[02/22/2015 16:04 pst]

The newest push forward will be the incorporation of the long dead blogs from the MS days. The section will require a tremendous amount of time to fabricate and populate but we feel the need will be served nicely. Those days were the catalyst which proceeded to stir many of the staff members from Obsidian Wraith as well as Fimbulvinter and bring them here to work for this maniac. The blogs will eventually be indexed into the Writings section and will likely be archived back to front just as these updates. Some are disturbing, so be mentally prepared.

In other matters, site business is very slow, as usual. The numbers are just not rising as we had hoped. The analytics show everything we need but the bounce is still quite high despite recent promotion efforts. We will continue to strive no matter the circumstances.

We do have word from on high that the trailer design section is too difficult with which to work at this point. Admin has expressed his concern over dredging up old feelings related to that project so we have put it aside. Sad, but necessary.

The Fall

 read ( words)

"...And we are not referring to the fourth season. Not by a damned sight. Fuck that. We are mired like never before and the feeling is both enthralling and eluding. Recent hells have placed us within the darkest of thoughts as well as the darkest of beauty. We cannot remain here nor can we move. The rope, the air, the fucking delusional behavior... Nothing pulls us from the inevitable fall which now dominates. The lover of so many years upon which we have placed our feelings, dreams, fears, and fucking negative behaviors has not left us. She is here... In hand... In mouth... In liver... In heart. She lifts and she presses. She loves us and she hates us like nothing else. She pulls us up to her mighty shoulders and then slams us into the ground with force unknown. She is in decided command and we are helpless. She fucking kills us every Goddamned time. We have been deathly sentenced by her and we remain willing to dwell in the black for all fucking time. Along with the fucking dark beauty, we mix. We combine the lover and the beauty. We add depression, longing, need, instability, recklessness, restlessness, fear, self-loathing, desperation and a dash of suicidal thought and the resulting cocktail is our home. The cocktail that is our life. We will stay within the black because as we love and hate it we are safe in the fucking knowledge that this place was designed and fabricated specifically for us.

By us.

And there may be a bit of Her in there, too.


So we sit here and wonder... Not the 'why' and not the 'how', but the 'why not' and the 'how otherwise'. We know it all too well, this feeling. We have lived and died by it. We have slept with it and drank it. We have forced it into our bloodstream with all conviction. We are here to stay. Though the past has shown us (albeit temporarily) the light of hopeful thought and wide-eyed (blind) vision, we know better. Destiny? Nope. Fate? Nope. Such things are for the others and we have stated and railed about that for years (so did Reiko). No, our devices and desires have placed us among the black. Jesus himself could fly down here fresh off the cross and we would state the same.

Moses said 'If you will not live by the law, then die by the law'. The cocktail of life is our law. It dictates EVERYTHING.

We obey.

We will die anyway, but at least we understand the reason."


Many blue and green moons ago Reiko wrote a blog for MS which was entitled 'The Hopes and the Beauty'. Soon after, another one of her wondrous and disturbed entries popped up on MS... 'The Yachts and the People'. These were both run past us before being placed in the global eyes, but still there was no reason. Her mind is as ours... Damaged and deviant. The first blog relates closely to The Rope above as it uses 'beauty' to represent a person, not simply an adjective. Reiko's use of that term repeated throughout hundreds of essays, short stories, and her infamous one-line summaries of society. [As an aside, we already know to whom she referred. She is a strict lesbian and could only have been describing a female, and we know precisely who that person was.] Anyway, the term has resounded in our minds for years thanks to her formidable wordsmithing. To use it here (with her permission, of course) is a sign of respect and appreciation. Reiko employed 'beauty' as well as 'her' quite often and with staggering results as to the direction of her writings.

The second entry mentioned above used the term 'people' to refer to the whole of society -- both past and present. She had a talent for using generalization from a unique standpoint which, as of this date, remains unparalleled in our hearts and minds. When we toss that term into a blog or essay, the power she wielded is simply not present. We try. We fail. She listens. Yikes. Still, the ideas and expressions produced by her pen have had a hand in pressing us into quite the similar mold. Of course, we formulate our own lines but the fact remains that she has been the largest single influence upon our phrasing.

The idea of us bringing Reiko's body of work into this realm is for no good reason other than to give her the respect she so richly deserves. The time period of her fantastic creativity (roughly 2008-2010) was short lived. As was her sanity.

reiko 1997

We will not turn this into some sort of twisted requiem for her, but every now and then we must tip our distorted and drunken heads to her and say hello. She is so worth it. She drove us into her heart and into the ground like no other influence on earth. Eventually, her words will be here alongside ours. We have had a short conversation with her (in a fucking bar, of course. She dwells nowhere else.) and the conclusion is that she appreciates the connection to us and feels diminished by the power of the site. We feel equally smalled.

So be it.