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[05:53 pdt 04/01/2018 CE, 1522587180 E]

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The Passenger and the Redirect

Part Four


"With such a long layover, I continued to harm my psyche by staring and interacting with the lovely bartender. Her features were such that I could not help but gaze upon her form with my deviant appreciation and dream of bringing her to a place where I could explore fully. Thinking such things while more than a thousand miles from home and in the middle of a trip was ridiculous. Nothing could have possibly come of it. I didn't care and kept on with the occasional conversation and constant desire. She was beautiful and someone I knew fuck-all about. Gazing. Longing. Dreaming. Wanting. What the fuck was wrong with me? Abnormal, weakened, and sitting there allowing myself to let it happen. Fuck me, again. Why? God damn the desire, anyway.

My departure time was slowly approaching, and I began to think of the damned trip rather than the bartender's gorgeous midsection. I had to attempt to pull away from the images of her and the subsequent dreams they created, lest my flight be a worthless, drunken mess. No one needed to see that, least of all the staff on the plane. Prying her lovely little ass out of my head would take much effort. And her sweet personality didn't help, either. Fortunately, as I sat there longer she became busier due to the noon hour. That meant less and less attention paid to me, and helped to pull my face from her pants and wrap my head around the other destination... the one not attached to her body. As much as I needed to remain with her in view, the simple fact was that she did not know me and was better off for it. My mind had already been around the world in eighty minutes with all that had driven me to embark upon so many trips to Nevada. More of the same was unhealthy.

Jesus, she was becoming more and more gorgeous as the clock rolled. I decided to throw everything out the window and tell her some things. There was no harm in complimenting a woman, I figured, so when a few of the patrons left, I smiled. She walked over and leaned on the bar with her forearms, smiled back, and asked what I needed. Oy God... I had to avoid giving her the truth, so I quickly told her not to be alarmed, and she was one of the most beautiful and unique women I had seen in some time. Pause. Smile. Blush. She replied that it was fine, and thanked me while placing her hand adorably over her forehead. Sweetness, standing before me and looking so fucking cute that I could have died right there with no regrets. 'You're pretty damned hot yourself.'

Fuck me.

'My flight time is close, so I have to leave, and I'll be dreaming of you throughout the coming days, weeks, and months.'
'Too bad you need to leave.' Yes, very bad. She was in my head which would lead to all manner of inappropriate behavior and drunken situations. That is what I had become throughout the course of many years.

Oh boy, the fucking flight.

As I made my way out of there I glanced back a few times to see her on the elbows again, smiling, and watching me leave. Damn it all anyway. I exited the glowing bar and stepped toward the gate. Lost opportunity to connect with another soul? Whatever. To the fucking plane with haste, and that could not have been fast enough due to the fact that I already needed to drown myself. Bye bye beautiful. Hello unknowns. And that brought up the next problem -- since I became all mushy and gushy about yet another picturesque female, started to fall down that familiar slope, and felt the pressing need to snatch her, run away and have her all to myself, would I be able to pry myself away from that fucked up situation and fly the short distance from Texas to Florida without issue? Hmm. Perhaps.

Perhaps not.

Boarding? Yep... I hit on the attendant taking the Goddamned tickets, complimented the girl who was at the jetway entrance, and the one adorable number greeting passengers at the aircraft door. Why? Because I was in perpetual heat after leaving the delicious bartender and her never-ending thrall upon my vision. And the flight attendant I spoke to before finding my seat looked similar. God help me, and more importantly, her. The bartender was still deep inside me. Her features were tattooed on my brain and its diminishing faculties. Had I not sat at that place for the entire layover, I may have avoided getting so fucking flustered. All the time staring and dreaming and obsessing had become quite a trial for my damaged mind. She was so gorgeous that the effect of sitting there interacting with her for so long was like a loaded heroin syringe in my arm. Well, on to the withdrawal.



210

The bartender's ass was deep in my head, until...



I was sitting in the business class mid-way to the tail (not her tail), and that meant a screen and card slot for preordering refreshments. There it was, two bottles of whiskey and a Coke... directly. Ugh. Did I need it? Fuck no. I needed to close my eyes and reflect. In my weakened state from all of the fucking females there was little chance of sobering. I had to have it. I had to. Damn it anyway. Taxiing, position, launch, and my head was like a weedeater shredding thoughts. Every single visit by that little waddling ass, and I was at it again.

'Sweetheart, could I get a refill?'
Giggle. 'Certainly.'
'Thanks doll.' Another giggle along with a smile.

I figured what the fuck was the Goddamned difference, anyway? Would she remember me? Nope. Just another tipsy passenger with a propensity for flirting and vocalization. Even the girl next to me seemed a tad uncomfortable with my excessive drinking and comments. After a little time passed when leveling out, I calmed somewhat and began to compute a method for reconfiguring my behavior. Arriving in Pensacola without adjusting myself for the family atmosphere would have sent Traci into a tailspin of some sort. She knew me well enough to expect a wreck, but that did not provide reason to throw it at them. I had to try to get all of the shit in my head organized in such a way that would allow me to socialize with others without falling through the floor every five minutes -- especially while running into more females. Add that shit up along with my penchant for inappropriate comments and conversation, and the need to calm it all became very necessary. And the difference would not be known by others anyway.

After sitting quietly awhile and putting the antisocial aspects of myself in order, I asked artwork next to me if I had made her uncomfortable in any way, to which she smiled and shook her head.

'Don't worry about it. But you should try and drink less. It's bad for you. Cheers.'

Indeed, I would have likely nuzzled up to her and tearfully laid it all down. And then that misery? Amplified. She looked at me as if I was interesting, yet too far gone for effort. I exuded the sorrow and had been flowing along a river of sex and shit for days. Little did I know, the time sitting next to her soft beauty would turn out to be a high point of my trip, as well as the mounted beginning to yet another strange and alluring period. Yikes. I decided to throw the feelers at her and see what might develop.

'You are lovely, by the way. Just a thought.'
She smiled again, 'Well, that is nice of you to say.'
'There is more if you want to hear it.' Oops. Fuck.
'What are you doing? I heard your comments in the terminal, too.'
'I apologize for my behavior.'
'It's fine. Do I want to know why?'
'Probably not. I'm sort of a mess.'
'I can see that. Maybe less whiskey might help.'
'Maybe.'

At that point she arose from her seat and headed toward the forward restroom. I watched her walk all the way up the aisle and began to picture what she might look like uncovered. She had very tapered thighs wrapped in tight, low-rise jeans, a black silk tank and wrap, off which bounced an enormous mane of dark, wavy hair. Her gait showed off tremendous posture along with confidence in public. I could not take my sorry eyes off that walk no matter the effort. She was beautiful and mysterious, and the resulting sum was often dangerous, but I did not care. When she returned, the view of her approach and smile nearly crippled my already fragmented mind. God help me in Florida, I mused. Yes, I was a fucking head case and could not see the road ahead without a gorgeous ass blocking it. Upon her return to the seat, the beauty again spoke with me.

'I am not a therapist.'
'I wish you were, because opening up is easier when the listener is beautiful.'
'Will you please stop with my appearance?'
'Sorry.'
'Alright, you seem a genuine person and I find you interesting, ok? But this flight will land and things will go on for each of us separately. I can't have your face and eyes lingering inside me when I leave this plane and reenter my life.' Pause. Frustration.
'Your eyes are so emotional. I wish you hadn't drank so much.'
'Sorry.'
'STOP FUCKING APOLOGIZING ALL THE TIME!' And then she slid as low as humanly possible into her seat and tried to hide after seemingly addressing half the entire passenger manifest.
'Well, since we are blurting anyway, I want to dive into your pants with my mouth in the first class restroom. And nice to hear you swear for a change, loveliness.'
She giggled. 'Back off, mister sexpants.' More laughing. 'You can be so crass. But fuck it... let's drink.'
'Yes ma'am.'

And the flight improved markedly. I had no idea that she would even talk to me, let alone be someone with whom I could connect on a meaningful level. The feeling of actually finding someone like her while my soul was so vastly damaged was wonderful and warmed me from the inside. She did have a point, however. What would happen upon our arrival in Pensacola? Just then the little number bringing refreshments returned. God bless her.

'Another?'
'Please, and allow my companion to catch up as well. That makes three. And put all of it on me, my dear.'

Yep... cheers. And then more gushing with my loosened tongue.

'You're so gorgeous.'
'Stop it. If you think I am going to fuck you in the restroom on this plane you are sorely mistaken. Let's just talk, ok? I like you a lot already, and that is rare for me.'
'Alright. I will calm my attention.' Smiles all around, and after another half hour of talking, we were caressing each other's hands. And finally the bartender left my head in favor of that lovely creature sitting to my left.

The flight from Dallas to Pensacola was just under four hours, including the ridiculous stopover in Houston, which ended up giving us much time on that plane. And the more we talked, the more I began to get lost in her glowing eyes. Holding hands felt as the push up and out of both our realities, the necessity of which was growing as the clock moved forward. I longed to be completely alone with her beauty. The airport in Florida would arrive, however, and that meant I had to toss aside my need to fit in with the family in favor of crafting a plan to extend time with the lovely soul next to me, and perhaps bring us to another level. The choice was not so clear. Shoving aside my vacation plans was not something my family members would have digested smoothly. The result? Bombardment with questions and concerns, none of which I was prepared to answer. The beauty next to me occasionally squeezed my hand leading me to believe that the flight's end was not something to which she was looking forward, and that pulled the family plan out of my mind for a while. And then her head on my shoulder and the caressing of my arm. For crying out loud, how did that happen? Her loveliness was attaching itself to me and providing the warm relaxation I yearned for at the bar. Armrest up, holding me, and then she spoke, and with so much sensitivity that I was taken aback...



334

...Andrea's picturesque form was in front of me



'I had you read from the beginning. In the fucking terminal. It's all over your face, and your eyes are broadcasting the most beautiful heartfelt need. You are driving me nuts with those mushy eyes. You are so beautiful. Just fucking kiss me.' What the fuck? Oh boy, that was unexpected.
'Are you tipsy?'
'Shut up and kiss me, please. I need it. And so do you.' Er... okay. She caught me so off balance with that comment that I needed a moment to recover and center the thought. Her request (demand) sobered me and snapped me out of the calm. How did she know? What chance came by and slammed itself into me like a massive wave of fluid upon a thatch roof? Who was she? All manner of fleeting thoughts and wishes flowed through me like crap through a goose. We continued embracing, caressing, kissing, and deviating further and further from where that wondrous flight departed. The longer we were there slumped next to each other, the more natural the situation felt. I just could not help but get lost in her increasing warmth and dark eyes. She was beautiful and fascinating and clingy -- a combination I knew so very well.

Did the plane really have to land? Fuck. And was she going to be like Juliette? A million ideas swirled in my head like some sort of psychosexual cyclone and I could not calm the storm enough to find clarity. But something had to happen, and soon. In the meantime, however, I did as she wished. For the next hour we sat there and snuggled within the seats and all manner of confusion and fear began to overtake me. I did not need to find so much kindness and comfort before departing the flight and stepping away from that angel. What had happened? Why was I dropped next to her? Who in the hell was she? And how did we get to the point of overwhelming mutual need? Earlier I thought she was put off by my being so vocal, and later we were attached to one another and hanging on seemingly for dear life. The fuck? Considering my emotional condition and her gorgeous, sensitive eyes, there was no other option. I sat there clinging to her and loving it. And she responded in kind. Just a few silly comments and our meeting eyes... suddenly we were finding a place unheard of just hours before. In the beginning I saw a barrier. Later... a bridge.

Pensacola on the horizon. Ugh. I did not want to be away from her for a second. Once again, I raced to formulate a fucking plan. Our fingers were wrapped together, our eyes met closely, and the distance between was gone. I felt her head on my shoulder and every few seconds those emotional pools looked up to my face with so much desire. Not the physical type of which we gleaned, but more. There was something else. Soulful need and loving smiles. At landing the woman was fused to me -- and I to her -- as if we had been chemically welded by the very hours. We snagged our shit and slowly traipsed up the jetway, gripping hands and up against each other the entire way. Through the gate into the terminal and she immediately pulled me to the side, dropped her bag, and assertively grabbed me showing me her face with the beginning of tears.

'I don't know what the fuck this is or why, but figure out something. Now. I need more, mister sexpants.' Wait... what? Oh boy... delay meeting my cousins? Her forceful words moved me outside myself and I scrambled in ten directions at once. While still on the plane, I wanted her to stay next to me, but had no idea that her thoughts were similar.
'More?'
'More.' Um... yeah... all over it.
'Sit, miss demanding.'
'Ok, love.'

She called me love. It caused my head to become a blender. What in the blue fuck was I going to do? I wanted it too, and badly. I needed to learn what was taking place and the idea of spending additional time with her was becoming necessary, so again I raced through myself with every conceivable possibility. As she sat there with her head in those pretty hands, my mind went around and around trying to plan something effective and solid. My cousins were down one of the cavernous hallways standing near the security exit at that precise moment, and I was stopped in my tracks. I did not even know much about that woman nor was I aware of the feasibility of fleeing my family in favor of once again cozying with the beauty in that plastic chair. Looking at her was beginning to disturb me, insofar as putting me in an uncomfortable position with her request, yet the whole situation felt alright due to her draw upon me. I was still so very needy and clingy, and any woman who showed even the slightest amount of interest became a point of focus. And she was all of it and more.

I stood her up and held on to her face while speaking...
'Give me your phone number. I will call you at exactly ten o'clock tonight with an idea for us. I have no clue of what is going on here, but I feel the way you do and I need more. Phone number, ten o'clock, fucking count on it, ok? My eyes will tell you I am serious.' She stood there half crying and trembling slightly, and finally latched on to me for all she was worth. I squeezed my caring into her and felt her tears on my shirt. Holy shit, what was it? God damn did I want to see her smile. She let go and reached for pen and paper, and as soon as I knew the number was inbound, my heart swelled with happiness. She wrote, stuffed it in my shirt pocket and kissed me deeply. Salty, beautiful tears from those pools of wonder. Holding both my hands tightly...

'Ten, love. Ten. And get us somewhere, please.'
'Anything, my dear.'

I took a step back and strapped on the backpack. As I blew her a kiss, I heard something I would never forget...

'Whatever is happening, I could love you.' Jesus fucking God in Heaven. Huh? Four fucking hours and something took place that I could not begin to fathom. Whatever. I was going to follow through no matter the circumstances. Nothing on the planet had the capability of keeping me away from her. Not a Goddamned thing. Her words stopped me dead and I watched her slowly walk backward away from me. Once out of my sight, I fell a bit and became distraught. I could not see her and it hurt. A moment to compose myself and gather strength, and my next task was painful yet clear. All I had to do was stroll out and make nice with the family.

And count the fucking milliseconds. And I did not know her name. Yep. Unbelievable.



071

That fucking hair I needed to taste



Along to the exit toward a situation for which I was completely unprepared. The woman was occupying too much of my disturbed brain for me to deal with anything else, however they were expecting me and very excited, so the illusion was propped up. Inside I was more of a wreck than sitting at the DFW bar, and the outside had to hold tight to others' expectations. The trip had been my idea from the beginning and I simply could not appear any worse than was discussed prior to the flight.

I cruised through the exit half in the fucking bag and looking ever the flamboyant mess. My cousins appeared just beyond the security checkpoint, and as I approached them I could see that my appearance was not surprising. Big hugs all around, smiles, and loving words from them, and inside my head was a mixer full of alcohol, sex, curves, and all manner of inappropriate thoughts. I had to press them down in order to turn on the family-friendly section of me -- and that section had been shrinking all day long. Fuck me. Ten fucking o'clock and the phone call I anticipated like a winning lottery ticket. Waiting was not going to be easy unless I steeled myself and walked the line.

'You wear a lot of jewelry', the youngest said.
'Yes, I do.'

At that point his mother looked at me as if I was Satan walking through the fucking airport. The passenger and her heated words were not allowing me to get the flight out of my head. I needed her like fire needs oxygen. I could still smell her sweet hair and skin on my hands and see those windows into her soul through which she connected herself to me without limit. Damn it... to the family. Traci took my hand and smiled, assuring me that I would be comfortable and well cared-for while visiting. I whispered to her that I was not accustomed to being around young people and severely out of practice when it came to that type of situation. The past couple of months were damaging, to say the least, and I found it difficult to keep the words friendly and warm. Again, reassurance. She squeezed my hand and asked me to try my best. I loved her so much that I had to honor her wishes. Throughout the past weeks, we carried on a text conversation and she knew everything -- all of my difficulties. Her words were always comforting and helpful, even when I was so good at pushing back with my pointed thoughts. She was a person with whom I was completely comfortable revealing anything, no matter how bad. To see her in person? Wonderful. We walked, hand in gripping hand. On my other side was her daughter, attached to my other hand. My heart? All swelled up from that woman I already missed to the point of pain. Out of the airport, and out of my fucking mind.

The drive to my vacation destination was filled with questions, all toward me. The arduous task of answering while simultaneously calculating how to describe things in terms which were not dripping with sex or alcohol took all of me. Traci could see that I was having trouble, so she suggested that after stopping at her home we go and get a meal alone. That would allow us to speak frankly. She said there were many things which required answering and other details to be cleared up, as well as much I had to hear. Oy, God. Strong woman, to put it mildly. I bowed to her wishes as we arrived in the frigid weather. Florida's cold snap was in full swing. Yikes... I did not even bring a jacket. The cold, dry air reminded me of Michigan years earlier, which was before the massive obsession began to develop, and my senses had not been so severely affected by visions and dreams of the female form. Life moved along in a typical fashion with work and play. I was in a relationship with a woman who understood my simplistic issues and provided all that I needed during that period. She was beautiful, kind, and intelligent. Arriving at Traci's house saw me focusing upon the hellish present and the many differences since that short life in the Midwest. Just another hash mark, and something which will likely be explored later.

Into the warm house and to the bedroom. A few moments of reflection on what became the strangest day in memory. The passenger was waiting for ten, just as me. I would be calling with a million thoughts running through me and hands shaking. But there was still time to wait. I dropped my backpack and returned to the sofa to relax. Immediately next to me were both young ones, all hugs and attention. I loved it to no end, but still inside me was the storm of the century. We all spoke about my work -- which was pretty exciting to everyone -- my recent breakup, and the weather there versus California. They were so very sweet toward me and all of it allowed me to take a much-needed break from my world. It was still in there, of course, but at least I was able to swing it out of the way and enjoy their company. I felt like some sort of honored guest.

Soon Traci's significant other arrived home and introduced himself. Very nice man, and he seemed a good match to her. Within minutes of making small talk she grabbed her keys and my hand and said it was business time. Out the door to a restaurant, where she nearly attacked me with very pointed questions and eyes on fire. She had been worried out of her head for a long while. Sitting there with me was her first opportunity to vent in my direction, and she accomplished that in spades. Traci calmed a bit after a while and allowed me to think. And then came the tears. Damn it. I had known that seeing me in person was going to be a tough one after all of the electronic conversing, but Jesus she was upset with me. Her pretty eyes were absolutely throwing love at me without limit. At that point, it was time for me to comfort her and offer reassurance that I would be fine. The entire meal was like an emotional rollercoaster from hell, but eventually calmed enough for us to reach a loving understanding.

Little did she realize, but that calm would soon be broken by yours truly.

Finished with dinner and our roiling words, we went back to her home and spent the evening with the kids in front of the television. The whole picture was quite alien to me due to my preponderance for adult atmosphere and all that goes with it. And I mean EVERYTHING, for fuck's sake. High-priced call girls, lots of alcohol, a mass of endless drunken and reckless behavior, deviant sexual escapades, women with bourbon flowing all over their asses, breasts and labia, and there in the middle... yours truly slurping all of it like a champion. Tens of thousands of dollars thrown to the wind in order to make any and all dreams (needs) a reality. The time spent gazing at and experiencing those picturesque women in all manner of positions along with every conceivable configuration added up to the negative space I began to inhabit combined with the diametric opposite of what I should have been attempting in order to survive. Rather than focus upon productive and positive aspects of everyday life, I chose to dive into the chaotic evil pool of my lowest common denominator. Without restrictions, I became a product of the deep, the obsessed, and the Godless circles of which others have the good sense to avoid. All of the wreckage to myself and others was placed above the abilities which came naturally -- science, engineering, and any number of disciplines which had the ability to push me upward and into the realm of the successful. I happily shoved everything aside for the illusion, the need, and the fucking obsession which was pressing me down into a hole, and I enjoyed every Goddamned second of it. Every. Fucking. Second. The drive, the unending desire which became my place in the world. I could not cease pushing myself toward and into the drunken desideration.

Whew.



333

Tender eyes and heart



Regardless of my fucked-up head, the night was as peaceful as was possible, and I felt adored. I made my love and appreciation very clear. And I really did not want to tell Traci that I had to meet someone soon. The trip plan was a full week. I simply informed her about an important call and continued calculating anything which would bring me back to those eyes and allow us the space which became paramount. If that meant running away, so be it. Being the flight-risk alcoholic and attention-fiending mess of the family, my disappearing without notice was not off the mark. It was a hell of an idea, but not alone. I was worried anyway.

And I had no form of transportation. Nice.

As the hour of that phone call approached, I decided to be alone and mentally prepare for something of which I was unsure. Would she remember? Would she answer? Was her desire just as strong as mine? Too much uncertainty forced me to compose myself and not let loose the worry through my eyes. My mind was having trouble processing even the simplest thought or contact from the others. The best thing was to be hidden away just in case things went south. At exactly nine fifty five, I strolled into the bedroom and snatched my phone off the charger while ripping the lovely note from my pocket. I dialed... no answer. Hmm. Five minutes and I dialed again. Immediate answer.

'Love?'
'Yes.'
'Oh God I miss you.'
'I've missed you like nothing else.'
'Plan?'
'Wednesday, noon. Pensacola Airport, Virgin ticket counter. Pack light.'
'Yes, I will be there, love. I will. Thank you for taking care of us.'
'Anything, my dear. See you soon. Kisses.'
'Ok, love. Kisses back. Wednesday.'

Click.

Fuck. Really? Her voice was small and emotional and as soon as I heard her address me my heart spun in circles. Her voice was tiny and absolutely broke my heart. I had to snatch that girl up and find her much comfort. As fucked up and needy as I could be, the poor thing sounded worse. Why? Was she in some sort of trouble? Would I be screwing myself by getting involved? Ugh, but my drive was strong, and historically I had been an expert at hiding myself, seeking unavailability, and harshly leaving people and issues in my severe wake. Running away was a natural instinct, and my vast experience, knowledge, and flair for locating isolation and warmth could take care of us. Er... mostly her. I just had to hold her. Those teary eyes took me and solidified my intention to follow through with the run. All of the wonderful feelings from the flight were going to come back, and in less than two days. Time to plan, and time to sleep. I needed to get the urgency and desperation the fuck out of me so I could relax. The contact was made and she agreed, which meant that I should have been able to calm myself and cease the hypertension. Throughout the next few hours, I did just that. A little more television with the kiddies and a few cold beers helped greatly. No one had any idea that I would be flying the coop in less than two days, so I needed to drown a bit and remain stable enough to get the changes in motion. Considering all of the flying around and covert trips between California, Indiana, Ohio, and Nevada, I had become the champion of quick thinking and getting things to align to my needs, no matter the circumstances nor cost. It was going to happen, and soon. The thought of attaching myself to her for hours, days, whatever, was fantastic and something to which I looked forward more than anything. I fucking needed it but still did not know why.

When I finally plopped into bed, my mind had gone through all permeations of what had been happening at lightning speed. The time to relax and think was plentiful, but things would not slow. The excitement was far too much for me to just remain at a slow pace. I kept my belongings organized and close at hand, just in case I had to run, although there was little chance of anything changing in the short term. The knowing was the key, and that kept the sharpness at the forefront. Planning, reasoning, yearning, and dreaming all rolled into one and stuffed into my head like a Thanksgiving turkey. I could see her face, feel her hands, taste her skin and tears, and hear her voice while I lay there trying to breathe. Still, and no matter how much desire compounded within my head and heart throughout all of the time, I did not entertain any clear understanding. We arrived at a place we both found warm and wonderful. But why? How? Was it one of those terms again? Fate? Something else? Hmm... a few more minutes of that and I decided to throw all of it aside and point my attention to the pleasant warmth and solace we gave to each other during that flight.

The morning arrived and I awakened to the sounds of the family. I arose and showered, all the while dreaming of the woman with no name. I felt more than the previous night due to the passage of time and the amount I missed her soft eyes being in view. A bit of coffee and a bowl of cereal later, and Traci informed me that her daughter had an appointment downtown with her doctor. I was invited to come along and agreed. Everyone took care of a few things at home before heading out into the cold. Yes... cold. Something the lovely passenger had the ability to mitigate upon sight. Why? Who the fuck could know. It was one of those strange situations which seemed inexplicable but I didn't care, still. I just wanted her close to me and the two of us alone for once. Then, perhaps, things might clear up. She was wonderful. And she commanded my thoughts as the three of us made our way across town to the medical offices.



074

The heroin was inside her thong



I was held and hugged much during our wait. That brought me a sense of inclusion and more of the realization that I was loved and cared for more than I was expecting. During the period after the fucking fork, my mind nearly constantly went into the direction of feeling like the outcast, the black sheep, the whatever. Others said nothing of the sort, but I felt like the outsider almost completely. Every affair which brought the other family members together appeared as something for which I required an entry ticket. I just seemed to remain on the fringe of life all the time... the edge, and at a time when everyone else pushed to be close-knit. I just did not feel comfortable opening myself up or being questioned about anything. So, I avoided much of it and missed out on the entire other half. Sitting with my cousins in the waiting area was quite the opposite. It was wonderful. I was being included, and that after years of my bullshit.

After some conversation and the doctor informing us that she required testing that very day, Traci told me that I did not need to wait with them. I disagreed, but expressed my desire to head across the parking lot for a beer. Ok. I dashed. Naturally, my intention was to sit with the smartphone and take care of a little airline business for the next day. The woman in question was counting on me to get us to a place where we could enjoy some time, and there was no way I would let her down. Sitting there at the little cantina with a cold beer was very enjoyable and reminded me of my near constant autonomy at home. I was always very headstrong and required my own way of doing things no matter who tried to sway me. The cantina brought me part way back to my previous situation. And the thoughts of the passenger (what the fuck was her name?) wrapped around me on another plane was narrowing my vision to the required path and sharpening my ability to think on my feet. I called the airline and changed my flight from Sunday all the way up to Wednesday late afternoon, and amended the destination to guess-where. I did not know of another place where she and I could sink into the mire and be invisible, yet comfortable enough for exploration of whatever the fuck happened between us.

She had me read from the beginning? In the terminal at DFW? From a distance? Really? Fuck me, but when she told me such a thing I was so intrigued that I nearly faltered.

Once my itinerary was altered for the new trip, I informed the voice that I was bringing a guest to the ticketing agent but had no more information on her until arriving at the airport. The voice said a guest was not uncommon, and told me to ensure she was there with me and holding all of the required crap for booking. Yes. Step one -- and the biggest part of the whole change in plans -- was complete. Out came the fucking card and fees were covered.

Upon leaving when business had been secured, Traci suggested that we slide into a nearby seafood restaurant for a nice lunch together. She had the day off and wished to spend time with me while I was visiting. Unfortunately, I was about to lop five days off the tail of the trip and run west with the angel. As we seated, I decided to drink a little in preparation of disappointing the family, to which Traci did not react badly. Then I lowered the boom that I had to meet someone the next day and care for her. Nothing bad happened, just some head shaking and rolling eyes. No big deal. It was a simple change in plans. When I was pressed for who the individual was and the destination? Forget it. Nope. No answer. That girl had to remain a mystery until such time as I could collate everything and work out some details. Other than the rub of revealing that I was leaving for the airport on the following day, lunch was nice.

My cousin rolled us back toward her home, and along the roadways my mind floated outside any small talk within the car. The woman in question was pulling me so dramatically that the simplest thought process became a trial. I just could not get her eyes and form out of my head, not to mention the sudden warmth and emotional attraction we shared after very little time next to each other. Her little ass flew into my brain, as well. Considering the type of personality I was carrying, the thoughts of taking her by storm turned themselves on and off, of course making the family time an exercise in restraint when it came to conversation. That body needed to be my playground, and the eyes my world.

Back at the house. I spent the afternoon and early evening visiting with everyone and enjoying the coziness of family. After some time I was able to file away the upcoming adventure and traveling partner in order to avoid appearing unstable or preoccupied. I was pressed for the second time as to why the shortened trip was taking place, to which I responded that the change would not have happened if it was not absolutely necessary. I am fairly certain that Traci knew full well what I was running from and toward, but fuck it anyway. The drug was displayed to me, and once that occurred there was no sidestepping the syringe puncturing my vein. Dinner was pizza and salad combined with more television and relaxation on the couch. I said my goodnights, firmed up the time we were to leave for the airport, and hugged everyone. To the bedroom, and the continued wait which had been eased after speaking with her briefly.

In the morning I awakened with enough nervous anticipation to restrict any normal thought. Off and on during the night I stirred in the warm bed due to excitement over meeting the angel once again, combined with concern for all of it. And each time I considered what had taken place since walking away from the airport bartender just two days prior, my mind became a snowstorm of confusion combined with strong wishes to be next to her once again. I could hardly contain myself during the light breakfast. Thoughts of those beautiful eyes and the peace they injected into my bruised heart were subverting any rationality. I still had little chance of making sense of our clasping onto each other because the very idea of that kind of need in such a short period of time just did not compute within me. No matter, though, as that ship had sailed and her powerful draw upon me was most decidedly in control. I was locked into the plan to cut my visit short in order to further whatever she and I were striving toward and my hope of learning more. Just a few hours and that girl would be next to me. What a wonderful thought. I still did not comprehend the entirety of us becoming glued together on the previous flight, but was going to fucking make it happen anyway. And the destination was as obvious as my rampant depressive state. The two of us would effectively disappear until such time as we could wrap our heads around the need and begin to function with it. Plus, I wanted to know her heart inside and out. All of her difficulty on the plane and in the terminal came from somewhere, and her soft, beautiful eyes were asking for attention. I had to know, and I had to help.

The remainder of that morning was spent with family -- comfortable, yet anxious. I had trouble avoiding watching the time as thoughts of the passenger were almost constantly at the head of the line.

Traci dropped me in front of the departures door and I could barely contain the nervousness. Somewhere in that terminal was a person who went from a fellow passenger to much more, and my anticipation was at its peak. I said my goodbyes and trotted through the doors. To my right was the Virgin counter... very few people there. Time? Ten minutes to twelve. Chair. Waiting. Twelve plus ten. Hmm. I strolled around a little and visited the restroom. Exited there and slowly back toward Virgin. And then I felt my backpack being removed quickly from the one shoulder from which it was hanging, and the angel jumped on me from behind, wrapped her long legs around me, and held on for all she was worth. Oh God yes... she was there. The possibilities flashed through my mind for a split second when she dropped off, spun me around, and planted her lips to mine. Big smile and...



034

Shower after shower



'Hello again, love.'

Puddle. She looked so beautiful and her wavy hair was everywhere. I loved it. Finally, we could be off on our own with no time or space restrictions whatsoever. And she called me love again which drove me nuts. Holy shit, grab the fucking boarding passes and get it started. Please.

'You're here!'
'Only place I want to be. Right next to you.' Fucking bliss to no end. We headed to the counter and secured the flight. Once again that loveliness was attached to me tightly. Through security and toward the gate. The only time she let go of my hand was for TSA. Otherwise she was up against me, nice and warm. Her outfit looked dynamite as ever. Heels, soft jeans, blouse and leather jacket... all black. My God, what a sight.

'How much time, love?'
'Two hours until boarding.'
'Coffee?'
'Yes.'

We took to the terminal and located a nice bistro. I pulled a chair for the angel and she sat me down, dropping her little ass on my lap. Oh boy. With her arms around me, we ordered. And then she rested her head on my shoulder and whispered, 'I'm Andrea, and I am so happy to be here right now that my heart is skipping beats.'
'I'm Rick, and ditto, my dear.'
'Nice to meet you, love.' All smiles. Jesus was the situation ideal at that moment. Being next to her again brought me the comfort I so badly needed and I didn't even know why. But that angel was on my lap and the universe was nearing perfection. The smile? Holy blue fuck. We sat there a while and talked of Vegas and the enormous freedom we were enjoying. She eventually moved to a chair but at no time would she let go of me. Awesome. A short time later awaiting first class boarding, I was standing behind and up against her with my arms tightly wrapped... and the scent of her hair lifting me into high orbit. I could not believe the gorgeous void around which I was wrapped. I asked to run my hands over her tummy... 'Anything you wish, love. Any fucking thing.' Oh God help me. My mind was awash.

The flight back to Dallas was short with no stopover. Andrea and I boarded and sank comfortably into the big seats. Once there, she whispered to me... 'No booze, ok? Let's remain clear until our destination.'
'Ok my dear. Whatever you wish.'
'Thank you, love.' I would have honored any request from that sweet voice. Again she held on tight. The feeling of knowing we would soon be away from any responsibilities and in a place where the choices were all ours was allowing me to relax more than the flight east. That leg was open-ended -- something I was accustomed to -- which meant we were outside the lines of the norm. Comfort and calm, as long as we needed or wanted. On the far end? Nothing, but I cared not. My focus was close. Five minutes in front of us, locked, and sharp.

'Are we staying long?'
'I was thinking of starting with three nights.'
'Ok, love.' And then wrapped around me again. 'As long as I can touch you and see your eyes.'
'Absolutely.' Jesus God, Andrea was so comforting. I had little idea what was still to come, but the certainty was we could remain undisturbed and as content as was necessary. And as much as I yearned to dive into her warm skin, other aspects of our togetherness took priority. Her intentions were still unknown.

We arrived at DFW and headed for our connection. A glance toward that bar where the beauty worked told me she was elsewhere. Good. I needed exactly zero complications. Andrea clung to me continuously and I made her aware of how much I appreciated being close. Every now and then I received a peck on the cheek and a squeeze of my hand. Goodness, she was so affectionate. Our destination was looking increasingly advantageous and infinitely more necessary as we walked. The next gate was a short delay and then another pair of big first class seats. Armrest up, and we became one again.

'No more mister sexpants?'
'You took me away from that with your loving manner.' And then the puppy eyes appeared. Uh oh. She began to look at me playfully...
'I will show you what you mean to me.' Still, no clear answers and very little reason, but I figured we had tons of time ahead for anything. The flight went by and was on a higher level than our trip to Florida due to more familiarity with each other. From the beginning of descent until the aircraft hit the gate, Andrea remained against me with her head on my shoulder. She was like the extra appendage I always wanted. Every few minutes she would take my face in one hand, kiss me gently, and whisper, 'Thank you, love,' which proceeded to melt me at each syllable. Her hands were like silk on my skin. And I was a puddle. We left the plane and headed straight for the taxis. I poured the angel into a cab and climbed in next to her. She again held me and tossed one leg over mine. Nice and cozy, every time. I asked the driver to drop us at the Venetian, and a short ride later we entered that palace of a hotel. At registration, Andrea stepped away to the restroom and I watched her thighs sway and listened to the heels of those half-boots clicking on the polished tile. My mind went all the way to Jupiter and back in the space of seconds. I looked up to the woman checking us in, shook my head, and she smiled in return.

'I may not survive this stay.' Heh.
'You'll be fine sir. You're in Las Vegas.' Yeah... um... ok. Opposite thinking there, sweetie. In no way did I begin to fathom what was on the horizon, and the whole of the trip was exciting regardless of the piling questions and unknowns. I adored her to a great extent and loved the feeling of being close.

And to my left, walking back toward me with all haste, was that angel of a woman. She was smiling, looking excited and happy. Her dark eyes were burning right through my being. Her arms were outstretched and reaching for me. She pressed herself against me, kissed my neck, and spoke in that heavenly whisper...

'Finally, we are where we need to be. Fasten your seat belt, love.'

Deep breath.



189

Tone, curve, disparity... every fucking thing



We took off for the big room, anticipating every step of the way. I felt like a crazy person for running away with Andrea so quickly and after only hours together. The feeling was somewhat natural, though, and she seemed to be relaxed. The angel took everything in stride from the origin of the trip to the flight and destination. The unknowns were still present, but time in abundance helped to keep them in the background with open space to explore whenever we wished. Through the door. Andrea grabbed me and showered the kisses before running to the window, excited and smiling all the while. 'I have never been here.' She looked like a kid on Christmas and I could not wait to gallivant around the strip and show her the finer points. I flopped onto the bed and tried to calm myself. She climbed aboard and thanked me profusely for getting her the hell out of Florida. And that brought up a worry... did she live in Florida? Texas? Elsewhere? Was her departure due to a relationship going south? Could she have been running away from something more difficult? The simplest of everyday small talk had eluded us in favor of getting out and away, and the lack of the same seemed very odd, but again, lots of time. We just needed to slow the pace and relax in the resort's array of amenities. Her hair was driving me crazy along with those big, bright eyes. They were showing happiness since our meeting in Pensacola. God damn, she was so beautiful and we were alone. Yes. Gazing at her took me away from any concern.

We freshened a bit, hugged much more, and went downstairs in search of a cozy bar. Upon sitting, the conversation began as if we had known each other for years. Andrea looked right through me the entire time and stated that when she saw me in that first terminal in Dallas, my eyes laid it all out to her sensitive heart. I could not disagree due to my inability in hiding the vast amounts of inner turmoil. Years of emotional difficulty wore on me, and covering my condition took its toll. Her first instinct was to approach me and ask about my well-being, however there was something keeping her at a distance. My demeanor.

'You looked so defeated, as if your plan was to jump from the plane, and I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. I was dying to learn and help, though. And then we were seated so close... well, it was a matter of time and an icebreaker. And then I had to have you all to myself and away from everyone. I want and need you, love. I fucking need you and this time together so badly.'

'You have me.' Tears.

Jaysus, was she a psychiatrist? Or a clairvoyant? Fuck me, I really had no intention of opening up to anyone else. To the angel? I was prepared to spill it. Anything she asked. Any fucking thing. So I poured it to her and left no detail omitted. She soaked it up with teary eyes, squeezing my hands during the entire story. 'We have time, love,' Andrea went on. 'We can help each other. And if you turn into mister sexpants again, just jump me. Please. I want it as much as you. We can do anything you wish. I am all yours, if you are willing to be all mine.'

The planet stopped its rotation for a second while I tried to absorb her words.

'I am yours, you fucking angel.' Smile. Andrea climbed her thin self up and straddled me. With my hands upon her little waist, she kissed me all over until the bartender calmly and kindly asked that we get a room. Ha! In Vegas? The fucking barstool could be the room. We honored the bartender's request and cooled the physicality, however Andrea would not cease her touch. No matter where we were she would figure out a way to be physically attached. I loved it. We stayed there along while and she stood between my knees facing away, again allowing my hands to wander all over her waist and tummy. She had absolutely nothing between her chest and the top of her jeans. Nothing. It was a wonderland of flat and smooth. Her breasts defied that void and were prominently pushing forth above. The shape drove me out of my fucking mind. She turned toward me and gave the bartender a look as if to say that we would behave. My instinct was to slide up to her gorgeous globes and fondle. I glanced at the cleavage in front of my face, brought my eyes back up to hers, and she whispered, 'Go ahead, love.' Fuck me, I could not in that public place. Then the laughing as she knew what I was thinking. Too shy to display that type of behavior in the casino. And as much as I desired seeing all her glorious golden skin without restriction, we needed to carry on with the slow pace and seek comfort to talk with each other. Everything was new, so I cooled off as we left the bar.

Hand in hand we strolled around the big resort for a while. My mind was awash with thoughts of love, sex, and worry. I could not help but remain aware of the fact that I knew very little about Andrea, and despite her becoming a very beautiful dream there were still so many stones unturned. She seemed genuine and her eyes were soft as if she was hiding nothing. Each trusted the other. I told myself that she needed to have any answers she requested. The beginning was wonderful and I wanted to ensure it continued. I also wanted and needed to take her body like a savage. Unfortunately, ravishing Andrea to the stars and back had to wait until we were content with the level of ironing done on the linens we both carried inside. Maybe. But she was incredibly affectionate and that made the delay arduous.

'I want to live in your eyes.'
'You can, love. You can have all of me.' Smooch. Fuck. Damn.

Andrea... entering my heart."



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"Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day,
in all the thousand small uncaring ways."
-- Stephen Vincent Benét


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