08-25-2019 05:11 pdt If you are visiting for the first time, go to the beginning The Detour and the Destruction read ( words) "My parents had moved south of Phoenix in mid zero-six after having traveled there to investigate the market. They had relocated several times throughout a matter of just a few years, and each new locale generally was a step up from the last. With both of them past retirement age, I was usually there whenever they were settling in to help with the details of getting day-to-day needs set up. I took care of many things -- mainly for my dad's peace of mind -- and ensured they could be fairly comfortable before leaving them to their new home. They relied upon me for every move and I always helped as much as I was able. Arizona was quite a long way, but I assured my dad that I would be there. My work could be quite flexible at times which allowed me to interface with my boss for a little time to travel for two reasons: First to help with their move, and second to drop off a piece of audio equipment in Bakersfield for my partner's son. That was not completely on the way, but would take less time than heading there directly. I decided to drive after growing up traveling by road to nearly every vacation destination. I made a plan and after calculating just how much time was needed to take care of business and then got my things together for an adventure. I covertly added a couple of nights and made a reservation at the Luxor for some time to myself. Yep, me alone in Vegas. My partner knew I was going there, but my parents did not. Leaving home for a long drive early in the morning was one of my favorite ways to take off on a trip. I had recently expanded the audio system in my car and loved listening. I took off before the light, grabbed some coffee and a snack, and then hit the long road for Bakersfield. The entire drive found me dreaming of not the first destination nor the second, but only the Luxor. I was dying to sit there and remember doing the same with Juliette and Ashley just a few years before. I had not visited the promised land since that last dash out of town and needed to drown in it, even for a quick one. My partner had no worries with me heading there alone for some comfort. The plan was relaxation and remembering those two goddesses and the wonder we shared. Other than filling the tank, I did not stop all the way to Bakersfield. A quick hello and goodbye, and back to the highway south. Tejon Ranch greeted me before climbing the big hill. On the other side I took that huge left toward Riverside and eventually located a light meal off the road and rested myself a little while. Back to it while perusing the library of CDs in the passenger seat. All the while I had visions of frolicking around the spa suite with Juliette and her unreal curves. Our stay in that hotel and the two nights in Death Valley were surreal to the point of seeming as if they never took place. We were in our own heaven for a time and did not give half a shit about the rest of the world. I continued driving with Juliette's delicious rear end in my brain. Oy. Cruising along interstate ten east eventually became flat and I realized that the desert was all I would see from that point forward. It was so beautiful and I felt somewhat free being far from home and under my own control for the most part. Onward. Eventually I fell into a rocking chair of sorts for some one-hundred miles with a truck. When I finally passed as the exit south was nearing, the driver gave me a wave and smile. Just one of those endearing road things that happens with career drivers. Acknowledgment. Hmm. I arrived at my destination and the parents were overjoyed to see me. We relaxed and caught up before having dinner. I quickly set up the television and disc player so my dad could fall into his familiar evening routine and find some comfort as if he was home. That was very important to him after the stress of moving so far away. Semblance of home. I did the same for my mom and everyone felt better. Saturday morning. Coffee, bagels, and television in the background still playing a movie from the previous night. After I cleaned up and dressed, the cable contractor showed up and installed the workings for TV and Internet -- both of which my parents relied upon every day. I knew that once everything was operational and connected, I would be safe to leave. They believed that I had to return to work Monday, which meant only one full day at their new home before hitting the road. In reality, I was leaving early Sunday morning to make a beeline to the Luxor. Yep, a long line of bullshit to get what I wanted. Every fucking time. My partner knew that I could take only so much of my parents and that a short stay in the goblet would help remove the difficulty. She knew me better than anyone yet still remained unconcerned that I would be alone in that big sex-and-money machine in the desert. I made nice during the visit, quietly asked the cable installer of the quickest way toward Vegas from our location, and then formulated a time for the following morning. I had no idea of the distance, but that did not matter. My head was already halfway up the fucking pyramid by the time we had dinner. Heh. With all of the business completed and two happy parents, I felt freed up to leave. Yes. The wonder of my dreams was hours away. Sleep. In the morning my dad offered to fill my gas tank as a thank you for helping them settle in. Mom made me a lunch, so at the gas station while the car was being refueled, I went inside for a small Styrofoam cooler to keep things cool in the summer warmth. Dad and I embraced and said our goodbyes before I hit the trail for Vegas. The excitement in my head had to remain at a distance as I realized most of Sunday would be spent driving north. I cruised through the suburbs and Phoenix, took a cut northwest at the advice of the cable guy, and a while later left the highway at Lake Pleasant to have lunch. The weather was very hot in that area but I did not care in the least. All I could consider was my arrival at the pyramid and the excitement of being there where Juliette and I found love. Back to the road with her beauty in my head. Air conditioning, music blaring, scenery everywhere. Eventually I found the last numbered highway which would lead me to my destination. Hoover Dam, gorgeous mountains, Lake Mead, Henderson, and then off in the distance... Those massive resorts awaiting my hungry eyes. What a fucking sight. Hours in the car, but worth it. I made my way into the huge Luxor valet area and exited the car, stretching. The attendant asked how I was doing and I replied that I felt overjoyed to be home. Ha! He loved it, gestured for help with my bags, and took my car keys. I was happy to see them go, too. Into the beloved Egyptian wonderland dripping with anticipation. Soon? Trouble. I stood there in line at the registration desk looking like the average squareheaded tourist, and such a scene made me very uncomfortable. My lifestyle dictated respect for the club and to stand there with my athletic shoes and a pair of shorts was killing me inside. I had to wait before getting upstairs and donning my preferred look. In Arizona the idea was to keep cool and be comfortable in the muggy weather, however inside the pyramid -- where the climate never changes -- meant looking the part. For me, there was just no other way. I finally made it, checked in, and trotted to the inclinator for the high floors. Thank Christ I was out of sight and able to spread out at my pace. Comfort. Little Luxor pyramid shampoo and conditioner bottles helped me to align myself with the proper mindset for the resort. Juliette? Ashley? Melanie? All three of those beauties floated around the room like angels protecting me from myself. God damn fuck did I ever miss them. Shower. Clean clothes and shoes. Jewelry. Out the door in need of medicine due to the fact that all I had was a t-shirt. Ugh. I strolled into Aurora and found that on a Sunday afternoon all was quiet. The resort had made changes during the past few years to move from more family-oriented to less. In the beginning, the exotic nature of the inside was a huge draw for children, however the ownership soon decided that an adult look was better for revenue. The changes were beautiful, although one such difference threw me off. The Nile bar was gone. Ouch. That was one of the locations where Juliette and I sat many times and enjoyed each other's company. It was also the last stop before she ran upstairs and told me to wait a bit before joining her. Holy God, that night was still in my brain. The Nile being absent from the landscape of the casino hurt me and the memories flew through like frightened birds. Seeing the empty space from my elevated position in the huge lounge felt like a knife. That woman meant the world to me and anything related to our short time together soon became precious. My ass in a plush seat to think. And the server... Yep... Get it started. I sat in the lounge for a long while. Comfortable, sunk in, and with some banter with the server. Still most of the tables were empty which meant she had time to sit with me and talk. That was nice and I found that her dress was not distracting. As much as my head spun over an attractive woman, I could not be anything other than polite. She was a person. A gorgeous woman, yes, but such was the atmosphere. Lines remained firmly in place for the time I spoke with her. The only remarkable distraction from the server's dark eyes and beautiful makeup was a blonde woman at the corner of the bar. Every now and then when I glanced up there she was looking at me. Hmm. Me? In a fucking t-shirt? Ugh. Why my direction? No matter. I stayed there for a while longer and looked over emails in between the server visits. More looking. Wow. She sat there looking so cute and with something alien to me: A huge frozen drink with an umbrella. I could not help but laugh and gesture toward the ridiculous-looking Vegas tourist cocktail. She giggled and smiled. Back to my phone. As the afternoon went on, I decided to head toward the Mandalay in search of a comfortable dinner. The long walk showed me there was no lack of picturesque women scattered here and there. I rolled on through to restaurant row at the mouth of their massive convention center. There was a sign surrounded by gas flames which caught my attention. Yes... Rumjungle, where just three years earlier, my partner and I sat and had a very uncomfortable meal as I had been completely out of my mind and ran away. The place was lovely, with Brazilian hostesses flanking the kiosk and dim lighting throughout. Nope. Too many bad memories of me tossing everyone's concern in the trash. I could not stay. Around the corner was Stripsteak... Again, I could not go in. Hmm. And me in a t-shirt. Fuck. I took to the bridge again and strolled into Luxor's own steakhouse which was nearly empty. To the desk, where an elegant yet devilish woman greeted me with a smile. 'Am I ok dressed like this?' 'You look great, but not for this dining room.' Oof. 'I shall return.' Cute wave. Another u-turn took me back to the bridge and a clothing store which seemed appropriate. In, silk, buttons, flirting, out. Back in. I threw a dinner invitation to the cashier for the next night and received a smile along with a nervous giggle. What was I doing? Who the fuck could possibly know? I was beginning to understand why so many people had instructed me to avoid Vegas when alone. Heh. The Czech blonde of a cashier agreed while blushing. Nice. She was so adorable and I tried not to let my eyes wander while there. I tossed her some information and headed toward my inclinator. Jana was on her little name tag hanging there over her huge right breast. Upon seeing it I flooded myself with dreams of Ashley when she approached the Island that first time. Fuck. From one doll to another. What a wreck I was, and after mere hours in the goblet. Yep. I then realized that I had a date. Oh my. Back down to the huge casino floor feeling more confident thanks to a row of buttons. I cruised back to the devil of a hostess and asked if the shirt was an improvement. She considered my appearance and assured me that I looked very nice. I immediately desired her due to being such an increasingly weak mess, but said nothing. I could smell her fragrant hair. And then the concern over dining alone set in, forcing me to be a tad unreasonable regarding the atmosphere. 'Can you seat me away from others? I do not wish to sit with the riff raff.' She took my hand. 'Honey, you ARE the riff raff.' Devilish smile and eyes to match. The fire alarm grabbed a menu and led me to a corner booth a good distance from anyone else in the room. Along the walk I quickly took inventory and then glanced down to watch her long legs move in patterns of wonder. Seated. Menu. A smile. As she walked away I saw a glance back which told me that after a couple of drinks I would likely be throwing a hook at her on the way out. Why not? Heh. I also could not help but sense a smidgen of discomfort from a lavishly-dressed woman at another booth who was sitting with a tool of a guy going on about his money. 'Order whatever you want. Get the Kobe. I can afford it.' Ugh. He was an idiot and she looked about as thrilled as a tax audit victim. Gorgeous and bored by the doofus who had apparently done well in the casino. Her hair, makeup and nails were unbelievable, but to take in more would have been rude. I kept to myself and relaxed. Soon after, my servers appeared and I was able to think about the trip while curled up in the corner of the room. I still heard some conversation from the flamboyant ass across the room which made me wish to rescue that beautiful creature from the jaws of his ridiculous personality. Nope. Sit tight. Steak, bourbon, cozy. Out. On my way past the desk I paused and whispered to the hostess that her eyes were lovely and unique. One big smile and thank you later she softly asked me to return at eleven. Yep. Maybe it was the shirt. More likely I was seen as interesting. Such a word had been used to describe me on many an occasion years earlier while in the goblet, and I calculated right then and there that the trip was going to go south. I still planned to meet with Jana the following night. Oy. I gently glanced her shoulder and headed back toward Aurora with my brain processing the exchange. I knew the moment we discussed my shirt that the woman looked at me with admiration. To the lounge. And there was the cutie again on the same barstool. She noticed me immediately and smiled like earlier. I plopped and tried to avoid leering. My server stopped by looking like liquid sex in a dress and took my order. Already I was feeling very loose due to the booze but tried to just sit and think. Go back to the hostess at eleven? Behave myself and remain at a distance? Or kill one drink and go to sleep? Another glance toward the bar and still looking at me. Hmm. Eight in the evening. I was feeling as if making it to eleven was a stretch, so I decided to go to the hostess and postpone. The lovely server returned and I requested a few minutes away. 'Of course, honey.' 'Thanks doll.' Stepping with purpose, I made a beeline for the restaurant which was at the opposite end of the club. A few words with her and the plan was altered for eleven the next night. Better. I expressed my appreciation for her outfit and look, smiled as warmly as I knew how, and trotted back to Aurora. The young one was still there, as was my seat and drink. Sitting, glancing, waiting. Why was such a young woman spending so much time staring at me? I let it go and flirted with Laura instead. That went nowhere but was still enjoyable. The girl was adorable, sweet, and very good with people. Back to the bar with my eyes. Still looking at me, so I figured what the hell. I gestured for her to join me and she immediately grabbed her things and came straight to my table. Wow. Just... Wow. The woman looked ten times more attractive up close and was dressed beautifully. 'Sit with me?' 'Sure darlin.' Darlin? Really? Super cute. She perched her little rear end next to me and we sat talking for quite a while before the realization set in that she was working. Oof. I had not had a conversation with a woman in her line of work for years and began to stumble. I remarked that perhaps I was taking up too much of her time just sitting in a lounge. Nope. She said getting to know people was the biggest part of her work day. Okay. I went with it for a while until finally she bluntly asked if I was staying at the hotel and if I cared to go upstairs. That was quick. I did want it, however hours of drinking meant I likely would not have the ability to do anything. She suggested we might have fun anyway, so I relented and we took off for the inclinator. Once in the room she removed her light jacket and sat with full attention on me. I asked if she was ever uncomfortable going into hotel rooms there to which she quickly said no. For the most part, the process was smooth and only the rare occasion became slightly unprofessional. People are just people, she went on, and her service aligned with such. God she was young and lovely sitting there with legs crossed. I wanted to dive but knew in the end it would go nowhere. Tired, full of booze, and thinking too deeply to relax. I told her as much and her reply was in asking me to sit. She smelled wonderful and looked straight into my eyes. Nikki was her name. Long, blonde hair, beautifully young, smooth skin, big eyes, and the curves I loved so much. We talked a bit and I remarked that to be taking up her time with nothing more than conversation might be removing opportunities from her evening. Nope. Plenty of time for whatever. Within moments I decided there was no reason not to be close. At that, her hands were all over me. No kissing... That was off limits. Just hands. She then pulled off her top to reveal a lovely blue bra and such smooth skin as I had not seen for a long time. I was allowed to touch, we slid down a bit, and she went for my belt. I spun to lie there and stare at her thighs and then saw something unexpected. I was face-to-face with a Cesarean scar across her lower stomach. I traced it with my finger for moments as she did what she wished to me. Pressure, but not feeling the way I had hoped. I became sad over knowing the woman had at least one child so I paused her and wished to speak. 'Working girl' popped into my head and was not funny. She was a woman making ends meet via a line of work in which many do not believe. And there she was high in the pyramid and splayed across my bed. We stopped just as her lips began to caress me. I knew I was in no shape for physicality of that type, even considering her loveliness and sweet voice. Conversation that she was not expecting. The discussion began with her kids, went into my career, difficulties in life, and toward her work and desire to save for school and the future. When I looked at her I saw a kind soul who had gone in a direction she understood but likely had not planned for herself. Immediately I was taken aback and wished only to talk with her. I felt sympathy but expressed none of it. She did not need that type of attention and knew precisely what she was doing for a living at that point in her life. I was no one to speak to decisions, anyway. Every one I made had been frivolous and harsh, leaving me a sordid mess year after miserable year. Further we talked, lying there mostly nude, and then eventually dressed and ambled back down to the lounge for a nightcap. Once seated and comfortable, we both approached each other differently than in the beginning. For the next two hours we enjoyed a cozy discussion and each other's eyes. I rose to leave her there and we embraced a long while, during which I planted cash in her hand. She smiled, left me a kiss on the cheek, and wished me good times. Back upstairs, spinning and wondering where I was in life. Showered. Better. I felt as if I had descended into a blurry, alcoholic hell for a little while... Some sort of netherworld in which I was uncomfortable. Nikki was sweet and kind and attentive, but that was an exit from my day that I should have avoided. Drunken sleep. Too much sleep as I was not accustomed to being up quite so late. Ugh. Late morning. I arose and thought of Nikki's story of her life. For the most part I felt good about our spending some time together and decided that after resting it was ok. I knew from the word go that I was not going to be able to do much with that cutie, but it did not matter. We connected, enjoyed, and parted. Not bad. And I needed food. Cleaned up -- wearing the same fucking shirt because that was all I had other than an unacceptable t-shirt -- and out the door toward the House of Blues and their wonderful southern-themed menu. I cozied in and ate, discussed the crazy things that happen in that city with the tall, dark, and handsome bartender, and then exited in favor of some quiet people-watching. Across the north bridge, through the bustling Excalibur, and over the street. Through the NY and into the fantastically beautiful Monte Carlo and that warm lounge where Jasmine and I made goo goo eyes at each other. Comfortable, scotch, stunning server, and a head full of possibilities when considering my upcoming evening with the yummy little Jana. The anticipation was floating in me like a flock of sexy birds. I sat a long while and overly flirted with the unreal and playful server and then took off to go and hide in my room with pencil and paper. Already four hours after twelve, but the time still felt like eight in the morning. My internal clock was goofed up something fierce. I grabbed a coffee in the Excalibur and took that thirty-seven-degree ride to on high. Notepad, views of the loving Mandalay, and left with my thoughts. Jana, soon. A few hours passed and I found myself yearning for someone at my door. I heard a slight knock and the anticipation grew immediately. Jana was at my door. Oh boy... Another woman who came to see me. In the seconds it took to approach and open the door and see that gorgeous thing standing before me looking like the most dangerous dessert, I fell. Juliette, the dream of dreams, knocked the same way that first night. Soft, gentle, and soothing... Just like every aspect of her personality and body. God damn that woman was beautiful. We connected deeply, I loved her, we enjoyed all of it, and days later that same door slammed shut along with my reasons for living. And then Jana. Right there with her hair flowing, breasts pushing, and that adorable accent that made me need to swallow her whole. The only difference was no spa under the window. Heh. In my room. She immediately kissed me on the cheek and threw her arms around me in greeting. Wow. Big smile from those luscious lips. The girl looked so fucking nice... Black jeans which had apparently been applied with a paintbrush, bright red tank which pulled my eyes out of my head, and screaming red slingbacks I wanted to lick. Holy crap. Jana was gorgeous and only sold me a shirt, but me being who I was, well, it only took seconds before I handed her a dinner invitation in her place of work. And there she stood in my room dressed to kill. Jesus. We exchanged a few simplicities before deciding to go find dinner. As I grabbed my phone and watch, Jana strolled toward the door and my head exploded. Her thighs were amazing. A-fucking-mazing. I could not stop staring. She turned and smiled, gave me one finger beckoning me to head out, and then took my hand as we exited. I wanted to stay and devour her pants, but alas it was a dinner date. Out. Her body would not let my brain operate anything beyond processing what I was seeing. Like Ashley, yet not as tall and with different hair. Young, smooth, soft, and so fucking stunning. As we rolled to the inclinator my eyes often moved to her chest bouncing. I just could not help it. Whatever bra she had chosen allowed a lot of movement, and for a girl who might tip the scale at just over one hundred, her chest was out there. No push-up, no thick padding, and no crazy lining. That was all her. Holy fucking Christ in an elevator shaft did I want to enter that tank and have a blast. Gawd damn. I saw thin, black straps and that was all. My brain tried to calculate the Vegas odds in seeing the rest of that silk. Funny. Breasts. Wow. I suggested we slide into the House Of Blues bar in hopes of de-haunting that place after Juliette and Jasmine. I needed memories there in some other direction because remembering Juliette clinging to me at the bar were still painful. Three years later and that woman still commanded a good portion of my being. One thing helped tremendously and that was the way Jana immediately wrapped her arms around mine as we walked. She held me after very little conversation and a short time since we introduced ourselves. Clingy, which I loved. I felt a few inches taller with a lovely woman on my arm and that path to the restaurant was no different. Yes, I still derived my value through others... Especially females. Why? I had no idea, however the offset was being comforted by them for as long as possible. She felt so warm and soft that I did not want the walk to end. The hour was early, so perhaps there would be more. To the bar. 'Do I look ok? I didn't have a lot of time.' 'You look beautiful.' 'Thank you.' We sat there and talked about the city and the wondrous south end of the strip. Jana asked a few things of me, mostly my work and what brought me to the Luxor. Every now and then she popped a kiss to my cheek and I went a little further out of my mind. I remarked about her affection and she said she was very comfortable with me after seeing my eyes in the store a day earlier. Again with the eyes? How many times? No one saw desire? Or perhaps my difficulties in life pushed away the look? I did not feel terribly attractive aside from dressing decently for the club, but over and over my eyes seemed to draw attention while there. Need? I supposed not, and figured that wanting the comfort of a sensitive woman was nothing so crazy. Still I glanced at her chest and she did not seem to mind. I could not help it... Her breasts were prominent and defied the rest of a petite frame. I did my best to focus, however, as I did not wish to offend that girl. We spoke of her work and time in country, covered the insanity which takes place in the Luxor and Mandalay Bay during huge conventions, and slowly meandered toward relationships. Jana had been treated well for the most part, she said, yet still searched passively. She told me her work did not really pan out the way she had hoped, so the paycheck was most of it. Meeting people would happen in service anywhere. And then she said I stumbled in and she spoke with me, immediately hoping I would ask her out. Huh? Geez... That caught me off-guard. Another smooch, booze, food. I was right where I needed to be, and with a ton of exotic beauty hanging on my arm. And then she planted a kiss that I would not soon forget, followed by whispering into my ear that I could see inside her top if I wished it. Fucking hell. Check, please? Heh. I honestly could not treat that girl like a conquest or sex object, so I just smiled and left the subject alone. I also told myself that despite my need to attack her like a rabid dog, if anything physical was to take place Jana would have to initiate it. I did not even know of her age. Oops. Young. We sat there a while longer and spoke with her hands wandering my arm and neck which served to drive me nuts. The girl was very affectionate from the first moment. Jana asked that we walk around a little because she hadn't seen much of the Mandalay despite working on the bridge for a year. Off to the row of restaurants with her again all over my arm. Jana stopped me in front of Aureole at the railing. We stood there a while and watched the wine angels fly up and down the tower, her arms still attached to mine. I was overwhelmed by her affection at having met me just a day before and the fact that she felt so comfortable next to me took me away from everything. Her chest was captivating and the anticipation of seeing inside her bra served to work me up into a froth. I was fighting with myself over wanting her so badly yet trying to hold it back due to her sweet demeanor and soft eyes. I pushed back for the time being and tried to relax and enjoy being so close. We strolled, slowly, all the way back toward the huge convention center, paused, kissed, and then made a return trip all the way to where it started. Her place of work. Another pause, that time with Jana's arms at my waist and my brain losing its ability to process anything other than sex. Damn it. Stop, idiot. The girl was a person above all other things. Leave it up to her, for fuck's sake. Just stop. I felt so weak. Jana was pulling me. As we made our way back into the lower pyramid, memories of walking that same exact pathway flooded and slammed my head badly. I faltered. Jana held my hands tightly and looked on with concern. I had to pause and think for a few minutes as the days there had developed both good and bad feelings along with the time when I returned home after so many days with those two women six years earlier. Ashley... Jesus fucking Christ did that young thing ever hold me up when I was losing my mind over leaving. Her sofa and bed were like little slices of heaven and enough for me to find relaxation. I was there -- intertwined with her all night -- and felt like I had been floating between worlds with some sort of deathly and hellish ending just ahead of me. Ashley held it back and treated me like a fucking king at every second. I righted myself and told Jana I needed to lie down. She agreed immediately. To the room. Inside, with the world locked out; just like at some point during every fucking trip to that town. Jana held my arm and asked if I was ok, and all I could do was move to the bed and flop. The young one sat at my side and stated that we could just stay in and be alone if it helped. Still early. Thoughts of being in that huge resort with so many others made my head spin. I needed to calm, so I dropped most of my clothes and curled up. Jana laid down next to me and whispered that I would be ok. We spoke quietly as I continued to apologize for falling off a cliff. No worries, she said, just relax. I had little choice. Some time later I awakened to find Jana up against my back in her undies and my clothes folded neatly on one of the chairs across the room. I felt those big breasts on my skin along with the soft material within which they rested. Earlier I needed to dive into her top and the thought remained at the forefront for most of the evening. Lying there in the near-dark with that gorgeous girl right there did not send me flying like when she arrived. I was calm, more at ease, and needed to rest and think. Naturally I was still dying to see her sans clothing, but her attitude toward us being alone had already told me that I need not worry. There did not seem to be the word 'no' when it came to me asking things of Jana. I had no idea if we were going to head in such a direction or not. For the moment? Quiet. Calm. Warm. No pressure, no strain. The issues which drove me out of the casino a short time earlier had eased up quite a bit and allowed my head to process things better. And just like every getaway, having a woman next to me made all the difference. Without 'her', I was but half a person. Out of balance, depressed, and incomplete. Jana, thank the maker, was the latest in a long line of sweet, understanding women upon whom I hung my concerns in life. I arose and raised the dimmer slightly to see that fucking stunning skin lying there on her side with rear pointing in one direction and that beautiful pair pointing in the opposite. Holy fucking shit in a tin can, I knew within moments I would need to be much closer. To the bathroom. The mirror never lied to me in the past and the current moment was no different. I looked at the reflection of the marble shower and thought of Juliette's huge mane flowing all over the place, Ashley's unbelievably round waddling ass walking toward the water, and those moments when I realized the staggering amount of natural beauty with which I had been spending time. No sooner did I begin to become slightly aroused by the memory of Ashley's heroin all over my lips, when Jana's chest startled me by pressing into my back. And then her warm hands around my waist with kisses on my shoulder. She was still wearing the lingerie, thank Christ, and felt as if her intention was to help me be comfortable. Immediately I remembered her saying that due to my eyes she was not worried about spending time with me in private. I was trusted and had to keep that in mind. Everything up to Jana. Everything. I remained still until finally she spoke in that adorable accent. 'Want to get a drink?' 'Sure.' She turned me around for a hug, raised the dimmer further, and then backed away slightly to allow me to finally see her without any outer clothing. Wow. As I suspected, her bra was full, yet thin. Those breasts looked unreal... Like someone designed them in a laboratory and then pasted them to that gorgeous girl. I stared, she smiled. Thighs, little three-quarter cut panties with bows, and a waist dividing top and bottom that was beyond tiny. She made Ashley seem overweight somehow and that doll was fucking thin. I did not understand how Jana's chest had ballooned out so much when the rest of her was very petite. A bit of strain inside before moving in for a hug. She held on, pecked my cheek, and we nodded as if to say let's get dressed. Did I want her? Mostly, however her caring and gentle understanding was killing me inside and I let the sex drift away. Clothes, inclinator, and across the bridge with that stunning Czech beauty on my arm yet again. For the first time since leaving home for my parents' house, I thought of extending the trip. Oy. We rolled into the Island and plopped at the bar away from others. Jana sat there with her lovely eyes and asked of my well-being over and over. I could not believe how much that girl tried to help, and nearly constantly. I told her to relax and for once in the evening let me care for her. 'You are. I'm happy to be here with you.' Huh? Me? The train wreck with the eyes? I felt all torn up and depressed inside, dependent upon others (read: females), and constantly rising and falling over the past. Happy to be with me? Hmm... My head had to take some time to realize that I barely knew Jana at all. Her feelings were already important, but the fact was that she enjoyed the moments and felt at ease with me. That was nice to hear. We stayed there for one drink and then returned to the pyramid and my cozy room. Thoughts of leaving the next morning were pushing against dreams of being nude and all over Jana. My head was a tennis match for the umpteenth time. Into the room, she pulled me close, removed my clothes to the shorts, and then pushed me to the bed. Her clothing came off as well, after which she climbed in front of me as we formed that loving spoon. I wrapped my arms, one underneath her neck and the other over the top, felt the beginning of pressure within, and then blew the fuck up when Jana took my hands and moved them to her two big globes. I felt the material, the little bow, the clasp in the front, and her nipples pushing forward. Thought processes in any other direction ceased immediately as I caressed and lost myself in the moment. Jana began to squirm, effectively removing any doubt of her comfort with me right there and mostly undressed. Her hands wandered as she moaned slightly and I flipped the fuck out. More, further, tugging at my shorts, and then she spun and kissed me as if the fucking ocean was about to come in the window. That was that. I dove into her with pent up passion like I had waited years... Because I had. Jana was soft, loving, wonderfully sexual. At one point when I moved to change our position, she rolled and raised herself on all fours. Back arched, ass in the air like little I had ever seen, and those huge, round breasts hanging below. I went insane staring at her gyrating and awaiting me. Holy fucking shit in a dresser drawer... Unbelievable. 'I wanted this so badly.' Her words floored me. Everything. Everywhere. I awakened some time in the middle of the night and saw her entire nude body splayed on the sheet. Holy shit, what a classic beauty with that bikini bridge as a centerpiece. Ilial crests of dreamland. Breasts all over the fucking place, and the heroin right there staring at me. Oof. I must have spent a full hour planted there and listening to her rise and fall over and over. Delicious, wondrous, tender, sensitive. God help me. Sin, again, but nothing I could resist in the least. Why did I feel tremendous guilt? Jana initiated all of it... She wanted me equal to my own desire. Two adults, isolated and free to do as we pleased. Why the guilt? What was wrong with me for Christ's sake? Back to sleep with her body in my hands. Morning. Alone. Wait... What? Alone? Yep... Jana was not there. Her clothes were gone and a slip of paper from the hotel stationery was in their place. Damn, I expected to awaken with her warmth right there. Glasses. Reading. Sadness, yet understanding. Jana had gone very early and left me loving words with little hearts and kisses all over the paper. At the bottom was an imprint of her lipstick as she had kissed the note before exiting my room. She stated that our night was dreamy, wonderful, and she would never forget. The girl knew I had to leave and wished to avoid a teary goodbye. Well, that plan worked but halfway. As my eyes approached the end of her sweet, sweet note, they filled quickly with tears and I fell through the floor just like every other trip to Las Vegas. Harsh breathing, heavy crying, and no happiness whatsoever. I was destroyed and again wished to go out the window. Pain and images of her all over me for hours. Mostly pain. Fuck. The hour was early. I packed my shit with wet eyes as the realization hit me like a giant sequoia of a baseball bat. Home. Ugh. Just like six years earlier before falling into my boozy pit of despair and running across Melanie the sweetheart. The current morning? None of that. I had to go and avoid further destruction to myself and my life. The previous adventure had taught me that others knew I was flighty and would flip the fuck out from time to time, however my insides were simply ill-equipped to handle it again. The absence of that loving girl in the morning was nearly too much. I just had to get the fuck out of that room and make tracks for California. And my head was so weak and fucked up that her yummy nipples flashed in my brain like a dotted line to death. Get out. And I mean the hell out immediately. No coffee, no nothing. Just go, stupid fuck. I stepped quickly as if I was being chased in a nightmare. In a way I was... The haunting memories of four women right behind me with their beauty along the way. Inclinator, lobby, keys tossed, outside with the giant obelisk staring at me in judgment. Fuck you, sphinx. And then I remembered that the hostess at the steakhouse had wished to meet with me and I overlooked it. I forgot and felt even worse. Fuck, again. Claim check, tip. Fallen. Broken. Fucked. My car arrived and I dropped. From the bliss on high of being drowned within the goblet and my beloved Luxor, to the extreme low of leaving with nothing more than six-hundred miles of highway before me and my head filled with memories. Not short-term, but years earlier. The trip I had just capped was relaxing and interesting, yet also short and to the point. I did not have a choice but to exit the glitz and make tracks for home due to much on my plate. My previous getaway to Sin City was years earlier and very much went by the seat of my pants -- I did not give a shit about home and responsibilities because the intention was to lavish that life upon myself, sink in to the limits, and then leave my broken self somewhere on the side of highway 95 north of town. The end of me was planned. The elixir of life had been wholly consumed and expelled during that hellish time. My path was clear. No interruptions, no delays, and the time for my exit was only nigh at my convenience. Thoughts of returning were absent. The current trip was meant to be a quick stopover for two nights without falling so far into the illusion that I could not climb out. Well, a little is a lot. It was a lot. It was nearly too much... like a tiny snort of heroin and then the bag being quickly pulled away. I felt the vein swelling with need and sat powerless to satiate it. Regardless of my addiction, I sunk into the velour, cranked the air conditioning, and steered to 15 with a tear. Goodbye my loving pyramid, and God help me. Rolling. Mojave a while later, along with views of the boneyard and sounds of actual operating Ospreys overhead. I parked at Burger King and stood listening to the jetprops above in wonder. Those aircraft were related to my place of work, having been tested and researched for two decades. The Ospreys temporarily distracted me from the drive and my place in the desert for a long while before finally stumbling through the door still feeling alcohol and its effects hours after my depressing exit from the dripping illusion. Dreaming of an immediate u-turn took me by storm as the realization set in that I had ventured far from my element. My other element -- as difficult as it had felt at times -- was above and noisily overpowering all other sounds in that little desert town. Inside I saw everyday people. When prompted to the counter, others gazed at me in the silk and silver as if I was a Vegas demon there to devour. In reality, my need was calories for the depressing drive. I grabbed something light and hit the road. The idea of being home was not pleasant. Work, whatever, something. None of it was going to be easy due to my head and the memories of yet another sordid adventure. From being in my parents' new home all cozy and dealing with their needs to sitting there twenty-six floors up with the lips of a prostitute wrapped around me as I caressed her young breasts was a transition that my head would not leave alone. And then Jana... Fucking hell. What was wrong with me? Highway after highway. Hours of daydreaming of driving into every fucking telephone pole and bridge abutment. Every single fucking one of them was the glaring solution to the problem that was me. Not so soon after? Home. Destroyed. Depressed. Broke and broken. But soon enough I would do it again. I would do worse." 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08-25-2019 05:11 pdt If you are visiting for the first time, go to the beginning The Detour and the Destruction read ( words) "My parents had moved south of Phoenix in mid zero-six after having traveled there to investigate the market. They had relocated several times throughout a matter of just a few years, and each new locale generally was a step up from the last. With both of them past retirement age, I was usually there whenever they were settling in to help with the details of getting day-to-day needs set up. I took care of many things -- mainly for my dad's peace of mind -- and ensured they could be fairly comfortable before leaving them to their new home. They relied upon me for every move and I always helped as much as I was able. Arizona was quite a long way, but I assured my dad that I would be there. My work could be quite flexible at times which allowed me to interface with my boss for a little time to travel for two reasons: First to help with their move, and second to drop off a piece of audio equipment in Bakersfield for my partner's son. That was not completely on the way, but would take less time than heading there directly. I decided to drive after growing up traveling by road to nearly every vacation destination. I made a plan and after calculating just how much time was needed to take care of business and then got my things together for an adventure. I covertly added a couple of nights and made a reservation at the Luxor for some time to myself. Yep, me alone in Vegas. My partner knew I was going there, but my parents did not. Leaving home for a long drive early in the morning was one of my favorite ways to take off on a trip. I had recently expanded the audio system in my car and loved listening. I took off before the light, grabbed some coffee and a snack, and then hit the long road for Bakersfield. The entire drive found me dreaming of not the first destination nor the second, but only the Luxor. I was dying to sit there and remember doing the same with Juliette and Ashley just a few years before. I had not visited the promised land since that last dash out of town and needed to drown in it, even for a quick one. My partner had no worries with me heading there alone for some comfort. The plan was relaxation and remembering those two goddesses and the wonder we shared. Other than filling the tank, I did not stop all the way to Bakersfield. A quick hello and goodbye, and back to the highway south. Tejon Ranch greeted me before climbing the big hill. On the other side I took that huge left toward Riverside and eventually located a light meal off the road and rested myself a little while. Back to it while perusing the library of CDs in the passenger seat. All the while I had visions of frolicking around the spa suite with Juliette and her unreal curves. Our stay in that hotel and the two nights in Death Valley were surreal to the point of seeming as if they never took place. We were in our own heaven for a time and did not give half a shit about the rest of the world. I continued driving with Juliette's delicious rear end in my brain. Oy. Cruising along interstate ten east eventually became flat and I realized that the desert was all I would see from that point forward. It was so beautiful and I felt somewhat free being far from home and under my own control for the most part. Onward. Eventually I fell into a rocking chair of sorts for some one-hundred miles with a truck. When I finally passed as the exit south was nearing, the driver gave me a wave and smile. Just one of those endearing road things that happens with career drivers. Acknowledgment. Hmm. I arrived at my destination and the parents were overjoyed to see me. We relaxed and caught up before having dinner. I quickly set up the television and disc player so my dad could fall into his familiar evening routine and find some comfort as if he was home. That was very important to him after the stress of moving so far away. Semblance of home. I did the same for my mom and everyone felt better. Saturday morning. Coffee, bagels, and television in the background still playing a movie from the previous night. After I cleaned up and dressed, the cable contractor showed up and installed the workings for TV and Internet -- both of which my parents relied upon every day. I knew that once everything was operational and connected, I would be safe to leave. They believed that I had to return to work Monday, which meant only one full day at their new home before hitting the road. In reality, I was leaving early Sunday morning to make a beeline to the Luxor. Yep, a long line of bullshit to get what I wanted. Every fucking time. My partner knew that I could take only so much of my parents and that a short stay in the goblet would help remove the difficulty. She knew me better than anyone yet still remained unconcerned that I would be alone in that big sex-and-money machine in the desert. I made nice during the visit, quietly asked the cable installer of the quickest way toward Vegas from our location, and then formulated a time for the following morning. I had no idea of the distance, but that did not matter. My head was already halfway up the fucking pyramid by the time we had dinner. Heh. With all of the business completed and two happy parents, I felt freed up to leave. Yes. The wonder of my dreams was hours away. Sleep. In the morning my dad offered to fill my gas tank as a thank you for helping them settle in. Mom made me a lunch, so at the gas station while the car was being refueled, I went inside for a small Styrofoam cooler to keep things cool in the summer warmth. Dad and I embraced and said our goodbyes before I hit the trail for Vegas. The excitement in my head had to remain at a distance as I realized most of Sunday would be spent driving north. I cruised through the suburbs and Phoenix, took a cut northwest at the advice of the cable guy, and a while later left the highway at Lake Pleasant to have lunch. The weather was very hot in that area but I did not care in the least. All I could consider was my arrival at the pyramid and the excitement of being there where Juliette and I found love. Back to the road with her beauty in my head. Air conditioning, music blaring, scenery everywhere. Eventually I found the last numbered highway which would lead me to my destination. Hoover Dam, gorgeous mountains, Lake Mead, Henderson, and then off in the distance... Those massive resorts awaiting my hungry eyes. What a fucking sight. Hours in the car, but worth it. I made my way into the huge Luxor valet area and exited the car, stretching. The attendant asked how I was doing and I replied that I felt overjoyed to be home. Ha! He loved it, gestured for help with my bags, and took my car keys. I was happy to see them go, too. Into the beloved Egyptian wonderland dripping with anticipation. Soon? Trouble. I stood there in line at the registration desk looking like the average squareheaded tourist, and such a scene made me very uncomfortable. My lifestyle dictated respect for the club and to stand there with my athletic shoes and a pair of shorts was killing me inside. I had to wait before getting upstairs and donning my preferred look. In Arizona the idea was to keep cool and be comfortable in the muggy weather, however inside the pyramid -- where the climate never changes -- meant looking the part. For me, there was just no other way. I finally made it, checked in, and trotted to the inclinator for the high floors. Thank Christ I was out of sight and able to spread out at my pace. Comfort. Little Luxor pyramid shampoo and conditioner bottles helped me to align myself with the proper mindset for the resort. Juliette? Ashley? Melanie? All three of those beauties floated around the room like angels protecting me from myself. God damn fuck did I ever miss them. Shower. Clean clothes and shoes. Jewelry. Out the door in need of medicine due to the fact that all I had was a t-shirt. Ugh. I strolled into Aurora and found that on a Sunday afternoon all was quiet. The resort had made changes during the past few years to move from more family-oriented to less. In the beginning, the exotic nature of the inside was a huge draw for children, however the ownership soon decided that an adult look was better for revenue. The changes were beautiful, although one such difference threw me off. The Nile bar was gone. Ouch. That was one of the locations where Juliette and I sat many times and enjoyed each other's company. It was also the last stop before she ran upstairs and told me to wait a bit before joining her. Holy God, that night was still in my brain. The Nile being absent from the landscape of the casino hurt me and the memories flew through like frightened birds. Seeing the empty space from my elevated position in the huge lounge felt like a knife. That woman meant the world to me and anything related to our short time together soon became precious. My ass in a plush seat to think. And the server... Yep... Get it started. I sat in the lounge for a long while. Comfortable, sunk in, and with some banter with the server. Still most of the tables were empty which meant she had time to sit with me and talk. That was nice and I found that her dress was not distracting. As much as my head spun over an attractive woman, I could not be anything other than polite. She was a person. A gorgeous woman, yes, but such was the atmosphere. Lines remained firmly in place for the time I spoke with her. The only remarkable distraction from the server's dark eyes and beautiful makeup was a blonde woman at the corner of the bar. Every now and then when I glanced up there she was looking at me. Hmm. Me? In a fucking t-shirt? Ugh. Why my direction? No matter. I stayed there for a while longer and looked over emails in between the server visits. More looking. Wow. She sat there looking so cute and with something alien to me: A huge frozen drink with an umbrella. I could not help but laugh and gesture toward the ridiculous-looking Vegas tourist cocktail. She giggled and smiled. Back to my phone. As the afternoon went on, I decided to head toward the Mandalay in search of a comfortable dinner. The long walk showed me there was no lack of picturesque women scattered here and there. I rolled on through to restaurant row at the mouth of their massive convention center. There was a sign surrounded by gas flames which caught my attention. Yes... Rumjungle, where just three years earlier, my partner and I sat and had a very uncomfortable meal as I had been completely out of my mind and ran away. The place was lovely, with Brazilian hostesses flanking the kiosk and dim lighting throughout. Nope. Too many bad memories of me tossing everyone's concern in the trash. I could not stay. Around the corner was Stripsteak... Again, I could not go in. Hmm. And me in a t-shirt. Fuck. I took to the bridge again and strolled into Luxor's own steakhouse which was nearly empty. To the desk, where an elegant yet devilish woman greeted me with a smile. 'Am I ok dressed like this?' 'You look great, but not for this dining room.' Oof. 'I shall return.' Cute wave. Another u-turn took me back to the bridge and a clothing store which seemed appropriate. In, silk, buttons, flirting, out. Back in. I threw a dinner invitation to the cashier for the next night and received a smile along with a nervous giggle. What was I doing? Who the fuck could possibly know? I was beginning to understand why so many people had instructed me to avoid Vegas when alone. Heh. The Czech blonde of a cashier agreed while blushing. Nice. She was so adorable and I tried not to let my eyes wander while there. I tossed her some information and headed toward my inclinator. Jana was on her little name tag hanging there over her huge right breast. Upon seeing it I flooded myself with dreams of Ashley when she approached the Island that first time. Fuck. From one doll to another. What a wreck I was, and after mere hours in the goblet. Yep. I then realized that I had a date. Oh my. Back down to the huge casino floor feeling more confident thanks to a row of buttons. I cruised back to the devil of a hostess and asked if the shirt was an improvement. She considered my appearance and assured me that I looked very nice. I immediately desired her due to being such an increasingly weak mess, but said nothing. I could smell her fragrant hair. And then the concern over dining alone set in, forcing me to be a tad unreasonable regarding the atmosphere. 'Can you seat me away from others? I do not wish to sit with the riff raff.' She took my hand. 'Honey, you ARE the riff raff.' Devilish smile and eyes to match. The fire alarm grabbed a menu and led me to a corner booth a good distance from anyone else in the room. Along the walk I quickly took inventory and then glanced down to watch her long legs move in patterns of wonder. Seated. Menu. A smile. As she walked away I saw a glance back which told me that after a couple of drinks I would likely be throwing a hook at her on the way out. Why not? Heh. I also could not help but sense a smidgen of discomfort from a lavishly-dressed woman at another booth who was sitting with a tool of a guy going on about his money. 'Order whatever you want. Get the Kobe. I can afford it.' Ugh. He was an idiot and she looked about as thrilled as a tax audit victim. Gorgeous and bored by the doofus who had apparently done well in the casino. Her hair, makeup and nails were unbelievable, but to take in more would have been rude. I kept to myself and relaxed. Soon after, my servers appeared and I was able to think about the trip while curled up in the corner of the room. I still heard some conversation from the flamboyant ass across the room which made me wish to rescue that beautiful creature from the jaws of his ridiculous personality. Nope. Sit tight. Steak, bourbon, cozy. Out. On my way past the desk I paused and whispered to the hostess that her eyes were lovely and unique. One big smile and thank you later she softly asked me to return at eleven. Yep. Maybe it was the shirt. More likely I was seen as interesting. Such a word had been used to describe me on many an occasion years earlier while in the goblet, and I calculated right then and there that the trip was going to go south. I still planned to meet with Jana the following night. Oy. I gently glanced her shoulder and headed back toward Aurora with my brain processing the exchange. I knew the moment we discussed my shirt that the woman looked at me with admiration. To the lounge. And there was the cutie again on the same barstool. She noticed me immediately and smiled like earlier. I plopped and tried to avoid leering. My server stopped by looking like liquid sex in a dress and took my order. Already I was feeling very loose due to the booze but tried to just sit and think. Go back to the hostess at eleven? Behave myself and remain at a distance? Or kill one drink and go to sleep? Another glance toward the bar and still looking at me. Hmm. Eight in the evening. I was feeling as if making it to eleven was a stretch, so I decided to go to the hostess and postpone. The lovely server returned and I requested a few minutes away. 'Of course, honey.' 'Thanks doll.' Stepping with purpose, I made a beeline for the restaurant which was at the opposite end of the club. A few words with her and the plan was altered for eleven the next night. Better. I expressed my appreciation for her outfit and look, smiled as warmly as I knew how, and trotted back to Aurora. The young one was still there, as was my seat and drink. Sitting, glancing, waiting. Why was such a young woman spending so much time staring at me? I let it go and flirted with Laura instead. That went nowhere but was still enjoyable. The girl was adorable, sweet, and very good with people. Back to the bar with my eyes. Still looking at me, so I figured what the hell. I gestured for her to join me and she immediately grabbed her things and came straight to my table. Wow. Just... Wow. The woman looked ten times more attractive up close and was dressed beautifully. 'Sit with me?' 'Sure darlin.' Darlin? Really? Super cute. She perched her little rear end next to me and we sat talking for quite a while before the realization set in that she was working. Oof. I had not had a conversation with a woman in her line of work for years and began to stumble. I remarked that perhaps I was taking up too much of her time just sitting in a lounge. Nope. She said getting to know people was the biggest part of her work day. Okay. I went with it for a while until finally she bluntly asked if I was staying at the hotel and if I cared to go upstairs. That was quick. I did want it, however hours of drinking meant I likely would not have the ability to do anything. She suggested we might have fun anyway, so I relented and we took off for the inclinator. Once in the room she removed her light jacket and sat with full attention on me. I asked if she was ever uncomfortable going into hotel rooms there to which she quickly said no. For the most part, the process was smooth and only the rare occasion became slightly unprofessional. People are just people, she went on, and her service aligned with such. God she was young and lovely sitting there with legs crossed. I wanted to dive but knew in the end it would go nowhere. Tired, full of booze, and thinking too deeply to relax. I told her as much and her reply was in asking me to sit. She smelled wonderful and looked straight into my eyes. Nikki was her name. Long, blonde hair, beautifully young, smooth skin, big eyes, and the curves I loved so much. We talked a bit and I remarked that to be taking up her time with nothing more than conversation might be removing opportunities from her evening. Nope. Plenty of time for whatever. Within moments I decided there was no reason not to be close. At that, her hands were all over me. No kissing... That was off limits. Just hands. She then pulled off her top to reveal a lovely blue bra and such smooth skin as I had not seen for a long time. I was allowed to touch, we slid down a bit, and she went for my belt. I spun to lie there and stare at her thighs and then saw something unexpected. I was face-to-face with a Cesarean scar across her lower stomach. I traced it with my finger for moments as she did what she wished to me. Pressure, but not feeling the way I had hoped. I became sad over knowing the woman had at least one child so I paused her and wished to speak. 'Working girl' popped into my head and was not funny. She was a woman making ends meet via a line of work in which many do not believe. And there she was high in the pyramid and splayed across my bed. We stopped just as her lips began to caress me. I knew I was in no shape for physicality of that type, even considering her loveliness and sweet voice. Conversation that she was not expecting. The discussion began with her kids, went into my career, difficulties in life, and toward her work and desire to save for school and the future. When I looked at her I saw a kind soul who had gone in a direction she understood but likely had not planned for herself. Immediately I was taken aback and wished only to talk with her. I felt sympathy but expressed none of it. She did not need that type of attention and knew precisely what she was doing for a living at that point in her life. I was no one to speak to decisions, anyway. Every one I made had been frivolous and harsh, leaving me a sordid mess year after miserable year. Further we talked, lying there mostly nude, and then eventually dressed and ambled back down to the lounge for a nightcap. Once seated and comfortable, we both approached each other differently than in the beginning. For the next two hours we enjoyed a cozy discussion and each other's eyes. I rose to leave her there and we embraced a long while, during which I planted cash in her hand. She smiled, left me a kiss on the cheek, and wished me good times. Back upstairs, spinning and wondering where I was in life. Showered. Better. I felt as if I had descended into a blurry, alcoholic hell for a little while... Some sort of netherworld in which I was uncomfortable. Nikki was sweet and kind and attentive, but that was an exit from my day that I should have avoided. Drunken sleep. Too much sleep as I was not accustomed to being up quite so late. Ugh. Late morning. I arose and thought of Nikki's story of her life. For the most part I felt good about our spending some time together and decided that after resting it was ok. I knew from the word go that I was not going to be able to do much with that cutie, but it did not matter. We connected, enjoyed, and parted. Not bad. And I needed food. Cleaned up -- wearing the same fucking shirt because that was all I had other than an unacceptable t-shirt -- and out the door toward the House of Blues and their wonderful southern-themed menu. I cozied in and ate, discussed the crazy things that happen in that city with the tall, dark, and handsome bartender, and then exited in favor of some quiet people-watching. Across the north bridge, through the bustling Excalibur, and over the street. Through the NY and into the fantastically beautiful Monte Carlo and that warm lounge where Jasmine and I made goo goo eyes at each other. Comfortable, scotch, stunning server, and a head full of possibilities when considering my upcoming evening with the yummy little Jana. The anticipation was floating in me like a flock of sexy birds. I sat a long while and overly flirted with the unreal and playful server and then took off to go and hide in my room with pencil and paper. Already four hours after twelve, but the time still felt like eight in the morning. My internal clock was goofed up something fierce. I grabbed a coffee in the Excalibur and took that thirty-seven-degree ride to on high. Notepad, views of the loving Mandalay, and left with my thoughts. Jana, soon. A few hours passed and I found myself yearning for someone at my door. I heard a slight knock and the anticipation grew immediately. Jana was at my door. Oh boy... Another woman who came to see me. In the seconds it took to approach and open the door and see that gorgeous thing standing before me looking like the most dangerous dessert, I fell. Juliette, the dream of dreams, knocked the same way that first night. Soft, gentle, and soothing... Just like every aspect of her personality and body. God damn that woman was beautiful. We connected deeply, I loved her, we enjoyed all of it, and days later that same door slammed shut along with my reasons for living. And then Jana. Right there with her hair flowing, breasts pushing, and that adorable accent that made me need to swallow her whole. The only difference was no spa under the window. Heh. In my room. She immediately kissed me on the cheek and threw her arms around me in greeting. Wow. Big smile from those luscious lips. The girl looked so fucking nice... Black jeans which had apparently been applied with a paintbrush, bright red tank which pulled my eyes out of my head, and screaming red slingbacks I wanted to lick. Holy crap. Jana was gorgeous and only sold me a shirt, but me being who I was, well, it only took seconds before I handed her a dinner invitation in her place of work. And there she stood in my room dressed to kill. Jesus. We exchanged a few simplicities before deciding to go find dinner. As I grabbed my phone and watch, Jana strolled toward the door and my head exploded. Her thighs were amazing. A-fucking-mazing. I could not stop staring. She turned and smiled, gave me one finger beckoning me to head out, and then took my hand as we exited. I wanted to stay and devour her pants, but alas it was a dinner date. Out. Her body would not let my brain operate anything beyond processing what I was seeing. Like Ashley, yet not as tall and with different hair. Young, smooth, soft, and so fucking stunning. As we rolled to the inclinator my eyes often moved to her chest bouncing. I just could not help it. Whatever bra she had chosen allowed a lot of movement, and for a girl who might tip the scale at just over one hundred, her chest was out there. No push-up, no thick padding, and no crazy lining. That was all her. Holy fucking Christ in an elevator shaft did I want to enter that tank and have a blast. Gawd damn. I saw thin, black straps and that was all. My brain tried to calculate the Vegas odds in seeing the rest of that silk. Funny. Breasts. Wow. I suggested we slide into the House Of Blues bar in hopes of de-haunting that place after Juliette and Jasmine. I needed memories there in some other direction because remembering Juliette clinging to me at the bar were still painful. Three years later and that woman still commanded a good portion of my being. One thing helped tremendously and that was the way Jana immediately wrapped her arms around mine as we walked. She held me after very little conversation and a short time since we introduced ourselves. Clingy, which I loved. I felt a few inches taller with a lovely woman on my arm and that path to the restaurant was no different. Yes, I still derived my value through others... Especially females. Why? I had no idea, however the offset was being comforted by them for as long as possible. She felt so warm and soft that I did not want the walk to end. The hour was early, so perhaps there would be more. To the bar. 'Do I look ok? I didn't have a lot of time.' 'You look beautiful.' 'Thank you.' We sat there and talked about the city and the wondrous south end of the strip. Jana asked a few things of me, mostly my work and what brought me to the Luxor. Every now and then she popped a kiss to my cheek and I went a little further out of my mind. I remarked about her affection and she said she was very comfortable with me after seeing my eyes in the store a day earlier. Again with the eyes? How many times? No one saw desire? Or perhaps my difficulties in life pushed away the look? I did not feel terribly attractive aside from dressing decently for the club, but over and over my eyes seemed to draw attention while there. Need? I supposed not, and figured that wanting the comfort of a sensitive woman was nothing so crazy. Still I glanced at her chest and she did not seem to mind. I could not help it... Her breasts were prominent and defied the rest of a petite frame. I did my best to focus, however, as I did not wish to offend that girl. We spoke of her work and time in country, covered the insanity which takes place in the Luxor and Mandalay Bay during huge conventions, and slowly meandered toward relationships. Jana had been treated well for the most part, she said, yet still searched passively. She told me her work did not really pan out the way she had hoped, so the paycheck was most of it. Meeting people would happen in service anywhere. And then she said I stumbled in and she spoke with me, immediately hoping I would ask her out. Huh? Geez... That caught me off-guard. Another smooch, booze, food. I was right where I needed to be, and with a ton of exotic beauty hanging on my arm. And then she planted a kiss that I would not soon forget, followed by whispering into my ear that I could see inside her top if I wished it. Fucking hell. Check, please? Heh. I honestly could not treat that girl like a conquest or sex object, so I just smiled and left the subject alone. I also told myself that despite my need to attack her like a rabid dog, if anything physical was to take place Jana would have to initiate it. I did not even know of her age. Oops. Young. We sat there a while longer and spoke with her hands wandering my arm and neck which served to drive me nuts. The girl was very affectionate from the first moment. Jana asked that we walk around a little because she hadn't seen much of the Mandalay despite working on the bridge for a year. Off to the row of restaurants with her again all over my arm. Jana stopped me in front of Aureole at the railing. We stood there a while and watched the wine angels fly up and down the tower, her arms still attached to mine. I was overwhelmed by her affection at having met me just a day before and the fact that she felt so comfortable next to me took me away from everything. Her chest was captivating and the anticipation of seeing inside her bra served to work me up into a froth. I was fighting with myself over wanting her so badly yet trying to hold it back due to her sweet demeanor and soft eyes. I pushed back for the time being and tried to relax and enjoy being so close. We strolled, slowly, all the way back toward the huge convention center, paused, kissed, and then made a return trip all the way to where it started. Her place of work. Another pause, that time with Jana's arms at my waist and my brain losing its ability to process anything other than sex. Damn it. Stop, idiot. The girl was a person above all other things. Leave it up to her, for fuck's sake. Just stop. I felt so weak. Jana was pulling me. As we made our way back into the lower pyramid, memories of walking that same exact pathway flooded and slammed my head badly. I faltered. Jana held my hands tightly and looked on with concern. I had to pause and think for a few minutes as the days there had developed both good and bad feelings along with the time when I returned home after so many days with those two women six years earlier. Ashley... Jesus fucking Christ did that young thing ever hold me up when I was losing my mind over leaving. Her sofa and bed were like little slices of heaven and enough for me to find relaxation. I was there -- intertwined with her all night -- and felt like I had been floating between worlds with some sort of deathly and hellish ending just ahead of me. Ashley held it back and treated me like a fucking king at every second. I righted myself and told Jana I needed to lie down. She agreed immediately. To the room. Inside, with the world locked out; just like at some point during every fucking trip to that town. Jana held my arm and asked if I was ok, and all I could do was move to the bed and flop. The young one sat at my side and stated that we could just stay in and be alone if it helped. Still early. Thoughts of being in that huge resort with so many others made my head spin. I needed to calm, so I dropped most of my clothes and curled up. Jana laid down next to me and whispered that I would be ok. We spoke quietly as I continued to apologize for falling off a cliff. No worries, she said, just relax. I had little choice. Some time later I awakened to find Jana up against my back in her undies and my clothes folded neatly on one of the chairs across the room. I felt those big breasts on my skin along with the soft material within which they rested. Earlier I needed to dive into her top and the thought remained at the forefront for most of the evening. Lying there in the near-dark with that gorgeous girl right there did not send me flying like when she arrived. I was calm, more at ease, and needed to rest and think. Naturally I was still dying to see her sans clothing, but her attitude toward us being alone had already told me that I need not worry. There did not seem to be the word 'no' when it came to me asking things of Jana. I had no idea if we were going to head in such a direction or not. For the moment? Quiet. Calm. Warm. No pressure, no strain. The issues which drove me out of the casino a short time earlier had eased up quite a bit and allowed my head to process things better. And just like every getaway, having a woman next to me made all the difference. Without 'her', I was but half a person. Out of balance, depressed, and incomplete. Jana, thank the maker, was the latest in a long line of sweet, understanding women upon whom I hung my concerns in life. I arose and raised the dimmer slightly to see that fucking stunning skin lying there on her side with rear pointing in one direction and that beautiful pair pointing in the opposite. Holy fucking shit in a tin can, I knew within moments I would need to be much closer. To the bathroom. The mirror never lied to me in the past and the current moment was no different. I looked at the reflection of the marble shower and thought of Juliette's huge mane flowing all over the place, Ashley's unbelievably round waddling ass walking toward the water, and those moments when I realized the staggering amount of natural beauty with which I had been spending time. No sooner did I begin to become slightly aroused by the memory of Ashley's heroin all over my lips, when Jana's chest startled me by pressing into my back. And then her warm hands around my waist with kisses on my shoulder. She was still wearing the lingerie, thank Christ, and felt as if her intention was to help me be comfortable. Immediately I remembered her saying that due to my eyes she was not worried about spending time with me in private. I was trusted and had to keep that in mind. Everything up to Jana. Everything. I remained still until finally she spoke in that adorable accent. 'Want to get a drink?' 'Sure.' She turned me around for a hug, raised the dimmer further, and then backed away slightly to allow me to finally see her without any outer clothing. Wow. As I suspected, her bra was full, yet thin. Those breasts looked unreal... Like someone designed them in a laboratory and then pasted them to that gorgeous girl. I stared, she smiled. Thighs, little three-quarter cut panties with bows, and a waist dividing top and bottom that was beyond tiny. She made Ashley seem overweight somehow and that doll was fucking thin. I did not understand how Jana's chest had ballooned out so much when the rest of her was very petite. A bit of strain inside before moving in for a hug. She held on, pecked my cheek, and we nodded as if to say let's get dressed. Did I want her? Mostly, however her caring and gentle understanding was killing me inside and I let the sex drift away. Clothes, inclinator, and across the bridge with that stunning Czech beauty on my arm yet again. For the first time since leaving home for my parents' house, I thought of extending the trip. Oy. We rolled into the Island and plopped at the bar away from others. Jana sat there with her lovely eyes and asked of my well-being over and over. I could not believe how much that girl tried to help, and nearly constantly. I told her to relax and for once in the evening let me care for her. 'You are. I'm happy to be here with you.' Huh? Me? The train wreck with the eyes? I felt all torn up and depressed inside, dependent upon others (read: females), and constantly rising and falling over the past. Happy to be with me? Hmm... My head had to take some time to realize that I barely knew Jana at all. Her feelings were already important, but the fact was that she enjoyed the moments and felt at ease with me. That was nice to hear. We stayed there for one drink and then returned to the pyramid and my cozy room. Thoughts of leaving the next morning were pushing against dreams of being nude and all over Jana. My head was a tennis match for the umpteenth time. Into the room, she pulled me close, removed my clothes to the shorts, and then pushed me to the bed. Her clothing came off as well, after which she climbed in front of me as we formed that loving spoon. I wrapped my arms, one underneath her neck and the other over the top, felt the beginning of pressure within, and then blew the fuck up when Jana took my hands and moved them to her two big globes. I felt the material, the little bow, the clasp in the front, and her nipples pushing forward. Thought processes in any other direction ceased immediately as I caressed and lost myself in the moment. Jana began to squirm, effectively removing any doubt of her comfort with me right there and mostly undressed. Her hands wandered as she moaned slightly and I flipped the fuck out. More, further, tugging at my shorts, and then she spun and kissed me as if the fucking ocean was about to come in the window. That was that. I dove into her with pent up passion like I had waited years... Because I had. Jana was soft, loving, wonderfully sexual. At one point when I moved to change our position, she rolled and raised herself on all fours. Back arched, ass in the air like little I had ever seen, and those huge, round breasts hanging below. I went insane staring at her gyrating and awaiting me. Holy fucking shit in a dresser drawer... Unbelievable. 'I wanted this so badly.' Her words floored me. Everything. Everywhere. I awakened some time in the middle of the night and saw her entire nude body splayed on the sheet. Holy shit, what a classic beauty with that bikini bridge as a centerpiece. Ilial crests of dreamland. Breasts all over the fucking place, and the heroin right there staring at me. Oof. I must have spent a full hour planted there and listening to her rise and fall over and over. Delicious, wondrous, tender, sensitive. God help me. Sin, again, but nothing I could resist in the least. Why did I feel tremendous guilt? Jana initiated all of it... She wanted me equal to my own desire. Two adults, isolated and free to do as we pleased. Why the guilt? What was wrong with me for Christ's sake? Back to sleep with her body in my hands. Morning. Alone. Wait... What? Alone? Yep... Jana was not there. Her clothes were gone and a slip of paper from the hotel stationery was in their place. Damn, I expected to awaken with her warmth right there. Glasses. Reading. Sadness, yet understanding. Jana had gone very early and left me loving words with little hearts and kisses all over the paper. At the bottom was an imprint of her lipstick as she had kissed the note before exiting my room. She stated that our night was dreamy, wonderful, and she would never forget. The girl knew I had to leave and wished to avoid a teary goodbye. Well, that plan worked but halfway. As my eyes approached the end of her sweet, sweet note, they filled quickly with tears and I fell through the floor just like every other trip to Las Vegas. Harsh breathing, heavy crying, and no happiness whatsoever. I was destroyed and again wished to go out the window. Pain and images of her all over me for hours. Mostly pain. Fuck. The hour was early. I packed my shit with wet eyes as the realization hit me like a giant sequoia of a baseball bat. Home. Ugh. Just like six years earlier before falling into my boozy pit of despair and running across Melanie the sweetheart. The current morning? None of that. I had to go and avoid further destruction to myself and my life. The previous adventure had taught me that others knew I was flighty and would flip the fuck out from time to time, however my insides were simply ill-equipped to handle it again. The absence of that loving girl in the morning was nearly too much. I just had to get the fuck out of that room and make tracks for California. And my head was so weak and fucked up that her yummy nipples flashed in my brain like a dotted line to death. Get out. And I mean the hell out immediately. No coffee, no nothing. Just go, stupid fuck. I stepped quickly as if I was being chased in a nightmare. In a way I was... The haunting memories of four women right behind me with their beauty along the way. Inclinator, lobby, keys tossed, outside with the giant obelisk staring at me in judgment. Fuck you, sphinx. And then I remembered that the hostess at the steakhouse had wished to meet with me and I overlooked it. I forgot and felt even worse. Fuck, again. Claim check, tip. Fallen. Broken. Fucked. My car arrived and I dropped. From the bliss on high of being drowned within the goblet and my beloved Luxor, to the extreme low of leaving with nothing more than six-hundred miles of highway before me and my head filled with memories. Not short-term, but years earlier. The trip I had just capped was relaxing and interesting, yet also short and to the point. I did not have a choice but to exit the glitz and make tracks for home due to much on my plate. My previous getaway to Sin City was years earlier and very much went by the seat of my pants -- I did not give a shit about home and responsibilities because the intention was to lavish that life upon myself, sink in to the limits, and then leave my broken self somewhere on the side of highway 95 north of town. The end of me was planned. The elixir of life had been wholly consumed and expelled during that hellish time. My path was clear. No interruptions, no delays, and the time for my exit was only nigh at my convenience. Thoughts of returning were absent. The current trip was meant to be a quick stopover for two nights without falling so far into the illusion that I could not climb out. Well, a little is a lot. It was a lot. It was nearly too much... like a tiny snort of heroin and then the bag being quickly pulled away. I felt the vein swelling with need and sat powerless to satiate it. Regardless of my addiction, I sunk into the velour, cranked the air conditioning, and steered to 15 with a tear. Goodbye my loving pyramid, and God help me. Rolling. Mojave a while later, along with views of the boneyard and sounds of actual operating Ospreys overhead. I parked at Burger King and stood listening to the jetprops above in wonder. Those aircraft were related to my place of work, having been tested and researched for two decades. The Ospreys temporarily distracted me from the drive and my place in the desert for a long while before finally stumbling through the door still feeling alcohol and its effects hours after my depressing exit from the dripping illusion. Dreaming of an immediate u-turn took me by storm as the realization set in that I had ventured far from my element. My other element -- as difficult as it had felt at times -- was above and noisily overpowering all other sounds in that little desert town. Inside I saw everyday people. When prompted to the counter, others gazed at me in the silk and silver as if I was a Vegas demon there to devour. In reality, my need was calories for the depressing drive. I grabbed something light and hit the road. The idea of being home was not pleasant. Work, whatever, something. None of it was going to be easy due to my head and the memories of yet another sordid adventure. From being in my parents' new home all cozy and dealing with their needs to sitting there twenty-six floors up with the lips of a prostitute wrapped around me as I caressed her young breasts was a transition that my head would not leave alone. And then Jana... Fucking hell. What was wrong with me? Highway after highway. Hours of daydreaming of driving into every fucking telephone pole and bridge abutment. Every single fucking one of them was the glaring solution to the problem that was me. Not so soon after? Home. Destroyed. Depressed. Broke and broken. But soon enough I would do it again. I would do worse."
08-25-2019 05:11 pdt
If you are visiting for the first time, go to the beginning
The Detour and the Destruction
read ( words)
"My parents had moved south of Phoenix in mid zero-six after having traveled there to investigate the market. They had relocated several times throughout a matter of just a few years, and each new locale generally was a step up from the last. With both of them past retirement age, I was usually there whenever they were settling in to help with the details of getting day-to-day needs set up. I took care of many things -- mainly for my dad's peace of mind -- and ensured they could be fairly comfortable before leaving them to their new home. They relied upon me for every move and I always helped as much as I was able. Arizona was quite a long way, but I assured my dad that I would be there. My work could be quite flexible at times which allowed me to interface with my boss for a little time to travel for two reasons: First to help with their move, and second to drop off a piece of audio equipment in Bakersfield for my partner's son. That was not completely on the way, but would take less time than heading there directly. I decided to drive after growing up traveling by road to nearly every vacation destination. I made a plan and after calculating just how much time was needed to take care of business and then got my things together for an adventure. I covertly added a couple of nights and made a reservation at the Luxor for some time to myself. Yep, me alone in Vegas. My partner knew I was going there, but my parents did not. Leaving home for a long drive early in the morning was one of my favorite ways to take off on a trip. I had recently expanded the audio system in my car and loved listening. I took off before the light, grabbed some coffee and a snack, and then hit the long road for Bakersfield. The entire drive found me dreaming of not the first destination nor the second, but only the Luxor. I was dying to sit there and remember doing the same with Juliette and Ashley just a few years before. I had not visited the promised land since that last dash out of town and needed to drown in it, even for a quick one. My partner had no worries with me heading there alone for some comfort. The plan was relaxation and remembering those two goddesses and the wonder we shared. Other than filling the tank, I did not stop all the way to Bakersfield. A quick hello and goodbye, and back to the highway south. Tejon Ranch greeted me before climbing the big hill. On the other side I took that huge left toward Riverside and eventually located a light meal off the road and rested myself a little while. Back to it while perusing the library of CDs in the passenger seat. All the while I had visions of frolicking around the spa suite with Juliette and her unreal curves. Our stay in that hotel and the two nights in Death Valley were surreal to the point of seeming as if they never took place. We were in our own heaven for a time and did not give half a shit about the rest of the world. I continued driving with Juliette's delicious rear end in my brain. Oy.
Cruising along interstate ten east eventually became flat and I realized that the desert was all I would see from that point forward. It was so beautiful and I felt somewhat free being far from home and under my own control for the most part. Onward. Eventually I fell into a rocking chair of sorts for some one-hundred miles with a truck. When I finally passed as the exit south was nearing, the driver gave me a wave and smile. Just one of those endearing road things that happens with career drivers. Acknowledgment. Hmm. I arrived at my destination and the parents were overjoyed to see me. We relaxed and caught up before having dinner. I quickly set up the television and disc player so my dad could fall into his familiar evening routine and find some comfort as if he was home. That was very important to him after the stress of moving so far away. Semblance of home. I did the same for my mom and everyone felt better. Saturday morning. Coffee, bagels, and television in the background still playing a movie from the previous night. After I cleaned up and dressed, the cable contractor showed up and installed the workings for TV and Internet -- both of which my parents relied upon every day. I knew that once everything was operational and connected, I would be safe to leave. They believed that I had to return to work Monday, which meant only one full day at their new home before hitting the road. In reality, I was leaving early Sunday morning to make a beeline to the Luxor. Yep, a long line of bullshit to get what I wanted. Every fucking time. My partner knew that I could take only so much of my parents and that a short stay in the goblet would help remove the difficulty. She knew me better than anyone yet still remained unconcerned that I would be alone in that big sex-and-money machine in the desert. I made nice during the visit, quietly asked the cable installer of the quickest way toward Vegas from our location, and then formulated a time for the following morning. I had no idea of the distance, but that did not matter. My head was already halfway up the fucking pyramid by the time we had dinner. Heh. With all of the business completed and two happy parents, I felt freed up to leave. Yes. The wonder of my dreams was hours away. Sleep. In the morning my dad offered to fill my gas tank as a thank you for helping them settle in. Mom made me a lunch, so at the gas station while the car was being refueled, I went inside for a small Styrofoam cooler to keep things cool in the summer warmth. Dad and I embraced and said our goodbyes before I hit the trail for Vegas. The excitement in my head had to remain at a distance as I realized most of Sunday would be spent driving north. I cruised through the suburbs and Phoenix, took a cut northwest at the advice of the cable guy, and a while later left the highway at Lake Pleasant to have lunch. The weather was very hot in that area but I did not care in the least. All I could consider was my arrival at the pyramid and the excitement of being there where Juliette and I found love. Back to the road with her beauty in my head. Air conditioning, music blaring, scenery everywhere. Eventually I found the last numbered highway which would lead me to my destination. Hoover Dam, gorgeous mountains, Lake Mead, Henderson, and then off in the distance... Those massive resorts awaiting my hungry eyes. What a fucking sight. Hours in the car, but worth it. I made my way into the huge Luxor valet area and exited the car, stretching. The attendant asked how I was doing and I replied that I felt overjoyed to be home. Ha! He loved it, gestured for help with my bags, and took my car keys. I was happy to see them go, too. Into the beloved Egyptian wonderland dripping with anticipation. Soon? Trouble.
I stood there in line at the registration desk looking like the average squareheaded tourist, and such a scene made me very uncomfortable. My lifestyle dictated respect for the club and to stand there with my athletic shoes and a pair of shorts was killing me inside. I had to wait before getting upstairs and donning my preferred look. In Arizona the idea was to keep cool and be comfortable in the muggy weather, however inside the pyramid -- where the climate never changes -- meant looking the part. For me, there was just no other way. I finally made it, checked in, and trotted to the inclinator for the high floors. Thank Christ I was out of sight and able to spread out at my pace. Comfort. Little Luxor pyramid shampoo and conditioner bottles helped me to align myself with the proper mindset for the resort. Juliette? Ashley? Melanie? All three of those beauties floated around the room like angels protecting me from myself. God damn fuck did I ever miss them. Shower. Clean clothes and shoes. Jewelry. Out the door in need of medicine due to the fact that all I had was a t-shirt. Ugh. I strolled into Aurora and found that on a Sunday afternoon all was quiet. The resort had made changes during the past few years to move from more family-oriented to less. In the beginning, the exotic nature of the inside was a huge draw for children, however the ownership soon decided that an adult look was better for revenue. The changes were beautiful, although one such difference threw me off. The Nile bar was gone. Ouch. That was one of the locations where Juliette and I sat many times and enjoyed each other's company. It was also the last stop before she ran upstairs and told me to wait a bit before joining her. Holy God, that night was still in my brain. The Nile being absent from the landscape of the casino hurt me and the memories flew through like frightened birds. Seeing the empty space from my elevated position in the huge lounge felt like a knife. That woman meant the world to me and anything related to our short time together soon became precious. My ass in a plush seat to think. And the server... Yep... Get it started. I sat in the lounge for a long while. Comfortable, sunk in, and with some banter with the server. Still most of the tables were empty which meant she had time to sit with me and talk. That was nice and I found that her dress was not distracting. As much as my head spun over an attractive woman, I could not be anything other than polite. She was a person. A gorgeous woman, yes, but such was the atmosphere. Lines remained firmly in place for the time I spoke with her. The only remarkable distraction from the server's dark eyes and beautiful makeup was a blonde woman at the corner of the bar. Every now and then when I glanced up there she was looking at me. Hmm. Me? In a fucking t-shirt? Ugh. Why my direction? No matter. I stayed there for a while longer and looked over emails in between the server visits. More looking. Wow. She sat there looking so cute and with something alien to me: A huge frozen drink with an umbrella. I could not help but laugh and gesture toward the ridiculous-looking Vegas tourist cocktail. She giggled and smiled. Back to my phone.
As the afternoon went on, I decided to head toward the Mandalay in search of a comfortable dinner. The long walk showed me there was no lack of picturesque women scattered here and there. I rolled on through to restaurant row at the mouth of their massive convention center. There was a sign surrounded by gas flames which caught my attention. Yes... Rumjungle, where just three years earlier, my partner and I sat and had a very uncomfortable meal as I had been completely out of my mind and ran away. The place was lovely, with Brazilian hostesses flanking the kiosk and dim lighting throughout. Nope. Too many bad memories of me tossing everyone's concern in the trash. I could not stay. Around the corner was Stripsteak... Again, I could not go in. Hmm. And me in a t-shirt. Fuck. I took to the bridge again and strolled into Luxor's own steakhouse which was nearly empty. To the desk, where an elegant yet devilish woman greeted me with a smile. 'Am I ok dressed like this?' 'You look great, but not for this dining room.' Oof. 'I shall return.' Cute wave. Another u-turn took me back to the bridge and a clothing store which seemed appropriate. In, silk, buttons, flirting, out. Back in. I threw a dinner invitation to the cashier for the next night and received a smile along with a nervous giggle. What was I doing? Who the fuck could possibly know? I was beginning to understand why so many people had instructed me to avoid Vegas when alone. Heh. The Czech blonde of a cashier agreed while blushing. Nice. She was so adorable and I tried not to let my eyes wander while there. I tossed her some information and headed toward my inclinator. Jana was on her little name tag hanging there over her huge right breast. Upon seeing it I flooded myself with dreams of Ashley when she approached the Island that first time. Fuck. From one doll to another. What a wreck I was, and after mere hours in the goblet. Yep. I then realized that I had a date. Oh my. Back down to the huge casino floor feeling more confident thanks to a row of buttons. I cruised back to the devil of a hostess and asked if the shirt was an improvement. She considered my appearance and assured me that I looked very nice. I immediately desired her due to being such an increasingly weak mess, but said nothing. I could smell her fragrant hair. And then the concern over dining alone set in, forcing me to be a tad unreasonable regarding the atmosphere. 'Can you seat me away from others? I do not wish to sit with the riff raff.' She took my hand. 'Honey, you ARE the riff raff.' Devilish smile and eyes to match. The fire alarm grabbed a menu and led me to a corner booth a good distance from anyone else in the room. Along the walk I quickly took inventory and then glanced down to watch her long legs move in patterns of wonder. Seated. Menu. A smile. As she walked away I saw a glance back which told me that after a couple of drinks I would likely be throwing a hook at her on the way out. Why not? Heh. I also could not help but sense a smidgen of discomfort from a lavishly-dressed woman at another booth who was sitting with a tool of a guy going on about his money. 'Order whatever you want. Get the Kobe. I can afford it.' Ugh. He was an idiot and she looked about as thrilled as a tax audit victim. Gorgeous and bored by the doofus who had apparently done well in the casino. Her hair, makeup and nails were unbelievable, but to take in more would have been rude. I kept to myself and relaxed. Soon after, my servers appeared and I was able to think about the trip while curled up in the corner of the room. I still heard some conversation from the flamboyant ass across the room which made me wish to rescue that beautiful creature from the jaws of his ridiculous personality. Nope. Sit tight. Steak, bourbon, cozy. Out.
On my way past the desk I paused and whispered to the hostess that her eyes were lovely and unique. One big smile and thank you later she softly asked me to return at eleven. Yep. Maybe it was the shirt. More likely I was seen as interesting. Such a word had been used to describe me on many an occasion years earlier while in the goblet, and I calculated right then and there that the trip was going to go south. I still planned to meet with Jana the following night. Oy. I gently glanced her shoulder and headed back toward Aurora with my brain processing the exchange. I knew the moment we discussed my shirt that the woman looked at me with admiration. To the lounge. And there was the cutie again on the same barstool. She noticed me immediately and smiled like earlier. I plopped and tried to avoid leering. My server stopped by looking like liquid sex in a dress and took my order. Already I was feeling very loose due to the booze but tried to just sit and think. Go back to the hostess at eleven? Behave myself and remain at a distance? Or kill one drink and go to sleep? Another glance toward the bar and still looking at me. Hmm. Eight in the evening. I was feeling as if making it to eleven was a stretch, so I decided to go to the hostess and postpone. The lovely server returned and I requested a few minutes away. 'Of course, honey.' 'Thanks doll.' Stepping with purpose, I made a beeline for the restaurant which was at the opposite end of the club. A few words with her and the plan was altered for eleven the next night. Better. I expressed my appreciation for her outfit and look, smiled as warmly as I knew how, and trotted back to Aurora. The young one was still there, as was my seat and drink. Sitting, glancing, waiting. Why was such a young woman spending so much time staring at me? I let it go and flirted with Laura instead. That went nowhere but was still enjoyable. The girl was adorable, sweet, and very good with people. Back to the bar with my eyes. Still looking at me, so I figured what the hell. I gestured for her to join me and she immediately grabbed her things and came straight to my table. Wow. Just... Wow. The woman looked ten times more attractive up close and was dressed beautifully. 'Sit with me?' 'Sure darlin.' Darlin? Really? Super cute. She perched her little rear end next to me and we sat talking for quite a while before the realization set in that she was working. Oof. I had not had a conversation with a woman in her line of work for years and began to stumble. I remarked that perhaps I was taking up too much of her time just sitting in a lounge. Nope. She said getting to know people was the biggest part of her work day. Okay. I went with it for a while until finally she bluntly asked if I was staying at the hotel and if I cared to go upstairs. That was quick. I did want it, however hours of drinking meant I likely would not have the ability to do anything. She suggested we might have fun anyway, so I relented and we took off for the inclinator. Once in the room she removed her light jacket and sat with full attention on me. I asked if she was ever uncomfortable going into hotel rooms there to which she quickly said no. For the most part, the process was smooth and only the rare occasion became slightly unprofessional. People are just people, she went on, and her service aligned with such. God she was young and lovely sitting there with legs crossed. I wanted to dive but knew in the end it would go nowhere. Tired, full of booze, and thinking too deeply to relax. I told her as much and her reply was in asking me to sit. She smelled wonderful and looked straight into my eyes. Nikki was her name. Long, blonde hair, beautifully young, smooth skin, big eyes, and the curves I loved so much. We talked a bit and I remarked that to be taking up her time with nothing more than conversation might be removing opportunities from her evening. Nope. Plenty of time for whatever.
Within moments I decided there was no reason not to be close. At that, her hands were all over me. No kissing... That was off limits. Just hands. She then pulled off her top to reveal a lovely blue bra and such smooth skin as I had not seen for a long time. I was allowed to touch, we slid down a bit, and she went for my belt. I spun to lie there and stare at her thighs and then saw something unexpected. I was face-to-face with a Cesarean scar across her lower stomach. I traced it with my finger for moments as she did what she wished to me. Pressure, but not feeling the way I had hoped. I became sad over knowing the woman had at least one child so I paused her and wished to speak. 'Working girl' popped into my head and was not funny. She was a woman making ends meet via a line of work in which many do not believe. And there she was high in the pyramid and splayed across my bed. We stopped just as her lips began to caress me. I knew I was in no shape for physicality of that type, even considering her loveliness and sweet voice. Conversation that she was not expecting. The discussion began with her kids, went into my career, difficulties in life, and toward her work and desire to save for school and the future. When I looked at her I saw a kind soul who had gone in a direction she understood but likely had not planned for herself. Immediately I was taken aback and wished only to talk with her. I felt sympathy but expressed none of it. She did not need that type of attention and knew precisely what she was doing for a living at that point in her life. I was no one to speak to decisions, anyway. Every one I made had been frivolous and harsh, leaving me a sordid mess year after miserable year. Further we talked, lying there mostly nude, and then eventually dressed and ambled back down to the lounge for a nightcap. Once seated and comfortable, we both approached each other differently than in the beginning. For the next two hours we enjoyed a cozy discussion and each other's eyes. I rose to leave her there and we embraced a long while, during which I planted cash in her hand. She smiled, left me a kiss on the cheek, and wished me good times. Back upstairs, spinning and wondering where I was in life. Showered. Better. I felt as if I had descended into a blurry, alcoholic hell for a little while... Some sort of netherworld in which I was uncomfortable. Nikki was sweet and kind and attentive, but that was an exit from my day that I should have avoided. Drunken sleep. Too much sleep as I was not accustomed to being up quite so late. Ugh. Late morning. I arose and thought of Nikki's story of her life. For the most part I felt good about our spending some time together and decided that after resting it was ok. I knew from the word go that I was not going to be able to do much with that cutie, but it did not matter. We connected, enjoyed, and parted. Not bad. And I needed food. Cleaned up -- wearing the same fucking shirt because that was all I had other than an unacceptable t-shirt -- and out the door toward the House of Blues and their wonderful southern-themed menu. I cozied in and ate, discussed the crazy things that happen in that city with the tall, dark, and handsome bartender, and then exited in favor of some quiet people-watching. Across the north bridge, through the bustling Excalibur, and over the street. Through the NY and into the fantastically beautiful Monte Carlo and that warm lounge where Jasmine and I made goo goo eyes at each other. Comfortable, scotch, stunning server, and a head full of possibilities when considering my upcoming evening with the yummy little Jana. The anticipation was floating in me like a flock of sexy birds. I sat a long while and overly flirted with the unreal and playful server and then took off to go and hide in my room with pencil and paper. Already four hours after twelve, but the time still felt like eight in the morning. My internal clock was goofed up something fierce. I grabbed a coffee in the Excalibur and took that thirty-seven-degree ride to on high. Notepad, views of the loving Mandalay, and left with my thoughts. Jana, soon. A few hours passed and I found myself yearning for someone at my door.
I heard a slight knock and the anticipation grew immediately. Jana was at my door. Oh boy... Another woman who came to see me. In the seconds it took to approach and open the door and see that gorgeous thing standing before me looking like the most dangerous dessert, I fell. Juliette, the dream of dreams, knocked the same way that first night. Soft, gentle, and soothing... Just like every aspect of her personality and body. God damn that woman was beautiful. We connected deeply, I loved her, we enjoyed all of it, and days later that same door slammed shut along with my reasons for living. And then Jana. Right there with her hair flowing, breasts pushing, and that adorable accent that made me need to swallow her whole. The only difference was no spa under the window. Heh. In my room. She immediately kissed me on the cheek and threw her arms around me in greeting. Wow. Big smile from those luscious lips. The girl looked so fucking nice... Black jeans which had apparently been applied with a paintbrush, bright red tank which pulled my eyes out of my head, and screaming red slingbacks I wanted to lick. Holy crap. Jana was gorgeous and only sold me a shirt, but me being who I was, well, it only took seconds before I handed her a dinner invitation in her place of work. And there she stood in my room dressed to kill. Jesus. We exchanged a few simplicities before deciding to go find dinner. As I grabbed my phone and watch, Jana strolled toward the door and my head exploded. Her thighs were amazing. A-fucking-mazing. I could not stop staring. She turned and smiled, gave me one finger beckoning me to head out, and then took my hand as we exited. I wanted to stay and devour her pants, but alas it was a dinner date. Out. Her body would not let my brain operate anything beyond processing what I was seeing. Like Ashley, yet not as tall and with different hair. Young, smooth, soft, and so fucking stunning. As we rolled to the inclinator my eyes often moved to her chest bouncing. I just could not help it. Whatever bra she had chosen allowed a lot of movement, and for a girl who might tip the scale at just over one hundred, her chest was out there. No push-up, no thick padding, and no crazy lining. That was all her. Holy fucking Christ in an elevator shaft did I want to enter that tank and have a blast. Gawd damn. I saw thin, black straps and that was all. My brain tried to calculate the Vegas odds in seeing the rest of that silk. Funny. Breasts. Wow. I suggested we slide into the House Of Blues bar in hopes of de-haunting that place after Juliette and Jasmine. I needed memories there in some other direction because remembering Juliette clinging to me at the bar were still painful. Three years later and that woman still commanded a good portion of my being. One thing helped tremendously and that was the way Jana immediately wrapped her arms around mine as we walked. She held me after very little conversation and a short time since we introduced ourselves. Clingy, which I loved. I felt a few inches taller with a lovely woman on my arm and that path to the restaurant was no different. Yes, I still derived my value through others... Especially females. Why? I had no idea, however the offset was being comforted by them for as long as possible. She felt so warm and soft that I did not want the walk to end. The hour was early, so perhaps there would be more. To the bar.
'Do I look ok? I didn't have a lot of time.' 'You look beautiful.' 'Thank you.' We sat there and talked about the city and the wondrous south end of the strip. Jana asked a few things of me, mostly my work and what brought me to the Luxor. Every now and then she popped a kiss to my cheek and I went a little further out of my mind. I remarked about her affection and she said she was very comfortable with me after seeing my eyes in the store a day earlier. Again with the eyes? How many times? No one saw desire? Or perhaps my difficulties in life pushed away the look? I did not feel terribly attractive aside from dressing decently for the club, but over and over my eyes seemed to draw attention while there. Need? I supposed not, and figured that wanting the comfort of a sensitive woman was nothing so crazy. Still I glanced at her chest and she did not seem to mind. I could not help it... Her breasts were prominent and defied the rest of a petite frame. I did my best to focus, however, as I did not wish to offend that girl. We spoke of her work and time in country, covered the insanity which takes place in the Luxor and Mandalay Bay during huge conventions, and slowly meandered toward relationships. Jana had been treated well for the most part, she said, yet still searched passively. She told me her work did not really pan out the way she had hoped, so the paycheck was most of it. Meeting people would happen in service anywhere. And then she said I stumbled in and she spoke with me, immediately hoping I would ask her out. Huh? Geez... That caught me off-guard. Another smooch, booze, food. I was right where I needed to be, and with a ton of exotic beauty hanging on my arm. And then she planted a kiss that I would not soon forget, followed by whispering into my ear that I could see inside her top if I wished it. Fucking hell. Check, please? Heh. I honestly could not treat that girl like a conquest or sex object, so I just smiled and left the subject alone. I also told myself that despite my need to attack her like a rabid dog, if anything physical was to take place Jana would have to initiate it. I did not even know of her age. Oops. Young. We sat there a while longer and spoke with her hands wandering my arm and neck which served to drive me nuts. The girl was very affectionate from the first moment. Jana asked that we walk around a little because she hadn't seen much of the Mandalay despite working on the bridge for a year. Off to the row of restaurants with her again all over my arm. Jana stopped me in front of Aureole at the railing. We stood there a while and watched the wine angels fly up and down the tower, her arms still attached to mine. I was overwhelmed by her affection at having met me just a day before and the fact that she felt so comfortable next to me took me away from everything. Her chest was captivating and the anticipation of seeing inside her bra served to work me up into a froth. I was fighting with myself over wanting her so badly yet trying to hold it back due to her sweet demeanor and soft eyes. I pushed back for the time being and tried to relax and enjoy being so close. We strolled, slowly, all the way back toward the huge convention center, paused, kissed, and then made a return trip all the way to where it started. Her place of work. Another pause, that time with Jana's arms at my waist and my brain losing its ability to process anything other than sex. Damn it. Stop, idiot. The girl was a person above all other things. Leave it up to her, for fuck's sake. Just stop. I felt so weak. Jana was pulling me.
As we made our way back into the lower pyramid, memories of walking that same exact pathway flooded and slammed my head badly. I faltered. Jana held my hands tightly and looked on with concern. I had to pause and think for a few minutes as the days there had developed both good and bad feelings along with the time when I returned home after so many days with those two women six years earlier. Ashley... Jesus fucking Christ did that young thing ever hold me up when I was losing my mind over leaving. Her sofa and bed were like little slices of heaven and enough for me to find relaxation. I was there -- intertwined with her all night -- and felt like I had been floating between worlds with some sort of deathly and hellish ending just ahead of me. Ashley held it back and treated me like a fucking king at every second. I righted myself and told Jana I needed to lie down. She agreed immediately. To the room. Inside, with the world locked out; just like at some point during every fucking trip to that town. Jana held my arm and asked if I was ok, and all I could do was move to the bed and flop. The young one sat at my side and stated that we could just stay in and be alone if it helped. Still early. Thoughts of being in that huge resort with so many others made my head spin. I needed to calm, so I dropped most of my clothes and curled up. Jana laid down next to me and whispered that I would be ok. We spoke quietly as I continued to apologize for falling off a cliff. No worries, she said, just relax. I had little choice. Some time later I awakened to find Jana up against my back in her undies and my clothes folded neatly on one of the chairs across the room. I felt those big breasts on my skin along with the soft material within which they rested. Earlier I needed to dive into her top and the thought remained at the forefront for most of the evening. Lying there in the near-dark with that gorgeous girl right there did not send me flying like when she arrived. I was calm, more at ease, and needed to rest and think. Naturally I was still dying to see her sans clothing, but her attitude toward us being alone had already told me that I need not worry. There did not seem to be the word 'no' when it came to me asking things of Jana. I had no idea if we were going to head in such a direction or not. For the moment? Quiet. Calm. Warm. No pressure, no strain. The issues which drove me out of the casino a short time earlier had eased up quite a bit and allowed my head to process things better. And just like every getaway, having a woman next to me made all the difference. Without 'her', I was but half a person. Out of balance, depressed, and incomplete. Jana, thank the maker, was the latest in a long line of sweet, understanding women upon whom I hung my concerns in life. I arose and raised the dimmer slightly to see that fucking stunning skin lying there on her side with rear pointing in one direction and that beautiful pair pointing in the opposite. Holy fucking shit in a tin can, I knew within moments I would need to be much closer. To the bathroom. The mirror never lied to me in the past and the current moment was no different. I looked at the reflection of the marble shower and thought of Juliette's huge mane flowing all over the place, Ashley's unbelievably round waddling ass walking toward the water, and those moments when I realized the staggering amount of natural beauty with which I had been spending time. No sooner did I begin to become slightly aroused by the memory of Ashley's heroin all over my lips, when Jana's chest startled me by pressing into my back. And then her warm hands around my waist with kisses on my shoulder. She was still wearing the lingerie, thank Christ, and felt as if her intention was to help me be comfortable. Immediately I remembered her saying that due to my eyes she was not worried about spending time with me in private. I was trusted and had to keep that in mind. Everything up to Jana. Everything. I remained still until finally she spoke in that adorable accent. 'Want to get a drink?' 'Sure.' She turned me around for a hug, raised the dimmer further, and then backed away slightly to allow me to finally see her without any outer clothing. Wow. As I suspected, her bra was full, yet thin. Those breasts looked unreal... Like someone designed them in a laboratory and then pasted them to that gorgeous girl. I stared, she smiled. Thighs, little three-quarter cut panties with bows, and a waist dividing top and bottom that was beyond tiny. She made Ashley seem overweight somehow and that doll was fucking thin. I did not understand how Jana's chest had ballooned out so much when the rest of her was very petite. A bit of strain inside before moving in for a hug. She held on, pecked my cheek, and we nodded as if to say let's get dressed. Did I want her? Mostly, however her caring and gentle understanding was killing me inside and I let the sex drift away. Clothes, inclinator, and across the bridge with that stunning Czech beauty on my arm yet again. For the first time since leaving home for my parents' house, I thought of extending the trip. Oy.
We rolled into the Island and plopped at the bar away from others. Jana sat there with her lovely eyes and asked of my well-being over and over. I could not believe how much that girl tried to help, and nearly constantly. I told her to relax and for once in the evening let me care for her. 'You are. I'm happy to be here with you.' Huh? Me? The train wreck with the eyes? I felt all torn up and depressed inside, dependent upon others (read: females), and constantly rising and falling over the past. Happy to be with me? Hmm... My head had to take some time to realize that I barely knew Jana at all. Her feelings were already important, but the fact was that she enjoyed the moments and felt at ease with me. That was nice to hear. We stayed there for one drink and then returned to the pyramid and my cozy room. Thoughts of leaving the next morning were pushing against dreams of being nude and all over Jana. My head was a tennis match for the umpteenth time. Into the room, she pulled me close, removed my clothes to the shorts, and then pushed me to the bed. Her clothing came off as well, after which she climbed in front of me as we formed that loving spoon. I wrapped my arms, one underneath her neck and the other over the top, felt the beginning of pressure within, and then blew the fuck up when Jana took my hands and moved them to her two big globes. I felt the material, the little bow, the clasp in the front, and her nipples pushing forward. Thought processes in any other direction ceased immediately as I caressed and lost myself in the moment. Jana began to squirm, effectively removing any doubt of her comfort with me right there and mostly undressed. Her hands wandered as she moaned slightly and I flipped the fuck out. More, further, tugging at my shorts, and then she spun and kissed me as if the fucking ocean was about to come in the window. That was that. I dove into her with pent up passion like I had waited years... Because I had. Jana was soft, loving, wonderfully sexual. At one point when I moved to change our position, she rolled and raised herself on all fours. Back arched, ass in the air like little I had ever seen, and those huge, round breasts hanging below. I went insane staring at her gyrating and awaiting me. Holy fucking shit in a dresser drawer... Unbelievable. 'I wanted this so badly.' Her words floored me. Everything. Everywhere. I awakened some time in the middle of the night and saw her entire nude body splayed on the sheet. Holy shit, what a classic beauty with that bikini bridge as a centerpiece. Ilial crests of dreamland. Breasts all over the fucking place, and the heroin right there staring at me. Oof. I must have spent a full hour planted there and listening to her rise and fall over and over. Delicious, wondrous, tender, sensitive. God help me. Sin, again, but nothing I could resist in the least. Why did I feel tremendous guilt? Jana initiated all of it... She wanted me equal to my own desire. Two adults, isolated and free to do as we pleased. Why the guilt? What was wrong with me for Christ's sake? Back to sleep with her body in my hands.
Morning. Alone. Wait... What? Alone? Yep... Jana was not there. Her clothes were gone and a slip of paper from the hotel stationery was in their place. Damn, I expected to awaken with her warmth right there. Glasses. Reading. Sadness, yet understanding. Jana had gone very early and left me loving words with little hearts and kisses all over the paper. At the bottom was an imprint of her lipstick as she had kissed the note before exiting my room. She stated that our night was dreamy, wonderful, and she would never forget. The girl knew I had to leave and wished to avoid a teary goodbye. Well, that plan worked but halfway. As my eyes approached the end of her sweet, sweet note, they filled quickly with tears and I fell through the floor just like every other trip to Las Vegas. Harsh breathing, heavy crying, and no happiness whatsoever. I was destroyed and again wished to go out the window. Pain and images of her all over me for hours. Mostly pain. Fuck. The hour was early. I packed my shit with wet eyes as the realization hit me like a giant sequoia of a baseball bat. Home. Ugh. Just like six years earlier before falling into my boozy pit of despair and running across Melanie the sweetheart. The current morning? None of that. I had to go and avoid further destruction to myself and my life. The previous adventure had taught me that others knew I was flighty and would flip the fuck out from time to time, however my insides were simply ill-equipped to handle it again. The absence of that loving girl in the morning was nearly too much. I just had to get the fuck out of that room and make tracks for California. And my head was so weak and fucked up that her yummy nipples flashed in my brain like a dotted line to death. Get out. And I mean the hell out immediately. No coffee, no nothing. Just go, stupid fuck. I stepped quickly as if I was being chased in a nightmare. In a way I was... The haunting memories of four women right behind me with their beauty along the way. Inclinator, lobby, keys tossed, outside with the giant obelisk staring at me in judgment. Fuck you, sphinx. And then I remembered that the hostess at the steakhouse had wished to meet with me and I overlooked it. I forgot and felt even worse. Fuck, again. Claim check, tip. Fallen. Broken. Fucked.
My car arrived and I dropped. From the bliss on high of being drowned within the goblet and my beloved Luxor, to the extreme low of leaving with nothing more than six-hundred miles of highway before me and my head filled with memories. Not short-term, but years earlier. The trip I had just capped was relaxing and interesting, yet also short and to the point. I did not have a choice but to exit the glitz and make tracks for home due to much on my plate. My previous getaway to Sin City was years earlier and very much went by the seat of my pants -- I did not give a shit about home and responsibilities because the intention was to lavish that life upon myself, sink in to the limits, and then leave my broken self somewhere on the side of highway 95 north of town. The end of me was planned. The elixir of life had been wholly consumed and expelled during that hellish time. My path was clear. No interruptions, no delays, and the time for my exit was only nigh at my convenience. Thoughts of returning were absent. The current trip was meant to be a quick stopover for two nights without falling so far into the illusion that I could not climb out. Well, a little is a lot. It was a lot. It was nearly too much... like a tiny snort of heroin and then the bag being quickly pulled away. I felt the vein swelling with need and sat powerless to satiate it. Regardless of my addiction, I sunk into the velour, cranked the air conditioning, and steered to 15 with a tear. Goodbye my loving pyramid, and God help me. Rolling. Mojave a while later, along with views of the boneyard and sounds of actual operating Ospreys overhead. I parked at Burger King and stood listening to the jetprops above in wonder. Those aircraft were related to my place of work, having been tested and researched for two decades. The Ospreys temporarily distracted me from the drive and my place in the desert for a long while before finally stumbling through the door still feeling alcohol and its effects hours after my depressing exit from the dripping illusion. Dreaming of an immediate u-turn took me by storm as the realization set in that I had ventured far from my element. My other element -- as difficult as it had felt at times -- was above and noisily overpowering all other sounds in that little desert town. Inside I saw everyday people. When prompted to the counter, others gazed at me in the silk and silver as if I was a Vegas demon there to devour. In reality, my need was calories for the depressing drive. I grabbed something light and hit the road. The idea of being home was not pleasant. Work, whatever, something. None of it was going to be easy due to my head and the memories of yet another sordid adventure. From being in my parents' new home all cozy and dealing with their needs to sitting there twenty-six floors up with the lips of a prostitute wrapped around me as I caressed her young breasts was a transition that my head would not leave alone. And then Jana... Fucking hell. What was wrong with me? Highway after highway. Hours of daydreaming of driving into every fucking telephone pole and bridge abutment. Every single fucking one of them was the glaring solution to the problem that was me. Not so soon after? Home. Destroyed. Depressed. Broke and broken. But soon enough I would do it again. I would do worse."
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