Yes, she was unbelievably well formed. However, she was a person first and foremost. And we had somehow connected on a level which placed all of the physicality aside.



206

Her long, slender fingers matched her height



By morning I had cleared my head a bit and knew that I needed to take care of a little business in order to keep the cash flowing. I asked the work of art next to me if she wanted to come along, and she agreed. We showered together and took to the freeway.

Along the way, Michelle began to reveal to me some of the turmoil which led her to the bar in the first place. I started to understand that she was somewhat out of balance (just as myself), and that the calming atmosphere we had found together allowed her to clear some thoughts and relax. Her situation was such that the decision to fly the coop with me created more damage within her life, rather than easing an already tough time. We had that in common, and in spades. At no time was I surprised by any of it. I had known something was wrong in there. I felt for her, and wished no more difficulty with anything. As we drove into the city, our hands found each other's often. The warmth in that simple connection cannot be overstated.

We dropped the car with a valet and took to the street in search of my financial needs and her desire for some coziness. We ended up in the shopping district where things aligned nicely. Business aside, we grabbed a seat in a quiet corner and discussed what came next. I feared being away from her, so every effort was made to keep the situation close and warm. Both of us seemed to need it so the focus became common. I again brought up my desire to consider the brunette and her delicate feelings and heart, and Michelle was more than understanding. During the entire subject of the Brunette, I sat with quite a knot within, and Michelle could sense my discomfort. And as expected, she responded with calm, kind words and a demeanor which pulled at my heart. Just a short time after seating ourselves in that restaurant I already wished to smother her with love and attention. Good god, she was amazingly sweet and kind.

A few cocktails and more conversation actually, and not surprisingly, led us nowhere. There was no easy solution to our situation, and despite all of the connected parts of us, there still remained the initial issues we both fought. There was just no getting around the fact that neither of us was in any position for a relationship. And holy fuck was that a tough truth to accept. We wanted to be together, yet the fact was we could not. That hurt. We departed the restaurant and strolled toward the water, hand in hand.



257

Alcohol led us to both joy and frustration



Gazing out over the possibility (read: water) brought me to a place of understanding and consideration. My strongest desire at that point was to see Michelle both happy and comfortable. And I meant within her life. That fact meant that at some point I would have to exit her attention and company. Such a thought was not pleasant, albeit necessary. Her proximity to me throughout the past many days had become powerful enough to bring me to a place of dreams. Yes, that type of warmth can be dangerous, and still I was having trouble choosing between destruction with warmth or departure with emotional intelligence. For fuck's sake I flip-flopped like a fish out of water. Michelle could sense my condition and felt the same. While walking, every now and then she would stop me and look at my eyes with a perception I could hardly believe. What a person and what a wondrous soul. Good god... again. Add to that her physical appearance and the resulting mix was the stuff of the obsession -- and more.

I knew what needed to happen, but at that time I felt to toss myself off a bridge would have been the easier path. I longed to be wrapped around her, both physically and emotionally, until the sun ran out of hydrogen. Fuck.

The afternoon wore on, and we ended up at yet another dim, cozy bar. That was when things went both upward as well as down. We ordered a round and Michelle spoke to my heart. She told me in no uncertain terms that she would be my subject and perform anything I wished if we could be close just once before separating. Holy shit and to the nth degree. Absorption of that statement took some time, and I informed her that I needed to think it through. I could not imagine being at such a point in our short duration together, approaching a peak, and then departing for all of eternity. Several damaging thoughts occurred to me, but one simple truth continued to come through the fog: I was feeling love for her and perhaps being within a cloud together once may be better than the rest of my life without enjoying each other's company and leaving ourselves in some sort of positive place.

How could I not embrace her wishes and my own needs? How, indeed. We decided to leave the city and make our way back to her apartment. Upon arrival, she asked if we could bathe together without words. I consented and we plunged into hot water (is that not humorous?).

Her bathroom was huge, and the freestanding soaking tub looked inviting. I remembered seeing it before the flight and marveling at its dimensions. She started the water and then opened a bottle of wine. Two glasses poured, and she again displayed some of the most beautiful lingerie I had ever seen. We sat for a few minutes and came to an understanding that this would represent the end of the heartache for both. I sat there staring into her eyes and knew that for myself the thought would be far from the truth. My suffering continues to this day.



270

There was no chance of denying her



The hot water was comforting, but nothing compared to sharing the experience with Michelle and her huge, emotional eyes. Her demeanor and warm heart took me to a place previously unknown, and only the company of the Brunette was similar. That woman had a way of telegraphing happiness and fulfillment unlike others. Michelle, on the other hand, was as a calming angel and an unending peaceful presence that I could not avoid.

We exited the tub, wine glasses in hand, and flopped onto her plush bed to cool off a bit. After a few minutes of enjoying the softness of skin resulting from the bath water, she rose and donned yet another unreal outfit. She then stood before me with eyes which said 'I am yours'. Oh my. I immediately expressed to her that I felt love for her and did not wish to change anything. She kissed me softly and told me that my choices for the afternoon had been removed. Holy crap was I floored, but my desire was such that I could not avoid pushing forward and making her my doll.

During the next couple of hours, I posed her and gazed, moved her about the room and proceeded to mentally record what I was seeing. Michelle allowed me anything... anything I wished and she continued to gaze at my eyes as if I was bringing her more enjoyment than myself. She changed outfits often, and caressed my cheeks many times. And just as the open space began to close in on my brain, we stopped to relax. Once we spoke about how nice it was to be alone, she kissed me and the world went aslant.

Never had I lived through more of a beautiful, heart-wrenching, and resplendent experience in my life. Michelle became a dream, my model, and partner during the end of a period filled with love, turmoil, and a doorway I felt I would never pass. She was beautiful beyond words, loving to a fault, and the connection between us could not adequately be described if the words were grains of sand on a beach. Jesus.

The remainder of that day and night are classified.

Carry the fuck on and wait for part three. And part three is the worst."



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Random Quote:

"Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day,
in all the thousand small uncaring ways."
-- Stephen Vincent Benét


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