Sin Part Eleven Mature content No. 67 Published August 11th, 2018 1:28pm pdt read ( words) Past entries "Nope. Not a fucking thing. Snuggling with Ashley and her vast cuteness felt therapeutic on more than one level. She knew of my turmoil after the massive inquisition with Lanie, and I felt comforted enough with her to open myself completely. We laid there quietly a long while before I began to stir looking at her legs folded within mine. The feeling of her body against me was overwhelming my thoughts and pushed me to touch her again. When I did, Ashley addressed me while staring. 'You ok?' Adorable eyes looking at me. So cute. Jesus, what was I doing? Drowning into that young thing? Yep... I could not move away from her no matter the circumstances. She was so fucking beautiful. 'More or less.' Ashley relaxed and stayed wrapped around me. My mind went through all permutations of the Juliette time, Lanie's interest in analyzing and helping me, and my subsequent attachment to the girl with the cigarette tray. I was unable to understand the development of Ashley's interest in me, but went with it anyway due to me turning into a black hole without that gorgeous and sensitive dream welded to my hip. By that point in the trip, I was completely unable to function on my own, and badly needed someone else to prop me and provide affection for staying afloat and distracted from all of the bad decisions and mistakes which continued to affect my emotional stability. Ashley came along with that sweet face, big heart, and those long legs and absolutely glued herself to me. She reminded me of how Juliette clung for long periods of time with her head on my chest and in silence, simply enjoying being together. Ashley was very affectionate and seemed to sense my mood and needs without asking. For being so young, the girl was very insightful. We stayed there a long time in each other's arms, mostly quiet. I had been trying to relax my mind and collate the changes throughout those first days without the dream, neither of which was easy nor what I wished to do. Even with that young beauty slathering me with caring attention, I could barely rise. She knew it, and my mood pushed her to keep us comfortable. Ashley was the sweetest girl for being with me in the first place. More time passed with few words, yet our fingers did not stop. She looked up at me off and on, eventually melting me into an emotional pile of mush. I wept into her chest, and drifted off. Some hours later I awakened in the bed, no clothes, and with the gorgeous Ashley next to me. Again I faltered -- despite all of the exposed skin and the fact that I could have had anything I desired -- and pressed myself to her chest to cry. There were no answers, nor much sense to any of it. Sleep again. Morning. Darkness. Skin. Ashley smiled and greeted the day by stretching, and whatever had been calculated in my tired mind disappeared. Her height lent to such a model-like appearance, and when she lifted those long arms to stretch, her breasts looked up and inward, grinding my available brain cells into a pulp. Her feet together, that lovely drug staring, and me drooling. Ashley came to me grinning with eyes afire. 'Shower.' 'Ok.' I stared at her little ass like it was a plate of food as we entered the bathroom which had been a haven for Juliette and me. Thoughts of the dream began to float as Ashley brushed her teeth. I stood and gazed at the tile which a couple of days earlier had the dream leaning and leering at me as if I was breakfast. Oy, God. I missed her so much. Ashley saw it in my eyes again and stayed quiet while pulling me into the hot water. We soaped without words and exited. No sex in my head at all, but looking upon her beauty was unavoidable. Her eyes showed a caring softness and none of the pouncing-cat appearance of that first night in her home. We dressed nicely, hugged a bit, and left the high floor for something to eat. Naturally, Ashley strolled in heels, leaving me looking short again. The girl was stunning in every way, and that all-too-familiar disbelief was stirring. The lovely smooth draw of life Across and into the castle for coffee where we sat and discussed everything. Ashley was not necessarily pushing me to go home, but I could sense she wanted me to stabilize to avoid worsening my depressed condition and need to drown. I sat and listened while gazing dreamily into her bright eyes. The conversation was quite different than during the past few days. Ashley had a view of life born from joy and happiness which felt nice for a change. While Lanie was very clinical, Ashley seemed more relaxed, and I found myself comforted by her calm manner. Still the sexual desire was at bay, though she looked delicious perched on the chair with elbows on our table and her narrow back arched as if to invite me in. My head drifted into her pants from time to time, however my heart was damaged and the need for physical attention had been pushed back quite a bit. Ashley sensed all of my issues and kept me sedated with her beautifully caring eyes. Coffee came and went, sending the beauty to request moving back to the pyramid to lie down and speak more. No problem. We strolled holding hands and up the big inclinator. Along the ride she stared at my eyes as again the memories swirled. I could not avoid dropping a bit, prompting Ashley to grab hold. Her support was warm and welcoming. I began to wonder of her needs and desire. As the car slowly arrived, Ashley took my hand and stepped with purpose toward the room. Walking behind her was a trying activity due to her long legs, but the view of that little ass helped to pull my head from the din. Into the room, she spun the lock and kissed me passionately yet again. All of the bad things went away as I felt the need once more. Ashley pulled me to the sofa and made a show of undressing herself to the blue lingerie. My head was awash with her sex, helping to extract Juliette from my brain and inject Ashley's tenderness, causing her to express joy at my desire. Her lovely eyes lit up and the cutest smile took over that face of smoldering hot beauty. She knew of my addiction and let it fly. Lips and tongue, hands and legs, everything. The past disappeared as I dove into her for all I was worth. Ashley's vocal utterances drew me like nothing else. God help me for the sin of ravaging that young girl -- not even half my fucking age. I swallowed her regardless, and she fell into a half-eyelid state soaking me up. Knee-buckling passion, all shivers and moaning. Sin... long and short of it. 'Keep me by your side, old man.' 'Okay.' My phone announced multiple messages and a call as we laid on the floor in a pool of warmth and softness. Ashley sat up on my chest and informed me that my decision not to see the other two women was no longer mine to make. She told me that I had become her possession for the remainder of the trip. Wow. Yes ma'am. I said nothing due to her face telling me that her statement was not a request. All I could do was gaze at her with approval. What else was there? I needed the closeness and calm like never before. Ashley stood and handed me the annoying device, after which we showered again with the idea of food becoming important. I saw that the contact was from both Lori and Lanie, the latter being a simple message wishing me well. Lori still wanted to meet, so I replied that my time was no longer under my control and I would be in touch. Out the door and to the casino. I watched her thin pants move, and enjoyed every second of it. Her ass was a universe all its own. Jesus, did I ever feel like I would be called to hell at any second. The combination of my endless carnal desire and her fucking age were almost enough to force me away. Almost, but not quite. Heh. We took off for the main entrance and into a taxi north. The Forum and its mass of restaurants called to us, and we rested ourselves at the big, comfortable Cheesecake Factory bar. Two drinks into the conversation led us to an understanding that after a few days Ashley would return home and she pleaded with me to do the same. I did not like it, but the reality of our vastly different lives dictated not trying to run anymore. As I watched her speak to me, I began to feel that running from Vegas as quickly as I had run from home was the only real decision. Honestly, I would have honored anything she requested after being taken by such cute and loving eyes. We spoke further of the reasoning behind my dashing away from life, leaving me defeated when including Lanie and her onslaught of sense. A plan formed for two more nights in my room and then parting ways. Ashley was sweeter than I thought possible, and so fucking cute that any further time was acceptable. I still felt clingy, needy, worn the fuck out, and depressed beyond belief, but knew that things had to change. I did not wish to be alone at all. Ashley knew as much, promising to stay attached. My only charge was to actually get in the car and drive home. Ugh. Her eyes did not pull away from mine until she felt as if the words were absorbed. She also saw the sadness which I could not avoid. 'I know, my dear... but you have to live.' 'Yeah.' The more I gazed at Ashley's cuteness, the more I wished to not be away from her at all. Finding comfort and solace within the arms of a receptive female was not something I felt could be changed. The lift had been way too much. Juliette provided so much joy and contentment -- often with nothing more than holding my hand -- that the loss was tremendous. And then my inability to cope was removed by the sweetheart with that tray of cigarettes. Ashley filled the space left by Juliette, and upon parting I knew the space would open once again. I was but half a person. Bad? Yep. Would it continue regardless of others trying to teach and help? Yep. Would I keep searching? Fuck yes. In the meantime, my intention was to wrap myself in Ashley's lovely warmth. After a decent amount of time at the bar, she wished to walk toward the Luxor. Slow, hand-in-hand, along the boulevard and into the big Monte Carlo. Yep... that same fucking lounge where I sat with Jasmine and Juliette. We stopped in and snuggled at the bar, all the while with Ashley against me. Jesus fuck, what a doll. Her flowing hair was all over the place driving my head into her Goddamned pants. She saw it, smiled, and then whispered in my ear that we were in for it upon returning to the thirtieth floor. Oy. Splayed in front of me As she sat there with her flirty eyes and smile, Jasmine popped into my head due to Ashley's expression and playfulness. That hybrid girl was a food group and wonderful companion. Being a paid escort, however, placed her outside all that I had enjoyed since. A little more than a year after Jasmine graced my arm, and Ashley was there of her own accord, loving and caring, and pushing me far enough outside my recent self to organize more than I was able while alone -- especially considering the mighty fall upon Juliette's exit. That young thing helped to a great degree, and would eventually end up being the reason for my survival upon dropping into my disregarded auto and watching Las Vegas fade in the mirrors... Again. Ashley asked to return to my spa room for some more conversation and quiet. We left the lounge and slowly made our way through the New York and Excalibur. I spied the pub again which stirred wondrous memories of meeting Ashley for the first time along with her unending energy and excitement. That night was one of the worst in recent memory, but upon reaching her apartment and finding privacy, all of the inner workings relaxed for a time. Naturally, that gorgeous woman all over me helped as well, although the importance of calm and quiet took priority over her soft body. The pub was something I certainly could not forget. We passed that place as the girl clung to my arm with her beautiful head upon my shoulder. Slowly, as usual, we cruised the floors toward the big inclinator. Upon entering, I had a bevy of faces with me... Ashley, Juliette, and Jasmine. I began to fall off a cliff again due to the damage I had caused in the past as well as that which was happening at the current moment. My words ceased, eyes dropped, and I froze in the car. Arriving at my floor saw Ashley propping me to a point in order to get down the hall and out of the gaze of others. Through the door and beyond sight. We sat on the bed as I pondered all that had been discussed with Ashley and Lanie, with the same conclusion continuing to float around awaiting my grasp: go home. As much as I wished to spend the remainder of life within the fold of her lingerie and staring into those deep eyes, I knew that to reconcile myself with reality was a better choice, especially considering my situation worsening as each moment passed. There was something nagging my head but I could not clarify enough to see it. Something fairly new and related to the extended amount of time that I had shut others out completely. Young and soft Ashley stared at me with the softest, most sympathetic eyes I had ever seen. Big, beautiful pools expressing a caring I could not comprehend. The girl looked stunning and chose to be with me for days. Unbelievable. As we laid there, the comfort was washing over me along with the realization that being with her was very wrong. I had been drowning further into the very dependency that I should have tried to wean myself off to leave Vegas and attempt reentering my actual life at home. Nope... Deeper into my vast need for support and physical attention. All of my negative feelings toward my life had compounded and become distorted and mixed into a gigantic stew. I was unable to keep myself on track with regard to any aspect of anything. Throw in the fucking drug within Ashley's thong, and the clarity flew from my head like frightened birds off the beach. My addiction pressed other concerns into a very small space, leaving only damage. And I hardly cared. Her adorably wondrous attention took my sense and ground it into fishbait. As I sat and pondered my exceptionally fucked up head, that gorgeous pair of eyes looked upon me with tenderness. Again I rose, again I fell. Fuck. Sin. I stayed next to Ashley and gazed, while her eyes remained affixed to mine. We spoke quietly about how nice the privacy was in those rooms, and the feeling of being so detached from the outside. I caressed her cheek and thanked that girl for spending so much of her time with me. Ashley replied that the joy was all hers, and then pressed her lips deeply to mine while snagging my ponytail with both hands. Oy God. Upon feeling her passion being injected, I lost it and dove into the sin once again. Her long legs, that glowing pair of eyes, and the heroin I so strongly desired... All over the room. I felt as if my mind would not survive such physical bliss, however Ashley's sweet manner helped me to relax about ravaging her body. 'It's ok.' 'God, you are so beautiful.' Smile. The dangerous addiction satiated for the moment, I drifted off lost in Ashley and wrapped within her slender arms. She held on and fell asleep. Some time later I arose and turned to stare at Ashley's incredible form. My eyes followed lines, curves, numbers... And ended with me kneeling and leering, just as that first night in her warm apartment. The vision was unreal, soft, delicate... An oval... Bare labia... Cheeks... Tiny waist... The combination of which sent me fucking flying. I stared at very close range and took in one of the most gorgeous sights of my life. Photographs? Fuck no... Right in front of me and inches away. Closer, and I had to touch. My hands softly slid along her thigh causing Ashley to awaken yet lie still for me. She turned and looked -- smiling -- and said nothing. After the previous night she knew of my deviant needs, and allowed whatever exploration which floated through me. She was wonderfully caring and understanding. As my fingers gently moved along her young skin, a switch flipped within and the addiction took over. I dove into the sin yet again, bringing that beauty up and over the top several times. My mouth stayed a long while, and every so often found me backing away to look at her drug. Back in, writhing, moaning, orgasms. My eyes were half closed the entire time as I tried to understand myself during her unending gratification. The pull upon my brain toward such a view and subsequent act was ceaseless and difficult to relieve. There was no understanding whatsoever within, but Ashley did not regard my lifestyle with anything aside from caring. As she laid there in the clouds, my unrelenting attention drove me to dream of never being anywhere else. The blind luck in connecting with such a young and tender beauty took my sense away, leaving only the remaining overwhelming desire to please her and appreciate the moments. More... Stronger... Until finally she pulled me up and into her embrace. Ashley kissed me softly over and over while her trembling hands held my face. Bliss. Sin. Depression. Fear. Fuck. My head flew back to Juliette and those many hours with my arms encircling her beautiful thighs. The thoughts of her were the only thing with the capability to pull my brain from Ashley's delicious delicacy -- and not for very long. Juliette was gone, and Ashley was nude and lying against my skin. 'I can't believe how passionate you are about that.' 'It is above all of life, you doll.' Nothing was more truthful, though I was still unable to understand myself in any way. Would I be able to leave? I did not fucking know, but at some point I had to make it out of that town and drive home. That drug and the coziness of the goblet together kept me away from the idea of reentering life. Alcohol, food, sex, and atmosphere were holding tight and fulfilling desires otherwise unavailable anywhere else. I was like a child in a toy store with endless funds, and just as much common sense. Drowned and half-loaded through it all. And then right next to me... Jesus holy hell in an ashtray, the girl captivated me in enough ways to disallow clarity. What to do? Yep... Back to making the young skin -- and myself -- very happy. I repositioned her little ass, and gently went in. Again she moaned for moments until tossing me to the sheets and climbing on top. That long hair flew in circles as she went to town. Good God in heaven, I blew up with my sinful mind obliterated. 'Let's clean up and go eat, you wonderful man.' 'Okay.' Anything she wished. I could not keep my brain out of her lingerie We spiffed and cooled off before leaving the room in search of something light. Down to the floor and across the bridge into the Excalibur again, leading Ashley to mention the Pub where I had awaited meeting her for the first time. Oh boy... Another Juliette memory. Crap, but there were many so I had to deal with it. The long legs and heels towed me along like a puppy into the lovely bar. We took a table, ordered, and proceeded to discuss everything again. The conversation was very nice due to her big eyes full of understanding. Ashley was so kind and mellow for her age. I tried to describe my difficulty in dealing with such a compulsion, but fell short -- like always -- in finding reason. There was no exit from that road. And I knew everything would cease upon reaching home, leaving me a depressed pile of shit without outlets of any kind. Splendid. The gorgeous girl stared back from across the table as I attempted to form coherent thoughts. Everything was flying and spinning, forcing me into difficulty focusing upon any solutions. The longer I sat silent, the more she gave me room to think. A vast duration saw us there without any conversation, yet Ashley's attention never wandered from my eyes. Her face and hands told me that whatever was going on inside was ok. That was the most comfortable I had been since spending so much time with Juliette enjoying a similar connection. With her it went in two directions, whereas with Ashley I saw none of the trials within. The girl was open, happy, and absolutely relaxed, and seeing all of it helped me to appreciate the pace. A soul with the world in front of her. Me? Nothing. Again that feeling, but still I could not bring it out. We sat there silent a long while as I gazed into her eyes. The comfort of knowing that my options were still open to a certain extent could not be overstated. I did not wish to go home. I wished to stay within Ashley's loving company as long as possible. The year had been horrible, leaving me to push everything away for months. I continued to push it back and focus upon the doll, yet life pushed back with a force I had not felt for some time. Everything... work, living, home, family... all of it pressed me. Considering the number of times I up and disappeared leaving only questions in my wake, I was unaccustomed to actually feeling concern for the situation at home. I simply did not care at all. Others did not hesitate to push me into varying molds and paths, so I did the opposite. There needed to be an understanding that attempting to control me would result in the entire affair sent up in flames, sans regard for anyone. Details of my switchtracks and u-turns began to form in my brain, causing me to falter a bit, when I was pulled out of the din with a squeeze of my hand. I looked up to Ashley's big eyes and lost my route. She smiled with concern and I eased up. Her sweetness did it again. Ashley told me -- just as Lanie and Juliette -- that I was not allowed to hurt myself or cause further difficulty. My only option was to wrap up the trip and return to a place I was trying to let go. I knew it, yet sitting there with the beauty and kindness which made up that girl was wonderful and I just could not walk away at that point. Further in? Or begin the path outward? Fucking hell, either had simplicities I wished to avoid. Ashley could warm me lovingly and stare with compassion, but her words had become more serious. She wanted to see me leave and put things back together for a continuation of my real life. And her argument was as effective as Lanie's, Juliette's... all of it was nagging at me and narrowing everything. The sin? It was there, however my head was beginning to fill with uncertainties and worry of what may take place upon arriving home. I left nothing behind other than disarray, along with many people unable to understand my needs and escape from the day-to-day. I could not explain myself so I ran quickly in hopes of finding comfort and expressing my capability of exercising some semblance of control. Into the sin No one liked it and I gave them no choice. All of the pressing issues simply came to a head and forced me to flee and maintain my sanity. Vegas always seemed the best destination because it was far enough from home and completely detached from reality. Life had become a series of disappointments and trials the likes of which I no longer wanted to consider. Out the door and straight to the promised land for a fantasy and lots of alcohol. The latter had the ability of dropping my inhibitions (what little there were) and allowing me to live within a space otherwise unavailable. Juliette and Ashley were a tremendous part of that, yet only came along by freak chance. I drowned myself into the illusion and further separated myself from daily bullshit. Upon reaching the point of sitting with the doll and becoming more serious with regard to leaving my delusion, I once again questioned myself: Ashley? So young and beautiful... what the fuck was I doing? Life crept in and pushed me to realize the gravity of my actions thus far. Across the table, she looked at me with loving pools and wondrous sexuality. Her eyes told me so much without words expressed from her full lips. Nothing uttered. Nothing. Just those gorgeous blue eyes attempting to help me relax and showing appreciation for the company and time. Oy. Sin. Her sex. My brain. A blender. And then my head snapped and the sin became multiplied by two. God damn, everything I had caused -- all of the difficulty, pain, and confusion within others which resulted from my actions throughout many years forced me to feel like a sinner on yet another level. Ashley? Willing. The others? Nope... none of it. They simply watched me argue and flee like a person chained for decades and given an opportunity to escape. I left everything behind with no regard whatsoever. Fuck it all, I calculated over and over as the miles rolled up under the mighty Goodyears. The sin of becoming so callous and unfeeling was overwhelming, and unlike the heroin and candy within Ashley's lovely clothing, there would be no easy solution for myself or anyone involved. She saw it as I sat there computing options and trying to work anything over. Once again she grabbed my hand and squeezed with a smile. Wonderful, if temporary. God she was so fucking cute. Inside, that gesture only helped to a very small degree. Yes, I could have dove back into Ashley's little thong and drowned myself, pushing concerns aside, but the more I avoided future options and decisions, the deeper into a false reality I slid. Eventually that would kill me. So I stayed away from the sexual flirting for a while and simply held close to her. She in turn remained quiet and allowed me the space to explore what I needed. God love her. Everyone and everything left behind when I ran away began to eat at me and force the idea that the situation I caused was a also a sin. I was never a religious person, so the genesis of sin grew from a personal standpoint. It was how I felt about myself and my actions. While in the middle of bliss I did not see it all due to the world being obscured by the smoke left behind my dash. I separated myself for days and relished the dream. I relished all that was unhealthy and ill-advised by my deviant mind. Morals? None. Money? Plenty. And that was a decent allowance for me to do as I wished. The heartache carried on a short while as the realization set in that things had to cease at some point. I did not wish to be away from the loving souls which propped me up for so many days. The distraction had to end, however, and there was no getting around it. The following moments were again spent in near silence as I put together a road map in my head. I soon asked Ashley if my mindset and worries had been causing her a lack of enjoyment, but she adorably replied that the relaxation was wonderful, and our time together allowed her to maintain clarity regarding my situation. The space afforded her by my long silences was calming. Her body commanded some of my decisions More time passed, eventually leading us to need some time away from the public eye. We strolled back to the south, hand-in-hand, and spoke very little along the way. Ashley's lovely eyes told me more than her lips. I could not help but glance down at her stomach and waist every now and then, marveling at the sheer beauty and dimensional fascination next to me. She did not mind. Just as Juliette, I was allowed to be curious and simply stare all I wished. Both women had a way of understanding that my intentions were far from wholly sexual, and the turmoil was driving my actions as well as causing a severely unbalanced view of the world. Upon arriving at the big pyramid, we headed directly to the room. I felt as if that blonde gazelle had been pulling me, but understood none of it. Was she in a hurry to get upstairs? Hmm. Nope, Ashley was about to let me go -- with two nights remaining. Fuck. She hugged me at least a dozen times while gathering her things. She then asked me to sit tight while she took care of some business. I did just that, and the waiting was very uncomfortable. Had I done something wrong? Nope again. When that beauty returned, she told me in no uncertain terms that the more I stayed attached to her and the hotels, the longer I was delaying the repair of myself. Damn, but Ashley was correct. Twenty-one Goddamned years old and with the wisdom of some more than triple her age. She was right and I knew it. The last thing in the world I wanted was to be alone, however there could be no stopping her intentions. I would have honored any fucking request. So I did. We walked to the marble lobby. Ashley took my face in her long fingers, planted a kiss and smiled, pulling away. 'Take care of yourself, mister. Promise me.' 'I will, my dear... I promise.' My world did not cave in upon me. I felt again as if there were possibilities in the near future. Steeling myself for yet another loss, I watched that beautiful girl exit the lounge and stroll toward the doors. Water flowing, other people conversing, and subtle slot sounds eventually drowned out the click of her heels. Just as the split with Jasmine, I felt hollow as those shoes announced their fading departure, yet I could see in front of me and the idea of driving away. Her sex? Gone from my head. Her heart? Still in there. And the sin? Yes, crippling thoughts of our difference in age. Nearly seventeen years. Jesus fuck, Ashley was young but I could not avoid any of it. Nor did I try at all. I dove and loved it like a drug addict with a handful of cash. Her sex commanded my senses. The desire would not be denied, however Ashley's heels spoke with authority: Go home. Cease the damage. Reenter life and move on. Fuck me running... what a tall order, but I knew her shoes were correct. As much as I still needed to maintain the illusion and carry forward with drowning, all of my attachments were gone and the loneliness returned in spades. My head began to process the many ramifications of the trip as I slowly made a path toward Aurora. Jasmine was in my head, the sting of the door slamming upon Juliette's inevitable exit, Lanie's warmth and caring, and that strutting beauty who had clicked away through the waterfalls and left me with a positive outlook would all remain in my head a long while -- each contributed to the decision I was about to make. I ended up not even ordering a drink. Back to my room with a purpose as I feared breaking down and needed to avoid being in public for a while. I then called the desk and dropped the last night with the intention of departing Vegas. Unbelievable. My things packed, I looked around the room picturing all of the moments spent there with Juliette and Ashley. Still no breakdown. Hmm. Perhaps the drive home would not kill me. Upon reaching the valet, I realized that my clothing was all new, along with the bag donated by the Luxor laundry service. I stood there staring -- first at the massive obelisk at the sidewalk, then toward the black windows through which I had gazed for days -- and felt as if I belonged within the goblet. Severing myself from the cynosure of my dreams was not easy. The pyramid stood there like some representative monument built upon all that I found acceptable in life, pressing me to gaze at the peak with tears. More than one occasion found me sitting next to the glass in that big spa room, picturing a slide to the ground and an exit from everything. That feeling lingered a while and pushed those women to attempt to help me. Jasmine pulled me out of that pit a year earlier; Juliette days earlier; Ashley hours earlier. I had to leave that place of steaminess and lift myself up for a change, with six hundred miles standing between much-needed comfort and the fucking reality for which I no longer wished. Six hundred fucking miles in the wrong direction. Not to mention massive backlash from all angles along with my diminishing resources. And I had to roll alone. Car. Tip. Boulevard. Freeway. Gone. And my head? A fucking industrial mixer spinning all manner of sadness, sex, fear, love, and despair. I just drove and wished for arms around me. Any arms (female). Nope. Nothing aside from pavement, desert and loneliness. Home awaited my arrival and others in my life became overjoyed at me finally departing Vegas. My previous life and work flew through my head inciting fear and longing for the comfort I still needed. I should have thrown Ashley into the car and brought her along. Heh. Home. Issues. Responsibilities. Life again. Fucking hell anyway. End of line." Copyright ©2002-2024 comainterrupted.com All rights reserved All other trademarks, logos and graphics are the property of their respective owners Created by Brandywine Engineering using Microsoft Visual Studio 2022 and .NET Framework 4.8 Questions? Comments? Anything? Gather your thoughts and compose a message to the psychos in charge
Sin Part Eleven Mature content No. 67 Published August 11th, 2018 1:28pm pdt read ( words) Past entries "Nope. Not a fucking thing. Snuggling with Ashley and her vast cuteness felt therapeutic on more than one level. She knew of my turmoil after the massive inquisition with Lanie, and I felt comforted enough with her to open myself completely. We laid there quietly a long while before I began to stir looking at her legs folded within mine. The feeling of her body against me was overwhelming my thoughts and pushed me to touch her again. When I did, Ashley addressed me while staring. 'You ok?' Adorable eyes looking at me. So cute. Jesus, what was I doing? Drowning into that young thing? Yep... I could not move away from her no matter the circumstances. She was so fucking beautiful. 'More or less.' Ashley relaxed and stayed wrapped around me. My mind went through all permutations of the Juliette time, Lanie's interest in analyzing and helping me, and my subsequent attachment to the girl with the cigarette tray. I was unable to understand the development of Ashley's interest in me, but went with it anyway due to me turning into a black hole without that gorgeous and sensitive dream welded to my hip. By that point in the trip, I was completely unable to function on my own, and badly needed someone else to prop me and provide affection for staying afloat and distracted from all of the bad decisions and mistakes which continued to affect my emotional stability. Ashley came along with that sweet face, big heart, and those long legs and absolutely glued herself to me. She reminded me of how Juliette clung for long periods of time with her head on my chest and in silence, simply enjoying being together. Ashley was very affectionate and seemed to sense my mood and needs without asking. For being so young, the girl was very insightful. We stayed there a long time in each other's arms, mostly quiet. I had been trying to relax my mind and collate the changes throughout those first days without the dream, neither of which was easy nor what I wished to do. Even with that young beauty slathering me with caring attention, I could barely rise. She knew it, and my mood pushed her to keep us comfortable. Ashley was the sweetest girl for being with me in the first place. More time passed with few words, yet our fingers did not stop. She looked up at me off and on, eventually melting me into an emotional pile of mush. I wept into her chest, and drifted off. Some hours later I awakened in the bed, no clothes, and with the gorgeous Ashley next to me. Again I faltered -- despite all of the exposed skin and the fact that I could have had anything I desired -- and pressed myself to her chest to cry. There were no answers, nor much sense to any of it. Sleep again. Morning. Darkness. Skin. Ashley smiled and greeted the day by stretching, and whatever had been calculated in my tired mind disappeared. Her height lent to such a model-like appearance, and when she lifted those long arms to stretch, her breasts looked up and inward, grinding my available brain cells into a pulp. Her feet together, that lovely drug staring, and me drooling. Ashley came to me grinning with eyes afire. 'Shower.' 'Ok.' I stared at her little ass like it was a plate of food as we entered the bathroom which had been a haven for Juliette and me. Thoughts of the dream began to float as Ashley brushed her teeth. I stood and gazed at the tile which a couple of days earlier had the dream leaning and leering at me as if I was breakfast. Oy, God. I missed her so much. Ashley saw it in my eyes again and stayed quiet while pulling me into the hot water. We soaped without words and exited. No sex in my head at all, but looking upon her beauty was unavoidable. Her eyes showed a caring softness and none of the pouncing-cat appearance of that first night in her home. We dressed nicely, hugged a bit, and left the high floor for something to eat. Naturally, Ashley strolled in heels, leaving me looking short again. The girl was stunning in every way, and that all-too-familiar disbelief was stirring. The lovely smooth draw of life Across and into the castle for coffee where we sat and discussed everything. Ashley was not necessarily pushing me to go home, but I could sense she wanted me to stabilize to avoid worsening my depressed condition and need to drown. I sat and listened while gazing dreamily into her bright eyes. The conversation was quite different than during the past few days. Ashley had a view of life born from joy and happiness which felt nice for a change. While Lanie was very clinical, Ashley seemed more relaxed, and I found myself comforted by her calm manner. Still the sexual desire was at bay, though she looked delicious perched on the chair with elbows on our table and her narrow back arched as if to invite me in. My head drifted into her pants from time to time, however my heart was damaged and the need for physical attention had been pushed back quite a bit. Ashley sensed all of my issues and kept me sedated with her beautifully caring eyes. Coffee came and went, sending the beauty to request moving back to the pyramid to lie down and speak more. No problem. We strolled holding hands and up the big inclinator. Along the ride she stared at my eyes as again the memories swirled. I could not avoid dropping a bit, prompting Ashley to grab hold. Her support was warm and welcoming. I began to wonder of her needs and desire. As the car slowly arrived, Ashley took my hand and stepped with purpose toward the room. Walking behind her was a trying activity due to her long legs, but the view of that little ass helped to pull my head from the din. Into the room, she spun the lock and kissed me passionately yet again. All of the bad things went away as I felt the need once more. Ashley pulled me to the sofa and made a show of undressing herself to the blue lingerie. My head was awash with her sex, helping to extract Juliette from my brain and inject Ashley's tenderness, causing her to express joy at my desire. Her lovely eyes lit up and the cutest smile took over that face of smoldering hot beauty. She knew of my addiction and let it fly. Lips and tongue, hands and legs, everything. The past disappeared as I dove into her for all I was worth. Ashley's vocal utterances drew me like nothing else. God help me for the sin of ravaging that young girl -- not even half my fucking age. I swallowed her regardless, and she fell into a half-eyelid state soaking me up. Knee-buckling passion, all shivers and moaning. Sin... long and short of it. 'Keep me by your side, old man.' 'Okay.' My phone announced multiple messages and a call as we laid on the floor in a pool of warmth and softness. Ashley sat up on my chest and informed me that my decision not to see the other two women was no longer mine to make. She told me that I had become her possession for the remainder of the trip. Wow. Yes ma'am. I said nothing due to her face telling me that her statement was not a request. All I could do was gaze at her with approval. What else was there? I needed the closeness and calm like never before. Ashley stood and handed me the annoying device, after which we showered again with the idea of food becoming important. I saw that the contact was from both Lori and Lanie, the latter being a simple message wishing me well. Lori still wanted to meet, so I replied that my time was no longer under my control and I would be in touch. Out the door and to the casino. I watched her thin pants move, and enjoyed every second of it. Her ass was a universe all its own. Jesus, did I ever feel like I would be called to hell at any second. The combination of my endless carnal desire and her fucking age were almost enough to force me away. Almost, but not quite. Heh. We took off for the main entrance and into a taxi north. The Forum and its mass of restaurants called to us, and we rested ourselves at the big, comfortable Cheesecake Factory bar. Two drinks into the conversation led us to an understanding that after a few days Ashley would return home and she pleaded with me to do the same. I did not like it, but the reality of our vastly different lives dictated not trying to run anymore. As I watched her speak to me, I began to feel that running from Vegas as quickly as I had run from home was the only real decision. Honestly, I would have honored anything she requested after being taken by such cute and loving eyes. We spoke further of the reasoning behind my dashing away from life, leaving me defeated when including Lanie and her onslaught of sense. A plan formed for two more nights in my room and then parting ways. Ashley was sweeter than I thought possible, and so fucking cute that any further time was acceptable. I still felt clingy, needy, worn the fuck out, and depressed beyond belief, but knew that things had to change. I did not wish to be alone at all. Ashley knew as much, promising to stay attached. My only charge was to actually get in the car and drive home. Ugh. Her eyes did not pull away from mine until she felt as if the words were absorbed. She also saw the sadness which I could not avoid. 'I know, my dear... but you have to live.' 'Yeah.' The more I gazed at Ashley's cuteness, the more I wished to not be away from her at all. Finding comfort and solace within the arms of a receptive female was not something I felt could be changed. The lift had been way too much. Juliette provided so much joy and contentment -- often with nothing more than holding my hand -- that the loss was tremendous. And then my inability to cope was removed by the sweetheart with that tray of cigarettes. Ashley filled the space left by Juliette, and upon parting I knew the space would open once again. I was but half a person. Bad? Yep. Would it continue regardless of others trying to teach and help? Yep. Would I keep searching? Fuck yes. In the meantime, my intention was to wrap myself in Ashley's lovely warmth. After a decent amount of time at the bar, she wished to walk toward the Luxor. Slow, hand-in-hand, along the boulevard and into the big Monte Carlo. Yep... that same fucking lounge where I sat with Jasmine and Juliette. We stopped in and snuggled at the bar, all the while with Ashley against me. Jesus fuck, what a doll. Her flowing hair was all over the place driving my head into her Goddamned pants. She saw it, smiled, and then whispered in my ear that we were in for it upon returning to the thirtieth floor. Oy. Splayed in front of me As she sat there with her flirty eyes and smile, Jasmine popped into my head due to Ashley's expression and playfulness. That hybrid girl was a food group and wonderful companion. Being a paid escort, however, placed her outside all that I had enjoyed since. A little more than a year after Jasmine graced my arm, and Ashley was there of her own accord, loving and caring, and pushing me far enough outside my recent self to organize more than I was able while alone -- especially considering the mighty fall upon Juliette's exit. That young thing helped to a great degree, and would eventually end up being the reason for my survival upon dropping into my disregarded auto and watching Las Vegas fade in the mirrors... Again. Ashley asked to return to my spa room for some more conversation and quiet. We left the lounge and slowly made our way through the New York and Excalibur. I spied the pub again which stirred wondrous memories of meeting Ashley for the first time along with her unending energy and excitement. That night was one of the worst in recent memory, but upon reaching her apartment and finding privacy, all of the inner workings relaxed for a time. Naturally, that gorgeous woman all over me helped as well, although the importance of calm and quiet took priority over her soft body. The pub was something I certainly could not forget. We passed that place as the girl clung to my arm with her beautiful head upon my shoulder. Slowly, as usual, we cruised the floors toward the big inclinator. Upon entering, I had a bevy of faces with me... Ashley, Juliette, and Jasmine. I began to fall off a cliff again due to the damage I had caused in the past as well as that which was happening at the current moment. My words ceased, eyes dropped, and I froze in the car. Arriving at my floor saw Ashley propping me to a point in order to get down the hall and out of the gaze of others. Through the door and beyond sight. We sat on the bed as I pondered all that had been discussed with Ashley and Lanie, with the same conclusion continuing to float around awaiting my grasp: go home. As much as I wished to spend the remainder of life within the fold of her lingerie and staring into those deep eyes, I knew that to reconcile myself with reality was a better choice, especially considering my situation worsening as each moment passed. There was something nagging my head but I could not clarify enough to see it. Something fairly new and related to the extended amount of time that I had shut others out completely. Young and soft Ashley stared at me with the softest, most sympathetic eyes I had ever seen. Big, beautiful pools expressing a caring I could not comprehend. The girl looked stunning and chose to be with me for days. Unbelievable. As we laid there, the comfort was washing over me along with the realization that being with her was very wrong. I had been drowning further into the very dependency that I should have tried to wean myself off to leave Vegas and attempt reentering my actual life at home. Nope... Deeper into my vast need for support and physical attention. All of my negative feelings toward my life had compounded and become distorted and mixed into a gigantic stew. I was unable to keep myself on track with regard to any aspect of anything. Throw in the fucking drug within Ashley's thong, and the clarity flew from my head like frightened birds off the beach. My addiction pressed other concerns into a very small space, leaving only damage. And I hardly cared. Her adorably wondrous attention took my sense and ground it into fishbait. As I sat and pondered my exceptionally fucked up head, that gorgeous pair of eyes looked upon me with tenderness. Again I rose, again I fell. Fuck. Sin. I stayed next to Ashley and gazed, while her eyes remained affixed to mine. We spoke quietly about how nice the privacy was in those rooms, and the feeling of being so detached from the outside. I caressed her cheek and thanked that girl for spending so much of her time with me. Ashley replied that the joy was all hers, and then pressed her lips deeply to mine while snagging my ponytail with both hands. Oy God. Upon feeling her passion being injected, I lost it and dove into the sin once again. Her long legs, that glowing pair of eyes, and the heroin I so strongly desired... All over the room. I felt as if my mind would not survive such physical bliss, however Ashley's sweet manner helped me to relax about ravaging her body. 'It's ok.' 'God, you are so beautiful.' Smile. The dangerous addiction satiated for the moment, I drifted off lost in Ashley and wrapped within her slender arms. She held on and fell asleep. Some time later I arose and turned to stare at Ashley's incredible form. My eyes followed lines, curves, numbers... And ended with me kneeling and leering, just as that first night in her warm apartment. The vision was unreal, soft, delicate... An oval... Bare labia... Cheeks... Tiny waist... The combination of which sent me fucking flying. I stared at very close range and took in one of the most gorgeous sights of my life. Photographs? Fuck no... Right in front of me and inches away. Closer, and I had to touch. My hands softly slid along her thigh causing Ashley to awaken yet lie still for me. She turned and looked -- smiling -- and said nothing. After the previous night she knew of my deviant needs, and allowed whatever exploration which floated through me. She was wonderfully caring and understanding. As my fingers gently moved along her young skin, a switch flipped within and the addiction took over. I dove into the sin yet again, bringing that beauty up and over the top several times. My mouth stayed a long while, and every so often found me backing away to look at her drug. Back in, writhing, moaning, orgasms. My eyes were half closed the entire time as I tried to understand myself during her unending gratification. The pull upon my brain toward such a view and subsequent act was ceaseless and difficult to relieve. There was no understanding whatsoever within, but Ashley did not regard my lifestyle with anything aside from caring. As she laid there in the clouds, my unrelenting attention drove me to dream of never being anywhere else. The blind luck in connecting with such a young and tender beauty took my sense away, leaving only the remaining overwhelming desire to please her and appreciate the moments. More... Stronger... Until finally she pulled me up and into her embrace. Ashley kissed me softly over and over while her trembling hands held my face. Bliss. Sin. Depression. Fear. Fuck. My head flew back to Juliette and those many hours with my arms encircling her beautiful thighs. The thoughts of her were the only thing with the capability to pull my brain from Ashley's delicious delicacy -- and not for very long. Juliette was gone, and Ashley was nude and lying against my skin. 'I can't believe how passionate you are about that.' 'It is above all of life, you doll.' Nothing was more truthful, though I was still unable to understand myself in any way. Would I be able to leave? I did not fucking know, but at some point I had to make it out of that town and drive home. That drug and the coziness of the goblet together kept me away from the idea of reentering life. Alcohol, food, sex, and atmosphere were holding tight and fulfilling desires otherwise unavailable anywhere else. I was like a child in a toy store with endless funds, and just as much common sense. Drowned and half-loaded through it all. And then right next to me... Jesus holy hell in an ashtray, the girl captivated me in enough ways to disallow clarity. What to do? Yep... Back to making the young skin -- and myself -- very happy. I repositioned her little ass, and gently went in. Again she moaned for moments until tossing me to the sheets and climbing on top. That long hair flew in circles as she went to town. Good God in heaven, I blew up with my sinful mind obliterated. 'Let's clean up and go eat, you wonderful man.' 'Okay.' Anything she wished. I could not keep my brain out of her lingerie We spiffed and cooled off before leaving the room in search of something light. Down to the floor and across the bridge into the Excalibur again, leading Ashley to mention the Pub where I had awaited meeting her for the first time. Oh boy... Another Juliette memory. Crap, but there were many so I had to deal with it. The long legs and heels towed me along like a puppy into the lovely bar. We took a table, ordered, and proceeded to discuss everything again. The conversation was very nice due to her big eyes full of understanding. Ashley was so kind and mellow for her age. I tried to describe my difficulty in dealing with such a compulsion, but fell short -- like always -- in finding reason. There was no exit from that road. And I knew everything would cease upon reaching home, leaving me a depressed pile of shit without outlets of any kind. Splendid. The gorgeous girl stared back from across the table as I attempted to form coherent thoughts. Everything was flying and spinning, forcing me into difficulty focusing upon any solutions. The longer I sat silent, the more she gave me room to think. A vast duration saw us there without any conversation, yet Ashley's attention never wandered from my eyes. Her face and hands told me that whatever was going on inside was ok. That was the most comfortable I had been since spending so much time with Juliette enjoying a similar connection. With her it went in two directions, whereas with Ashley I saw none of the trials within. The girl was open, happy, and absolutely relaxed, and seeing all of it helped me to appreciate the pace. A soul with the world in front of her. Me? Nothing. Again that feeling, but still I could not bring it out. We sat there silent a long while as I gazed into her eyes. The comfort of knowing that my options were still open to a certain extent could not be overstated. I did not wish to go home. I wished to stay within Ashley's loving company as long as possible. The year had been horrible, leaving me to push everything away for months. I continued to push it back and focus upon the doll, yet life pushed back with a force I had not felt for some time. Everything... work, living, home, family... all of it pressed me. Considering the number of times I up and disappeared leaving only questions in my wake, I was unaccustomed to actually feeling concern for the situation at home. I simply did not care at all. Others did not hesitate to push me into varying molds and paths, so I did the opposite. There needed to be an understanding that attempting to control me would result in the entire affair sent up in flames, sans regard for anyone. Details of my switchtracks and u-turns began to form in my brain, causing me to falter a bit, when I was pulled out of the din with a squeeze of my hand. I looked up to Ashley's big eyes and lost my route. She smiled with concern and I eased up. Her sweetness did it again. Ashley told me -- just as Lanie and Juliette -- that I was not allowed to hurt myself or cause further difficulty. My only option was to wrap up the trip and return to a place I was trying to let go. I knew it, yet sitting there with the beauty and kindness which made up that girl was wonderful and I just could not walk away at that point. Further in? Or begin the path outward? Fucking hell, either had simplicities I wished to avoid. Ashley could warm me lovingly and stare with compassion, but her words had become more serious. She wanted to see me leave and put things back together for a continuation of my real life. And her argument was as effective as Lanie's, Juliette's... all of it was nagging at me and narrowing everything. The sin? It was there, however my head was beginning to fill with uncertainties and worry of what may take place upon arriving home. I left nothing behind other than disarray, along with many people unable to understand my needs and escape from the day-to-day. I could not explain myself so I ran quickly in hopes of finding comfort and expressing my capability of exercising some semblance of control. Into the sin No one liked it and I gave them no choice. All of the pressing issues simply came to a head and forced me to flee and maintain my sanity. Vegas always seemed the best destination because it was far enough from home and completely detached from reality. Life had become a series of disappointments and trials the likes of which I no longer wanted to consider. Out the door and straight to the promised land for a fantasy and lots of alcohol. The latter had the ability of dropping my inhibitions (what little there were) and allowing me to live within a space otherwise unavailable. Juliette and Ashley were a tremendous part of that, yet only came along by freak chance. I drowned myself into the illusion and further separated myself from daily bullshit. Upon reaching the point of sitting with the doll and becoming more serious with regard to leaving my delusion, I once again questioned myself: Ashley? So young and beautiful... what the fuck was I doing? Life crept in and pushed me to realize the gravity of my actions thus far. Across the table, she looked at me with loving pools and wondrous sexuality. Her eyes told me so much without words expressed from her full lips. Nothing uttered. Nothing. Just those gorgeous blue eyes attempting to help me relax and showing appreciation for the company and time. Oy. Sin. Her sex. My brain. A blender. And then my head snapped and the sin became multiplied by two. God damn, everything I had caused -- all of the difficulty, pain, and confusion within others which resulted from my actions throughout many years forced me to feel like a sinner on yet another level. Ashley? Willing. The others? Nope... none of it. They simply watched me argue and flee like a person chained for decades and given an opportunity to escape. I left everything behind with no regard whatsoever. Fuck it all, I calculated over and over as the miles rolled up under the mighty Goodyears. The sin of becoming so callous and unfeeling was overwhelming, and unlike the heroin and candy within Ashley's lovely clothing, there would be no easy solution for myself or anyone involved. She saw it as I sat there computing options and trying to work anything over. Once again she grabbed my hand and squeezed with a smile. Wonderful, if temporary. God she was so fucking cute. Inside, that gesture only helped to a very small degree. Yes, I could have dove back into Ashley's little thong and drowned myself, pushing concerns aside, but the more I avoided future options and decisions, the deeper into a false reality I slid. Eventually that would kill me. So I stayed away from the sexual flirting for a while and simply held close to her. She in turn remained quiet and allowed me the space to explore what I needed. God love her. Everyone and everything left behind when I ran away began to eat at me and force the idea that the situation I caused was a also a sin. I was never a religious person, so the genesis of sin grew from a personal standpoint. It was how I felt about myself and my actions. While in the middle of bliss I did not see it all due to the world being obscured by the smoke left behind my dash. I separated myself for days and relished the dream. I relished all that was unhealthy and ill-advised by my deviant mind. Morals? None. Money? Plenty. And that was a decent allowance for me to do as I wished. The heartache carried on a short while as the realization set in that things had to cease at some point. I did not wish to be away from the loving souls which propped me up for so many days. The distraction had to end, however, and there was no getting around it. The following moments were again spent in near silence as I put together a road map in my head. I soon asked Ashley if my mindset and worries had been causing her a lack of enjoyment, but she adorably replied that the relaxation was wonderful, and our time together allowed her to maintain clarity regarding my situation. The space afforded her by my long silences was calming. Her body commanded some of my decisions More time passed, eventually leading us to need some time away from the public eye. We strolled back to the south, hand-in-hand, and spoke very little along the way. Ashley's lovely eyes told me more than her lips. I could not help but glance down at her stomach and waist every now and then, marveling at the sheer beauty and dimensional fascination next to me. She did not mind. Just as Juliette, I was allowed to be curious and simply stare all I wished. Both women had a way of understanding that my intentions were far from wholly sexual, and the turmoil was driving my actions as well as causing a severely unbalanced view of the world. Upon arriving at the big pyramid, we headed directly to the room. I felt as if that blonde gazelle had been pulling me, but understood none of it. Was she in a hurry to get upstairs? Hmm. Nope, Ashley was about to let me go -- with two nights remaining. Fuck. She hugged me at least a dozen times while gathering her things. She then asked me to sit tight while she took care of some business. I did just that, and the waiting was very uncomfortable. Had I done something wrong? Nope again. When that beauty returned, she told me in no uncertain terms that the more I stayed attached to her and the hotels, the longer I was delaying the repair of myself. Damn, but Ashley was correct. Twenty-one Goddamned years old and with the wisdom of some more than triple her age. She was right and I knew it. The last thing in the world I wanted was to be alone, however there could be no stopping her intentions. I would have honored any fucking request. So I did. We walked to the marble lobby. Ashley took my face in her long fingers, planted a kiss and smiled, pulling away. 'Take care of yourself, mister. Promise me.' 'I will, my dear... I promise.' My world did not cave in upon me. I felt again as if there were possibilities in the near future. Steeling myself for yet another loss, I watched that beautiful girl exit the lounge and stroll toward the doors. Water flowing, other people conversing, and subtle slot sounds eventually drowned out the click of her heels. Just as the split with Jasmine, I felt hollow as those shoes announced their fading departure, yet I could see in front of me and the idea of driving away. Her sex? Gone from my head. Her heart? Still in there. And the sin? Yes, crippling thoughts of our difference in age. Nearly seventeen years. Jesus fuck, Ashley was young but I could not avoid any of it. Nor did I try at all. I dove and loved it like a drug addict with a handful of cash. Her sex commanded my senses. The desire would not be denied, however Ashley's heels spoke with authority: Go home. Cease the damage. Reenter life and move on. Fuck me running... what a tall order, but I knew her shoes were correct. As much as I still needed to maintain the illusion and carry forward with drowning, all of my attachments were gone and the loneliness returned in spades. My head began to process the many ramifications of the trip as I slowly made a path toward Aurora. Jasmine was in my head, the sting of the door slamming upon Juliette's inevitable exit, Lanie's warmth and caring, and that strutting beauty who had clicked away through the waterfalls and left me with a positive outlook would all remain in my head a long while -- each contributed to the decision I was about to make. I ended up not even ordering a drink. Back to my room with a purpose as I feared breaking down and needed to avoid being in public for a while. I then called the desk and dropped the last night with the intention of departing Vegas. Unbelievable. My things packed, I looked around the room picturing all of the moments spent there with Juliette and Ashley. Still no breakdown. Hmm. Perhaps the drive home would not kill me. Upon reaching the valet, I realized that my clothing was all new, along with the bag donated by the Luxor laundry service. I stood there staring -- first at the massive obelisk at the sidewalk, then toward the black windows through which I had gazed for days -- and felt as if I belonged within the goblet. Severing myself from the cynosure of my dreams was not easy. The pyramid stood there like some representative monument built upon all that I found acceptable in life, pressing me to gaze at the peak with tears. More than one occasion found me sitting next to the glass in that big spa room, picturing a slide to the ground and an exit from everything. That feeling lingered a while and pushed those women to attempt to help me. Jasmine pulled me out of that pit a year earlier; Juliette days earlier; Ashley hours earlier. I had to leave that place of steaminess and lift myself up for a change, with six hundred miles standing between much-needed comfort and the fucking reality for which I no longer wished. Six hundred fucking miles in the wrong direction. Not to mention massive backlash from all angles along with my diminishing resources. And I had to roll alone. Car. Tip. Boulevard. Freeway. Gone. And my head? A fucking industrial mixer spinning all manner of sadness, sex, fear, love, and despair. I just drove and wished for arms around me. Any arms (female). Nope. Nothing aside from pavement, desert and loneliness. Home awaited my arrival and others in my life became overjoyed at me finally departing Vegas. My previous life and work flew through my head inciting fear and longing for the comfort I still needed. I should have thrown Ashley into the car and brought her along. Heh. Home. Issues. Responsibilities. Life again. Fucking hell anyway. End of line."
Sin
Part Eleven
Mature content No. 67 Published August 11th, 2018 1:28pm pdt read ( words) Past entries
"Nope. Not a fucking thing. Snuggling with Ashley and her vast cuteness felt therapeutic on more than one level. She knew of my turmoil after the massive inquisition with Lanie, and I felt comforted enough with her to open myself completely. We laid there quietly a long while before I began to stir looking at her legs folded within mine. The feeling of her body against me was overwhelming my thoughts and pushed me to touch her again. When I did, Ashley addressed me while staring. 'You ok?' Adorable eyes looking at me. So cute. Jesus, what was I doing? Drowning into that young thing? Yep... I could not move away from her no matter the circumstances. She was so fucking beautiful. 'More or less.' Ashley relaxed and stayed wrapped around me. My mind went through all permutations of the Juliette time, Lanie's interest in analyzing and helping me, and my subsequent attachment to the girl with the cigarette tray. I was unable to understand the development of Ashley's interest in me, but went with it anyway due to me turning into a black hole without that gorgeous and sensitive dream welded to my hip. By that point in the trip, I was completely unable to function on my own, and badly needed someone else to prop me and provide affection for staying afloat and distracted from all of the bad decisions and mistakes which continued to affect my emotional stability. Ashley came along with that sweet face, big heart, and those long legs and absolutely glued herself to me. She reminded me of how Juliette clung for long periods of time with her head on my chest and in silence, simply enjoying being together. Ashley was very affectionate and seemed to sense my mood and needs without asking. For being so young, the girl was very insightful. We stayed there a long time in each other's arms, mostly quiet. I had been trying to relax my mind and collate the changes throughout those first days without the dream, neither of which was easy nor what I wished to do. Even with that young beauty slathering me with caring attention, I could barely rise. She knew it, and my mood pushed her to keep us comfortable. Ashley was the sweetest girl for being with me in the first place. More time passed with few words, yet our fingers did not stop. She looked up at me off and on, eventually melting me into an emotional pile of mush. I wept into her chest, and drifted off. Some hours later I awakened in the bed, no clothes, and with the gorgeous Ashley next to me. Again I faltered -- despite all of the exposed skin and the fact that I could have had anything I desired -- and pressed myself to her chest to cry. There were no answers, nor much sense to any of it. Sleep again. Morning. Darkness. Skin. Ashley smiled and greeted the day by stretching, and whatever had been calculated in my tired mind disappeared. Her height lent to such a model-like appearance, and when she lifted those long arms to stretch, her breasts looked up and inward, grinding my available brain cells into a pulp. Her feet together, that lovely drug staring, and me drooling. Ashley came to me grinning with eyes afire. 'Shower.' 'Ok.' I stared at her little ass like it was a plate of food as we entered the bathroom which had been a haven for Juliette and me. Thoughts of the dream began to float as Ashley brushed her teeth. I stood and gazed at the tile which a couple of days earlier had the dream leaning and leering at me as if I was breakfast. Oy, God. I missed her so much. Ashley saw it in my eyes again and stayed quiet while pulling me into the hot water. We soaped without words and exited. No sex in my head at all, but looking upon her beauty was unavoidable. Her eyes showed a caring softness and none of the pouncing-cat appearance of that first night in her home. We dressed nicely, hugged a bit, and left the high floor for something to eat. Naturally, Ashley strolled in heels, leaving me looking short again. The girl was stunning in every way, and that all-too-familiar disbelief was stirring.
The lovely smooth draw of life
Across and into the castle for coffee where we sat and discussed everything. Ashley was not necessarily pushing me to go home, but I could sense she wanted me to stabilize to avoid worsening my depressed condition and need to drown. I sat and listened while gazing dreamily into her bright eyes. The conversation was quite different than during the past few days. Ashley had a view of life born from joy and happiness which felt nice for a change. While Lanie was very clinical, Ashley seemed more relaxed, and I found myself comforted by her calm manner. Still the sexual desire was at bay, though she looked delicious perched on the chair with elbows on our table and her narrow back arched as if to invite me in. My head drifted into her pants from time to time, however my heart was damaged and the need for physical attention had been pushed back quite a bit. Ashley sensed all of my issues and kept me sedated with her beautifully caring eyes. Coffee came and went, sending the beauty to request moving back to the pyramid to lie down and speak more. No problem. We strolled holding hands and up the big inclinator. Along the ride she stared at my eyes as again the memories swirled. I could not avoid dropping a bit, prompting Ashley to grab hold. Her support was warm and welcoming. I began to wonder of her needs and desire. As the car slowly arrived, Ashley took my hand and stepped with purpose toward the room. Walking behind her was a trying activity due to her long legs, but the view of that little ass helped to pull my head from the din. Into the room, she spun the lock and kissed me passionately yet again. All of the bad things went away as I felt the need once more. Ashley pulled me to the sofa and made a show of undressing herself to the blue lingerie. My head was awash with her sex, helping to extract Juliette from my brain and inject Ashley's tenderness, causing her to express joy at my desire. Her lovely eyes lit up and the cutest smile took over that face of smoldering hot beauty. She knew of my addiction and let it fly. Lips and tongue, hands and legs, everything. The past disappeared as I dove into her for all I was worth. Ashley's vocal utterances drew me like nothing else. God help me for the sin of ravaging that young girl -- not even half my fucking age. I swallowed her regardless, and she fell into a half-eyelid state soaking me up. Knee-buckling passion, all shivers and moaning. Sin... long and short of it. 'Keep me by your side, old man.' 'Okay.' My phone announced multiple messages and a call as we laid on the floor in a pool of warmth and softness. Ashley sat up on my chest and informed me that my decision not to see the other two women was no longer mine to make. She told me that I had become her possession for the remainder of the trip. Wow. Yes ma'am. I said nothing due to her face telling me that her statement was not a request. All I could do was gaze at her with approval. What else was there? I needed the closeness and calm like never before. Ashley stood and handed me the annoying device, after which we showered again with the idea of food becoming important. I saw that the contact was from both Lori and Lanie, the latter being a simple message wishing me well. Lori still wanted to meet, so I replied that my time was no longer under my control and I would be in touch. Out the door and to the casino. I watched her thin pants move, and enjoyed every second of it. Her ass was a universe all its own. Jesus, did I ever feel like I would be called to hell at any second. The combination of my endless carnal desire and her fucking age were almost enough to force me away. Almost, but not quite. Heh. We took off for the main entrance and into a taxi north. The Forum and its mass of restaurants called to us, and we rested ourselves at the big, comfortable Cheesecake Factory bar. Two drinks into the conversation led us to an understanding that after a few days Ashley would return home and she pleaded with me to do the same. I did not like it, but the reality of our vastly different lives dictated not trying to run anymore. As I watched her speak to me, I began to feel that running from Vegas as quickly as I had run from home was the only real decision. Honestly, I would have honored anything she requested after being taken by such cute and loving eyes. We spoke further of the reasoning behind my dashing away from life, leaving me defeated when including Lanie and her onslaught of sense. A plan formed for two more nights in my room and then parting ways. Ashley was sweeter than I thought possible, and so fucking cute that any further time was acceptable. I still felt clingy, needy, worn the fuck out, and depressed beyond belief, but knew that things had to change. I did not wish to be alone at all. Ashley knew as much, promising to stay attached. My only charge was to actually get in the car and drive home. Ugh. Her eyes did not pull away from mine until she felt as if the words were absorbed. She also saw the sadness which I could not avoid. 'I know, my dear... but you have to live.' 'Yeah.' The more I gazed at Ashley's cuteness, the more I wished to not be away from her at all. Finding comfort and solace within the arms of a receptive female was not something I felt could be changed. The lift had been way too much. Juliette provided so much joy and contentment -- often with nothing more than holding my hand -- that the loss was tremendous. And then my inability to cope was removed by the sweetheart with that tray of cigarettes. Ashley filled the space left by Juliette, and upon parting I knew the space would open once again. I was but half a person. Bad? Yep. Would it continue regardless of others trying to teach and help? Yep. Would I keep searching? Fuck yes. In the meantime, my intention was to wrap myself in Ashley's lovely warmth. After a decent amount of time at the bar, she wished to walk toward the Luxor. Slow, hand-in-hand, along the boulevard and into the big Monte Carlo. Yep... that same fucking lounge where I sat with Jasmine and Juliette. We stopped in and snuggled at the bar, all the while with Ashley against me. Jesus fuck, what a doll. Her flowing hair was all over the place driving my head into her Goddamned pants. She saw it, smiled, and then whispered in my ear that we were in for it upon returning to the thirtieth floor. Oy.
Splayed in front of me
As she sat there with her flirty eyes and smile, Jasmine popped into my head due to Ashley's expression and playfulness. That hybrid girl was a food group and wonderful companion. Being a paid escort, however, placed her outside all that I had enjoyed since. A little more than a year after Jasmine graced my arm, and Ashley was there of her own accord, loving and caring, and pushing me far enough outside my recent self to organize more than I was able while alone -- especially considering the mighty fall upon Juliette's exit. That young thing helped to a great degree, and would eventually end up being the reason for my survival upon dropping into my disregarded auto and watching Las Vegas fade in the mirrors... Again. Ashley asked to return to my spa room for some more conversation and quiet. We left the lounge and slowly made our way through the New York and Excalibur. I spied the pub again which stirred wondrous memories of meeting Ashley for the first time along with her unending energy and excitement. That night was one of the worst in recent memory, but upon reaching her apartment and finding privacy, all of the inner workings relaxed for a time. Naturally, that gorgeous woman all over me helped as well, although the importance of calm and quiet took priority over her soft body. The pub was something I certainly could not forget. We passed that place as the girl clung to my arm with her beautiful head upon my shoulder. Slowly, as usual, we cruised the floors toward the big inclinator. Upon entering, I had a bevy of faces with me... Ashley, Juliette, and Jasmine. I began to fall off a cliff again due to the damage I had caused in the past as well as that which was happening at the current moment. My words ceased, eyes dropped, and I froze in the car. Arriving at my floor saw Ashley propping me to a point in order to get down the hall and out of the gaze of others. Through the door and beyond sight. We sat on the bed as I pondered all that had been discussed with Ashley and Lanie, with the same conclusion continuing to float around awaiting my grasp: go home. As much as I wished to spend the remainder of life within the fold of her lingerie and staring into those deep eyes, I knew that to reconcile myself with reality was a better choice, especially considering my situation worsening as each moment passed. There was something nagging my head but I could not clarify enough to see it. Something fairly new and related to the extended amount of time that I had shut others out completely.
Young and soft
Ashley stared at me with the softest, most sympathetic eyes I had ever seen. Big, beautiful pools expressing a caring I could not comprehend. The girl looked stunning and chose to be with me for days. Unbelievable. As we laid there, the comfort was washing over me along with the realization that being with her was very wrong. I had been drowning further into the very dependency that I should have tried to wean myself off to leave Vegas and attempt reentering my actual life at home. Nope... Deeper into my vast need for support and physical attention. All of my negative feelings toward my life had compounded and become distorted and mixed into a gigantic stew. I was unable to keep myself on track with regard to any aspect of anything. Throw in the fucking drug within Ashley's thong, and the clarity flew from my head like frightened birds off the beach. My addiction pressed other concerns into a very small space, leaving only damage. And I hardly cared. Her adorably wondrous attention took my sense and ground it into fishbait. As I sat and pondered my exceptionally fucked up head, that gorgeous pair of eyes looked upon me with tenderness. Again I rose, again I fell. Fuck. Sin. I stayed next to Ashley and gazed, while her eyes remained affixed to mine. We spoke quietly about how nice the privacy was in those rooms, and the feeling of being so detached from the outside. I caressed her cheek and thanked that girl for spending so much of her time with me. Ashley replied that the joy was all hers, and then pressed her lips deeply to mine while snagging my ponytail with both hands. Oy God. Upon feeling her passion being injected, I lost it and dove into the sin once again. Her long legs, that glowing pair of eyes, and the heroin I so strongly desired... All over the room. I felt as if my mind would not survive such physical bliss, however Ashley's sweet manner helped me to relax about ravaging her body. 'It's ok.' 'God, you are so beautiful.' Smile. The dangerous addiction satiated for the moment, I drifted off lost in Ashley and wrapped within her slender arms. She held on and fell asleep. Some time later I arose and turned to stare at Ashley's incredible form. My eyes followed lines, curves, numbers... And ended with me kneeling and leering, just as that first night in her warm apartment. The vision was unreal, soft, delicate... An oval... Bare labia... Cheeks... Tiny waist... The combination of which sent me fucking flying. I stared at very close range and took in one of the most gorgeous sights of my life. Photographs? Fuck no... Right in front of me and inches away. Closer, and I had to touch. My hands softly slid along her thigh causing Ashley to awaken yet lie still for me. She turned and looked -- smiling -- and said nothing. After the previous night she knew of my deviant needs, and allowed whatever exploration which floated through me. She was wonderfully caring and understanding. As my fingers gently moved along her young skin, a switch flipped within and the addiction took over. I dove into the sin yet again, bringing that beauty up and over the top several times. My mouth stayed a long while, and every so often found me backing away to look at her drug. Back in, writhing, moaning, orgasms. My eyes were half closed the entire time as I tried to understand myself during her unending gratification. The pull upon my brain toward such a view and subsequent act was ceaseless and difficult to relieve. There was no understanding whatsoever within, but Ashley did not regard my lifestyle with anything aside from caring. As she laid there in the clouds, my unrelenting attention drove me to dream of never being anywhere else. The blind luck in connecting with such a young and tender beauty took my sense away, leaving only the remaining overwhelming desire to please her and appreciate the moments. More... Stronger... Until finally she pulled me up and into her embrace. Ashley kissed me softly over and over while her trembling hands held my face. Bliss. Sin. Depression. Fear. Fuck. My head flew back to Juliette and those many hours with my arms encircling her beautiful thighs. The thoughts of her were the only thing with the capability to pull my brain from Ashley's delicious delicacy -- and not for very long. Juliette was gone, and Ashley was nude and lying against my skin. 'I can't believe how passionate you are about that.' 'It is above all of life, you doll.' Nothing was more truthful, though I was still unable to understand myself in any way. Would I be able to leave? I did not fucking know, but at some point I had to make it out of that town and drive home. That drug and the coziness of the goblet together kept me away from the idea of reentering life. Alcohol, food, sex, and atmosphere were holding tight and fulfilling desires otherwise unavailable anywhere else. I was like a child in a toy store with endless funds, and just as much common sense. Drowned and half-loaded through it all. And then right next to me... Jesus holy hell in an ashtray, the girl captivated me in enough ways to disallow clarity. What to do? Yep... Back to making the young skin -- and myself -- very happy. I repositioned her little ass, and gently went in. Again she moaned for moments until tossing me to the sheets and climbing on top. That long hair flew in circles as she went to town. Good God in heaven, I blew up with my sinful mind obliterated. 'Let's clean up and go eat, you wonderful man.' 'Okay.' Anything she wished.
I could not keep my brain out of her lingerie
We spiffed and cooled off before leaving the room in search of something light. Down to the floor and across the bridge into the Excalibur again, leading Ashley to mention the Pub where I had awaited meeting her for the first time. Oh boy... Another Juliette memory. Crap, but there were many so I had to deal with it. The long legs and heels towed me along like a puppy into the lovely bar. We took a table, ordered, and proceeded to discuss everything again. The conversation was very nice due to her big eyes full of understanding. Ashley was so kind and mellow for her age. I tried to describe my difficulty in dealing with such a compulsion, but fell short -- like always -- in finding reason. There was no exit from that road. And I knew everything would cease upon reaching home, leaving me a depressed pile of shit without outlets of any kind. Splendid. The gorgeous girl stared back from across the table as I attempted to form coherent thoughts. Everything was flying and spinning, forcing me into difficulty focusing upon any solutions. The longer I sat silent, the more she gave me room to think. A vast duration saw us there without any conversation, yet Ashley's attention never wandered from my eyes. Her face and hands told me that whatever was going on inside was ok. That was the most comfortable I had been since spending so much time with Juliette enjoying a similar connection. With her it went in two directions, whereas with Ashley I saw none of the trials within. The girl was open, happy, and absolutely relaxed, and seeing all of it helped me to appreciate the pace. A soul with the world in front of her. Me? Nothing. Again that feeling, but still I could not bring it out. We sat there silent a long while as I gazed into her eyes. The comfort of knowing that my options were still open to a certain extent could not be overstated. I did not wish to go home. I wished to stay within Ashley's loving company as long as possible. The year had been horrible, leaving me to push everything away for months. I continued to push it back and focus upon the doll, yet life pushed back with a force I had not felt for some time. Everything... work, living, home, family... all of it pressed me. Considering the number of times I up and disappeared leaving only questions in my wake, I was unaccustomed to actually feeling concern for the situation at home. I simply did not care at all. Others did not hesitate to push me into varying molds and paths, so I did the opposite. There needed to be an understanding that attempting to control me would result in the entire affair sent up in flames, sans regard for anyone. Details of my switchtracks and u-turns began to form in my brain, causing me to falter a bit, when I was pulled out of the din with a squeeze of my hand. I looked up to Ashley's big eyes and lost my route. She smiled with concern and I eased up. Her sweetness did it again. Ashley told me -- just as Lanie and Juliette -- that I was not allowed to hurt myself or cause further difficulty. My only option was to wrap up the trip and return to a place I was trying to let go. I knew it, yet sitting there with the beauty and kindness which made up that girl was wonderful and I just could not walk away at that point. Further in? Or begin the path outward? Fucking hell, either had simplicities I wished to avoid. Ashley could warm me lovingly and stare with compassion, but her words had become more serious. She wanted to see me leave and put things back together for a continuation of my real life. And her argument was as effective as Lanie's, Juliette's... all of it was nagging at me and narrowing everything. The sin? It was there, however my head was beginning to fill with uncertainties and worry of what may take place upon arriving home. I left nothing behind other than disarray, along with many people unable to understand my needs and escape from the day-to-day. I could not explain myself so I ran quickly in hopes of finding comfort and expressing my capability of exercising some semblance of control.
Into the sin
No one liked it and I gave them no choice. All of the pressing issues simply came to a head and forced me to flee and maintain my sanity. Vegas always seemed the best destination because it was far enough from home and completely detached from reality. Life had become a series of disappointments and trials the likes of which I no longer wanted to consider. Out the door and straight to the promised land for a fantasy and lots of alcohol. The latter had the ability of dropping my inhibitions (what little there were) and allowing me to live within a space otherwise unavailable. Juliette and Ashley were a tremendous part of that, yet only came along by freak chance. I drowned myself into the illusion and further separated myself from daily bullshit. Upon reaching the point of sitting with the doll and becoming more serious with regard to leaving my delusion, I once again questioned myself: Ashley? So young and beautiful... what the fuck was I doing? Life crept in and pushed me to realize the gravity of my actions thus far. Across the table, she looked at me with loving pools and wondrous sexuality. Her eyes told me so much without words expressed from her full lips. Nothing uttered. Nothing. Just those gorgeous blue eyes attempting to help me relax and showing appreciation for the company and time. Oy. Sin. Her sex. My brain. A blender. And then my head snapped and the sin became multiplied by two. God damn, everything I had caused -- all of the difficulty, pain, and confusion within others which resulted from my actions throughout many years forced me to feel like a sinner on yet another level. Ashley? Willing. The others? Nope... none of it. They simply watched me argue and flee like a person chained for decades and given an opportunity to escape. I left everything behind with no regard whatsoever. Fuck it all, I calculated over and over as the miles rolled up under the mighty Goodyears. The sin of becoming so callous and unfeeling was overwhelming, and unlike the heroin and candy within Ashley's lovely clothing, there would be no easy solution for myself or anyone involved. She saw it as I sat there computing options and trying to work anything over. Once again she grabbed my hand and squeezed with a smile. Wonderful, if temporary. God she was so fucking cute. Inside, that gesture only helped to a very small degree. Yes, I could have dove back into Ashley's little thong and drowned myself, pushing concerns aside, but the more I avoided future options and decisions, the deeper into a false reality I slid. Eventually that would kill me. So I stayed away from the sexual flirting for a while and simply held close to her. She in turn remained quiet and allowed me the space to explore what I needed. God love her. Everyone and everything left behind when I ran away began to eat at me and force the idea that the situation I caused was a also a sin. I was never a religious person, so the genesis of sin grew from a personal standpoint. It was how I felt about myself and my actions. While in the middle of bliss I did not see it all due to the world being obscured by the smoke left behind my dash. I separated myself for days and relished the dream. I relished all that was unhealthy and ill-advised by my deviant mind. Morals? None. Money? Plenty. And that was a decent allowance for me to do as I wished. The heartache carried on a short while as the realization set in that things had to cease at some point. I did not wish to be away from the loving souls which propped me up for so many days. The distraction had to end, however, and there was no getting around it. The following moments were again spent in near silence as I put together a road map in my head. I soon asked Ashley if my mindset and worries had been causing her a lack of enjoyment, but she adorably replied that the relaxation was wonderful, and our time together allowed her to maintain clarity regarding my situation. The space afforded her by my long silences was calming.
Her body commanded some of my decisions
More time passed, eventually leading us to need some time away from the public eye. We strolled back to the south, hand-in-hand, and spoke very little along the way. Ashley's lovely eyes told me more than her lips. I could not help but glance down at her stomach and waist every now and then, marveling at the sheer beauty and dimensional fascination next to me. She did not mind. Just as Juliette, I was allowed to be curious and simply stare all I wished. Both women had a way of understanding that my intentions were far from wholly sexual, and the turmoil was driving my actions as well as causing a severely unbalanced view of the world. Upon arriving at the big pyramid, we headed directly to the room. I felt as if that blonde gazelle had been pulling me, but understood none of it. Was she in a hurry to get upstairs? Hmm. Nope, Ashley was about to let me go -- with two nights remaining. Fuck. She hugged me at least a dozen times while gathering her things. She then asked me to sit tight while she took care of some business. I did just that, and the waiting was very uncomfortable. Had I done something wrong? Nope again. When that beauty returned, she told me in no uncertain terms that the more I stayed attached to her and the hotels, the longer I was delaying the repair of myself. Damn, but Ashley was correct. Twenty-one Goddamned years old and with the wisdom of some more than triple her age. She was right and I knew it. The last thing in the world I wanted was to be alone, however there could be no stopping her intentions. I would have honored any fucking request. So I did. We walked to the marble lobby. Ashley took my face in her long fingers, planted a kiss and smiled, pulling away. 'Take care of yourself, mister. Promise me.' 'I will, my dear... I promise.' My world did not cave in upon me. I felt again as if there were possibilities in the near future. Steeling myself for yet another loss, I watched that beautiful girl exit the lounge and stroll toward the doors. Water flowing, other people conversing, and subtle slot sounds eventually drowned out the click of her heels. Just as the split with Jasmine, I felt hollow as those shoes announced their fading departure, yet I could see in front of me and the idea of driving away. Her sex? Gone from my head. Her heart? Still in there. And the sin? Yes, crippling thoughts of our difference in age. Nearly seventeen years. Jesus fuck, Ashley was young but I could not avoid any of it. Nor did I try at all. I dove and loved it like a drug addict with a handful of cash. Her sex commanded my senses. The desire would not be denied, however Ashley's heels spoke with authority: Go home. Cease the damage. Reenter life and move on. Fuck me running... what a tall order, but I knew her shoes were correct. As much as I still needed to maintain the illusion and carry forward with drowning, all of my attachments were gone and the loneliness returned in spades. My head began to process the many ramifications of the trip as I slowly made a path toward Aurora. Jasmine was in my head, the sting of the door slamming upon Juliette's inevitable exit, Lanie's warmth and caring, and that strutting beauty who had clicked away through the waterfalls and left me with a positive outlook would all remain in my head a long while -- each contributed to the decision I was about to make. I ended up not even ordering a drink. Back to my room with a purpose as I feared breaking down and needed to avoid being in public for a while. I then called the desk and dropped the last night with the intention of departing Vegas. Unbelievable. My things packed, I looked around the room picturing all of the moments spent there with Juliette and Ashley. Still no breakdown. Hmm. Perhaps the drive home would not kill me. Upon reaching the valet, I realized that my clothing was all new, along with the bag donated by the Luxor laundry service. I stood there staring -- first at the massive obelisk at the sidewalk, then toward the black windows through which I had gazed for days -- and felt as if I belonged within the goblet. Severing myself from the cynosure of my dreams was not easy. The pyramid stood there like some representative monument built upon all that I found acceptable in life, pressing me to gaze at the peak with tears. More than one occasion found me sitting next to the glass in that big spa room, picturing a slide to the ground and an exit from everything. That feeling lingered a while and pushed those women to attempt to help me. Jasmine pulled me out of that pit a year earlier; Juliette days earlier; Ashley hours earlier. I had to leave that place of steaminess and lift myself up for a change, with six hundred miles standing between much-needed comfort and the fucking reality for which I no longer wished. Six hundred fucking miles in the wrong direction. Not to mention massive backlash from all angles along with my diminishing resources. And I had to roll alone. Car. Tip. Boulevard. Freeway. Gone. And my head? A fucking industrial mixer spinning all manner of sadness, sex, fear, love, and despair. I just drove and wished for arms around me. Any arms (female). Nope. Nothing aside from pavement, desert and loneliness. Home awaited my arrival and others in my life became overjoyed at me finally departing Vegas. My previous life and work flew through my head inciting fear and longing for the comfort I still needed. I should have thrown Ashley into the car and brought her along. Heh. Home. Issues. Responsibilities. Life again. Fucking hell anyway. End of line."
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